All comics by Halcyon

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by Halcyon
2-12-04
Mmm, that was wonderful...Was it good for you?
Oh, that's right, you were dead when I got here.

 

by Halcyon
3-01-04
Wynken and Blynken are two little eyes,
Great. Story time. How fuckin' sweet.
And Nod is a little head,
Ooh...
And the wooden shoe that sailed the skies,
'Nod' sounds pretty good about now.

 

by Halcyon
3-02-04
I found myself at something of a crossroads of reality today. I thought learning to read would be nothing but marvelous...
It never occurred to me it could possibly be the cause of such tribulations...
But today I was shaken down to the very fiber of my being by these symbols which had once been so foreign to me...
...Six words... Six words and everything I'd believed in was thrown into shadow and doubt.
"I Can't Believe It's Not Butter"

 

by Halcyon
3-02-04
Greg, this evening has been wonderful and I think tonight's the night I share something with you...
Oooh...
I'm having your baby.
What? How's that possible?!? The one time we spent the night together, all we did was drink tons of Jolt and play Scrabble!
All it takes is one time, Greg.
You're unhinged.

 

by Halcyon
3-02-04
...And then he just walked out and deserted us.
So whadda ya think?
Don't you worry, miss...Sully, Tobor, and Retaloiv are experts in the field.
So, you mean...beh?
We gonna get his ass.

 

by Halcyon
3-12-04
Uh, to begin...Let me just "break it down" for you... This ain't no nigger shack.
Actually, we're looking for a 'high-assurance' purchaser, and looking at you only assures me of your affinity for pudding snacks.
That was fellati-awesome, but I'm still not donating the house.

 

by Halcyon
3-25-04
I understand you have prior military service... That's good. Also, I'm informed you recieved the Purple Heart during your term of service... What happened exactly?
Well, one night I was alone on watch and....
...Hi there.
You should be made aware that "getting one's shit pushed in" merits no commendation amongst the Harbingers.
Harbingers? I thought you were a Marine recruiter...

 

by Halcyon
3-27-04
Help!
What's the problem little mouse?
I'm a handsome prince turned into a mouse by an evil spell
I'll see what I can do about it.
Well? Did it work?
I've gotta stop drinking before noon.

 

by Halcyon
3-27-04
Help!
What's the problem little mouse?
I'm a handsome prince turned into a mouse by an evil spell
I'll see what I can do about it.
Hmm, how about that...

 

by Halcyon
3-29-04
The interview is over... Why are you still here?
I was just thinking...
Those hotpants really suit you.
Ahg, I'm so outta here...
Y'know I hate to see you go... But I love to watch you leave!

 

by Halcyon
3-29-04
The interviewing process having left 06 in a state of homoerotic distress, Jeff steps up in his stead.
Alright recruit, Kane informed me that your specialty is stealth. To test your skills, your objective this evening is to make it through the obstacle course and catch the sheep totally unawares. Go.
*sneak sneak sneak*
BahahAHHHH!
You're really going to have to make the recruitment criteria more stringent. Look at these people you're bringing us, for Chrissake! Oh, and you can get out of that costume now, Kane.
Why am I reminded of being back in boot?

 

by Halcyon
3-29-04
I actually know very little about MikeyG...
Well, I'm a man of varied tastes. For instance, my vagina tastes a little like kelp, my anus something similar to riccota, and generally by noon my hands are a combination of those and a little WD-40.
...Though probably erudite and sophisticated in his own way...
Actually, I've become quite fascinated with Victorian era apparatus. I must spend 18 hours a day testing my rebuilt 'Chattanooga' and my replica "George Taylor manipulator'.
I am left to wonder about the time I found him trying to mount that anvil...
If it's big and hard, you better believe I'm gonna be on top of it.

 

by Halcyon
3-30-04
Fun to stay at the...

 

by Halcyon
3-31-04
Fun to stay at the
'Eyyyyyyyy...!
Henry Winkler??

