All comics by Chuckaduck

Profile

 

by Chuckaduck
2-19-05
Farmer Chuck hatches his new scheme...
Farmer Chuck: So Dippimus Prime doesn't think we can touch him. He thinks a little self-help about his fab life is enough to get rid of us.
Farmer Chuck: He wishes nothing more than for all of us to just forget about our freedom and sit rotting in the back of his conscious.
Unit Lee: I will obliterate the Autobot scum! .....may I have some money?
Farmer Chuck: Maybe after Balless & Chained is gone.

 

by Chuckaduck
2-19-05
Unit Lee: Death to the Autobot!
Farmer Chuck: Yeah. Right on. Good invention. Go to work.
Unit Lee: Will I encounter strippers along the way?
Farmer Chuck: Huh? I dunno. I guess anything's possible.
Unit Lee: Onward! Death to the Autobot!
Where'd the sportscar come from?

 

by Chuckaduck
2-20-05
Back with our hero...
Married Autobot Chuck: Look Mr. Chuckaluffa, I just want to get back to my wife & child.
Chuckaluffa: Hey, I hear ya! I'm not ignoring that. That would be insensative. I'd hate for this situation to escalate into something ugly and dangerous.
I think I'm actually fearing for my life!
Chuckaluffa: The problem is this my robot pal. Chuckdom is a society. And, my friend, right now the leader of that society isn't taking care of the needs of his people. Isn't that right Vinni?
Vinni Alfredo: Yeah. That's right boss.
Bad. Very bad.

 

by Chuckaduck
2-20-05
I can only Matrix blast one! If I try it on one, the other will rip into me!
Chuckaluffa: And while we're on the subject of misdoings by the management, what's this I hear about you attacking multiple personalities? Vinni?
Vinni Alfredo: Word has it our fearless leader here used his Autobot whatchamacallit to take out a couple of Chucks, not to mention the surrounding locals therein. Not a nice thing to do.
*Gulp.*
Danger! Danger Will Robinson! Danger!
Chuckaluffa: You seem agitated my friend.

 

by Chuckaduck
2-20-05
Married Autobo Chuck: Mr. Chuckaluffa, forgive me but I must leave at once.
Chuckaluffa: I don't think you've been paying attention. Perhaps we're being too subtle in this matter. You're going to need to come with us my friend.
Married Autobot Chuck: Sorry, no! MATRIX GETTHEFUCKOUT!!!
??!
Chuckaluffa: I gotta admit I didn't see that coming.

 

by Chuckaduck
2-20-05
NOW where the hell am I? I just want to get home!
I never should have taken the time to start reflecting on my past!
Unit Lee: Excuse me? Would you, STRIPPERS!, by chance be an Autobot?

 

by Chuckaduck
2-20-05
Married Autobot Chuck: Me, an Autobot? Nah. You might seek to look elsewhere.
Unit Lee: Curses! I'll never find that, THE CARTOON WAS GREAT!, blasted robot at this rate!
Married Autobot Chuck: Um, what the hell was that?
Unit Lee: To, MAD BRICK! MAD BRICK!, what are you referring?
Married Autobot Chuck: You know what? Nevermind. I really, really don't want to know.
I need a cigarette.

 

by Chuckaduck
2-20-05
Married Autobot Chuck: So, may I ask as to WHY you're looking for this Autobot fellow?
Unit Lee: I've been sent by, LOOK AT MY ABS!, LOOK AT MY ABS!, a small hairy man to dispose of the Autoscum.
Asshole!
Unit Lee: Once he is obliterated, I LOVE A LITTLE HEAD!, I plan to collect my just reward.
Unit Lee: I should probably depart, ROBOT TITS KICK ASS!, I must seek the Autobot menace!
Plot Progressing Cop: Excuse me sir? Is that your illegaly parked sportscar over there?

 

by Chuckaduck
2-20-05
Post-traffic ticket...
Married Autobot Chuck: So tell me tin can, do you really think you could take this Autobot fellow?
Unit Lee: Of course! I'm the superior, DON'T SIGN THAT CHECK!, machine! No Autobot pussy could defeat me! I'd rip his hide apart, MARSHMELLOW ROBOTS! IT'S A GREAT IDEA!, with my bare pincers!
Careful now Pat, er, Unit Lee...
*Grrr*
Unit Lee: Autobots are the biggest pussies the universe has ever, ONE MORE LAP DANCE!, known! They should be lucky to wipe my waste disposel unit!
Married Autobot Chuck: Fuck that bullshit! MATRIX BOOM!!!
Unit Lee: Holy metal dildos Batman!

