All comics by ArtemisStrong

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by ArtemisStrong
12-02-02
"And in other news: Earlier today two youths set off what apparently were home-made bombs used to terrorize the downtown area."
"Three busloads of orphans were killed in the viscious attack. Police are investigating a possible Al-Queda link."
So.. did it work? Are we... famous?
Oh, we're famous alright...

 

by ArtemisStrong
12-02-02
Well... here we are, paying the ultimate price for overwhelming fame.
Yyyyup.
Well... I guess we have something to learn from all this. maybe... hmmm... maybe, like, there are more important things than notoriety?
What IS victory? After a man has overcome the task facing him and is secure in the knowledge that whatever he has accomplished, the fruits of that goal belong to him! No-one else's opinion matters.
Paraphrasing Ditko, eh? So... uhh... what were his thoughts on prison life, my optimistic cell-chum?
Not much really... Just warned to be wary of cons that refer to themselves as "Daddy Boner".

 

by ArtemisStrong
12-04-02

 

by ArtemisStrong
12-04-02
Auf ihrem Weg zum Horizon Hielt man fuer UFOs aus dem All Darum schickte ein General Eine Fliegerstaffel hinterher Alarm zu geben, wenn es so war!
Jeder war ein grosser Krieger.
Hielten sich fuer Captain Kirk.
....................................99 Luftballoons.

 

by ArtemisStrong
12-07-02
What's your feelings about God? Who is he to you?
God? The Father? I don't understand.
I mean, like, what does the supreme being mean to you? Is there a god, even?
You being blasphemous? Why don't I just come over there and whoop your hethen ass? Don't you be talkin' 'bout The Father like that.
What're you gonna whoop me with? Your emaciated torso?
SHUT UP! ... I'll... Just shut up, ass... You're such a tool...

 

by ArtemisStrong
12-08-02
-Ahem!- Eskimoes smell like pee-pee and eat doo-doo.
It isn't simply that you offend me, it's that you offend my intellect. And if your statement is not serious, then you're simply pretentious, and therefore still an affront to my intelligence.
How 'bout some mouth sex pardner?
Ohhhh... alright.

 

by ArtemisStrong
12-08-02
----ouch----

 

by ArtemisStrong
12-08-02
I BE WANTING TO SUCK SOMETHING NOW!!!
GET YOUR ASS OUT OF HERE, DON"T PEE ON ME!!
YES, I WIILL PEE ON YOU, I HATE YOU DAMN DIRTY POLAKS!!!
HOW'D YOU KNOW I WAS POLISH?? FUCKER...
I ATE YOUR FUCK...
GIN DOBRAY, MUTHA FUCKER. KEWLEEVAHSHMATA!!

 

by ArtemisStrong
12-08-02
Hey can I whisper you a small little secret? I think you'd like it...
Uhh... S-s-sure... okay. What is it?
Your brother will be dead in a week, and he's coming here. Apparently he had a penchant for small woodland creatures' bungholes.
HAHAHA! Is the baby crying? Cry, baby, CRY!!!
Shut up! *sniffle*

 

by ArtemisStrong
12-08-02
Can you PLEASE put some pants on??!??

 

by ArtemisStrong
12-08-02
Bend ovah! I'm ready to insert!
No, YOU bend ovah! I'M ready to insert!
But I want to insert!
Well, so do I!
Why are they rubbing their asses together? And why is it turning me on?

 

by ArtemisStrong
12-08-02
REDNECK TWIN POWERS: ACTIVATE!!!
Shape of: FeetForEars!
Form of: Whoosh!
Where's you goin'? I aint gotten to violate you with my tail yet!!
Can't stop now! Busy 'Whooshing'!
Don't even bother looking my way!
Puh-leeeasee? I'm so horny and confused right now...

