All comics by FinnNYC

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by FinnNYC
6-09-08
...Ok, so that's ten copies of your resume on white linen paper. That'll be about five minues.
Ok, but, these copies won't have spots on them will they? 'cause you know, theres a guy that follows me around and pays people to do bad things to me...
Ten minutes later
Here you are sir. Ten copies. That'll be $3.20.
Thank you... wait a minute! Theres a spot here! Who's responsible for this!?!
...Um... that same guy?
Aaaahhhh!!!

 

by FinnNYC
6-26-08
Hey Jim, wanna see a magic trick? Ok, does anyone in the audience have a bananna?
I do, I do.
Great! give me the bananna and think of a number between one and ten.
Ok, here you go.
... alright, I've got a number... ... Should I concentrate on the number? ... Hello?

 

by FinnNYC
12-24-08
I just had the weirdest dream...
Oh! was it the one where the scientists are showing you shapes but they keep changing so you can't remember which was the round one or square one and then you're running from the lab but your feet...
..dude, no. So I was...
Oh! was it the one where you're still a baby but you're not really because you're as tall as everyone else but when you talk nobody hears you even though their ears are huge which makes the hats...
No! dude! Shut up for a minute... So I was... Shit... I forgot it.
...I've had that one too.

 

by FinnNYC
1-07-09
There's a lady in the training room giving out bananas.
Nice! what's the catch?
What do you mean?
When's the last time you just got a banana? You know, without having to endure some kind of procedure or perform some test.
I don't remember... I just woke up a bit numb in the legs and she gave me a banana.
I'll pass.

 

by FinnNYC
2-10-09
Oh crap, we've got Chimps moving in next door.
Chimps! They let just any primates into this lab now!?!
First we get Baboons in here, flinging poo like they own the place and now Chimps. If I wasn't chained to this spot I tell you, I'd leave in a heartbeat.
Damn straight! Rhesus Macaques built this place! I don't need some Marmoset waltzing in here taking my job just because he'll do it for half a bananna!
... What's your job again?
They tie me to a rack and hit me with a little hammer... But that's not the point! I've got seniority!

 

by FinnNYC
2-25-09
So, I was strapped to the table while the technician waited for the capacitors to charge...
Seriously, why can't they charge that thing before they bring us in!?!
That's what I'm saying. The room is cold, I'm dying of boredom, those straps are NOT built for comfort.
Totally. A little padding wouldn't kill them.
Not to mention the lights. RIGHT in my eyes! A fortune spent on that equipment and they can't afford a lampshade!?!
Lights!?! ... Oh my god I'm blind!

 

by FinnNYC
4-10-09
So, today is the day you leave your mother and head over to the pens in Lab C... How are you doing?
I don't think it's really sunk in yet. Even though she's not my birth mother, I'm going to miss her.
Sometimes I still miss the soft hum of my mother and the way she would beep twice when she was ready to feed me.
Yea... Hey, do you think you could give me a little alone time with her while I say goodbye?
Goodby Mom... I'll always be your baby.
beep

 

by FinnNYC
8-19-09
Dude! Great news, I hear PETA has a mole here at the lab. She's gathering data to shut this place down!
Finally! Oooo I bet it's that woman with the mullet that's always slipping us strawberries.
Yea, she's cool and she's always taking notes.
She's probably keeping track of all the violations in this place. We'll be out of here in no time!
...have the subjects exhibited any dementia or seizures?
I've been administering the Diethyl-meta-toluamide via fruit two times daily with no dramatic effects. I'll double the dose and note any changes.

 

by FinnNYC
6-04-10
I've been thinking.... do you really think it's rude to look another monkey in the eyes?
Of course it is! It's the same as saying "You are weak and I will dominate you".
But maybe that's just a cultural thing. Maybe we just need to agree that it doesn't mean that and remove it's stigma.
Hey! Of course it's cultural but it's our culture! If I catch you looking at me I will throw two fistfuls of crap at you! Friend or not eye contact is rude!
... ... C'mon, let me just..
LOOK AWAY!

 

by FinnNYC
6-07-10
Hey Francis, what do you want to do for lunch?
I had a late breakfast so I'm not super hungry. I don't know... maybe something light.
Hrm... maybe like fruit salad?
yea, or maybe just half an avacado panini.
How about we split a sandwich and salad?
... haha, seriously, just scoop some kibble off the floor and pick out the bits of poo.

 

by FinnNYC
3-11-12
I heard a researcher talking about declaring that dolphins are non human persons.
What the crap!?! Before us chimps!?!
Yea, they want to write up a bill of rights for them.
What the... I can WRITE! And I can speak in SIGN LANGUAGE! I'm just an underwater mortgage and maxed out credit card short of actually BEING HUMAN!
I think humans are just afraid of what we could do with those rights.
They say money is speech well, when the supreme court rules that poop is speech, my opinions WILL be freely expressed!

 

by FinnNYC
3-18-12
What the hell is that beeping?
You hear it too? I thought I was losing my mind.
I'll bet the battery in the smoke detector is dying.
That or the carbon monoxide detector.
Do you feel sleepy?
You too? I thought I w... ....

 

by FinnNYC
2-14-13
Hey... are you awake?
Yea, what's up?
I can't sleep.
Have you tried counting sheep?
What's a sheep?
Oh, right. I forgot you were born here. Sheep are... Y'know what, just scream until the attendant tranquilizes you.

 

by FinnNYC
1-03-15
I heard that bats are taking the heat for the ebola thing.
Must have been a pretty big bat to get raped by a human.
... No, I think it just bit a guy.
You mean you can spread disease without sexual contact?
Of course.
... Well, I'm going to stop letting that handler have his way with me and just bite him.

 

by FinnNYC
7-29-22
...monkeypox.

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