 

by Chuckaduck
2-20-05
Employee McNut: Your order mammal.
Burrito Chuck: Thanks.
Employee McNut: Ist is pleasing to your taste buds mammal?
Burrito Chuck: Shit yeah! What the hell is in this?
Employee McNut: Pickles, elephant fecal matter, asswipe from a freshly analized hooker, glazed ham, and my own spunk.
Burrito Chuck: It's awesome!

 

by Chuckaduck
2-20-05
Depressed Stick Chuck: Hmm. If I were a happy-go-lucky asshole, where would I be?
Untainted Hooker: Twig Dick for me? Me good for luvins.
Depressed Stick Chuck: I think not. I doubt I could get it up lady. I have erectile difficulties.
Untainted Hooker: Watch me make butt jiggle in thong!
Depressed Stick Chuck: Erectile difficulties! Do you not understand erectile difficulties?! Got pipe, but its not lead! The balloon has no air! I'm a cooked noodle limp gimp bitch!

 

by Chuckaduck
2-20-05
Teehee.
Untainted Hooker: Loose doodle in Chuckdom?
Depressed Stick Chuck: No, not Chuckdom. Just me you nosy whore. I'm the one that got the shit end of everything!
Untainted Hooker: Me have trophy for pasta slurp contest.
Depressed Stick Chuck: What are you not... ...wait, say that again?
Once more, I'm not staying to watch this.
Untainted Hooker: Luvluv time?
Depressed Stick Chuck: Lady, I'm depressed, not a moron. Show me whatcha workin' wit.

 

by Chuckaduck
2-20-05
Farmer Chuck: Soon, all will be as it should be. Dope, dames and don't stop the parties bitch. All will be right with the world.
Knock Knock
Farmer Chuck: Whoa, what the fuck is this shit. Don't even tell me you fucked up.
Unit Lee: *Kzzrrr*..Auto....SPENDIN' YO CASH BITCHES!... ..*zromp*... ...blast...
Glad that's over. TO BE CONTINUED...
Farmer Chuck: Shit. I need a bong rip.
Unit Lee: ...defeated... *vrrr* .. ...may I have money for the titty bar?

 

by Chuckaduck
2-20-05
Our hero wanders into a laboratory looking for assistance...
Married Autobot Chuck: Excuse me sir, would you know the nearest mass transit out of Chuckdom?
Nancy: ...this is the biggest turd ever.
Married Autobot Chuck: I...can't...win.

 

by Chuckaduck
2-20-05
Married Autobot Chuck: Are you peeing yourself?!
Nancy: And shitting. Peeing AND shitting.
Married Autobot Chuck: Is there not a single decent person in this fucking place?!
Nancy: Oh my. It's squishy.

 

by Chuckaduck
2-22-05
Married Autobot Chuck: Hello there reader. I just wanted to take a moment, now that I'm not surrounded by indecency.
Married Autobot Chuck: In truth the land of Chuckdom that makes up the actual 'Chuck' is well-rounded. Each... ...persona is... ......uh..
Married Autobot Chuck: What?!
Slighty Drunken Chucky: Nothin' mate! Just stopped by to listen.

 

by Chuckaduck
2-22-05
Married Autobot Chuck: Can I please just go one panel without some numbnut like you jacking with me?!
Slightly Drunken Chucky: Fucked your wife.
Married Autobot Chuck: Excuse me you piece of shite?
Slightly Drunken Chucky: Yeah, while you were all 'discovering yourself' and shit, I headed up to the front office and porked the shit out of her. Cool huh?
Slightly Drunken Chucky: Dude, quit looking at me like that. I'm just fucking with ya.

