All comics by NekoNiku

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by NekoNiku
2-27-01
AN ARAB CAMEL-DRIVER, after completing the loading of his Camel...
Are you about done?
Pretty much.
...asked him which he would like best, to go up hill or down.
You have a question?
Which would you like best: to go up hill or down?
The poor beast replied, not without a touch of reason: "Why do you ask me? Is it that the level way through the desert is closed?"
Why do you ask me? Is it that the level way through the desert is closed?
"Get the pink, talking camel," she said, "Pink, talking camels are CUTE!" Sheesh.

 

by NekoNiku
2-27-01
AN ASS besought a Horse to spare him a small portion of his feed.
I beseech you: would you spare me a small portion of your feed?
Yes, if any remains out of what I am now eating I will give it you for the sake of my own superior dignity...
Superior dignity? A pink horse with superior dignity?
...and if you will come when I reach my own stall in the evening, I will give you a little sack full of barley.
Thank you. But I can't think that you, who refuse me a little matter now, will by and by confer on me a greater benefit.
Hey, it's all good -- that still leaves me with all the granola, pal.

 

by NekoNiku
3-09-01
Ollie, is there a reason my printer isn't working?
Yes, I'm sure there is a reason your printer isn't working!
Okay, then could you TELL me why my printer isn't working?
I haven't a clue, but since our universe has consistent physical laws, it follows that if your printer doesn't work there MUST be a reason!
I hate you! You're mean! Why won't you tell me what's wrong with my printer?
If we knew your printer's birthday we could diagnose it with astrology! Or do you read goat entrails for printer problems? I always forget!

 

by NekoNiku
3-21-01
Welcome back, Onion2K! You're my hero!
Who is this loser?
I printed out all your comics and had 'em laminated so I could keep 'em forever! I even made a bumper sticker out of Confusion 17!
I go away for two months and the place is a shambles...
Want a peanut butter and bacon sandwich? I make 'em the way Elvis used to like 'em!
Sure!

 

by NekoNiku
2-11-03
Arr! Why won't ye let me put me KaZaA on me office PC, Ollie?
Hm! Let me think...
I be waitin' fer a right good reason!
Maybe I don't want to get fired for *your* lack of common sense!
Arr! I hate ye! Ye be mean! I oughtta keelhaul ye!
Why couldn't you just stick to stealing office supplies and leave me out of it?

 

by NekoNiku
2-11-03
Oliver, my computer at home is doing a thing. I believe it has a shortage in it.
Gad! Not another PhD with a laptop!
Whenever I open its lid and provoke it from slumber, the light comes on but it never boots into the screen.
Okay, since you didn't bring your computer so I could see the problem, here's a list of easy things to try. You can take this home and see if it helps.
I don't have time to waste *my* time; I only have time to waste *your* time!
Owch! Well, it's *still* better than working at the film production company...

 

by NekoNiku
2-11-03
Say, Ollie! Can I get wireless on my laptop?
Your laptop already *has* wireless. It was built in when you bought it.
How come I can't make it work?
There's this wonderful new technology they just came out with. It's called a "Manual".
Great! When you finish reading "Manual", you can do my wireless thingie!
Wait. That didn't work out quite the way I wanted...

 

by NekoNiku
2-13-03
When Needy Users Attack!
Say, Ollie! Do you have just a minute or two to help me with something really simple on my computer?
Gee, Fred, I'd love to but my boss has me working on something else right now. Can we schedule it for tomorrow?
Aw, c'mon! Just for a second?
I'm sorry, Fred, but your last 2-minute Very Simple Special Request took me half a day! I don't have any unscheduled time today!
I hate you! You're mean! You NEVER help me with my computer!
Sigh. I never help them except when I'm helping them and then I'm not helping them the way they *want* to be helped!

 

by NekoNiku
2-26-03
A crisis!
Ollie! My computer clock loses a minute a week! It's an emergency! Fix it now!
Wow, that's better time than my watch keeps...
Later that same day...
Okay, it's fixed now. I installed a program that sets the time on your computer by checking it against an Atomic Clock!
Okay.
The next morning...
Ollie, I just noticed this program called "Set The Time" running on my computer. Can I delete it?
Sure! I don't see why not!

 

by NekoNiku
2-26-03
Ollie, could you order me a copy of FarbleSP? I need it real bad. Like yesterday.
Hey, sure, no problem.
Farble SP is in stock and on its way overnight!
Great!
The next day...
Dude, you ordered the wrong thing. I never asked you to order Farble SP. I needed *Word* for Farble SP.
Ollie's not in right now but I'd be happy to step on your head with all my hoofs!

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