All comics by OMG_DaGmAr_6481987

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NOTE: LZOORUMEKSLKJHUH is asleep and dreaming.
I am the mystical genie of the lamp!
I am also your friendly neighborhood sandwich handler!
NOTE: LZOORUMEKSLKJHUH is asleep and dreaming.
How may I handle your sandwich today?
Booly booly! Is that salami?
NOTE: LZOORUMEKSLKJHUH is no longer asleep and dreaming and is now very alert and frightened.
AAAUGH! That was a horrid nightmare!
Hey, do you want some lunch? It's salami on rye.

 

I'm sick of this dungeon. I'm ready for a fight. Let's go right now, sister.
Bring it on, baby.
Umm...where did the lights go?
I think we broke them. Now what?
Let's sing a song.
Oh gosh no.

 

NOTE: LZOORUMEKSLKJHUH is asleep and dreaming.
Oh booly booly!
I was distracted by my submarine!
NOTE: LZOORUMEKSLKJHUH is no longer asleep and dreaming and is now alert and frightened.
WHY CAN'T I STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU?!
Did you have a bad dream?
NOTE: LZOORUMEKSLKJHUH is ticked off.
Yes. Salami sandwiches and submarines.
We know what YOU were dreaming about.

 

::pretends to be a stupid freak on AIM:: OMG UR GOD IS SO GAY WTF YOUR BELEIV IN SCUH A STUPORD THANG THE JSUS FAGGOR MEH A$$ IS SO ITCHY
right.

 

I hate writer's block.
I hate writer's block.
I hate writer's block.
I hate writer's block.
I hate writer's block.
I hate writer's block.
I hate writer's block.
I hate writer's block.
I hate writer's block.

 

Noonie, would you please tell me WHY I have writer's block?
I dunno.
AUUGH I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE ::dies::
!
Umm...does anyone know how to dial 911?

 

I can't believe we slept through Halloween.
But we still got candy. ::munch::
That is not candy. Those are flowers.
Same difference.
Eep!
Right?

 

::celebrates::
What are you celebrating for?
::celebrates:: This is the 59th comic.
So?
...You ruin all my fun.
Thank you.

 

There was an error in the last comic.
You see, we looked in Dagmar's user info and it said she only had 58 comics, though she counted 59.
So here's the real 59th comic.

 

Some people are complete losers. They always give up on everything before they have a chance to achieve it.
It's like that old Theodore Roosevelt says, that old Teddy, that old TR, that old...
Will you shut up already?
You complete loser.
I know you are, but what am I?

 

Hammers are fun.
Yes. Hammers are fun.
Wait, you agree with me?
Yes. Hammers are fun.
Is that all you have to say?
Yes. Hammers are fun.

 

You only live life once...
...Unless you're a Buddhist.
Hey! I resent that!
Wait, let me make this politically correct. *Ahem*. A person only lives one time unless they study, believe, and practice the religion and principles of Buddhism.
Thank youuuuuuuuuuuu.

 

I'm so hungry...
Food?
Hey...don't look at me like that.
Oooo...

 

What is with the hammer and nails?
I have cabin fever.
We are not in a cabin.
I know.
Then what is with the hammer and nails?
Is this better?

 

The Genie is reading a sewing manual.
Haha. Listen to this: "If needle breaks, needle is inserted incorrectly."
Like this?
Don't do that. It makes me feel...
In the killing mood.
EEP!

 

Listen to this: "Remove the material from machine. Cut opening in buttonhole with seam ripper tool (not binluded).
Binluded? Is that even a word?
Where was this book published?
Taiwan.
No wonder.

 

Care should be taken that nothing is placed on foot controller when machine is not in use.
What would you put on the foot controller? A brick?
No...Maybe one of the idiots who wrote the book.
Nah, this book is so old that the people who wrote it must be dead by now.
Exactly.

 

Dagmar has been transported to Alex's math class by the snowman.
Hey Dagmar! You're not in my math class!
Umm...yeah.
Do you think I'm pimpin?
Yah.
Oh yes! ::dances::
Umm...yeah.

 

LZOORUMEKSLKJHUH is in hell again. Or maybe it's Alex's math class...
Hey! What are you doing here? And why am I in hell again?
Hey! You're LZOORUMEKSLKJHUH! And you're in math class too! With me and Dagmar!
Hey! You're Alex! And you think you're pimpin!
Are you laughing at me?
Of course not. Just quit pointing at me!
Okay!

 

For sake of hilarity, I am going to add you as a character to my comic.
Did I ever tell you that you're my hero?
No.
Good, because you're not! haha!!
Good one.
Eep!

 

Hammer hammer hammer
Hammer hammer hammer
Hammer hammer hammer
Knife knife knife
Knife knife knife
EEP!

 

Hey Dagmar! I wrote a poem for you.
Okay, let's hear it.
See, I figured that you'd enjoy it, because of the fact that you are a hippie and hippies enjoy the WWI propoganda slogans.
Yes, I would like to hear it now.
But if you don't enjoy it, please don't scream obscenities at me or anything like that because that would hurt my feelings.
OKAY!

