All comics by UnknownEric

Profile

 

by UnknownEric
8-14-06
Excuse me, miss? My son would like a milkshake.
Chocolate or vanilla?
NO!!!!!!
Let me guess, you've had it with these muthafuckin' shakes on this muthafuckin' plane.
No, bitch, we're about to crash into a mountain. You fuckin' blind or somethin'?

 

by UnknownEric
9-05-06
And I couldn't believe the look he gave me.
Really! How rude.
What's up, my nigga?
What did you just say?
Bitches ain't shit?
As I was saying...

 

by UnknownEric
9-13-06
Let's play cowboys and Indians!
No, let's play Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game.
How do you play that?
OMG, im in ur base killin ur d00dz!
What?
LAZER PEWPEWPEW!!11!

 

by UnknownEric
9-14-06
He loves to pull it... just watch him jerk one!
Hahahahahahahaha!
*Rewind* He loves to pull it... just watch him jerk one!
Will this stop being funny?
*Rewind* He loves to pull it... just watch him jerk one!
I guess not.

 

Yo mama's so dumb she thinks Marxist dialectics is a form of birth control.
Oh snap!
by UnknownEric, 9-23-06

 

Yo mama's so fat she can't fit within the borders of San Marino.
Damn!
by UnknownEric, 9-23-06

 

by UnknownEric
10-04-06
Damn bitch, you got a nice pair of titties!
I'd like to have them fuckers slap against my face while you're riding my cock.
Yeah, you bouncing up and down on top of me with those titties a-bouncin'...
Can't you just say "Hi, Sis" like a regular brother?

 

by UnknownEric
10-05-06
My fellow Americans, in this time of moral crisis, I'd once again like to place the blame on the Democrats.
That's right, Democratic operatives paid for by George Soros FORCED Mark Foley at gunpoint to write lewd messages to boys.
The Republican Party. Everything is the fault of the Democrats.
Then they forced him to masturbate into a towel while they watched and also masturbated.

 

by UnknownEric
10-10-06
Hi sir, can I help you?
Yeah, can I park my 16-wheeler outside?
Don't you mean 18-wheeler? There's no such thing as a 16-wheeler.
There is when two o' yer tires fall off.
Isn't that dangerous to drive?
The Tranglin' Man laughs at danger. And Larry the Cable Guy.

 

by UnknownEric
10-10-06
I need to finish the lyrics to that Susanna song I was working on. Let's see, I'll try to free associate.
"Well, I came from Analbama with a band-aid on my weenie..." oh, that's a good start!
"And I shit so hard, I bled to death, Susanna don't you see..."

 

by UnknownEric
10-16-06
Hi, I'm Gene Simmons from KISS, introducing my new product, Gene Simmons' Feminine Hygiene.
Cause baby if you're feelin' off... and if you're feelin' not so fresh
You know your noonie's workin' hard... it's worth a douche!

 

by UnknownEric
10-16-06
Hi, I'm Paul Stanley from KISS, introducing Paul Stanley's Speech Impediment Centers.
You want to tell her that she's looking good... but you know you won't be understood.
Stutter!

 

by UnknownEric
10-16-06
Hi, I'm Peter Criss, the catman from KISS, introducing Peter Criss' Feline Toy Locators, the beepers that help you when...
Beth, I hear you calling... but I'm lookin' round the house...
cause me and the cats have been playin'... but we just can't find that mouse!

 

by UnknownEric
10-16-06
Hi, I'm Ace Frehley from KISS, introducing Ace Frehley brand Tazers!
Taze Me! Make me stop strugglin'. Taze Me! Get the drugs I'm smugglin'.
Taze Me!
Alright, this is just getting too silly. Move along, nothin' to see here.

 

Okay, whoever wants to listen to rock music, please raise your hands.
by UnknownEric, 10-18-06

 

Whoo!
by UnknownEric, 10-18-06

 

BARNS!!!
by UnknownEric, 10-21-06

 

BRAN!!!
by UnknownEric, 10-22-06

 

by UnknownEric
11-03-06
I'll just clean over here and...
ROBOT MODEL 1532 ACTIVATED!
Oops, sorry.
I didn't mean to turn you on.

