All comics by Spankling

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by Spankling
6-05-01
Just reminiscing about the girls I've fallen in lust with over the years.
He made me realize I was sexy.
It was nice how he kept asking...
Wondering where they are. What they're doing.
I might have banged him if he wasn't such a geek.
If I saw him today he wouldn't get off so easy!
Hope they're all okay, even if most of them never boffed me.
Spankling? Nope. Don't remember him.
You should have called...

 

by Spankling
6-06-01
Holobabe and Dr Plank are completing work on prototype 8
What will it be this morning Dr? More anal probes?
Maybe later. Right now it is time for another stress test.
Score! I'll slip into overdrive and burn this bitch up just like all the others!
Shall we have sex?
I can't afford to keep making sex toys for her to destroy, Dr. Have you made the modifications we discussed?
Yes sir. Prototype 8 has her own overdrive unit.

 

by Spankling
6-06-01
Prototype 8 stood up to Holobabe's sexual assault, and even dished out some whoop ass of her own.
Congrats sir. You have what you wanted. *groan*. You can now build as many of me as you like. May I *whimper* have my money now?
Of course, Holobabe. Our bargain is complete. My aid will bring your 45 million now. Goodbye.
*ouch* my every hole is throbbing!
Wow! So you're Holobabe! Here's your money. Say, would you sign my boner for me?
But our heroin doesn't stay down for long.
Score!

 

by Spankling
6-06-01
With funds in hand Holobabe contacts the mother ship to find someone who will upgrade her holo-emitters.
Come in Peter. This is Holobabe. I need a ride out of here.
So you finally tire of this primitive planet and its... its...
Say... I haven't seen you here before.
I guess this must by your lucky day then.

 

by Spankling
6-06-01
Holobabe experiences a set-back in her plans to leave Earth.
Come ON Peter! Boff the bitch and lets GO!
I hear Earth girls are easy.
Uhm... Is that your wife? Cuz I charge more if she's gonna watch.
Charge? Look honey, here's one million. Hit the bricks.
Yes miss! I'll be slapping those bricks right now!

 

by Spankling
6-06-01
Finally, Holobabe is on her way.
Thanks for ruining my chance to get laid, bitch. How many earthlings did you plank while you were down there?!?
Stow it. Just take me to the nearest techno-sphere. I got 44 million and I'm blowing the whole wad on system upgrades!
You know, of course, no place in the universe honors earth money but earth, right?
uhh.....
Stupid hole.

 

by Spankling
6-06-01
It says here, "Men and women with sex chromosome abnormalities (SCA) are able to complete high school, hold full-time jobs, marry and have children, according to a new report."
It would also appear that they are able to create online comics.

 

by Spankling
6-06-01
Did I leave the toilet running?
I guess I did. Then again, I would run too if some one kept sitting on my face and crapping down my throat.
Try the new grilled stuffed burrito at Taco Bell!

 

by Spankling
6-06-01
You ever give a cat bath to a pack of mules?
NO! God! That is disgusting!
Would you like to?
Sure. What the hell.

 

by Spankling
6-06-01
*polite applause*
Hello. My name is Maura6-2 but you might know me as Holobabe. Spankling (please) has asked me to inform you that there will be no more Holobabe episodes.
*Wild Applause*
Thank you. It took him 41 strips to come to the lamest possible ending ever used in one of these strips. Okay not as lame as all those "you're so gay" things but you get the idea.
"Bring on the donkey!"
Quiet Gabe. Spankling's only comfort is that the directing, script and ending were at least as good as the final Voyager episode. Thank you and goodbye.

 

by Spankling
6-06-01
What's silver and red and waddles into walls?
I give up. What is silver and red and waddles into walls?
A hungry zombie baby with forks in its eyes.
Hello?
*Clatter*

 

by Spankling
6-06-01
Man that was some headache I had yesterday!
I told you! Do what I do. I go home and put my head on my wife's bosom, and the headache goes away.
I did! I did! And it worked great!
Good. I'm glad.
By the way, you have a nice house.
?

 

by Spankling
6-06-01
Oh crap! It's garbage day again! I just hate paying to throw stuff away.
I don't do that anymore?
How do you get rid of your garbage?
I gift-wrap it and leave it in an unlocked car.

 

by Spankling
6-06-01
Hey Jesus. What's black and white and red and can't get through a revolving door?
I give up. What?
A nun with a spear through her head.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Shit. I needed that.

 

by Spankling
6-06-01
Doctor, it hurts when I do this.
Then don't do that!
You know when they made you they broke the mold.
Why thank you...
Then they took the mold-maker out into the street and beat the piss out of him!
...

 

by Spankling
6-06-01
I just got a dog with no legs. What should I do with him?
Take him out for a drag.
What if he needs to pee?
Lean him up against a tree.
So what should I call him.
What does it matter? He's not gonna come when you call!

 

by Spankling
6-07-01
What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?
I don't know. What?
When you slap a mosquito, it will stop sucking.
!
If you ever talk to me like that again, I wil wear you like a sock puppet.

 

by Spankling
6-07-01
Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
Because they can't even keep two calves together!
What do blondes and cow pies have in common?
The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
Why did god give blondes 2% more brains than horses?
Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during parades.