 

by Chuckaduck
2-22-05
Married Autobot Chuck: It's a wonder I've made it where I am with my mental workings filled with nothing but the likes of you.
Slightly Drunken Chucky: Whoa, easy with the sincere jabs. JUST cuz back in the day I had us sprawled on the basement floor with Ms. Lin shitting on our chest...
Oh man, I wish I hadn't heard that.
Married Autobot Chuck: What! You're insane! How... But... That..
Slightly Drunken Chucky: GOTCHA!
Married Autobot Chuck: That was horribly wrong.
Slightly Drunken Chucky: Funny though.

 

by Chuckaduck
2-22-05
You know, I once got a bj behind my junior high during school hours from a girl I barely knew.
Married Autobot Chuck: Wait a sec. I don't know you. I was always hammered when drinking.
Slightly Drunken Chucky: I'M the guy that showed up those ten minutes between you and THAT guy.
Got busted when the elementary school behind us called the prinicipal.
Slightly Drunken Chucky: Cause as we all know, where a slightly drunken Chuck is, a floored one is sure to follow.
Shitfaced Chuckdawg: HEP! POOWKT! KUVRRT N BEEFARONI!
True story. Funny as hell to go through.
Married Autobot Chuck: Oh for fucksake!
Slightly Drunken Chucky: What?! Was it that bad of a joke?!

 

by Chuckaduck
2-22-05
Just...
Winona Ryder: Oh my god! The tails gone! We're going to die! All die!
...for...
Married Autobot Chuck: Yeah and it's all your fault! You stole so now this seemingly inconsequential plane is diving into the ground simply because you're in it!
Winona Ryder: What?! PLEASE save me!
...spite.
Married Autobot Chuck: No! MATRIXGETTHEFUCKOUT!!!
I just farted.

 

by Chuckaduck
2-23-05
Now, about that girl that got busted giving me head behind our junior high...
Employee McNut: Yes mammal? Is there a problem?
Burrito Chuck: Siz drin tase funni...
When the prinicipal stepped around the corner she didn't even notice.
Employee McNut: I am sorry to hear of any inconvenience. I was unaware you were not fond of our antifreeze cola.
Burrito Chuck: U luk funni...
I started laughing... ...she tried harder.
Employee McNut: Jeffrey, prepare the oven. The 'customer' is almost ready for basting.
Burrito Chuck: My balz ich...

 

by Chuckaduck
2-23-05
Let me introduce you to Nate King.
MattMan: What Nesticle?
The Pubotic Nesticle: Um,num, wassup?
Nate is a sad individual that makes insulting someone for the sake of humor quiet easy and enjoyable.
MattMan: Nothing Nate, what the fuck do you want?
The Pubotic Nesticle: Num,um, that's cool.
He will never get laid. I written a song about it, set to the tune of Nelly Furtado's "I'm like a bird". That is, the song I had to hear for two days strait while working at a store setup once...
MattMan: I hate you Nesticle. You're a worthless wart on society's collective ass.
The Pubotic Nesticle: Hehe, XBox rules.

 

by Chuckaduck
2-23-05
"Nate's like a nerd, he'll never get laid.."
MattMan: Go away Nestes, this is a real game. Not one of those lesbian adventure games you love.
The Pubotic Nesticle: Num,um, I like to play electronic pool.
"..he don't know where his ho is, he don't where the hole is.."
MattMan: That's because you're gay Nesticle. Were someone to give you a real pool stick, you'd likely jam it up your ass.
The Pubotic Nesticle: Hehe, that's tight.
He wants to fuck chickens, we think, so as there was no twig character (not already used) that would accurately portray him; Here, he is a chicken.
MattMan: I hate you Nate.
The Pubotic Nesticle: Hehe, in this really cool game I got for the XBox I'm a wizard with a sword.

 

by Chuckaduck
2-23-05
Nate is somewhat, though not entirely, deaf.
MattMan: Nate, do you see this game?
The Pubotic Nesticle: Num,um, yes. Hehe.
At first you'd feel inclined to feel sorry for him.
MattMan: This is a REAL game Nate. Look at the blood pattern & spray effect as I remove this asshole head with my Gewehr 43 rifle. Love the attention to detail.
The Pubotic Nesticle: Um,num, can I borrow a movie? Hehe.
However as you learn about him, you come to understand he's a little selfish shit.
MattMan: No Nesticle. I have no porn involving big black cocks with pearly white cum. Ergo, I have nothing you really want to see. Y'bastard.
The Pubotic Nesticle: Num,um, that's cool. Hehe.

