All comics by Makin_d_bacon

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-04-16
I'm here to see The Raven King!
This way...follow me!
How can I be sure that he's the REAL Raven King?
Oh, trust me...you'll know when you hear him!
Damn you Wizards & Witches. I'm the KIng, the boss, the main man, #1, itchi bon, numero uno, top dog, el supremo, the Master.....
If THIS ain't "raving", little lady, I don't know what is!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-04-16
I'll grant you just ONE wish. Make it a good one.
I want to be what every person wants for..
Granted!
Oops! I was sure he was gonna say, "for lunch on Easter Sunday"!
HEY! What the...

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-05-16
So...those glasses allow you to spot an imposter, eh?
True! No matter how they look on the OUTSIDE, I can sense their real inner-self by their mere presence!
Fine. We'll put that to the test. Now turn around. I'll step aside and our first guest will take my place.
Aha, Donald Trump! So nice of you to join us!
Damn! This guy will be H-U-G-E!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-05-16
You sure this guy can beat Trump or Hillary? How would he do in a "Press Conference"?
He'd do great! Neither one of them can ad lib worth a darn. This country needs a leader who can wing it and fire back confidently!
Those pesky reporters can tear a Presidential Candidate to pieces, ya know!
Trust me! This guy is an expert at thinking on the fly! He's waiting in the next cubicle.
...hiding from the "SWAT" team.

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-06-16
What's this smell like to you, little boy?
*sniff sniff* I'm not sure but it smells kinda familiar.
It should! I just pulled it out of the place that you were before you were born.
Really? That sounds weird!
So he went & checked it out....
Father, does heaven really smell like pee?
Why me Lord? Why ME?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-08-16
It's called Earth! Should we bother?
Why not? The last place we visited just loved us.
Oh yeah! They were truly "in" to our visit, weren't they?
Absolutely, but if we go to Earth, ease up on the, "We come in peace.", stuff!
Hey...it's better than saying "We come in Uranus", right?
I suppose it depends! ...*rimshot*

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-08-16
Excuse me sir, I'm taking a survey. Name your favorite planet.
Sure...I like that there Anus planet! What ELSE!
And your name is...?
Anthony Ray. You may have heard of me.
The "Baby Got Back" Anthony Ray?
Hey....I like big butts and I cannot lie...

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-09-16
I'm looking for sex with an Automaton!
She'll run you $500 an hour, here at "The House of Phreaky Sex"!
Enjoy yourself, Mr. Bacon!
I'm sorry you don't find me beautiful....but even if one puts lipstick on a pi....
Don't even go THERE sister!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-09-16
Please don't do it.
They axed me ta sang the National Andthumb so I's gunna do it. MY way!
"Ohyay asay ankay uyay eesay, Ibay uthay awndays earlyyay itelay...
...andyay uthay omehay ofyay uthay avebray!
Guess what, dude? You just got traded!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-10-16
What? You expected Maria Bartiromo?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-10-16
*Ground Control to Major Tom..., over"
Major Tom, here, over!
*David Bowie has asked to write a song about your death in space. You good with that? over*
My WHAT? over!
*What? You mean nobody told....*
Manning the escape pod! over & out!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-10-16
Man...from up here in this space escape pod, the Earth looks mighty strange!
You've crashed into the ocean hours ago, numb nuts! Take a GOOD look out that window.
Really? OK, but I'll bet THIS never happened before!
Should I wave at him?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-10-16
Hey funky mama, lemme do ya right here up against de wall! Ya feelin me?
Sure thing honeybunch, as long as you got that CASH!
The new ME chooses NOT to show such immoral & degrading acts.....
Oh yeah, mama! Take it...take it GOOD. You KNOW you love it. ah...ah...AHHHH
Whew! Ya'll done? That'll be $1000.00.
SHEEEEE-IT, lady! Ya'll thinks you be some kinda comic or sumpin?
You gotta admit, my "Stand-Up" routine got YOU off, needle dick! Now cough up dem Benjamins!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-11-16
So...I get released today, huh?
Yes you do, Mr. Hinckley.
Wow, being confined for 35 years has changed me and made me rethink things.
I certainly do hope so! Things like WHAT, for example?
A new focus, I hope!
No! My focus won't change. Only now I've got a full five months till the inauguration for target practice.

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-11-16
At Phyllis Schafly's Funeral: St. Louis
Donald Trump has arrived, Father.
Good! Seat him behind the family!
He's already said he wants to sit up on the "STAGE" next to the head Rabbi or he's gonna withdraw his "donation".
He did, did he?
So a deal had to be struck.....
C'mon Ezra, do me a solid. MC the service for me & I'll see your palm is greased on the back end. Ya feelin me?
Oy vey! The things I do for gelt.

