All comics by RandomComicLayoutGuy

Profile

 

Woah!
If, YOU'RE here...
...I must be in the WRONG place!

 

...and, just how long did it take you to reach Earth?
Bleeble bloop muk muk mag poogle poop...
Okay... And, in which galaxy is your home planet located?
Weeble nook nana "Xvtdinswkts"...
Can you spell that for me?
?

 

Hey, baby... Wanna come back to my place?
Uh, no...
C'mon! Just for a little while. I'll even make dinner for you...
I'll pass...
Oh, honey... Don't be like that!
Leave me alone, mom!

 

CRACK!
CRACK!
T-t-try u-u-using an ice p-p-pick...
Okay!

 

Dude... Goddamn! What's that horrible smell?
I just took a major BigFank105! Just look in the bowl!
Holy BigFrank105!I'll say it's major BigFrank105! My eyes are burnin'!
So's my ass!
Of course it's burning! After giving birth to a huge BigFrank105, the opening of your asshole must be the size of a basketball hoop!
It is! I needs you to nail it shut until I can make it to the ER!

 

Goddamn!
Did you do that, or is it my prize cow Bossie's work?
It was me...

 

"Dear Stickboy... Life on the farm has been pretty dismal ever since that 'Great Satan' President Bush cut our subsidies..."
"Therefore, we sent your cousin, Spankling, to the big city to look for work. Your ma said it'd be okay if he stayed with you for awhile..."
"But, whatever you do, DO NOT fall asleep with more than one eye closed, lest you want to walk funny in the morning. Love, Auntie Em"
You got a pretty mouth!
Shit!

 

Groovy!
Groovy!
Groovy!
Groovy!
Groovy!
Uh... I think we wandered into the wrong strip, boys!

 

John and Sally Smith..?
4315 Elm Street!
Charles and Latrina Cooper..?
633 S. Figuerora!
Amazing! But, I doubt your know where my mother lives...
4851 Newman Ave, apartment C, upstairs, last door on the right, knock twice, bring $100!

 

You...
...fucking...
...IDIOT!!
Sorry...

 

Damn!
[scribble]
$726 for speeding?
[scribble, scribble}
I was SKIING, for chrissakes!
Slow the fuck DOWN!!

 

Damn!
Check out the rack on the new elfette!
Christmas came early this year!

 

BOING!!
Wow!
I didn't realize your tits were so [gulp!] BIG!
Brace yourself- HERE I COME!!

 

Oh, gawd! *URP!*
HURRY UP, GUYS!
I'm feeling shick! [Braaaaappppp!!]
I THINK HE'S GONNA BLOW!!
Ahhhhhh... I feel much better now! [hic]
Never mind! It was a false alarm!

 

...then, all twelve of them unzipped their flies, and simultaneously spooged!
[scribble]
Then, they laughed at me and took off!
[scribble, scribble] Got it...
I mean, I don't mind gay men coming onto me, but this is ridiculous!
Well, sir... I think I speak for everyone looking in on this comic when I say, "Ewww!"

 

Ho! Ho! Ho! You're looking fine today, Miss Pennynipple!
Thanks, Mr. Kringle...
You wanna go back to my place, and hug the "North Pole"?
Sure!
It gets better...
Can I bring my equally horny twin sister..?

 

Dude... Is this fookin' rad or what!
No, it's not "rad"! We're stuck here on the Moon!
Yeah... But, check out the awesome view of Earth, man!
View, schmiew! We're marooned, I tell you! MAROONED!!
Right on! "Songs About Jane" rocks, dude!
What we have here is failure to communicate!

 

Who the hell are you?
It's me... Pete the Pirate! Arrrrgghhhhh!
Okay... But, why in the name of Karl Malone are you here..?
Is yer name Timmy the Pervert? Arrrrrrgghhh!
Yes...
Well, I saw yer profile in the "Advocate", and I'm here to check out yer "booty"! AARRRRRRGGGHH!!

 

Guess what, honey! My new strip, "RandomComicLayoutGuy" is a big hit!
I think I may have stumbled onto something here...
Honey?
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

 

Hey, Jesus! I like what you've done with the place!
This big aquarium behind me is a nice touch...
I installed one in my home, but the water boiled over and killed all the fucking fish!

 

NOW, will you take me to your leader, asshole?!
Yes! Sure! Anything you want!
Well, I certainly learned one thing from this situation...
The next time some E.T.-looking motherfucker says he has a ray gun that will blow my face clean off, I'm going to believe him!

 

Yee-OUCH!
That last coconut landed right on my...
...NUTS!

 

For show and tell, I brought in my guardian angel...
How do!
Any of you motherfuckers wanna mess with me now?

 

GAH! You got me right in the nuts!
You win, man!
YAY!

 

Nice donkey...
Closer...
Nice donkey...
Closer...
Nice donkey...
One more inch and (whammo!) I've got him!