 

by ArtemisStrong
12-08-02
The man in the maroon suit finally speaks up.
I called you all here today to announce my retirement from pro-mud wrestling.
But due to immense social anxiety, he cannot get close enough to the ear-straining crowd, and henceforth the microphones.
And I would just like to say it was my great pleasure to entertain America all these years.
So only every few words were audible... Sad.
I--ca-n--give--o--r--al--pleasure--to--all

 

by ArtemisStrong
12-16-02
Do you party?
Like, how?
Like, vaseline and consumption of many liters of hard liquor.
Then, no. Except for the liquor part.
Well, maybe after the liquor, then vaseline?
Hey, whatever you want to do with my unconcious body is all up to you, pardner.

 

by ArtemisStrong
12-18-02
We've been through a lot, buddy.
Sure have, Bob-o-Baby
You're not talking to your ass-probe again, are you Bob?
Ass-probe?

 

by ArtemisStrong
12-18-02
Oof... Gas Pain...
Feels like it's *Grunt* gonna' be *Grunt* juicy...
Frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrbahrarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrspleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekoooooooooooooooooooooowhrouwumpffffffffffffffffffffffftttshhhhllff!

 

by ArtemisStrong
12-18-02
You messed up on this comic, didn't you?
Uhmmm...
You haven't figured out how to use the cloning button, have you?
I have so! Yes! I have! I know how to use it!
You messed up on this comic, didn't you?
Uhmmm...

 

by ArtemisStrong
12-18-02
Wonder Redneck Powers: ACTIVATE!
Shape of - ANGRY TOBOR!
Form of - ASIANGIRL-2!
Well, something sure as heck went wrong here, Jerry-Steve!
Quite at that, Eddie-Frank!
Well, let's transform back and try this again.
W-well, wait a sec', now. At least let me ENJOY this... I mean, that is, uhh... Let me catch my breath... a-heh...

 

by ArtemisStrong
12-18-02
I'm sorry, but I just don't see the usefullness is all.
You lack all vision, you know?

 

by ArtemisStrong
12-18-02
Stick 'em up, scoundrels!
Yah! Do what he say! Now, already!
We fight you!
Why me, Ja? Why?

 

by ArtemisStrong
12-19-02
I hope you know what you're doing.
Come on and follow! I'll lead the way!!
This is quite a ways to go.
Almost there!
Three Grueling Hours Walking In The Hot Sun Later
Where are you taking me, anyway?
PetCo. I need a new nail file.

 

by ArtemisStrong
12-19-02
Whatsamatter, Tob?
HOW I WISH I COULD EXPRESS MY EMOTIONS IN TERMS OUTSIDE OF CORNHOLING!!!
Ohh, come on an' try. Just think your words through carefully.
I A-AM S-S-S-SOO SO- I AM SO- SA-SA- D- D- SA-DAHHHH! ME CORNHOLE NOW!!!
Well... you almost got it all out. Do you feel any better?
YES. ME FEELS A GREAT DEAL RELIEVED, NOW, YES. SO... HOWABOUT THAT CORNHOLE THEN?

 

by ArtemisStrong
12-19-02
Hey, Height2, Whadda ya' call a Pope with his hand up a cow's ass?
I dunno, what do you call a Pope with his hand up a cow's ass, Height1?
Absolutely senile!!!
Boo-wah-Hahaaaa!!!

 

by ArtemisStrong
12-19-02
We were spared!
Kinda' makes you think, doesn't it?

 

by ArtemisStrong
12-19-02
What's under that hood, pablo?
Do you really want to find out. Do you think you're ready for it?
Sure.
Okayyyyy...
-gah-
YAGHHHHH! THE SUNLIGHT IS BURNING MY FLESH! I HAVE BURST INTO FLAMES OF PURE AGONY! AUUUUGHHH!

 

by ArtemisStrong
12-31-02
I hear there's been some grousing about the over-use of Jesus in comic strips.
I'm starving.
Can I please put forth the theory that Jesus is probably the most iconic figure in the world?
I need something to eat, anything.
Therefore, using Jesus in your comic automatically lends a heightened level of irony to its context.
Who do I have to blow around here to get some fah-riggin' manna already?!

