All comics by UnknownEric

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by UnknownEric
5-02-07
And the arm was later found in the potato salad. In other news, Amnesty International has filed a complaint against Teletubbyland for the treatment of the Noo-Noo.
Although the Noo-Noo appears to be a living thing, it is never allowed outside and is forced to do slave labor continually cleaning the Teletubbies' floor.
In an official statement, Teletubbyland spokesman Tinky Winky said, and I quote, "TINKY WINKY BAG!!!"

 

by UnknownEric
5-02-07
Now Jenny, can you say the name of the state circled on that map?
Fuck no.
Excuse me?
If you want it said so bad, why don't you say it?
Idaho.
Yeah, damn right you da ho!

 

by UnknownEric
5-04-07
Do you have a complete catalogue of Norman Rockwell paintings?
Yes, but only a non-circulating copy.
Oh, okay, I'll go check this out.
No, non-circulating means you can't... *sigh*
10 minutes later.
Why won't the circulation desk let me check out this book?
Because you're retarded.

 

by UnknownEric
5-04-07
I need this specific obscure art book from 1924.
Let me go check our storage area.
5 minutes later.
I'm sorry, sir, but that book is missing from our collection.
Well, where is it?
If I knew where it was, it would hardly be "missing," now would it?

 

by UnknownEric
5-07-07
Dude, go fuck yourself.
Okay.
Get ready to take it all, bitch!
It wasn't everything it could've been.

 

by UnknownEric
5-07-07
Yum-yum! Boy, that sure was good Kool-Aid I got from those kids with the sidewalk Kool-Aid stand, and---URRKKK!!! BRAINS!!! BRAAAAIIINNSSS!!!
OH MY GOD!!! THE KOOL-AID THOSE CHILDREN ARE SELLING IS TURNING EVERYONE WHO DRANK IT INTO FLESH-EATING ZOMBIES!!!
Me rikey zombies.

 

by UnknownEric
5-09-07
Whoo! J-E-T-S, JETS JETS JETS!!!
You're into the Jets, huh?
Yeah, how bout you?
I'm a Lions fan.
Ah, that explains the camouflage.
I don't actually want anyone to see me and know what a loser I am.

 

by UnknownEric
5-10-07
Baby, drop your pants, he'll take it.
Give him any hole, he'll rape it.
He's gonna make your anus bleed.
RAAR! DOIN' IT MY WAY!!!

 

by UnknownEric
5-15-07
Jerry Falwell is dead. It probably makes me a bad person, but I'm actually pleased to see the fucker dead.
In fact, I'm such a bad person, I wouldn't be at all averse to see the party continue with some more deaths of loathsome individuals.
Maggie Thatcher, I'm looking at you...

 

by UnknownEric
5-15-07
Sucky sucky fie dollah.
DO NOT WANT!

 

by UnknownEric
5-15-07
Hey.
Hey.
What's up?
Nothin'.
INVISIBLE PUNCHLINE!

 

by UnknownEric
5-15-07
Sucky sucky fie dollah.
Okay.
*glorp glorp*
*glorp glorp... SPEW!*
I HAS A FLAVOR!

 

by UnknownEric
5-23-07
*sigh*
I tried, Jim, but I still don't get modern sculpture.

 

by UnknownEric
5-25-07
Her name is Grendel and she dances really bland
Instead of fucking her, you'll want to use your hand
Oh Grendel, Grendel, hear us shout across the land
Stay away from us, we're not sure you're a woman.

 

by UnknownEric
5-25-07
Most people don't know that there was a fourth member of the Sugarhill Gang, who was edited off the final record. This is his story.
A hip, hip hoppa you don't stop rockin' to the rhythm of the boogity beat.
WHAT YOU HEAR NOT TEST, TOBOR RAPIN' TO THE BEAT!
I said, HOTEL... MOTEL... HOLIDAY INN
SAY RAAAAAR!!!
And if your girl starts actin' up, then you take her friend.
RAAAR!!! TOBOR BUST YOU OUT WITH SUPER SPERM!!!

 

by UnknownEric
5-29-07
Excuse me, what time is it?
Let me check.
4:15 pm.
What the hell did you just read?
"Time" magazine.

 

What? You expected another "Juggs" joke?
by UnknownEric, 5-29-07

 

by UnknownEric
6-04-07
I, Judge Fudge, have conclusive evidence that you have some big ass titties and sentence you to ride on my cock.
So did that work...?
No.

 

by UnknownEric
6-13-07
Did you know that 93 million people in China have the last name "Wang"?
No kidding.
And not a single one has the first name "Tiny."
It's a national tragedy.

 

by UnknownEric
6-14-07
Alright, are you ready to ro... hey, what's that thing?
Let's get it onnnnnnnn... let's get it aw-aw-awn, baby...

 

by UnknownEric
6-28-07
April 6, 1994.
Oh man, it was sure hard going cold turkey from heroin, but I feel like a totally new person now! Hey, who's that photo of?
Oh... Oh GOD... my wife? I married Courtney Love? Courtney Love?
The end.

 

by UnknownEric
7-05-07
When you lie on your tummy, your bottom is on top!
Oh my God, are you fucking retarded or something?

 

by UnknownEric
7-10-07
Welcome to E-Ville Designs. Can I help you?
Yeah. T-shirts with rude slogans are so last year. Do you have any other types of obscene clothing.
Of course! In fact, I'm currently wearing underpants with the slogan, "If You Can Read It, You Better Be Sucking My Cock."
I'll take twelve!

 

by UnknownEric
7-14-07
One guy's a black scientific genius...
...the other has a telescoping penis...
After the ass-rape I bet they'll find that they're really two of a kind!
Don't hurt me.
RAAAAR!

