All comics by HCRoyall

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by HCRoyall
5-08-05
Look at this mess! How could you do this?
Well, it was pretty easy, really. Humans are so soft and squishy, and their buildings really aren't built to stand the test of time. And then if you...
Oh wait, that was a rhetorical question, wasn't it?

 

by HCRoyall
5-08-05
Have you ever wondered what's really out there in space, waiting for us?
Ummm... Not really.
Well, have you ever thought about why we're here, why we exist?
...no... never seemed to matter to me...
Well then, have you ever wondered why hot dogs come in packs of ten but hot dog buns come in packs of eight?
Oh yeah, al l the time! Why IS that?

 

by HCRoyall
5-08-05
I don't like this, Nana. This crime scene seems to cut and dry.
Patience, Robert. You have to carefully examine every piece of evidence. If this was a set up, we'll find the right clues.
Wait, what's that?
That, my boy, is what will blow this case wide open.
Let's get this back to the labs, Nana!
Right behind you, Robby!

 

by HCRoyall
5-09-05
I can't believe someone dumped a body down here...
I mean, I would have left it a few miles upriver where the coyotes would've eaten it...

 

by HCRoyall
5-09-05
Can I help you?
Yes! My name is Bingles, and I am a door-to-door clown.
And...?
Do you need any clowning done?
Okay, this premise was stupid to begin with. What do you really want?
I wish I were joking...

 

by HCRoyall
5-09-05
There was something one should do to avoid drowning...
What was it...?
I wonder if it's too late to bother trying to remember?

 

by HCRoyall
5-10-05
Dude? What's supporting that bench?
I hadn't noticed until you said something...

 

by HCRoyall
5-10-05

 

by HCRoyall
5-10-05
Welcome to Mars, Santa! Are you here to deliver toys to all the good martian boys and girls?
Actually, I dozed off at the reins while I was on my way to Israel and missed an exit. Would you be kind enough to point me in the direction of Earth?

 

by HCRoyall
5-10-05
I'm a representative of PETA and I'm here to stop your animal cruelty!
I don't have pets, I don't pollute, I hate fur, and I am adamantly against animal testing.
Well... umm... There's... umm... do you have any roach traps or bug spray?
Well, yeah, but what--
Murderer!

 

by HCRoyall
5-10-05
What are you staring at, woman?! Get me a blanket or something!
I told you the water was cold, but nooooo...

 

by HCRoyall
5-10-05
Oww... my head... How much did I drink?
Was it good for you?
Get out.

 

by HCRoyall
5-10-05
What the hell are you supposed to be?
Whatever I want to be, if my mother is to be believed.

 

by HCRoyall
5-10-05
Hello, sir! I'm here to ask that you take part in a citywide sruvey.
First Question: How would you describe the city's road conditions?
Baaaaaaaad.
Somehow I should have expected that...

 

by HCRoyall
5-10-05
Dude! What a trip! Are feeling this, man?
Yeah, but...
What's the prob, dude?
The thing is...
I didn't take any drugs...

 

by HCRoyall
5-11-05
This is Santa, the jolly old saint who delivers presents to all the good boys an girls on Crhistmas Eve.
Santa is only human. Sometimes he makes mistakes; maybe once or twice he accidentally got mixed up and put a nice kid on his naughty list. A simple mistake, right? Nothing to worry about...
But Charlie REALLY wanted that train set when he was six. Worked so hard to be good all year...

 

by HCRoyall
5-11-05
Damn, I just can't find a rational explanation for this.

 

by HCRoyall
5-11-05
Why don't you use me to look up porn anymore, Dave?
I told you, Hal, I had to stop looking up porn now that I'm a father. I've got to be a good role model.
I can't let you do that, Dave.

 

by HCRoyall
5-11-05
RAAAR! TOBOR CORNHOLE---
How Is Tobor supposed to cornhole something with no cornhole?

 

by HCRoyall
5-11-05
That should do it.
Thanks. I'll call you if anything comes up.
Just out of curiosity, why all the rainbows and butterflies? This IS Hell, right?
The whole fire and brimstone thing was a PR nightmare. It just took this long for the bureauacrats to approve the changes.

 

by HCRoyall
5-11-05
We were being hit hard; they were throwing everything they had at us...
Everyone was running for cover when I saw Johnson sitting out there in the open...
Even the best of us freeze up under pressure, I guess...

 

by HCRoyall
5-11-05
You got another letter from the IRS...
Oh, God no...
It says that in order to validate some of your deductions you have to prove you're really mentally handicapped.
Easy enough to do.
I'm pretty sure it's less painful to be audited...
Quit talking and help me drive this home.

 

by HCRoyall
5-12-05
Hey! You're that guy! I can't count how many movies you're been in!
Oh? You're a fan of my work?
No, I think you suck!
Can I have your autograph?

 

by HCRoyall
5-12-05
I can't take this insanity anymore!
Calm down, guy...
I'm goign to end it all by driving nails into my head!
You really don't want to do that...
It appears I was merely dreaming again. Go dial call an ambulance would you?
I would but you ate the phone just now.

 

by HCRoyall
5-12-05
I've been seeing a psychologist because of a court order. He's been giving me a lot of tests to determine my mental health.
I went to see him today and painted my face like this before I went into his office just for fun. I asked him what he saw in my face.
Man, I thought *I* was fucked up...

 

by HCRoyall
5-12-05
After extensive investigation I have concluded that this animal is an ocelot.

 

by HCRoyall
5-13-05
This is Hell. Your eternal damnation.
But I was a good person! I went to church every sunday! I followed Jesus's word and loved my neighbor!
Yeah, well, you lied on your taxes.
Only once! And I asked for forgiveness!
You asked, yes, but God said 'No'.
Fuck.

