All comics by LuckyGuess

Profile

 

by LuckyGuess
5-25-09
im at such a janky house rite now
haha i <3 these guy theyre giving me such good drink
fhgy

 

by LuckyGuess
5-28-09
I took a shit in my shoe just now.
oh youre not the man
you used to beeee

 

by LuckyGuess
5-31-09
I saw your brother just now. He said he missed you.
Dawwww thats sweet
He was drunk. His hugs were uncomfortable.
GIVE ME A HUG
Happy thoughts, happy thoughts

 

by LuckyGuess
6-07-09
How far are you on the final?
Not very. I spent a lot of time procrasturbating.

 

by LuckyGuess
6-28-09
Why are you so grumpy, GARFUNKLE?
Because I live with you, JUAN.
Let's sing a song with ODEL! I'll start!
I sure do hate TUESDAYS.
Are you trying to get us sued?
Wait til you see K'Naan the Booberryan.

 

by LuckyGuess
6-30-09
You need to be careful! Get a money belt and a special safety wallet and a protection necklace and these prayer dolls might also help. Do they have towels in Europe? Bring a towel just in case.
Where are you going to get Fracs? Don't even think about saying an ATM! Here, take this enourmous amount of cash and change it in front of a long line of angry people.
I'm replaying the orientation guide for myself because it's interesting and insightful. You should also listen to it. Remember to call me immediately with the first step on foreign soil.
Be sure to take these travel bottles of shampoo and toothpaste, all over 3 ounces so that you get stuck at baggage x-ray and customs as long as humanly possible.
Hey, I'm your instr... why are there bite marks on you?
I was trying to eat my flesh pre-departure. Don't ask.

 

by LuckyGuess
8-13-09
Is Jared coming?
Jared! You coming to the club with us?
uh... urp... what's happening?
Pretty sure he's not coming.

 

by LuckyGuess
8-14-09
What are those drinks you're making?
Slippery nipples. Try one.
They're so small. Can you make me a really big one? Like a slippery double d?
I had a couple slippery double d's this one time, nipples incl

 

by LuckyGuess
8-24-09
Sir, I pulled you over because your high beams are on.
This car has high beams?
I need you to turn them off.
How do I do that?
Fuck, I'm so high right now.

 

by LuckyGuess
8-24-09
Sir, please step out of the vehicle.
No.
Did you just fart?
Well I certainly wasn't stepping out of the vehicle.

 

by LuckyGuess
8-24-09
Please walk forward.
Sir, don't get back in that car.
And you're back in the car.
It's a really nice car.

 

by LuckyGuess
8-24-09
Put your hands on the vehicle.
How will this benefit me?
I'll search you and if you're clean you can leave with a ticket.
A TICKET?!
Yes.
Just checking.

 

by LuckyGuess
8-24-09
boo doo boo doo boo doo boo doo
I need to call in a blue Honda Civic, liscense plate 8HT-
boo doo boo doo boo doo boo doo
JUST A SMALL TOWN GIRL, LIVIN IN A LONELY WOOORLD

 

by LuckyGuess
9-05-09
We're pleased to announce that we've hired a talented cabal of wizards to solve the healthcare crisis.
Well yes, we have considered the FUCKING CHRIST FIRE
Dude. Brimsthalabus. Not cool.

 

by LuckyGuess
9-10-09
hey are you down to leave tomorrow?
what time?
well after 12 because i need to get an std test at noon
funny story

 

by LuckyGuess
9-10-09
i juts saw god in a piano solo
its just so beutiful in this music rite now
tingle wingle. thats the sound god makes

 

by LuckyGuess
9-10-09
Let's see, violation for blee blee bloo... TWO HUNDRED TWENTY ONE DOLLARS
I need a pose where I fall on my knees and curse the heavens.
No.

 

by LuckyGuess
9-11-09
One cheeseburger, a small fry and a large chocolate milkshake + Quicktime.
On the course website you'll find the guidelines for the final project + Quicktime.
I'm actually on my period, but if you're down I can give you a blowjob + Quicktime.

 

by LuckyGuess
9-24-09
Ladies and gentlemen, Barack Obama
I'd like to talk to you about healthcare reform.
What about it?
Well I'm getting to that.
I'm not convinced.

 

by LuckyGuess
9-24-09
We have a concrete plan for the healthcare crisis that makes sense for average Americans.
What about death panels?
There are no death panels.
But what about the death panels?
If you just read
Read?

 

by LuckyGuess
9-24-09
This legislation is beneficial for your everyday needs.
How?
It helps you in areas you need it most.
How?
It will change the things you and your family talk about at the dinner table.
I beat my family with pipes.