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-12-16
NO! This was just from complications due to pnuemonia!
So will Tim Kaine now move up to the top spot on the ticket?
One might think so but Bubba is making come-back noises.
Some might feel that was HIS original plan all along................ "*OK GUYS THATS'S A WRAP*"
But she COULD just be napping?
Did that old bag just cough?
I think she did!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-12-16
In the Apt. of Makin_d_bacon.....
Hi neighbor! I wanted to ask you a question.
Why sure darlin...come right in.
Will you be going to the costume party tonight?
Yes, actually. I'm going as a pirate.
You ARE? How cool is THAT?! I just love Seamen, in fact, I can't ever get enough.
Semen? Really? On second thought...why don't I put on the outfit and we stay here and watch the DVD, "Debbie Does the 7th Fleet"?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-12-16
Father, I think the wedding couple has arrived!
Thank you Deacon Chen! Please tell the groom to come to my office right away.
That Chen fellow wants to know which one of us is the GROOM!
Oh he does, does?
Did the groom do this to you, Deacon Chen?
Was maybe bride. Chen not sure!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-12-16
Hey ya wascally wabbit...now I got ya!
That is SO not cool, dude!
What?
Feigning the whole "Elmer Fudd" speech impediment thing. I KNOW Elmer Fudd and, believe me, YOU'RE no Elmer Fu...
Wordy bastard!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-12-16
Former Domicile of one "ragu4u"...
Wow. This thing smells of death and is covered in dust & filled with cobwebs!
..was left abandoned weeks ago...
I'll bet it'll never be able to produce hilarious, intelligent, edgy and plain old rip roaring fabulously funny comics ever again!
...leaving a stench in the air!
When the hell was THAT?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-13-16
What the hell? "Lunch" is claiming my former persona either had NO funny comics or that my funny ones were STOLEN!
Hmpf!
The truth hurts, don't it dick breath?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-13-16
So is this the ragu4u fan club meeting?
Yes it is! Glad so many of you could come...
....uh...into the wrong auditorium?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-14-16
Which film?
One for "Killer Clowns From Outer Space".
Which film?
"Killer Clowns From Outer Space", I guess.
I know, I know. "Killer Clowns", right?
I beg to differ! You're profiling me, young woman. Actually, I'm here for the Ingmar Bergman Festival.

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-14-16
Bless me Father for I...
Mr. _d_bacon? Is that YOU?
Uh...me? Uh...no...what makes you ask THAT?
Because it smells like a pig sty in here since you entered!
And YOU thought my computer was a smart ass!
Should I continue in Pig Latin?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-14-16
This lil piggy went to market...
The pork rinds are $1.00.
This lil piggy stayed home...
Friggin 57 channels & nuthins on!
This lil piggy had roast beef....
Is the beef to your liking, sir?
I actually prefer the other "white meat"!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-14-16
This lil piggy had none...
Bee-atch is tryin to starve my ass...
But THIS lil piggy.....
Yeah? What?
Ran all the way....................home...oh!
What the f...?
I admit it...I followed you. You stud-muffin, you!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-15-16
Uh..Mr. Notes...I think "dick" jokes are the foundation of Stripcreator.com!
And you are WHO, exactly?
Well now...THAT'S debatable and a touchy subject. However, it does NOT alter the fact that I'm rather a dick joke officianado!
Ya look like a plain old SWINE to me. So tell me a dick joke if you're so great!
Dick Powell, Dick Nixon & Dick Tracy are all sitting in a bar and..
STOP! Not that "Three Dicks Hanging Out in a Bar" joke AGAIN?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-15-16
Hey babe, I'm Richy!
The name is Richatd, sweetness.
Call me Rick, honey!
Damnit. Here I am again, stuck with three big "Dicks" hanging out in a bar!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-16-16
Hey YOU...PORKMAN wanna-be!
Moi?
Don't play dumb with ME you "Identity Vagabond" you!
Who's playing?
So he IS a retard!
Abba duh, abba duh, abba duh...that's all folks!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-16-16
I see you left the "pig" outfit at home today! How come?
You're the Shrink, so you tell me!
Apparantly, you find the smell of bacon more offensive than garlic. Yes?
*sniff-sniff* ???? What kinda stupid...?
Can you believe I pay that moron money?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-17-16
Ohhhh, I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK. I sleep all night and I work all day!
Shhh! Get ready. Here he comes.
Bulls-Eye!
Yuck!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-17-16
There it is! The House of the Rising Sun! Reckon I'll go inside and get my "freak " on!
But little did Mr. d_bacon know what kind of "son" was really rising inside!
Goo-goo! Poo-poo?
Damn! There went a good stiffy!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-17-16
Gabe, does your mom REALLY have 52-JJJ's?
Who wants to know?
Let's just say, for the sake of argument, that said inquisitor wishes to remain anonymous!
Fuck THAT, pasta topper!
This anonymity crap is quite the challenge...I must say!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-17-16
Overheard at The World Cup.....
Say, arent you Rinaldo?
Si, yo chica muy linda!
I'm not Linda, I'm Kimberly, asshole!
Lo siento.
By the way, is that a vuvuzela in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Puta sucia!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-17-16
At a "Weight Watchers" Convention.
You did book the entertainment, right Ralph?
Absolutely! In fact, he's coming on now!
I got a gal named Boney Maronie. She's a skinny as a stick of Macaroni...
Grrrrr
What?.......WHAT?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-18-16
Chelsea, NYC Last Evening......5pm
The two pressure cookers will come to.......$57.50 but, with everything, your TOTAL will be $100.00.
One stop shopping. I love it!
.....8:30pm
Everything in place over there?
Affirmative. In place & armed. Alla hu akbar!
...9pm
Selling a middle eastern guy a pair of pressure cookers didn't raise any red flags for you?
Actually, no! But those detonators... now they gave me pause for a moment.