 

by ArtemisStrong
12-31-02
Are you ready for the pony, girls? The ride, ride, fast ride pony, girls?
I'm feeling too romantic.
I'm getting kinda' frantic.
I'll be quiet as a mouse.
We are women without any faults.
No one is ready for the sex, girls.

 

by ArtemisStrong
12-31-02
Droppin' some of the hottest verses Warbucks's evah heard.
Cotton blankets.
Empty bellies.
From the dope spot.
Santa we never see.
Santa Claus? What's that, who's he?
Stay real jiggy-jiggy.
This be Kris to the Kringle up on this track givin' a big North Pole shoutout to all my elvies workin' da assembly line dis year.
Shiiiit, St. Nick up in this shit n' shit here, fo' sho'!

 

by ArtemisStrong
12-31-02
I hat my mom.
Tahts the funniets thing ive heard inawhil eyour moms awesome.
Brb!
OMG!
Away Message From Asiangirl1: I am away from my computer right now.
FAG! LOL! :)~~~~

 

by ArtemisStrong
1-01-03
This is NOT Denver, Colorado.
Nooo... more like the middle of the desert.
Don't you ever tire of being wrong?
Wrong's a state of mind, baby.
So, think Denver, be Denver?
More like be stranded in the desert, think of ways to forage for food.

 

by ArtemisStrong
1-01-03
ME WANT TO CORNHOLE!
Sorry, my asspucker has been fused shut.
ARRGGGHHH!!! TOBOR WANT TO CORNHOLE! TOBOR MAKE HIS OWN CORNHOLES!
Silly, robot, don't you know...
ARGH?
Tobor's aren't gonna' generate cornholes by themselves.

 

by ArtemisStrong
1-01-03
Grrrrunt!
H-hey, I'll see ya' later.
Oh, Christ! He left a methane stink-bomb! It smells like raw sewage in here now! My- my eyes are watering...

 

by ArtemisStrong
1-01-03
Okay, pal? Where you want the H?
Right here's good.
Feel it yet?
Ohhh... just a sec'. Ohh yehhhhh...
Now you feelin' it?
Are you feeling me cuppin' your balls? I'm all love now, baby.

 

by ArtemisStrong
1-02-03
I kill for Master. Destruction.
You-a for to be too stupid, you robot-person.
I kill for Master. DESTRUCTION!
I a-don' a-like-a you too much, Mr. Guy-machine.
I KILL FOR MASTER! DESTRUCTION!
No need for a-you to shout, you robot, you. Totally spazzacamino, you are. For to. A-you-a.

 

by ArtemisStrong
1-02-03
I serve Master. Destruction!
Wh-what? What did I do?
Analysis reports show you scare the children in attendance at this birthday party.
O-ohh. Well, I'll leave then.
No. You are ordered to be destroyed. DESTRUCTION COMMENCES!
A-hey! J-just... don't hurt my pom-poms.

 

by ArtemisStrong
1-02-03
Ahem!
Oop, sorry.

 

by ArtemisStrong
1-02-03
Deep In The Heart Of Connecticut.
I can't believe it. They're getting rid of us. Getting rid of the entire state of Connecticut.
It's sad, really. I had so much here I was fond of. My house. My Gamecube. My family.
Word is they're replacing us with a giant parking lot.
Giant parking lot? What's that good for?
The new Super Walmart up north.
Ohh, yes. They used to call that Massachusetts, correct?

 

by ArtemisStrong
1-03-03
I am on the surface of the moon. The rotor turbine lays at my feet. Cornholing is still ten seconds away.
I tried to generate gravitons yesterday to no avail.
It is April, 1979. I am taking a leak behind a bar in New Orleans. A-HA will not release "Take On Me" for another five years and six months.
How does he get out of the comicbook, anyway?
*fssssss*
It is 2003. I am on the surface on the moon. I am ten minutes away from applying soothing lotion to my sphincter.
Hello, Tobor.
RARR!! TOBOR MAD! TOBOR CORNHOLE!!!!