 

Here it goes: Don't wash your dishes. Clean your plate. Be proud of all the food you ate! Don't chop down trees. Let's save them all! We'll have a great big wood recall!
That was...interesting. I liked it.
Really?
Yes. In fact, I loved it. You are quite the poet.
And modest too!
Yes...very. ::sarcasm::

 

Dagmar! Remember me?
Yes. You were Ryan, that guy I dated that I broke up with because he suddenly asked in the middle of a romantic moment, "Wanna have sex?!"
Please don't remind me. I'm over that now.
Really? <3
So...wanna have sex?
...go away...GO AWAY!!!

 

I'm starting to go crazy in this place.
Really? I'm sorry.
Oooo...will you marry me?
...
You ARE going crazy.

 

l-o-l! l-o-l! That's so fun-ny! l-o-l!
I want to know what kind of drugs you're on.
l-o-l! l-o-l! That's so fun-ny! l-o-l!
Because if I had some of those drugs...
l-o-l! l-o-l! That's so fun-ny! l-o-l!
...I wouldn't have to watch you.

 

Definition of "bee's knees"
Bee's knees.
Translation: Extraordinary.
Usage of "bee's knees"
The snowman is the bee's knees.
Translation: The snowman is extraordinary.
More usage of "bee's knees"
Noonie is the bee's knees.
Translation: Noonie is extraordinary.

 

Definition of "flat tire"
Flat tire.
Translation: Disappointing date.
Usage of "flat tire"
I had a flat tire last night.
Translation: I had a disappointing date last night.
More usage of "flat tire"
You are such a flat tire.
Translation: You are such a disappointing date...wait a minute...

 

Definition of "spiflicated"
Spiflicated.
Translation: Drunk.
Usage of "spiflicated"
Last night, I was so spiflicated that I almost melted.
Translation: Last night, I got so drunk that I almost melted.
More usage of "spiflicated"
Next time you get spiflicated in front of me and throw me a line, I will bump you off.
Translation: Next time you get drunk in front of me and use unsincere flattery, I will kill you...wait a minute...

 

Has your mom ever given you that talk?
What talk?
I mean really. What do birds and bees have to do with anything?
Well, bees sting you and birds crap on your car.
Then why...
Don't ask.

 

You know, now that I understand that concept, I will never watch another Disney movie for the rest of my life.
Isn't that a little bit drastic?
NOOO! Bambi's violence has been violated!!!
Bambi never did it.
All the fluffy little forest animals have children! ::sobs::
...

 

Why do ducks have flat feet?
I dunno. Why?
To stamp out forest fires. Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out big forest fires?
No. To stamp out burning ducks.
...

 

I have a joke too.
What is it?
Green. Hehehehaha ::cough cough hack hack::
That joke sucked.
You don't like my joke?
Eep!

 

Why do elephants wear sunglasses?
I don't know. Why?
So that nobody recognizes them. Hehehehaha ::cough cough hack hack::
You're not supposed to laugh at your own jokes.
I wasn't done.
Eep!

 

There's an elephant stampede. What do you do?
Run?
No. You don't do anything because you don't recognize them! Hehehehaha ::cough cough hack hack::
Uhh...that was...great.
You're supposed to laugh.
Eep! Ha ha! haa...

 

You know, I've realized something.
What?
Your tie disappears and reappears constantly and also changes designs.
What are you talking about?
Never mind..

 

::giggles::
Can we turn the lights on? I can see it better with the lights on.
Fine. But I'm exhausted so you'll have to do it.
But I have a headache!
The "look at the box in the dark" game is getting too old.
But I like the "look at the box in the dark" game!

 

Ok, where am I?
It's time, Dagmar.
Time for what?
To rub you out.
Dagmar! What's wrong?
::shivers:: No more caffeine...no more caffeine...

 

You know what?
What?
They only talk about child molestation cases on TV. The only woman molestation case I've ever seen is about Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Why are they complaining?
If it were me, I would say "wow. I have just been molested by Arnold Schwarzenegger."
And you keep a straight face as you say this...

 

The character Alex is sporting a very trendy blue and white space suit from our new Gamma 9 Orbital collection.
Alex, why are you wearing a space suit?
Uhh, I was staring off into space and then I came to wearing a space suit.
Priced at $29,054,032, this revolutionary style is simple and affordable, yet makes a statement wherever life takes you.
>:(
:(?
Check out our new fall fashions, coming in December!
Go change. Now. I don't want to look at you in that anymore.
There's a solution for you, folks.

 

You're stupid.
:(

 

You're stupid.
:(

 

You're stupid.
:(

 

You're stupid.
:(

 

You're stupid.
:(

 

You're stupid.
:(

 

IRRESOLUTION
You're stupid.
No, you are.
DEMUR
>:O
:P
SORROW
:(
:)

 

We regret to inform you that the last series, "Dagmar is Currently Mad at the World," was titled by our good friend Alex.
That's right!
We also regret to inform you that he cannot count worth a flip.
Umm...:(
We apologize for the inconvenience.
D-oh!

 

What am I doing in the prison in my underwear?
Well, I had the snowman transport me in here so that I can tell you that Dagmar wants to rape you.
Wow, really?! But rape is for the willing!
Actually, she never said anything to me. But now that I know, I am going to tell Dagmar what you said.
OMG NO, LZOORUMEKSLKJHUH! I LOVE YOU!! DON'T SAY ANYTHING TO HER!
You little whore. :)

 

Hi. I am a very intelligent scientist with highly noticable armpit stains.
Uhh...where did you come from?
Hi. I am a very intelligent scientist with highly noticable armpit stains.
Yes. Thank you for telling me that. Will you please tell me where you came from?
I hate technology.

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