All comics by Cobb

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by Cobb
11-25-05
so this is the time of year that humans decide to be thankful and grateful for their miserable existence. you pretend to be free of the forces of nature and thereby justify your belief in god.
ah. so you figured it out.
aren't you disappointed that i have deconstructed your entire belief system?
but you haven't. i work for the cia, remember?
gore actually won in 2000.
ok let's not go there.

 

by Cobb
11-28-05
i see you've got your new xbox 360.
.erh..grunt..
i hear some have failed because of a bad power supply.
..ack..whoa!..
..but i see yours has been functioning a full week without stopping...
..ahh..yeah..huh? were you talking to me?

 

by Cobb
11-28-05
well, he clearly started the crips because he needed protection.
it must be horribly dangerous in those black ghettoes.
obviously, and his redemption stands as testimony to the power of the prison industry as a viable alternative for black education.
yes. that's the message we want to send.
but he doesn't get out, right?
uh. i'm not sure. let me google 'clemency'.

 

by Cobb
11-28-05
dude. i think you need to give up hope. you know. on iraq.
why do you say so?
well, like i saw saddam in court today, and i dunno. i think he's got a good defense team.
and you think he's going to be found 'not guilty'?
dude, he's got more juice than oj and robert blake put together.
sometimes i wonder why we modeled our new government on america's.

 

by Cobb
11-28-05
and if saddam is found 'not guilty'?
well then we get to bring back the troops and prove what a total idiot george bush was. you know he lied about all those wmds.
that's hardly the point..
..so he's not guilty of having wmds and we'll have to leave..
you sound a bit overconfident.
just wait. there's going to be a saddam defense fund. i heard it at a starbucks in hollywood. we're going to get barry scheck.

 

by Cobb
12-06-05
you picked a fine time to be soft on crime. tookie? the founder of the crips, responsible for more murders than the head of the kkk.
don't be ridiculous. he's redeemed.
if tookie killed polly klaas what would you say then? i bet it would take more than a children's book and a movie of the week.
well..
laci peterson, megan kanka, nicole brown, jonbenet ramsey, natalie holloway, chandra levi..
i'm going to go hide under a rock now. don't send any cops looking for me.

 

by Cobb
12-06-05
who is this ramsey clark character and why is he defending saddam hussein?
well, you know some people enjoy sticking it to the system so they enjoy making grand gestures to show that the whole thing is corrupt.
don't they realize how that devalues the lives of the victims?
c'mon man, we're not white. it doesn't occur to them.
i'm surprised to hear you put it so bluntly.
sometimes i get racial.

 

by Cobb
12-08-05
do you think we should intervene in the clemency hearing of stan williams?
who?
you, know. that human you used to lift weights with in california back in the 70s when you were first trying out the human form.
oh, yeah. the one who became an international celebrity and then became involved in politics?
actually, you have to be more specific.
that's right. but hey, they'll both be in the same room.

 

by Cobb
12-24-05
secret wiretaps, secret prisons, secret searches for radioactivity. it never ends.
you're pretty well informed. i thought you knew about all this.
no, i really didn't. i don't suppose this is shocking to you at all.
you didn't know because all your criticism was directed at the prosecution of the war in iraq. now they're voting you have nothing to say.
can we stop talking about what's wrong with me and concentrate on what's wrong with america?
what's the difference?

 

by Cobb
12-27-05
not another kwanzaa celebration. you know that the founder of kwanzaa was a convicted felon don't you?
well, at least he didn't kill anybody..
is that the best you can say? that's pretty pathetic.
..or own slaves. so should you stop celebrating america because of who george washington was?
uh. but that's different. you can't compare the two.
hello, it's a free country and i just did.

 

by Cobb
12-27-05
yeah ok, but kwanzaa pretends to be part of african traditions, but i don't see anybody in africa celebrating it.
so that's the best you can do?
you haven't answered the question of authenticity.
hmm. so i suppose that the european enlightenment ideas had nothing to do with the declaration of independence?
where are you going with this?
i'm just wondering if you know any europeans who celebrate the fourth of july.

 

by Cobb
1-04-06
i am so relieved that all of the religious symbolism of narnia wasn't edited out of the film. what a great movie!
what religious symbolism? it was just a fantasy movie.
didn't you know that the lion represented the christ? c.s. lewis was a great christian.
yeah, well so was george washington, but i don't see religious symbolism in everything he did.
wow. and i thought we agreed on so much. this is scaring me.
how many fingers am i holding up?

 

by Cobb
1-04-06
well there's not much going on here in iraq these days. maybe we can catch the rose bowl on armed forces radio.
can't. we have to get into in iranian nuclear facility tomorrow morning and i have to make preparations.
it's just as well. everybody knows the longhorns are going to win the game.
you gotta be kidding me. you're a texas fan? prepare to weep.
well of course i have to be on the side of the animals. why would you be on the side of the trojans?
wait until i show you how we get into the facility.