 

by Halcyon
3-31-04
Fun to stay at the...
Oh no he di'ent.
Psh.... This cracka thinkin we know lettas and shit.
Dunno bout fun, but I live therr couple years naw - it aiight.
I sho hope Popeye's wanna pay me fo my watermelon-flavored-chicken idea....

 

by Halcyon
3-31-04
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'Eyyyyy!...Carolers!

 

by Halcyon
4-06-04
Oh god.
Damn it, I'm gonna be late. Where are they??
Ermf!!
I can never find the panties I want when I need them.
Perhaps.... You do not find what you seek ...because what you seek, you are not destined... to find.
Get outta my face with that cockamamy zen bullshit, or your destiny might include a stilletto lodged where the celestial light don't shine!

 

by Halcyon
4-07-04
Okay, Billy. I said you could pick where we go this vaction... So what where'll it be?
TOBOR TESTING FACILITY, YEAH!!!

 

by Halcyon
4-07-04
I'm SO glad to finally get out of that Catholic school and on vacation with you! In fact, I think I'll give you a celebratory blowjob!!
...And ruin my decade-long sexual dry spell?? I think not, sister!
Well, seeing as it's your first time in our fair city, I guess I can let you off with a warning. You have a nice day.
Don't you tell me what to do piggy, or I'll have your fat body in the trunk with the other one.
Then there's vacationing like this dude, AthiestDiary...
Hi, welcome to the Mason's "Most Christian Christmas Ever" Party. Are you on the list?
Nah, I was just cock-feeding the baby Jesus in your nativity, and the "lil Athiest" caught a chill - Thought I'd warm him up in your mom.

 

by Halcyon
4-16-04
The Fury's
Was it hard birthing a baby with a jar on its head?
Only faggots join the military.
PANTY-SHIELD, more like.

 

by Halcyon
4-16-04
Now Warren... I... I should've told you this a long time ago...
Oh! My little boy is all grown up! *sniffle*

 

by Halcyon
4-19-04
Achoo!...Oh, eww.
HAHA!! Mindy has snot running from her nose.
Later...
*sob, sniffle* Johnny made fun of me at recess cause I sneezed and stuff came out. *cry*
Aww, what's the matter? --------------- Oh, now don't you pay him any mind. He's just mad cause his mom spends more time with the pool boy than she does with him, and he's taking it out on you.
The Next Day
HAHA!! Your mom's a cheap skanky whore!!

 

by Halcyon
4-20-04
Ah fuck!-! My cunting ankle!

 

by Halcyon
4-20-04
Morning Dad... Before you ask what the tree is about, I have something to tell you. You lost your short-term memory like in Memento and 50 1st Dates.
And so much has happened. Mom was distraught and ran away with the milkman only to soon be skinned alive by the people of a New Jersey town, your dog died, and I quit school to star on childporn.com
My dog is dead?

 

by Halcyon
4-28-04
Ba weep grah-na weep ninnibom.
What?
What?
Whut?
Oh, 'Eyyy, Jesus!

 

by Halcyon
5-08-04
California legislation? What they need to legislate is a rise in the water level.
Would it work though? I think people would object, cause the east coast would go under too...
And people wouldn't like that. Sure, a dip in the wash would do D.C. a little good... But people love NYC - I know because I see it on their T-shirts all the time.
...More people should tell you about themselves on T-shirts... It would really speed up that 'getting to know you' phase.
Like mine would say "I love eggrolls. Maniacal drunken pervert sex-addict narcissist libertarian.
...You have the right to an opinion and I have the right to a gun.

 

by Halcyon
3-07-06
Halways are a modern miracle
Or, we're on the tip of a pencil
I've wet myself

 

by Halcyon
3-07-06
Ah! Fearsome boxing bacon!
Ahh! Ahh!,,, hey, damnit, I'm ahhing here!
My bacon heart is broke to bits.

 

by Halcyon
4-01-06
C'mon, honeydoll, let's go on up to the Spooksville mansion and make out. It'll be like old times.
No, I'm mad at you. You didn't tell me you were going to have pumpkin surgery. It's like you're not even the same person anymore.
...What if I let you suck on my seeds?

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