 

by Chuckaduck
2-23-05
We first began to suspect the self-serving fool had a thing for chickens while passing an Armored Core game around.
MattMan: Nate, what are you doing with your life?
The Pubotic Nesticle: Hehe, my friend has the hookup. Hehe.
Went to load the game from a memory card, and there was Nate's save file.
MattMan: That's not an answer to my question Nate! And you have no friends! Don't lie to me!
The Pubotic Nesticle: That's cool. Hehe.
...he named his 'Chickensex'.
MattMan: No Nestes, it's not cool. It's fucking sad.
The Pubotic Nesticle: Um,num, in this really cool game I got for XBox my wizard with a sword has like two girlfriends. Hehe.

 

by Chuckaduck
2-23-05
Nate knows the price of being a little shite. He's endured much at the hands of his stepbrothers and their friends.
MattMan: Hey Nestes, remember that time you had that huge pump action water rifle and you walked around for a couple of hours just pumping it?
The Pubotic Nesticle: Num,um, yes. Hehe.
For instance; Do you know how it feels to have a full grown cat tossed at your bare back from the bottom of the stairs as you sleep, shirtless, at around three in the morning on the living room sofa?
MattMan: And then Justin Wright-Across-The-Street asked if he could hold it for a sec and pulled the trigger, zappin' you good with the stream?
The Pubotic Nesticle: Um,num, yes. Hehe.
Nate does.
MattMan: Then you wacked him pathetically in anger and stormed off. Man, did we laugh at you.
The Pubotic Nesticle: Hehe, yeah, I hit him hard. Hehe.

 

by Chuckaduck
2-23-05
But enough about Nathanial "My room smells like feet, spunk and cheese" King. Back to the girl that got busted giving me head behind my jr. high back in the day.
According to Latina Porn Digest, my horoscope is noteworthy today.
Picture this; You're the principal of a Jr. High and receive a call concerning 'inappropriate activity' behind your school. Rounding the corner you find a young, long-haired gentleman...
'Scorpio: You're a super sexy bitch today. A person of the cloth will attempt to insert some love into your life today. Good thing they have a cloth as there will be a need for cleanup.'
..leaning against the wall, smoking a cigarette. His member is out of his pants and in a young lady's mouth and man is she trying to work it...
What the hell could that mean?
Typical Catholic Priest: Excuse me young man. Would you like to get down on your knees and cum unto me?

 

by Chuckaduck
2-23-05
...the young man, amused by the situation, begins to laugh. The young lady takes it as a sign she must do better (poor girl) and tries harder.
Chester: Go away.
Typical Catholic Priest: I have an alterboy outfit just your size.
Now the priceless moment; She looks up at the young man, sees where he is looking, then looks over at said principal with dick still in mouth and eyes wide.
Chester: I don't swing that way.
Typical Catholic Priest: Can you speak in a high pitched voice?
I didn't even get shit for the cigarette. She had the nerve to say it was my doing. They properly labeled her the aggressor. We both went to alt school. Me for six weeks, her for the rest of the year.
Chester: What is it with you guys?
Typical Catholic Priest: I want to climb into your ass.

 

by Chuckaduck
2-23-05
For the record, all I went out back for was the cigarette.
Farmer Chuck: That hitched goody-twoshoes can't be allowed to return to the head of things. I absolutely must stop him.
Unit Lee: May I, I CAN AFFORD ANOTHER LAPDANCE BECUZ OF MICROMASTERS!, be of assistance?
She's the one that followed me out there and offered.
Farmer Chuck: Fuck no! You already screwed up royally. This is too important to let you handle you worthless piece o'chit.
Unit Lee: One might argue had, THANKS FOR YOU SUPPORT AS I SCREW YOU ALL OVER!, you not slacked off I might have been more functional.
I refer to her endearingly as 'Cocksucker', but the world knows her as Aiesha Danawala.
Farmer Chuck: Awuh?
Unit Lee: Nothing, ONE MORE PHOTO SHOOT!, master!