 

by Cobb
1-05-06
nice going genius. you landed us in an iranian prison.
i don't know what went wrong. i've used this trick 34 times without failure.
it was very uncomfortable sitting inside of that box marked 'plutonium' addressed from a.q. khan.
whoda thunk they'd open it outside of the containment building?
vince young wouldn't have tried a plan that stupid.
oh shutup!

 

by Cobb
1-05-06
i can't imagine anything worse than being locked up in an iranian prison.
you'll get used to life in a cage.
i can see that it's done wonders for your personality.
oh. pretty cocky for a trojan fan. hey, do you remember that play where vince young ran into the end zone without anybody touching him?
oh great, torture too.
you're a combattant, quit whining.

 

by Cobb
1-06-06
maybe if i keep razzing you about the longhorns, it'll toughen you up for the real torture you're going to get.
well, i've got other things to keep me occupied.
like?
for one thing, i've got four toilet-mounted dna sensor-transmitters to install.
i'm speechless.
actually, i need you to complain so that we get transferred three more times.

 

by Cobb
1-06-06
hey what's new in the warez world?
warez are for kids. i'm trading cool content these days. mostly i try to get stuff within 10 minutes of AP wire stories. it's kinda like a race.
i get it. what did you get today?
i got a copy of marcus vick's criminal record and a quick-time of ariel sharon's latest brain scan.
you know it would have been much more interesting if you got vick's brain scan and sharon's criminal record.
cool idea. hey do you mind if i borrow your ebay account?

 

by Cobb
1-10-06
today is a great day for sensitivity to the plight of women and minorities.
somehow i have a feeling you're being sarcastic.
well you know alito was a member of 'cap', a group that argued against women and minorities at princeton.
oh that. he didn't even remember belonging.
so now we're protected from the possibly racist memories of a possibly racist organization of thirty years ago. i'll say that's sensitive.
thank you senator kennedy.

 

by Cobb
1-16-06
it's king day today.
i see that you're not going skiing.
i decided that i'm going to take the holiday more seriously, so i'm going to watch a boondocks marathon.
that's all? pretty pathetic i should say.
oh? so what are you going to do to honor the legacy of dr. king?
i'm going to go get me a white boyfriend.

 

by Cobb
1-16-06
so you really think this will work?
it doesn't matter if it works, what matters is the social significance of us doing it.
well, i have to admit that there are still people in my family who i know will be angry and upset.
see? it shows that we still have far to go as a nation.
you know, i'm really starting to get into this.
don't get too happy. come black history month, i'm kicking you to the curb.

 

by Cobb
1-17-06
i'm surprised that you haven't been tortured yet. how do you think you've managed that?
i know. it's been two weeks in this iranian prison and so far no torture. i'm sure they know why at hq.
have you been able to make contact with hq?
i'm working to reprogram the dna toilet transmitter, but i've got some memory problems.
did you try flushing the cache?
i'm not going to laugh. i'm not going to laugh.

 

by Cobb
1-20-06
how are the electronics coming along?
i'm going to leave the toilet dna transmitter intact and send a duress code to hq.
how?
a duress code is 247. so i need you to wake me up at 2, 4 and 7 am so i can take a pee. when they see this repeat, they'll offer a prisoner exchange.
but there are no iranians at gitmo.
do you honestly think rumsfeld will have a problem getting one there?

 

by Cobb
1-20-06
oh goody. a person of color. i have been waiting quite a while for an opportunity to liberate a member of the oppressed classes from .. you know.. oppression.
huh?
oh, excuse me. allow me to introduce myself. i am the liberal fairy. i am tasked by the oversight committee to right wrongs in the affairs of humans. in other words you get a big fat wish.
i don't think i've been drinking. i'm not on meth or crack... is this for real?
i see by your stunned expression that you have probably not been aware of my existence. i'm really sorry. we really only started doing outreach to minorities.. er .. people of color.. in this century.
yeah this is definitely starting to sound real.

 

by Cobb
1-23-06
you heard the news about ford's layoffs?
losers.
how can you say that?
i think people would be pretty stupid to work in a factory that makes so many greenhouse gasses. i don't feel sorry for them.
that must be your camry over there, isn't it?
what are you trying to say?

 

by Cobb
1-23-06
so you think your camry doesn't pollute?
it's a japanese car.
so?
so kyoto is in japan and george bush didn't sign the kyoto protocol because he's behind big polluters like ford. i'm not guilty.
what?