 

by ArtemisStrong
1-05-03
Wait! She's MY twin sister!
No, she's mine!
Then, whose twin am I?
The what with the what now?

 

by ArtemisStrong
1-05-03
Fwooh boy! I did so much drinking last night.
*Fsssss!*
This piss is prolly like all alcohol right now. Wait... alco- Oh, SHIT!
*FssssSSHOOOM!*
YAGHHHHHHhhhhooo-(Oh, wait. I forgot, I'm Satan. In that case)- Ahhhhhh, soothing.

 

by ArtemisStrong
1-08-03
Mallcore Nazi invasion--
-- or big-booby sighting? You be the judge.

 

by ArtemisStrong
1-09-03
RARR!! TOBOR THINKS 'FUCK' IS A RUMPSMUGGLER!! TOBOR CORNHOLE!!!
No, please, no! There's still so many gravitons I haven't generated yet!
I AM TEH WIN IS YOU!!111!!
And so, students, that concludes my lecture, "How Not To Win At CC 164".

 

by ArtemisStrong
1-17-03
Wh-what??? Where am I?
The Realm of the Unanswerable Question. The unanswer to your question is: If Ralph Nader HADN'T run in 2002, Victor Borga would be president now.
I seeee... So, how do I get out of here?

 

by ArtemisStrong
1-18-03
I find it far too cold out here.
Because of the wind and snow. And such.
Pussy.

 

by ArtemisStrong
1-18-03
So anyway, Blah-Blah-Blah-Blah-Blahbitty-Blah...
~~~~~~Day-dream Sequence~~~~~~~
Hey there, sugar.
You wanna' handjobby?
... Blahbitty-Blahbitty-Blahbitty-Blahhhh. And so I says Blah-Blah-B-B-Blah-Bla-Bl-Blahh-BLAH.

 

by ArtemisStrong
1-18-03
O-ah-K. This-a should be a lot-a of fun! Who's a-gonna' start?
Mrrph... Mrrbble...
Ok, that sounds good. You-a go hide then, and I'll a-start counting.
MMRP!
And a-One... And a-Two... And a-Three... And a-Four... And a-Five...
Ok... kneeling down like this should be good. I don't think he'll see me. And my tormentors in grade school said I sucked at this.

 

by ArtemisStrong
1-21-03
You-a know I can see you there, right?
M-mrbull? Grmm!
S'okay. We can a-just start over again. And Ah-One... And Ah-Two... And Ah-Four... Nooo... And Ah... Ahhhh... Ah-Three... And Ah-Four...
Where to hide this time? Think, think, think...
And Ah-Five... And Ah-Sess... And Ah-Seveen...
Yes, this is much better... He'll never see me when I'm THIS close to the ground.

 

by ArtemisStrong
1-21-03
And Ah... Ahhh... Ten!
Hee-hee-heeeee!
Uhm, no man. I can-a still see you. We'll try this again.
Christ!
Ah-One... And Ah-Two... And Ah-Three...
Maybe I can squeeze under this box? Yah! This will be great!

 

by ArtemisStrong
1-21-03
And Ah-Eight... And Ah-Nine...
Okay, quickly in the box I go!
... Ten! Oh, puttaneggiare! I can see you're feet sticking out of there! Plus, there was no box here before... pretty easy to a-spot, no?
MRRFGH!
Okay. We'll a-try this ONCE more. Ah-One... Ah-Two... Ah-Three...
This worked in Metal Gear...

 

by ArtemisStrong
1-21-03
And Ah-Seveen... And Ah-Eight...
Hurmmm... Think, think. Where will I hide that he can't find me?
And Ah-Nine... And, uhm... ahh...
What's that Satan? Yes... yes... Ohh, hoo-ah! Good idea! Thanks, Lucifer!
Ah-Twelve... No... wait... What comes next again?
Iiinside... iinside his body... he'll never find me there... iiiiinsiiiide...

Showing page 2.

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