All comics by BanzaiCarter

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by BanzaiCarter
11-04-03
I'm Ronald Reagan, president of the United States!
MEANWHILE AT CARTER HQ
I'm sorry, but because so many people have whined about this production, we have to shut it down because this nation now has restricted free speech run by conservative fascists
what the hell just happened?

 

by BanzaiCarter
11-04-03
*Watching Big O season finale*
"I hate them both, the white guy and the black guy, but...."
LATER
*CREDITS*
...What the fuck just happened?
[adult swim]

 

by BanzaiCarter
11-04-03
*changes channel*
CBS CUT OFF THEIR BAALLS AND WON'T SHOW THE REAGANS, MORE AT 11
*changes channel*
GUESS WHAT'S NOT BEING SHOWN ON CBS! THAT'S RIGHT, THE REAGANS!
Why the fuck do I have a TV anymore?
"I'M DUCK DODGERS!" "WE'RE SPACE!"

 

by BanzaiCarter
11-13-03
Midnight at Carter's house
Fuck, I have school tomorrow and I'm tired as hell, but I have to watch Big O, which is a brilliant anime series and a favorite of mine.
[adult swim]
OLOLO I'M INUYASHA THE DOG DEMON AND I'M GOING TO PUSH BACK THE SUPERIOR SHOW BIG O SO PEOPLE CNA WATCH MY OVERATED HOMOEROTIC ADVENTURES IN FEUDAL JAPAN WITH THE DITZ GIRL AND WE HAVE TEENAGE ISSUES
Big O: :(
Godammit, Williams Street, you're brilliant but you seem to have a knack at pissing me off at bad times. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!
Buy our crappy merchandise at hot Topic! [adult swim]

 

by BanzaiCarter
11-15-03
OK, SO A KKK MEMBER WALKS INTO A KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN
long live the confederacy! hail the grand wizard
AND THE PLACE WAS FILLED WITH BLACK PEOPLE(LIKE ALWAYS OLO)
DAT IS WACK WHAT DA FUCK YO
IMMA POP A CAP IN HIS ASS HOLLA GHETTO
THEY THEY KILLED HIM
DIE WHITIE IMMA GO SMOKE POT NOW HOLLA
damn negroes!

 

by BanzaiCarter
11-16-03
IN CHAD McCANNA'S LIFELESS VOID OF DONKEY KONG FETISH
ach! Carter and Nevin has unveiled the secret of mein fuhrer and the prostitute golem! *shits his pants*
I AM DONKEY KONG AKA THE PROSTITUTE ORGAN GOLEM. LET'S GROW EXTRA FINGERS AND FINGER OUR RECTUMS
Fear now, mein love! we shall take care of this by killing them and all of the jews in italy!
PREVIOUSLY IN THE SEUSSIVERSE
*BURSTS THROUGH WALL* CAPTAIN LOU CAPTAIN LOU ALBANNNNNNO
Roysten: Oh no! Captain Lou!

 

by BanzaiCarter
11-16-03
I'm david spade! I think I'm funny! I try to be sarcastic and fail miserably, and I kissed Chris Farley's ass!
Stripcreator? More like POOPcreator!
LATER THAT NIGHT
*cries* nobody loves me

 

by BanzaiCarter
11-16-03

 

by BanzaiCarter
11-18-03
OMG YOU'RE ALL ANGSTY TEENS WHO ARE RETARDED AND SHITY AND YOU CANT WRITE NOW I'M GOING TO WRITE 10 PARAGRAPHS ABOUT WHY ITS NINTENDO'S FAULT I DON'T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND
I HATE JESUS, JEWS, HOMSEXUALS, AMERICANS, BRITISH, EUROPEANS, EVERYTHING BECAUSE I'M SO FUNNY AND AN ANGSTY ASSHOEL IOLOLOLOLOL
GODDAMMIT
DIE, HITLER

 

by BanzaiCarter
11-21-03
Then they realized they were perfect for each other and got married and had homosexual intercourse.