 

by UnknownEric
11-08-06
I'm (insert name here) and I approve this message.
You're an upstanding, moral person. You love God and your family. So you'll vote Republican...
I'm off to work while you stay barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen.
I love you so.
...unless you like the buttsecks!!!
Let's go have gay sex in the bushes.
Yes, and then we'll vote for Democrats, because they're Godless heathens like us.

 

Oh, man, Pothier just RIPPED. ONE. OFF.
No wonder the Caps stink.
by UnknownEric, 11-08-06

 

by UnknownEric
11-16-06
So I heard they asked you to give a speech at the middle school.
Yeah, can you believe that shit? Me, of all people.
What are you gonna talk about anyway?
Eh, I'm just gonna get drunk and ramble.
A very wise man once said, "If there's grass on the field, play ball." A very wise man.

 

by UnknownEric
11-16-06
A speech at the local middle school.
And as I look out on that sea of raging hormones and perky, developing bosoms, I can only say, wow...
...I am REALLY horny right now.
Which one of you bitches is going to give me a hand job?

 

by UnknownEric
11-17-06
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Check it out, bitch, I got a brand new PS3!
BAWK!
What did you think it was going to be?

 

by UnknownEric
11-17-06
LEWL!
LEWL!
You guys contribute NOTHING!!!
Who the fuck was that?
Oh, that was Mr.-Regular-Forum-User-Who-One-Day-Freaks-Out-And-Insults-boorite-and-ivy.

 

by UnknownEric
11-21-06
When I went past Outback Steakhouse this morning, their sign read "Out Steakhouse."
I thought it was really brave of them to have an openly gay restaurant.
Their slogan should be "We're Here, We're Queer, We're Going To Serve You Steer."

 

by UnknownEric
11-22-06
I saw a parking lot the other day that was run by "PMS Parking Services."
I would've parked there, but I heard it's a real bitch to get into.

 

by UnknownEric
11-27-06
Hey, do you remember "Naughty Girls Need Love Too"?
Yeah, Samantha Fox!
Well, in the second verse when that guy says "Samantha Fox was such a wild dame" and she asks "Huh, well what's your name..."
He answers "Samantha Fox." Why? Is his name Samantha Fox too? Is Samantha Fox screwing Samantha Fox?
And does that create some sort of rip in the time/Samantha Fox continuum?
You need to stop shooting up NyQuil.

 

by UnknownEric
11-30-06
Back in the Dark Ages, the Roman Empire was destroyed by Barbarian Hordes, such as the Visigoths and the Ostrogoths. Many people don't know about the other Goth hordes...
...such as the Suburban Goths...
I'm destroying your empire by making you sad.
And not horny.
...and the dreaded Invisigoths.
I'm in ur empire, killin ur d00dz!
OMG I can't see shit!

 

by UnknownEric
12-04-06
What kind of man are you? You're worthless and weak. You DO nothing, you ARE nothing.
I carried an M16 and you carry that... that... coke spoon! Who are you? Where did you come from?
ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME? What do you want to do with your life?
I WANT IRAQ!

 

by UnknownEric
12-09-06
Man, I'm in such a good mood. The sky is blue, the birds are singing...
...and of course, best of all...
I JUST SHIT A GOAT OUT MY ASS!

 

by UnknownEric
12-11-06
Jean, my dear, I've loved you for so long.
Oh Scott, make love to me!
Excuse me while I whip out my... Cyclops.
Ooh, your pussy's a Marvel, Girl!
Oh... shoot me with your force rays!

 

by UnknownEric
12-12-06
So this is it, eh? You got me cornered. Isn't this what you wanted from the beginning, you bastard?
To gut me like yesterday's dinner, possibly take my skull as a sick trophy of your victory.
Say something, you heartless fuck, SAY SOMETHING!