 

by LuckyGuess
9-24-09
How much do you pay to send your family to the emergency room?
Eight twelve packs of Tecate.
You measure medical bills in hypothetical beer purchases.
Doesn't everyone?

 

by LuckyGuess
9-24-09
This legislation
There's another word I don't like. Use something better.
Program?
Too general.
Reform?
Too gay.

 

by LuckyGuess
9-24-09
Okay, let me tell you about the Doritos X-TREEME Power Healthcare.
I thought we agreed on four adjectives.
We need to reach a bipartisan agreement.
Add another adjective.
I think three are fine.
Then we have nothing left to talk about.

 

by LuckyGuess
9-24-09
Look, I just want to give everyone adequate healthcare.
Maybe you don't.
A valid point.
In fact, you don't even know why you brought up such a thing.
Who am I?
Beloved black actor Sidney Poitier.

 

by LuckyGuess
9-27-09
Hello everyone and welcome to Big Guy Press Weekend. I'm Tom Thompson. Our first guest tonight has been accused of child molestation and felony arson. Give a warm welcome to senator Jim McClaskil.
Glad to be here, Tom. But let me just say that I came here to talk about the budget crisis.
Isn't that how you got into trouble in the first place?
Actually both of those accusations were internet rumors spread by this show.
And yet, they exposed some very disturbing truths about you.
No, they didn't.

 

by LuckyGuess
9-27-09
Senator, you've charged that the government is mishandling the budget crisis by simply reallocating funds to different arms of the same companies.
That's right. Megacom alone is absorbing about 23% of the US budget annually.
Is that why you molested those pages?
I never molested any pages.
Senator.
I never molested any pages.

 

by LuckyGuess
9-27-09
The bill you're proposing would decrease the amount of goverment contracts with corporate entities. Why do that?
Corporate entities generally don't have the same bottom line as the government. They don't have the same goals or any motivation to follow their directives.
Do you consider yourself a socialist?
What? No.
Senator.
NO!

 

by LuckyGuess
9-27-09
I'd like to show you a clip, if I may.
By all means.
Jim McClaskil is a traitor and a fool.
Wow. That is scandalous.
Who was that?

 

by LuckyGuess
9-27-09
Speaking of arson, tell us about your firestarting spree with the infamous Jack Jackaville.
I met Jackaville at a party in college. We talked about cars for twenty minutes and I never saw him again.
So you DO know Jack Jackaville.
Not really, no.
You heard it here first, folks. I for one am shocked.
What did they hear? What happened?

 

by LuckyGuess
9-27-09
Well senator, that's all the time we have today. Glad to have you on.
Wait, we didn't even get to green energy!
Next time, senator.
Wuh! Wait a minute!
Next on the show is congressman Harbl Orwell. Congressman, as a hero and a patriot, how do you feel about everything that the senator said?
Bad, Tom.

 

by LuckyGuess
10-06-09
MSNBC
Republicans continue to destroy everything you hold dear, tonight on Countdown with Keith Olberman.
FOX NEWS
PELOSI is an anagram for KING PHILIP. She is going to put healthcare on the table and it will TURN YOU INTO A WEREWOLF
CNN
Okay, so I'm holding the pie chart. This is a pie chart, and... am I holding this right? Like, can you guys see it? Tell us over Twitter.

 

by LuckyGuess
10-08-09
Alright, I'm going to go read some of the Jerusalem bible. You two behave.
Finally! He's gone! Where did you hide the porno?
I don't see why we had to kill him for it.
Quit talking, the footjob scene it next.

 

by LuckyGuess
10-20-09
Wow, dad! I didn't know there was a hot dog stand so deep underground.
It's pretty great, isn't it? You can have anything you want.
Wow, anything?
Anything. Whatever you get is basically your bar mitzvah, because my meth overhead is getting pretty intense these days and I don't want to see your grandmother.
That bison dog looks pretty good.

 

by LuckyGuess
12-11-09
Editing clips?
The show's basically done, all I need is to figure out how to put this stuff of the hard drives.
Good luck.
What are all these yellow wires for? Yellow isn't a color for wires.
Bzzt.
This is nice.
My veins feel funny.

 

by LuckyGuess
12-11-09
Basically you get to wait until the casette drive records everything to the computers.
Huh. Okay. I'll just play a game while I wait then.
JARED deals an UNGODLY amount of damage to Lotus Ravenmoore. Lotus Ravenmoore retaliates by striking Jared for
There's a boom mic in your shot.
Oh COME ON.