 

by BanzaiCarter
11-21-03
I'M A GAYASS WALMART EMPLOYEE AND NOBODY LIKES ME
I'M GOING TO BAN YOU AND TAKE AWAY ALL OF YOUR POWERS BECAUSE YOU PLAYED A JOKE AND I HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOR! PWNED
Then they realized they were perfect for each other and got married and had homosexual intercourse.

 

by BanzaiCarter
11-21-03
Fuck cancer.

 

by BanzaiCarter
11-21-03
I am er-uh, JFK back from the grave! and I know who assassinated me!
i had sex with Marliyn Monroe, Fuck the CIA, fuck Vietnam. Anyway, the one who assassinated me was none other than...
Fuck JFK.

 

by BanzaiCarter
11-21-03
HELLO I AM DR. ATKINS, ANOTHER PRETENTIOUS FUCK WITH A PhD WHO TELLS YOU HOW YOU SHOULD LIVE, THINK, AND EAT
OKAY YOU FAT FUCK AMERICANS, YOU HAVE TO EAT HIGH PROTEIN AND LOW CARB FOODS EVEN THOUGH TOO MUCH PROTEIN IS INCREDIBLY UNHEALTHY AND WE NEED FUCKING CARBOHYDRATES TO FUNCTION
FUCK ATKINS. SHUT THE HELL UP.

 

by BanzaiCarter
11-25-03
olo poop fart butt marshmellow big butt lol poop
I'm a badwy dwawn chawactew and I speak with a lisp! sewiously! marshmellows
durdurdurdurdurdurdurdururu blub blub blub blub blu drglk5t4rgb h5etvtgbcergt rthv6thb
I am a mexican with boxing gloves! I answer emails with dull, unfunny responses, yet everyone says my site is brilliant! Buy some shitty shirts with badly drawn characters that embarrass you in public
HECTOR RIVIERA IS DEAD! LONG LIVE GEORGE MARTINEZ

 

by BanzaiCarter
11-29-03
Chad: LOOK AT ME WRITE A SHITTY ARTICLE ABOUT HOW I HAD THE FLU OMG WTF BEN PASS THE VIBRATOR
Hyle: I just wrote a hilarious parody of Star Wars but it will be overlooked fort he sake of some unfunny shit about other staffers writing fake letters to the Olsen Twins for christssake
Aussie Ben: I'M AUSTRALIAN, MATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE ALL ARE, GUVNA
HappyBob: Well, chap, what is a good way to cover up our obvious lack of talent and wit? Oh, I know....
RANDOM CLICHED WACKINESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Look! It's a search ENGINE LIKE GOOGLE EXCEPT SPELLED "POOGLE" OMG LOLOLOL HOW OFFENSIVE AND WACKY
LOOK!!!!!!!! I'M A SOCK PUPPET AND I'M GOING TO SAY ARSE! ARSE! L9OLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOLLLLOOOOOLLLLO SPOON CORNBREADS WTF

 

by BanzaiCarter
11-29-03
it's just something I noticed.

 

by BanzaiCarter
11-29-03
SCREW BRAD
SCREW BRAD
GO GOLDEN GOPHERS

 

by BanzaiCarter
11-29-03
*searches for "Big O"*
JOE'S BIG ADVENTURE!!!!! by: GAY PORN
BIG CUNTS: BRAZILLIAN GIRL WITH BIGASS CUNT
Damn you, God.
big tymers hip hop kill whiteys mutha fucker

 

by BanzaiCarter
11-29-03
Yes! I found it.
BIG O EPISODE 18
SEARCHING, CONNECTING.....................
...god damn it.
MORE SOURCES NEEDED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA, SHITHEAD

 

by BanzaiCarter
11-29-03
At Cartoon Network HQ
LET'S SHOW THE IRON GIANT OVER AND OVER FOR 24 FUCKING HOURS, HOW DOES THAT SOUND
YES YES YES VERY GOOD. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!
I'm Bruce WIllis and I'm a beatnik!
I SOOPERMAN
I COMMITTED SUICIDE
COMING UP NEXT, 23 MORE STRAIGHT HOURS OF THE IRON GIANT.