 

by UnknownEric
12-13-06
Hey sexy, I'm Lou Gramm and... I've been waitiiiiing for a girl like youuuuu...
...to come into my liiiiiife...
God, I miss pussy.

 

Okay, something's totally wrong here.
Is it the baseball cap?
by UnknownEric, 12-14-06

 

by UnknownEric
12-14-06
*knock knock*
Who are you?
Birmingham Fire Department.

 

by UnknownEric
12-14-06
Aha! It is me, Jesus!
ZOINKS!
I have foiled your master plan to steal the world's supply of Hostess Fruit Pies.
But the apple is so good...
Here, little girl, have some delicious Hostess Fruit Pies.
Eww, fuck that shit.

 

by UnknownEric
12-16-06
Wow...
...this is awkward.
Tell me about it.

 

by UnknownEric
12-18-06
So what's the story here, officer?
6'7" red robot with telescoping wang, found dead in an alley with a 40 oz bottle of Old Milwaukee shoved up his ass.
Do you know the cause of death? And any more information about the beer?
Negative. The Old Milwaukee was unopened.
A free 40? Score.
I think I'll be leaving now.

 

by UnknownEric
12-18-06
And coming in at number 30, that was Two Pump Chump with "Smokin' Pole in the Boys Room." I'm Casey Kasem.
Now we have a sad story to tell. Famous manraping robot TOBOR was found dead in... alright, what the fuck?!?
We go from an uptempo number to a story about TOBOR dying? This is ponderous, man, fucking ponderous!

 

by UnknownEric
12-18-06
Good afternoon, my good man.
Nice to see you again, sir...
Oh dear, I seem to have dropped some change. Oh, and my pants are coming down.
Oh, good heavens, my underwear has torn. What a terrible development.

 

by UnknownEric
12-18-06
Take it all, bitch!
Good heavens, what is going on... why... is it you??
AHA, IT IS ME, TOBOR!
TOBOR, I thought you were dead!
RAAR, IT WAS ALL A RUSE TO PRESERVE MY SECRET IDENTITY.
That's a brilliant idea, since... wait, what secret identity?

 

by UnknownEric
12-20-06
Scooby dooby doo wop wop waaaa...
What are you doing, fat man?
Practicing for my role in a film in which I happily sing improvisational vocal jazz.
Sounds awesome!
No, Santa, I think you've entirely misunderstood the phrase "gay scat film."

 

by UnknownEric
12-22-06
RAAR, TOBOR GET YOU CHRISTMAS GIFT!
Oh, TOBOR, you shouldn't have.
TOBOR GET IDEA WHILE WATCHING SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE!
Oh God, please tell me you aren't giving me your dick in a box.
RAAR, NO IT'S LORNE MICHAELS SEVERED HEAD.
This is the best gift ever!

 

by UnknownEric
12-28-06
Gerald Ford!
Happened.
How about James Brown?
Happened.
Umm... Pete Doherty?
Oh come on, you'd get like NO points for that one.

 

by UnknownEric
12-28-06
Umm... brains?

 

by UnknownEric
12-29-06
I'm here with famous manraping robot TOBOR. Good to see you.
RAAR!!!
One question that needs to be asked is... why manrape?
YOU DON'T KNOW THE HISTORY OF MANRAPE, MATT... TOBOR DO! NOW BEND OVER!
Ow... I think I get your point.
ACTUALLY, IT'S MORE OF A SHAFT, MATT.

 

by UnknownEric
12-30-06
I just walked into my Republican friend's house and he was watching TV and masturbating.
Porn?
No, the Saddam execution.

 

by UnknownEric
1-08-07
You may be tight...
I may be tiny...
But it just might be a little dick you're looking for...

 

by UnknownEric
1-09-07
Hey, I hear you're a Batman fan!
Yeah, been reading his comics for years.
Who's your favorite Robin?
I like Dick.
Yeah, I KNOW, but who's your favorite Robin?
*sigh*

Showing page 16.

« Previous Next »