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-18-16
BREAKING NEWS
A bomb went off on a Chelsea, NY street moments ago injuring 29 people.
Thankfully, the many bombs that go off on a regular basis in theaters on Broadway only hurt the pocket-books of their backers.

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-18-16
Maybe selling door to door isn't for you, Chen!
I'm an adrenaline junky, babe! It's what I LIVE for!
Welcome back.
Can we hurry this up?
The usual?
You KNOW it, baby... only go easier this time. The old lady is getting wise!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-19-16
So, you trampled an Italian tourist taking pictures, eh?
Yup...and then I ate him, too!
But why?
I always wanted to try Italian food.
Really? I hear pasta coverd in Ragu is excellent. Or isn't Ragu for you?
Hey smart ass...wanna get trampled?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-19-16
Let's see what's in the old closet today!
Well, well! My old Sadie Hawkins Day costume. I wonder if it still fits?
Like a freakin glove, baby. Like a freakin glove!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-19-16
So let me get this straight... a Priest, a Lawyer and a Rabbi go into a fancy club, right? How do we know who the Rabbi is?
Trust me...you'll know!
I'm going to have a $20 Martini.
I'm getting a $200 bottle of wine.
And you, sir?
I'll suck on the water filled sponge I brought!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-20-16
So, Jon Benet, it appears they've named your killer.
About friggin time, don't ya think?
True, true. So your brother killed you over a piece of pineapple, eh?
You know that ain't true. You know EVERYTHING! You know what REALLY went down.
They'll NEVER tell the public the truth about why he killed you. They're sticking with the "pineapple" story!
I guess you're right! Who'd actually believe I caught him choking the chicken to midget porn, anyway?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-20-16
So, Jon Benet, it appears they've named your killer.
About friggin time, don't ya think?
True, true. So your brother killed you over a piece of pineapple, eh?
You know that ain't true. You know EVERYTHING! You know what REALLY went down.
They'll NEVER tell the public the truth about why he killed you. They're sticking with the "pineapple" story!
I guess you're right! Who'd actually believe I caught him choking the chicken to midget porn, anyway?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-20-16
So...whatcha think of the new stable boy from Detroit?
You mean Tyrone?
I reckon he keeps the bitches in there?
Yeah...Tyrone!
If he keeps telling me every hour how much he wants to "Tap dat ASS" I'll go NUTS!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-21-16
Tulsa, Oklahoma
So you guys shot ANOTHER unarmed man, eh?
Yeah..so what?
The country is outraged. You should be ashamed!
*Yawn* Whatever! He deserved it! I'll take ya to him.
But the cell held only Armless Anders!
So who were you expecting...Terrance Crutcher, maybe?
?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-22-16
Confession again? You've been in everyday for a month or so.
So who's countin, eh?
Getting rather testy, aren't we Mr. d_bacon?
So how did you know?
How could I NOT? For years you smell of garlic & oregano and then *BANG*...it's Bar-B-Qued pork steaks.
I do love pork rinds....especially in spaghetti sauce!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-22-16
So Brad & Angie are kaput?
Yup! No more Brangelina!
Now I can make my move! You think I have a chance?
Sure! I don't see why not. Go for it!
Great! I'm calling her right NOW!!
HER? I thought you meant with Brad!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-22-16
Hi there! ragu4u, here!
And I'm makin_d_bacon!
We have a dilema. One of us needs to go....
...and we'd like your feedback as to whom that should be!
You have 4 possible choices. 1) I stay 2) HE stays 3) We BOTH stay or 4) We BOTH go!
YOU get to make the call! WE get to decide if we abide by it.

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-22-16
At the home of ragu4u. Is there anyone that remembers HIM?
Dude...I'm thinkin about making a comeback! Any thoughts?
*ssssssssssssssss*
Pussy!!!!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
9-23-16
"...but ragu4u is definitely gone."
Oh I AM, am I?
Well we'll just see about THAT!
Now look here, Brad baby, I feel I made a hasty mistake. I want back.
I don't want to appear cold to the idea, but.....

Showing page 2.

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