 

by BanzaiCarter
11-29-03
HOW NOW, FUCKERS?!
GET ON YOUR KNEES AND SUCK IT, McCANNA
HOW NOW, FUCKERS?!
GET ON YOUR KNEES AND SUCK IT, McCANNA
Too bad i won't post in that piece of shit message board again.
I just needed somethign to celebrate.

 

by BanzaiCarter
11-30-03

 

by BanzaiCarter
11-30-03

 

by BanzaiCarter
11-30-03
I'M ADAM SANDLER AND I'M NOT FUNNY ANYMORE. fart poop doody ass shit lol anus lol
I'm Rondey Dangerfield, a talented comedian! What the hell am I doing here? This crap is bringing me down! No respect! No respect at all!
I'M HITLER AND I'M GETTING A PINEAPPLE SHOVED UP MY ASS FOR NO REASON, ISN'T THAT THE FUNNIEST THING EVR?!@?!!?!?!
Hello, I am a representitive of an important government agency, I have decided that this movie is too shit and must be destroyed. Good day.
NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST ALL BECAUSE OF ADAM SANDLER!

 

by BanzaiCarter
12-01-03
Yeah, I bet you saw this one coming.

 

by BanzaiCarter
12-02-03
Hello, this is Carter, and this is when we(and by we I mean myself) take a look at your feedback. Here's a stripcreator.com PM I just received in response to my award winning comic about Little Nicky:
"Little Nicky was a MASTERPIECE. but yeh i hate bizarro too klthx" signed, StonedGoat.
Well, Mr. StonedGoat, I understand your opinion perfectly. I'm sure that Adam Sandler's unique brand of humor appeals to the majority of people with brain tumors. Well, that's it for now. Ta ta!

 

by BanzaiCarter
12-03-03
Hello, and welcome to another Response to the Readers colum, where I answer actual PMs I have received from you, the viewers.
What, MOM?!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!?
Dear Mr. "Banzai Carter", I like big butts, and I cannot lie. You other brothers' can't deny. When a girl walks in with an itty-bitty waste and a big, round thang you get sprung. Sincerely, Your Mom

 

by BanzaiCarter
12-05-03
This comic is a rebuttal to about 70% of my online friends, it seems.
So, you're angry at a website that hosts your artwork for all the world to see for free?
Wah wah I hate deviantart! The admins are bastards! I want to kill them!
Those are pretty stupidass reasons. I mean this damn website is HOSTING YOUR ARTWORK FOR FREE. FOR FREE. DO YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH GODDAMN MONEY A WEBSITE LIKE THAT MUST COST?
The admin doesn't like anime and anthropromorphic art! Therefore he's Hitler and an evil nazi that must die! he also wants money
Well, at least she shut up...... FOR NOW.
Ooooooooooo!!!!! Inuyasha's on! ^_^

 

by BanzaiCarter
12-05-03
AT THE LAIR OF THE LOWRATING MONSTER LOSER ASSHOLE
zero star rating lol
[stripcreator.com]
Here's a rating for you! It's called a knife! OF DEATH!
And so peace was restored
Now I'm going to sodomize your corpse like a professional serial killer!

 

by BanzaiCarter
12-06-03
o/' Making your way in the world today takes everything you got, taking a break from all your worries sure would help a lot. Wouldn't you like to get away? o/'
I'm Sparky Z, the greatest administrator of all time next to the almighty sexy Chad! I did everything on the site!
I'M ZINGGY LOL I'M THE PRINCE OF DARKNESS CHAD IS SO KEWL HE SAID "OLSEN TWINS" AND THEN BANNED A GUY ROFL
o/' Sometimes you wanna go WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS YOUR NAME! AND THEY'RE ALWAYS GLAD YOU CAME! o/'
I'm FalcovsLeon! I have a brain tumor! Kirby is in my closet and he's my only friend
Monkey MIschief: I hate everything! Jesus was an overrated piece of crap with bad music by Nintendo the nazis who make games for babies. The old DKVine is the epitome of humor. I've never seen a girl.
o/' YOU WANNA BE WHERE YOU CAN SEE TROUBLES ARE ALL THE SAME, YOU WANNA BE WHERE EVERYONE KNOWS YOUR NAME... o/'
Chad: LOL I BANNED EVERYBODY WHOSE NAME STARTS WITH THE LETTER "C" EXCEPT ME BECAUSE I'M SO COOL EXCEPT I CAN'T GET A GIRLFRIEND. HAY HAPPYBOB AND AUSSIEBEN LETS HAVE BUTT SEX
Saf: Screw you guys, I'm going home.