 

by Chuckaduck
2-23-05
Transitional family piece.
Married Autobot Chuck: Babygirl! I'm home! FINALLY!
Married Autobot Chuck: Man, you would not BELIEVE the day I'm having.
Mrs. Chuck: Don't worry amor. You're home now. Our son is waiting for you. Go to tell him hi.
Fucking tear to my eye bitch.
Married Autobot Chuck: Big guy! I missed you!
Mateo the Great: Greetings father. I'm pleased to see you've returned from your journey.

 

by Chuckaduck
2-23-05
Married Autobot Chuck: You got bigger didn't you buddy?!
Mateo the Great: Yes father. My physical form is in a constant state of growth.
Married Autobot Chuck: Aye, y'aye y'aye. You are just too adorable mi Mateo.
Mateo the Great: My thanks to you father. Your compliments warm me to my very heart and soul.
Married Autobot Chuck: And what's my babyboy gunna do when he gets older?
Mateo the Great: Rule them father. I shall rule them all.

 

by Chuckaduck
2-23-05
Mrs. Chuck: Qué? What you looking at?
Married Autobot Chuck: You.
/end blatant showing off with piddly cartoon strip...
Married Autobot Chuck: Dowdow, chiki dowdow.
Mrs. Chuck: Amor, don't sing porno music, por favor.

 

by Chuckaduck
2-23-05
MattMan: Nate! Why the fuck are you still here?
The Pubotic Nesticle: Num,um, whatcha doin'? Hehe.
MattMan: Writing an essay for school so that I can amount to something unlike you ya filthy fuck.
The Pubotic Nesticle: Hehe. Thats cool. What's it called?
MattMan: Free Ham: The Jewish Dilemma.

 

by Chuckaduck
2-23-05
Host: And the answer is...
Host: Veggie patties, soy beans, and dildos.
Married Autobot Chuck: What are things used as substitute meat!
Contestant: What are things used as substitute meat?

 

by Chuckaduck
2-23-05
Holy Nun: May I help you?
Chester: Exuse me Miss. Can I read a little from today's joke column in the latest issue of Latina Porn Digest?
Holy Nun: No.
Chester: What's got forty balls and really fucks a duck?
Holy Nun: Sir, please leave.
Chester: A shotgun cartridge.

 

by Chuckaduck
2-23-05
Holy Nun: You must leave at once.
Chester: How do you make a woman scream twice?
Holy Nun: This is very nasty of you.
Chester: Fuck her in the ass, and then wipe your dick on her curtains.
Holy Nun: Please go, now.
I bet she's naked under there.

 

by Chuckaduck
2-23-05
Holy Nun: Why won't you go?
Chester: I plan to keep reading until you cave in and fuck me Sister I-Can-See-You-Have-No-Bra.
Holy Nun: You're a very sick man and need to find help.
Chester: What's grosser than gross?
Holy Nun: It's not going to work so you should leave.
Chester: Sticking 12 oysters up your grandmother's cunt and sucking out 13.

 

by Chuckaduck
2-23-05
Holy Nun: Stop staring at me.
Actually, she likely has nothing but a thong on under there. Mmm.
Holy Nun: You should be ashamed of yourself.
Chester: How do you fuck a really fat chick?
Holy Nun: You're a bad man.
Chester: Throw in a hand full of flour and then go for the wet spot.

 

by Chuckaduck
2-24-05
Mrs. Chuck: Now have good time on you trip. Be careful always.
Mrs. Chuck: Don't talking with strangers and if you need help you find adult. Está bien?
Married Autobot Chuck: Yes amor. I'll be fine. You don't have to run through that list every time I leave the house.
Mateo the Great: Fear not mi madre. Father will be under my protection.

 

by Chuckaduck
2-24-05
Holy Nun: I wish to make it clear I will not have sex with you.
Chester: What is the difference between a dog and a fox?
Holy Nun: You're being ugly.
Chester: About five drinks.
Holy Nun: This is too much.
Chester: Hey! You ARE wearing a thong!

 

by Chuckaduck
2-24-05
Typical Catholic Priest: Yes my petite child.
Holy Nun: Um, father, this strange man will not stop making sexual advances toward me and reading offensive jokes from a pornographic magazine.
Typical Catholic Priest: ...do you know if he's interested in a threesome?
Perhaps I screwed myself with this denomination.
Chester: You again!