 

by Cobb
1-23-06
you know we've been friends for a long time. that's what i need to tell you that i think you have bds.
bds?
bush derangement syndrome.
what's that?
you are so consumed with the loss of the presidency in 2000 and 2004 that you see everything wrong with america as the fault of the bush administration.
dick cheney put you up to this, didn't he?

 

by Cobb
1-23-06
liberal blogging again? what's under your skirt today?
oh just your ordinary government spying and the information collected by the google industrial complex.
puhlease. who do you think is going to believe all your paranoia?
obviously you're not one of the oppressed masses. they have the most to lose if our country turns into a police state.
weren't you just saying that the oppressed masses didn't have adequate access to computer technology - that the internet was only privileged whites?
don't argue with me, i'm defending liberty.

 

by Cobb
1-23-06
huh?
protect me!
hey little fellow, where's your mommy?
i don't have a mommy. i'm a ward of the state. protect me.
how am i supposed to protect you?
make google turn over its search engine secrets to the federal government.

 

by Cobb
1-24-06
protect me.
look, kid. i..
don't make excuses. i am your future. you have already bankrupted social security, polluted the air and water, driven housing prices out of sight and filled the airwaves with smut and profanity.
well, at least you weren't aborted.
yeah so what guarantee did i have of that? repeal roe. protect me.
you know, you're starting to get on my nerves.

 

by Cobb
1-24-06
what have i ever done to you to earn your contempt? i never harmed anyone. i never did anything wrong in my whole life. i am defenseless and precious.
and you talk too much.
look i don't see why i should suffer just so you can watch hbo, or let molesters live, or whatever other liberties you take...
no you don't do you? you have no concept about the meaning of sacrifice. you're just a selfish little whiny uncivilized baby.
i'm totally and completely innocent, and cute and cuddly.
now i know how babies live with themselves. they vomit constantly.

 

by Cobb
1-24-06
you hate me.
i don't hate you. i just know you don't recognize how your demands for protection place burdens on the rest of us.
i don't know about any of that. all i know is you need to think of me first. i am the future. if you don't make the world safe for me, you're just heartless and cruel.
you stink do you realize that?
change me!
that's coming my little one, that's coming.

 

by Cobb
1-24-06
i've got a surprise for you. i found someone who is going to protect you.
really?
yes, really. wait right here while i go get him.
don't leave me alone too long. the world is full of dangers.
you're kidding me. hey come back here.
protect me!

 

by Cobb
1-27-06
this is outrageous. google is bowing down to china. it's a terrible day for freedom. i really feel betrayed.
what do you care? you don't even read chinese.
that's not the point. it's censorship and it makes a mockery of the values google pledged to stand by.
i didn't realize you were such a libertarian down deep inside, believing in the moral sanctity of google.
my god! i've been defending a multinational multi-billion dollar corporate behemoth.
i hate to burst your bubble, but that ipod you've been listening to...

 

by Cobb
1-29-06
jeez, what am i supposed to do with you?
you're supposed to protect me from the evils of the world.
don't worry kid. you're in good hands. right now you're feeling weak and insecure. i've got the perfect cure. in one week you'll forget all your troubles.
sure. what did you have in mind?
first let's turn on the tv. hey look it's the jamie foxx show!
boy can that negro sing! i'm feeling better already.

 

by Cobb
1-29-06
man i cannot believe that hamas won the election in palestine. and they still think they can govern while denying israel's right to exist!
mm hmm.
and can you believe this iranian guy? he's certifyable, and he wants nukes too. you'd think he'd learn from saddam's fate.
..right..
and this tunnel from mexico into the us.. hey what's so interesting that you're not paying attention here?
i had no idea jamie foxx could play the piano. black people must be really proud. hey.. look at him go!

 

by Cobb
1-31-06
have you heard? rosetta scott king is dead. first rosa parks, now this.
too bad jesse jackson is healthy.
how can you say that?
c'mon. he's stolen all the fire from ralph abernathy who was a lot smarter and a lot closer to mlk.
still. you didn't have to go there.
i'm all emotional. sue me.

 

by Cobb
1-31-06
you know. now that i think about it, i really don't know what coretta did other than support her husband. it must have been really hard for her.
she got the holiday started.
that was a good moment of silence.
you couldn't think of anything to say either.

 

by Cobb
1-31-06
hey wassap!
i haven't seen you around here before.
i just moved into the neighborhood. ha! right in time for black history month. who is your favorite black hero?
uhm, is this a quiz?
nah, just testing the waters. seeing if anyone around here has any flava.
there's a starbucks up the block. you might want to try open mike nite.

 

by Cobb
1-31-06
i hope you don't mind me saying so, but you don't look particularly black.
do you expect me to take that as a compliment or an insult?
i don't know... so er.. what are you? i mean not that it makes any difference...
..good then i won't say..
you're not making this easy.
yeah, well, welcome to the world of the real, blondie.