 

by BanzaiCarter
12-11-03
At the execution of some convict
Well, this is the end of you. You've committed many heinous crimes and are unfit to be a part of our society.
Now, the time of your death has come, and you will kiss life goodbye...
*game show music*
...Unless you answer this trivia question!
:O

 

by BanzaiCarter
12-11-03
This death row convict enjoys a roller coaster ride
It's about to start! Here I go! WHOOOOOOO!!!
WHEEEEE! This is so great!
The ride ends with a crash into a brick wall with protruding spikes

 

by BanzaiCarter
12-13-03
IN HIS PARENTS' BASEMENT
*GASP!* Carter does not like Dance Dance and he disagrees with my behavior in an online game! This means he's an evil satanic loser who's worse than Pol Pot! I'm going to notify my local senator.
..But first I am going to partake in this worthless online chat battling game!
Honey! Come take out the trash please!
ARGH! I hate my parents! I hate how they force their stric fascism on me! I want to spend all of my college fund dancing to shitty asian techno, but no! They won't let me! They're the spawns of Cthulu

 

by BanzaiCarter
12-18-03
At President Bush's latest public appearance..
My fellow americans; I cannot believe there are two scoops in every box....
Boooo! No more war! Stop wasting our tax dollars!
Alright, pinko, you have the right to say what you want, but we have a special little area for you to say it. I swear this isn't oppression.
Alright.
IN THE CONCENTRATION free speech CAMP
You should've though abouit that before you had an opinion different than the government's.
I'm hungry... :(

 

by BanzaiCarter
5-15-04
i misplacerd my voicebox so i cant talk through my cancer infected throat. fuck.
YOU WANT THE TRUTH YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH
Sillllllver and gold.... silllllver and gold.... everyone wishes for silver and gold...
PEANUT BUTTER CRUNCH
JUKEBOX HERO! STARS IN HIS EYES!
Women are much smarter than men.
shut the fuck up dr. phil

 

by BanzaiCarter
5-15-04
NEXT WEEK ON THER SIMPSONS, SMITHERS GOES ON A DATE WITH GUEST STAR CLAY AIKEN
I love you, american idol star and pop star Clay Aiken, but I'm more turned on by wrinkled, shrivelled up penises like my boss, Mr. Burns. Let's have a threesome!
I'M IN POSITION TO RECEIVE YOU! I CAN'T SING WORTH A SHIT!
HOMER SIMPSON CHALLENGES GUEST STAR RUBEN STUDDERS TO A PIE EATING CONTEST
It's Maerican Idol star and pop cultural icon, Ruben Studders! I challenge you to a pie consumption duel!
HEEEY HEEEEY HEEEEEY I KIDNAP AND EAT HOBOS HOLY SHIT I'M FAT
AND OUR BARELY MOTIVATED WRITERS ARE RAPED AND BEATEN TO MAKE NEW EPISODES
More celebrities! *WHIP!* More inane references to pop culture! *WHIP!*
Stop, stop! I'm already dead! :(

 

by BanzaiCarter
5-17-04
CARTER IS ATTEMPTING TO MAKE IMPROV BY RANDOMLY SLECTING TWO CHARACTERS. LETS WATCH
25 DOILLARS FOR FUCK YOU TAKE OR LEAVE
I am Davidicus, general of the angel platoon. I am here to warn you from the terrible secret of space
im ozzy osbourne my brain doesnt work u bloody fuk i cant remmber my life between 1975 and 2004. what SHARON, WHAT DID I HAVE FOR BREAKFAST LOVE?
I AM THE KING OF PARIS! I DEMAND A CHEESEBURGER!
I'm masturbating.
THIS IS THE SAHARA DESERT, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING

 

by BanzaiCarter
5-22-04
I'm out of ideas.
Those damned conservative jackals are at it again. I bet they're under the leadership of Space Stalin and Mel Gibson. They should all be defecated on.
That will make a good stripcreator comic. Haha! I think I'll make one like that. And the grim reaper will commit fellatio while blowing up Michael Savage with an exploding thing.
I can't think of a punchline. Why did I write this?
Now I'm going to flood my livejournal with inane AIM conversations. I'm suddenly depressed with my life. Long live the Dischordian church! Amen.

 

by BanzaiCarter
5-27-04
HEY JEWS COME WITH ME TO CAMP
OK HITLER
HEY WORKING CLASS WORK ON MY 4 YEAR FARMS TO BENEFIT THE NATION YOU HAVE RISK OF KILLING YOURSELF WITH DILAPIDATED TOOLS
GOD DAMN YOU, STALIN, YOU GOT US AGAIN
HEY ONE PIECE FANS WE HERE AT KAIZOKU FANSUBS REFUSE TO RELEASE NEW EPISODES ON TIME BECAUSE WE'RE LAZY FUCKS OK HAVE GOOD DAY
GODDAMMIT!

 

by BanzaiCarter
5-30-04
Hey Pope John Paul! Would you like to enter our contest? You could win a FREE copy of the Necronomicon!
...
Hey, Rabbi! Would you like to enter our contest? You could win a FREE copy of Mein Kampf by Adolf Hitler!
Um... no thanks.
Hey! Would you like to enter our contest? You could win a FREE Sean Hannity book on tape!

 

by BanzaiCarter
6-15-04
heheh... would you like some technical help and website space? I could make it real worthwhile...
Hi! I am 12 years old!
Well, to repay me you'll have to....touch me....and do things with my weenee...
um...sure I guess... what do I have to do to repay you?
sigh... back to fantisizing that I'm a robo yoshi techn supporting genius...
Dude you're fucking sick. Get the hell away from me and quit bugging and stalking me!

 

by BanzaiCarter
7-24-04
ROFL

 

by BanzaiCarter
7-29-04
HI I'M HUCK FINN AND I DON'T MUCH LIKE NIGGERS. I', GOING TO GO SET AN ORPHANAGE ON FIRE AND THEN RUN AWAY
Hey I'm Jim the nigger I'm just big, dumb, and black. I'm going on the raft with the little whitey kid.
WOW NIGGER JIM WE SURE HAVE LEARND A LOT ON OUR ADVENTURE. INSTEAD OF BEING A DIPSHIT I THINK I'LL BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING
Let's eat some corn to celebrate.
I'M TOMSAWYER, COMING BACK AT THE END OF THE STORY FOR NO REASON. HEY HUCK, WANT TO FORGO EVERYTHING YOU'VE LEARNED AND BE A DELINQUENT AGAIN?
SURE TOM LET'S GO SET NIGGERS ON FIRE AND THROW STICKS AT THEM

 

by BanzaiCarter
8-01-04
CHILD DETECTIVE CONAN EDOGAWA SOLVES THE CASE OMGWTF
You might have gotten away with it, but you made one fatal mistake! You left the lights on! Not to mention the toaster and soforth!
You see, after killing Ronald, we cleaned up the blood with a mop, then burning the mop in a great fire. This act enabed Cthulhu to be awakened, and he was bribed by you to brainwash everyone...
...and kill the mayor! Then, you turned on the lights on and off so that you could give John a siezure and kill him! Then you used the toaster to beat Wendy to death... while making toast also.
Then you shot JFK from the grassy knoll AND the Texas Book Depository, setting the stage to kill Ray Charles and frame OJ Simpson at the same time, you used the inherent magic properties of a condom..
Carter: ...what the fuck?

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