 

by Chuckaduck
2-24-05
Married Autobot Chuck: Gorgeous day, isn't it son?!
Mateo the Great: Affirmative father. UV rays seem at a record low this day from what I sense. There is one problem father...
Married Autobot Chuck: And what might that be big guy?
Mateo the Great: There appears to be a nanotyrannus awaiting your notice from the rear.
Chuckaluffa: My friend. I'm so glad you've returned. We never finished our 'chat', now did we.
Married Autobot Chuck: Bring it bitch! My wife could use a handbag and I've a hankerin' for soup, y'heard!

 

by Chuckaduck
2-24-05
Chuckaluffa: Look kid, we could have another little tiff, you could go poof into thin air again, and we'd be nowhere. Right back at square one.
Married Autobot Chuck: So what would you propose?
Chuckaluffa: Bigamy.
Chuckaluffa: Atta boy.
Hmm.

 

by Chuckaduck
2-24-05
Mateo the Great: Greetings creature.
Vinni Alfredo: How y'doin' kid. Don't worry 'bout nothin junior. D'boss is just havin' some woids witcha dad.
Mateo the Great: I fear nothing.
Vinni Alfredo: Hey that's good. Cute too. But not too bright on the reasonin' o'meter junior.
Mateo the Great: I can destroy you.
Vinni Alfredo: Knock it off kid.

 

by Chuckaduck
2-24-05
Chuckaluffa: With an affective bigamy outline and timeshare plan given to the elite of Chuckdom, I think we could find a happy medium.
Married Autobot Chuck: And my wife?
Chuckaluffa: Is a real looker.
Married Autobot Chuck: Yes, she is isn't she?
Chuckaluffa: Mind if I get a little timeshare of that?
Married Autobot Chuck: Fuck off with that shit! You blew it, no deal spunkmuncher!

 

by Chuckaduck
2-24-05
Mateo the Great: Desist with your hassling of my parental unit at once or suffer my wrath.
Vinni Alfredo: Heh, that's adorabibibable kiddo. What's ya gunna do, spit a pacifier at me? Make me change y'diaper? Spit up on...
Mateo the Great: Iknau zemius! Wrektho ra!
Mateo the Great: Flee in terror insect.
Vinni Alfredo: Oh god! I think I'm gunna hurl! WTF!?!

 

by Chuckaduck
2-24-05
I need a little snack.
Holy Nun: I've worked all my life to becoming a respected woman in a religious setting.
Maybe I'll stop by the McDonalds.. ..playground.
Holy Nun: My virtue is questionable by none.
Holy Nun: I shouldn't be subject to...
Chester: Hey! You're pages 34 through 37! Heh, yooooo shaaaaave.

 

by Chuckaduck
2-24-05
Holy Nun: I don't know what you're talking about.
Chester: Oh, come off it! This is totally you! It's clearly your face, and you're still wearing the nuntastic headgear!
Holy Nun: There is simply some confusion going on here.
Chester: I'LL say! How did get your legs like this on page 36?!
Holy Nun: What will it take to shut you up about this?
Chester: Wait, what's that? You want to suck my what while I'm pounding your what with my tongue on your what while your fingering what?

 

by Chuckaduck
2-24-05
This is detestable! An outrage! In my very own church!
Blasphemy! Sexual activity blatantly done in the presence of icons we worship ever since we removed that particular commandment about not doing such!
Gettin' it Daily Darrel: Father, I've finished applying the ky jelly and am ready to be fisted as you commanded.
A man and a woman having sex! Yuck! It's just wrong!

 

by Chuckaduck
2-24-05
Farmer Chuck: I can't believe it! The asshole not only gets back to the head of things, he has the nerve to head out again nonchalantly with his kid!
Unit Lee: ....zzzzzerrrp...need maintenance.. ....what will we do....... ..MOM, DAD, BAIL ME OUT OF THIS!..... ..
Farmer Chuck: We? Oh no, not a chance. You're outta here. I managed to scrape up enough change to have you hauled offed and replaced.
Unit Lee: ...STRIPPOFEST!.......
I just don't get this guy.
Unit Lee: ..kck... ..I like to singa, about the moona and the juna and the springa, I like to singa, bout a sky o blue-a and a tea for two-a...

Showing page 2.

« Previous Next »