 

by Cobb
2-03-06
i don't see why you have to get an attitude with me. i'm not trying to say anything about you, just .. you know,, know something about you.
i make you uncomfortable.
yes. i mean, sorta.
i didn't mean to it's just that, well you can't trust people...
hey, i'm not being judgemental. out of all the people in this comic strip, you can trust me.
this is a comic strip?

 

by Cobb
2-03-06
yes. this is a comic strip and i'm the sorta wishy washy dissatisfied but good hearted character. we're trying to introduce you to the audience.
oh. so now i have to tell everybody what i'm all about? i mean can't that be gradually revealed over time?
you got two panels to go. people have other things to do.
well..ok. i'm the.. well. this isn't easy.
spit it out. c'mon.
i..i.. i was a foster kid. i don't know who my real parents are. so to answer your question, i don't know if i'm black or white. satisfied?

 

by Cobb
2-05-06
i'm so bored i don't even feel like altering human reality any longer.
this is not like you. what's going on? how are you feeling?
i don't know. it's just that humas are so good at screwing up their own world in inexplicable ways that i don't feel as if i'm needed at all.
don't feel that way. remember when we made the boston red sox win the world series? that was something.
yeah but they thanked god, not us. it's not like we have a religion or anything.
hmm. you may be onto something. this gives me an idea.

 

by Cobb
2-06-06
i don't like it when you get bored so i've come up with a new reason for you to meddle in human affairs.
yeah but humans are already screwed up. plus, they give all the credit to god, not us.
so we become god.
i don't get it.
we redirect the energy of an entire human religion to ourselves by fulfilling one of their ancient prophesies. that way our tweaks get recognition, as god, but it's really us.
muhammad or jesus. i'll have to think about this one.

 

by Cobb
2-06-06
i think of all the religions to hijack, we should pick islam.
i knew you'd like my idea. we should start off small. you know, pick an offbeat sect and.. hey are you thinking what i'm thinking?
if you're thinking wahhabism, i'm way ahead of you. i've been reading sayyid qutb and shopping for stinger missiles.
slow down there brother. we've got plenty of time.
you got me on to this. i want to start some trouble now. i don't care about being all that authentic..
ok fine. you start in the united states and i'll study up a bit more and head to the gulf states.

 

by Cobb
2-06-06
greetings earthling. i am the reincarnation of the prophet muhammad. i command you to begin holy jihad.
whoa dude. i never expected to see a religious vision. you look like some kind of toad creature.
it's the marijuana you have been abusing. now don't interrupt me you lowly worm. i command you to begin holy jihad and bring about my kingdom on earth. you will first begin by..uhm.. hold on.
what? you came all the way and you forgot your holy message?
interdimensional time travel has side effects. i'll be getting back to you.
bring me some more weed when you do, ok?

 

by Cobb
2-06-06
so how did your first earth visit go?
i didn't shock and awe my first disciple. i think i'm going to have to transubstatiate into a more pleasing human form. he said i looked like a toad. i can't believe it.
well other than that?
i forgot my message. it was weird. all i could think of was the old me. i just wanted to abduct him into our flying saucer and do an anal probe.
i told you to take your time. hijacking a religion requires committment.
yeah yeah yeah. by the way, do you know where i can score some maui wowie?

 

by Cobb
2-06-06
ahh the prophet returns. what great message do you have for me, o toady one?
damn. i forgot the disguise.
can you hear me? is this just a recurring dream?
i never expected one so ignorant to be so skeptical.
ok, i can see this is going nowhere.
wait! wait! i have brought you cannibis to prove that i exist.

 

by Cobb
2-08-06
i am the reincarnation of the prophet muhammad. i command you to destroy something.
what's up with that? why should i be a part of your violent scheme?
because i know who your parents are and the circumstances under which they abandoned you. all will be revealed if you submit to my will.
i'll have to think about it. i mean, i'm not really a destructive person..
pass this first test and i'll throw in a cadillac escalade.
put a playstation in it and you've got a deal.

 

by Cobb
2-08-06
so, what do i have to do?
join in the worldwide protest over blasphemous cartoons. get yourself on camera burning something and you will have passed your first test.
do i have to use fire? can't i just scream or throw a rock or something?
does it have to be an escalade? can't i just get you a sentra or something?
i see your point.
good. we'll work you up to beheading in no time.

 

by Cobb
2-16-06
as you can see, i have set fire to hundreds of buildings, and destroyed countless military installations.
what is that device in your hand?
i wouldn't expect a reincarnation of the prophet muhammad to understand, but basically it's called a controller. you can watch me on that screen.
are you controlling that giant robot? that's impressive.
so as you can see, i've done my share of jihad. so where's my escalade?
i'll trade you for the robot.

Showing page 18.

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