 

by LuckyGuess
12-11-09
Grandpa Vampire, you need to go take a nap! You've had too much wine!
You mean I've had too much BLOOD!
I'm gonna be so famous.

 

by LuckyGuess
12-19-09
Monday
Only 3 notifications? I MUST BE WORTHLESS
hey man saw you at burrito barn you were haggard hit me back
Wednesday
you are extremely disrespectful of my personal boundaries and have an unwarranted mindset of priveledge
This was obviously meant for someone less awesome than I am.
Friday
WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE SHIELD DIDN'T DROP
You have defeated the sea serpent! Tell your friends!

 

by LuckyGuess
12-19-09
Monday
Mood: Bananas
Wednesday
SOMEONE reading this right now is a huge asshole and should burn in a fucking fire
This was obviously blogged for someone less awesome than I am.
Friday
OH GOD MY SENSES
Now Playing: Technodreamparty by Dance Dance Revolution X3 Special Edition

 

by LuckyGuess
12-19-09
Monday
This seems like a useful site.
eating pancakes, might add syrup
Wednesday
@puffoflogic thanks for ruining my fucking birthday you cocksmear
This was obviously tweeted for someone less awesome than I am.
Friday
WHY AREN'T THERE MORE FOLLOWERS ON MY TWITTER OH GOD MY LIFE IS UNINTERESTING
eating syrup, might add pancakes

 

by LuckyGuess
12-26-09
Make me a fursuit.

 

by LuckyGuess
12-27-09
Oh bloo bloo bloo look at me my I'm Yoshitsune I'm a hero of the people.
Very good, master. I'm sure he'd be very offended.
Brother Yoritomo, I have defeated your enemies and brought you great treasures.
Oh how nice look at me I'm Yoshitsune I'm so brave I conquer enemies and seize treasure hordes.
Are you alright, brother? Perhaps I could get you some soup or rent you a video?
Oh look at me I'm charitable bloo bloo bloo.

 

by LuckyGuess
12-27-09
Look at me, gods! I need you not! I shape my own destiny!
Yeah well what about that sea monster I sent to eat the beaureucrat?
The one that changed the entire direction of the war. Favor of the gods shine upon you. Etcetera.
Oh, was that a sea monster? Because it looked like a BITCH.
Your FACE is a bitch.

 

by LuckyGuess
1-12-10
Is that who we picked up from the super draft?
After the giant monster debacle we got pushed back to 40th round pick.
WEEEE! WEEEEEHEEE! WOO HOO HOO! HA HA HA HA! BWISHHHHH!
He seems a little wet behind the ears.
Outstanding, Clyde. Really.

 

by LuckyGuess
3-21-10
And now I see the face of god, and I raise this god over the earth, this god whom men have sought since men came into being, this god who will grant them joy and peace and pride.
This god, this one word: 'I.'
'I' would like a number five deluxe with a large coke, hold the giggle sauce.

 

by LuckyGuess
5-02-10
You guys are being too loud again. I'm going to need to see some IDs.
You're going to need to see some of MY DICK.
Look, I know you smuggle alcohol in here for these kids. One of these days we'll get you.
Well until then you're going to have to see MY BIG FAT DICK.
Security, we have a code orange cool upperclassman in 208. Requesting backup.
I hope I get to say dick again.

 

by LuckyGuess
5-16-10
Where are you taking me, odd-smelling manchild?
We're going birthday spelunking, followed by birthday underground camping, then we're listening to some birthday accusatory phone messages from my girlfriend.
Where did you get this idea? I want to go to Applebee's.
Well the other day I smoked one million blunts and watched planet earth for eighteen hours, and that was pretty cool, so looking at nature for realsies has got to be way better.
Did you bring any Applebee's?
No.

 

by LuckyGuess
5-16-10
I spent the last hour pulling a bat out of my hair.
I once read a poem where these three guys go into the woods and giant manta rays wrap around their faces.
Then one of the dudes dies and animals pee in his eye holes.
You know, the Pick N' Pair lunch starts at $5.99.
We're not going to Applebee's.

 

by LuckyGuess
5-16-10
What's three feet deep and smells like vomit?
Billions of cave roaches?
Happy birthday to you

 

by LuckyGuess
5-16-10
It has been eighty minutes. A giant centipede crawled up my pant leg and began screeching hysterically. I would soil myself but I fear the roaches.
Lucky has gone deeper into the caves in search of crystal formations. He did not say why, but I can only assume it is Applebee's related.
Crystals do not go in butts.

Showing page 19.

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