 

Sir... Your approval rating for the war on terror is down to 38%...
Shit!
And, your rating for homeland security is even lower!
Shit! Oh, well... Atleast, I got the illegal alien vote sewn up!
Actually, you don't... 93% of all illegals don't know who you are, and 100% aren't allowed to vote!
Ah, shit! Really?SOMEBODY GET THAT FUCK-FACE ROVE ON THE PHONE RIGHT NOW!!

 

Gee...
It was nice of that the guys all came over...
...me!

 

Only eighty-one days until Halloween...
Whee.

 

Hi, kids! Petey the Puppet and I are here to show you how to avoid being molested by strangers... Ready, Petey?
Ready...
I'll play the part of the stranger, and Petey will play the potential child victim... Let's pretend I come walking up to him on the street, and-
PRIEST ALERT!! PRIEST ALERT!! RUN AWAY!! RUN AWAY!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
That's the wrong fucking script, Petey!
Sorry...

 

Ta-DA!!
Wow, dude! That's amazing!!
How long did it take you to learn that trick..?
Never mind that! Just give me my fucking Milkbone, asshole!

 

Dude... I didn't mean to scare you like that!
I somehow made a wrong turn at Laguna Beach, and ended up in your toilet bowl...
I'm really, really sorry!
Yeah... Whatever!

 

Fuckin' relax, Gumby!
...AAAAAAAAAAAAA...
I was only joking...
...AAAAAAAAAAAAA...
That horse-meat sandwich you just ate was not Pokey...
...AAAAAAAAAAAAA...

 

We cross tonight!
Jumanji!
Any questions..?
Yeah... Why is this suitcase so goddamn heavy?
'Cuz, it's da "bomb", baby!
Yo, yo!

 

WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM FOR A SPECIAL NEWS UPDATE!!
This is Jack Hoff in the Channel 9 newsroom... Those flashes of lights in the sky this morning were not alien spacecraft, as earlier reported.
Homeland Security has given the "All Clear" signal. You can now go about your lives, per usual, without fear of an intergalatic invasion...
Suckers!

 

Cool cat!
Dork!

 

Nice mouse...
Closer...
Nice mouse...
Closer...
Hmmm... Maybe, I shouldn't after that fiasco with the donkey...
Damn!

 

OUCH!
You kneed me right in my NUTS!
What the hell d'you do that for?
It's the Apocalypse, baby! No more rules!

 

Hey, guys! Isn't it fuggin' hilarious how the people jump overboard when they see us coming?HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA...
HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA...
HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA...
HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA...
HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA...
HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA...

 

How many weeks have we been stuck on this deserted island..?
Thirty-two!
That fucking blows! Oh, well... Atleast, we have enough food to last us! I think I'll make myself a coconut sandwich...
Hmmm... You know what would hit the spot? Pumpkin Pie! Yum, yum!
Uh, oh!
I'll go fire up the oven...

 

Dude... I'm writing down a number between one and one million. Don't peek!
Okay... Done. What's your guess?
Um... Three?
Shit!

 

CRACK!!
OH! OH! OH!
CRACK!!
OH! OH! OH!
CRACK!!
OH! OH! OH!
Had enough, fatso?

 

You like that..?
Hee, hee, hee... Yes!
How about there...?
Hee, hee, hee... Oh, yeah, baby!
How 'bout I stick my finger in your right ear..?
Hee, hee, hee... Go for it!

 

Hmmm... Maybe, I've been too hard on these humans...
Maybe, if I go out and really get to know them, I'll see only the good in them, and ease up on damning their souls to eternal anguish in a hot, burning underworld known as "Hell"...
"CHECK OUT THE DORK WITH HORNS AND A PITCHFORK STANDING IN THE DOORWAY! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"
Or fucking not!

 

PEOPLE OF EARTH... LISTEN UP!
MY NAME IS MONGO, FROM THE PLANET BONGO. I HAVE COME HERE ON A MISSION OF PEACE...
...JUST AS LONG AS YOU PROVIDE AN UNLIMITED AMOUNT OF POON TANG! BUT, IF ANY OF YOUR EARTH-SKANKS GIVE ME AN STD, I SWEAR I'LL VAPORIZE THE WHOLE LOT OF YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!!

 

I can't touch the wall!
I CAN'T TOUCH THE WALL!!
MOVE CLOSER, DIPSHIT!!
Oh, yeah...

 

"Wow! That's an interesting thing you brought in for Show and Tell..."
"Wherever did you find it..?"
Are you talking to him or me?

 

I tell ya, dude...
This place gives me the willies!
You know what I mean..?
Word!

 

Ho! Ho! Ho!
Welcome to the North Pole!
Boy, did I go the wrong way!

 

We attack the port town at dawn! Arrrggghhh!
Are you with me, mateys!! ARRRGGGGGHHH!!
Who ARE you?

 

Whew!
Another busy ski season has come and gone...
This year, by far, has been the bloodiest ever!

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