 

by HCRoyall
5-13-05
This isn't my order!
Yes it is. I called your number.
No it isn't! The receipts don't even match!
Sir, I can't give you your meal unless you have the right receipt.
This isn't my meal!

 

by HCRoyall
5-13-05
And you can just stay outside!
Master will forgive me soon enough. No worries.
4 days later...
Then again, maybe it was a bad idea to eat his girlfriend's cat while he was pet-sitting...

 

by HCRoyall
5-14-05
Were we supposed to be doing something?
Idunno.

 

by HCRoyall
5-23-05
Oooh! Oooooooo!
Hey look! The Ghostbusters!
AAAAAAAHHH!!!
That wasn't funny, you know.
I thought the movie was pretty good, myself...

 

by HCRoyall
5-23-05
The Phantom of the Opera came out on DVD just the other day. I saw it in theaters, and I thought it was pretty good.
The plot was really deep, and there were quite a few lessons to be learned from the story.
But the only one that I got was that pretty rich boys trump ugly geniuses in a woman's mind.

 

by HCRoyall
5-25-05
I am invisible!!
Boo!
I think this means he should switch to decaf...

 

by HCRoyall
5-25-05
Another letter from the collection agency?
"Dear Mr. Stickman, your squirrel tax is four months overdue. If a payment is not made within the next two weeks, we will have to repossess any and all arboreal rodents in your possession."
Wow, they sound really serious...
They want $5000 as a first payment! I can't possibly make that in two weeks! They're going to take you away, Squirrel!
Squirrel? No squirrels here, man. I'm a... a rare bushy-tailed mole! Yeah, that's it!
How the hell do they measure 'acorns per kilowatt-hour'?

 

by HCRoyall
5-25-05
Why am I in Hell?! I led a good life! I was a good person!
You were a sexual deviant, though. The Man Upstairs doesn't like that at all, you know.
Well, why are YOU here, Padre?
The Catholic Priest getup wasn't already a dead giveaway?

 

by HCRoyall
5-25-05
Now, the secret to raisin' yer own space roaches is real simple: Ya gotta let 'em know who's boss.
Dammit, Human Slave! I asked you an hour ago to bring me that garbage smoothie! Or would you rather I laid my eggs in the jelly again?
Yessir, right away air...
Like I wuz sayin' ya gotta let 'em know who's boss...

 

by HCRoyall
5-27-05
Forgot your coat again, huh?

 

by HCRoyall
5-27-05
If you choose the red pill, you will wake from the dream. If you choose the blue pill, you will wake up tomorrow and forget this ever happened.
What about that yellow pill?
That will kill you and save everyone the pain of having to watch the rest of the movie.
Yellow it is, then.

 

by HCRoyall
5-27-05
Whoa, what a freak accident! Who knew that overturned tractor would explode and ignite a recently formed pocket of fossil gases!
Since both of us ended up here, I might as well finish up...

 

by HCRoyall
5-27-05
I spent four years getting a degree in biology.
Then I spent another fifteen years getting my Master's and Doctorate, then building a reputation in the field of genetics.
But after the culmination of my life's work, I realize I was probably better off sticking to Music Theory.
Daddy?

 

by HCRoyall
5-27-05
The hell?
Hi!
Either I'm trapped in a Twilight Zone episode or I really need to cut down on the booze...

 

by HCRoyall
5-27-05
You know what?
I think the real reason these Islamic Extremists hate us...
...is because we're allowed to drink...
::sob::

 

by HCRoyall
5-27-05
Three weeks and no signs of a rescue party...
You think I could have one of those granola bars, maybe? You know, just to stave off starvation another day?
No.

 

by HCRoyall
5-28-05

 

by HCRoyall
6-06-05
This party is pretty lame...
Yeah, but it's starting to get better. Let's stay for another hour at least.
No way! We gotta leave now! My Negro Sense is tingling!
...
Please tell me you did not just...
There's no time! We gotta leave!

 

by HCRoyall
6-06-05
Just when the party was getting good...
You better have a good reason for this...
weeeOOOweeeOOOweeeOOOweeeOOO
The Negro Sense does not lie!
Whoa!
This is the Police! Everyone stay where you are!
...
Don't stop! Keep Walkin'!

 

by HCRoyall
6-06-05
Back at the dorms...
All right, I'll concede that you were able to predict the cops showing up because the guys running the party gave alchohol to minors.
You see? The Negro Sense knows all! The Negro Sense sees all! Open your mind and I can teach you to use your own Negro Sense!
How 'bout No?
Did you have to hit him that hard?
I had to knock some sense into him. He was becoming a disgrace to black people everywhere.

 

by HCRoyall
6-07-05
More mail? What's with all the letters all of a sudden?
The mail room made a mistake somewhere; all the secret mission instructions are getting delivered here to the Stockroom.
What does it say?
Not much besides something about retrieving microfilm... Oh, wait... "This message will self destruct in five seconds."
.................................. Well, that was five seconds right there.
Must be a dud.

 

by HCRoyall
6-08-05
RAAR! TOBOR CORNHOLE YOU!
No! Stay Back! The Laws of Robotics compel you!
Eh?
Asimov's Laws of Robotics. 1st Law: A robot may not harm a human, nor may a robot, through inaction, allow a human to come to harm.
Clever argument, but Tobor not read Asimov. Prepare for Cornholing.
Mommy...

 

by HCRoyall
6-08-05
Alas! All of my tropical fish have run away!
Was it something I did? Something I didn't do? Did I buy the wrong food? Did I not pay them enough attention? Why would they go? Wherever could they have gone?
I dunno, but questioning the cat might be the best course of action.

Showing page 2.

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