 

by UnknownEric
7-14-07
Ooh, baby... yeah... yeah... wait... wait... OWWW!!! WHAT THE HELL???
Take it, baby!
Jesus FUCK, woman, I think you perforated my colon! Why would you DO that?
I thought you liked having a yardstick jammed up your asshole.
Who the fuck told you that?
heh heh

 

by UnknownEric
7-23-07
Don't worry, Grandpa. You're going to make it!
No, Hal. I'm at the end of my life. In dying I have only one regret.
What's that, Grandpa?
That I'll never see Emma Watson pose nekked for Playboy. *cough cough die*
Wow, what a pervert.

 

by UnknownEric
7-25-07
I'll make you eat your words, young man.
Mmm! Thank you, mommy. Alphabet soup.
Mommy, why does my soup say, "FUCK YOU"?

 

by UnknownEric
7-30-07
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage... the hottest nigga in the bidness... ILLEGAL!!!
Whazzup! Illegal in the mothafuckin' house!!!
You fuckin' suck!
You're right, I'm a total fraud. I'm sorry for wasting your time, people. Good night.

 

by UnknownEric
8-04-07
You vill give me money, ja? Or I give you AIDS!
Ay yay yay, es decision horrible!
I keep my money, si?

 

by UnknownEric
8-10-07
Giant dung beetle, I have to tell you...
...this is the WORST ACID TRIP EVER.

 

I can has goatse?
by UnknownEric, 8-10-07

 

by UnknownEric
8-11-07
Mom, I have some bad news... I'm pregnant.
Oh my god, how?
Well, Billy and I got drunk and one thing led...
No, no, I mean... how?
But... don't you know?
No, I fell asleep at my neighbor's house once and the next thing I knew, I had you!

 

by UnknownEric
8-11-07
Hey tiger, would you like to lick my pussy?
Sure.
Oh man, play it cool, play it cool... This is gonna be great.
Oh, FUCK you!

 

by UnknownEric
8-11-07
Hey, aren't you film star Anne Hathaway?
Yes.
I would just like to say that I do not, in any way, wish to have wild, passionate monkey sex with you.
That's good to know.
Man, this "reverse psychology" bullshit doesn't work...

 
by UnknownEric, 8-14-07

 

by UnknownEric
8-16-07
Hey boss, I heard a rumour that you wanted to trade me and my linemates. Is it because we ruined your sheets in that prank?
No, no... I ain't talkin' bout the linen...
...and I DON'T want to trade your line.
But there's a warm wind blowing, the stars are out?
God, I'd REALLY love to see you tonight!

 

by UnknownEric
8-16-07
NIGGA brand cereal is packed with iron and vitamin D.
It's a delicious part of a balanced breakfast!
So remember kids, tell your parents you want NIGGA for breakfast!
Okay.
What do you want for breakfast, honey?
Nigga, please!

 

My heavens, Ting-Lee, you are indeed a very useful prostitute!
Why thank you, Sir Doucham Bagg!
by UnknownEric, 8-17-07

 

by UnknownEric
8-20-07
Hello, I'm West Virginia Senator Robert Byrd, and for years people have used my previous membership in the KKK to claim that I don't like blacks.
This is an utter lie. People change, and these days, I LOVE black people.
I think EVERYONE should own one.

 

by UnknownEric
8-20-07
Whoa-oa, almost paradise...
...we're lurking on heaven's door...
...almost paradise...
...how could you ask for more?
Well, I suppose we could ask for actual paradise.
FUCK YOU, BITCH!

 

Excuse me, sir, where are the sharkskin suits?
*gulp*
by UnknownEric, 8-20-07

 

by UnknownEric
8-21-07
*grunt groan plop*
Ahhh.
Whoa, there's love growing out of that turd!

 

by UnknownEric
8-21-07
People always ask me
DMC, what does it mean?
D's for never dirty, MC for mostly clean.
That's fucking retarded.

 

by UnknownEric
8-22-07
Knock knock.
Who's there?
9/11.
9/11 who?
OMG YOU SAID YOU'D NEVAR FORGET!!!11!!

 

by UnknownEric
8-22-07
Hey tiger, want some lovin'?
Sucky sucky fie dollah!
No no, you're doing it wrong, sweetheart. You have to SEDUCE the men, not just offer yourself on a platter.
Okay.
Hey tiger, want some lovin'?
I'll beat any price GUARANTEED!

 

by UnknownEric
9-05-07
This fall on PBS Kids, get ready for the kid-friendly action of "Bob the Douchebag"...
Will he fuck you then not ever call you again?
YES! HE! WILL!
..."Politically Correct Tigger and Pooh"...
I am rejecting my slave name. You may now refer to me as a Tiger-American.
And I'm Defecationally Challenged!
...and everybody's favorite, "Make Way For Naddies!"
How the fuck does he WALK with those?

 

by UnknownEric
9-13-07
Man, are there any songs that just give you goosebumps?
Not really. How about you?
"Bad." U2.
Is there any other kind?

 

by UnknownEric
9-14-07
Yesterday at the bakery.
I have to go bake the bread, Jim.
I may be climbing on rainbows, but baby here goes.
If you're wondering what this all is leading to...
I want to make it with you.

 

by UnknownEric
9-14-07
Can you help me? I think I have amnesia! I don't know who I am!
You should go to the desert.
Why?
Cause in the desert you can remember your name cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain.
Now I remember! I'm John! What's your name, horse?
Fucked if I know.

 

by UnknownEric
9-18-07
Actual (out of context) quotes from Thomas episodes.
I'm going to poop at Henry when I go past!
Oh, I'm stiff! I'm stiff!
You're pulling us well! You're pulling us well!
When's Sir Topham Hatt going to whip it out?

Showing page 18.

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