 

by Spankling
6-07-01
For fifteen dollars, I will read your palm.
What the hell. Go ahead.
I can see that you have no girlfriend. And you are extremely lonely.
That's amazing. Can you tell all of this from my love line?
Love line? No, from the calluses, blisters and this gooey jiz trail you pathetic pipe puncher. Get away from me.
he he he

 

by Spankling
6-07-01
A family takes a walk down a nude beach.
Mommy! I just saw a lady with boobies way bigger than yours!
The bigger they are the dumber they are, honey.
Mommy! I just saw some men with dingers way bigger than daddy's!
The bigger they are the dumber they are, honey.
Mommy! I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady on the beach, and the longer they talked the dumber he got!
!

 

by Spankling
6-07-01
Why do catholic school girlz chew so much gum?
Like *snap* I dunno. Why?
So they can say they've had something in their mouths that they didn't swallow.
That's so funny I forgot to let you live!

 

by Spankling
6-07-01
gargle gargle gargle gargle gargle gargle gargle gargle gargle gargle gargle gargle gargle gargle gargle gargle gargle gargle gargle gargle
gargle gargle gargle gargle gargle gargle gargle gargle gargle gargle gargle gargle gargle gargle gargle gargle gargle gargle gargle gargle
Okay, babe. You can swallow now. You've earned your $10.
Oh sweet merciful god! *gulp*

 

by Spankling
6-07-01
An unlikely pair discuss fine art over fine wine.
Smashing 1976 Lafitte Rothschild Bongo. Where ever did you come by it.
While fisting the Dutchess of York I found a whole case of it. I donkey punched her with one bottle and ran off with the rest. But we were discussing women in art. Now the Birth of Venus...
Later that evening...
Th' Minoan Snake Goddess bitch holds two writhing snakes for shitting out loud! Like she's gonna mouth plow two cocks! *drool* I wanna beat her high round ass with a fist full of car antennas!
Fuck you goat boy! The Venus of Wiilendorf is the quintessential woman! She honors the primal mother goddess with her opulence. And she predates your snake wagging whore by over 28,000 years!
Even later. Peter finds himself on the street looking to satiate the lust their conversation has produced.
Whathaya say bro! You got anyone as hot as this Wiffilfork... Willidork... Earth Goddess Bitch! I wanna shag 'er!
Yeah, I know what you want honky. I got a big ol' mamma gonna sit you down an' stuff yo head clean up her fat ass. You got the 20 bucks?

 

by Spankling
6-07-01
DANG! I'm so thirsty I could lick the sweat off a bull's balls!
Moo

 

by Spankling
6-07-01
Maybe we should jump for it!
All right!
This reminds me of getting a blow job from my grandmother!
EW! Why?
I didn't want to look down then either.
At least I'm going to die soon!

 

by Spankling
6-08-01
When_I_was_a_little girl my grandmother, a Creek Indian, used to take me out into the woods around our home and set me on a blanket she had made herself as a young girl. Then she would start digging.
It_looked_to_me_like any other spot, but she could tell it was an old Indian burial plot. I would watch as she unearthed the cherished belongings of the departed, as well as bone fragments.
Mostly she kept pipes, pottery and jewelry to sell by the roadside to white tourists as they drove by some 10 miles from the shack we lived in. I_never_liked_that_old_lady.

 

by Spankling
6-08-01
My father and minister conspired to hire a prostitute to chaperone a sleepover in our church one summer night when I was about 13.
I can't believe this is happening!
So young and tender... I could make him do just about anything!
They chose her well. She had an outrageous body and showed up wearing a thin white blouse with a black lace bra underneath.
There are, like, 7 other guys on this sleepover. Where did they go?
I'll just separate this one from the herd and have a little fun.
She wanted us to screw under the cross on the alter, but that weirded me out too much. So I spent the night wrestling and spanking her in the youth room.
Damn! My_hands_are_raw from_slapping_her_ass! How am I ever gonna jerk off after this?
Come on boy! Put your arm into it!

 

by Spankling
6-08-01
Pull my finger, boy.
Okay, Gramps.
Ka-BOOM
I hate you, old man!
*snicker* Chump!

 

by Spankling
6-08-01
People_had_strange_ideas back then. They didn't mean to steer me toward hookers. They thought by awakening a part of me that was draw to the fairer sex...
They wanted to make sure he didn't turn out gay.
And did it work?
Are you kidding? You should have seen this woman!
Yeah. I was hot.

 

by Spankling
6-08-01
Once, for a summer job I stuffed envelopes in the Wrigley Building in downtown Chicago. Wang computers had an office there. One day the elevator door opened_on_that_floor.
Right in front of the doors, on the floor was the word "WANG" inside a design_that_looked like a double-headed cock. I looked at it and shouted, "Wang!?!" Everyone on the elevator laughed.
Hey! It's not like I'M the one that paid to have a giant, double-headed penis carved into the carpet!

 

by Spankling
6-09-01
Long ago, while driving cross-country, I picked up a hitchhiker. In exchange for the 30-mile ride he gave me a small bag of mushrooms. So I ate them.
Thanks man! There are a lot of snakes out there!
I don't see any.
It took a while, but eventually they kicked in.
I never realized that steet lights could be so many colors!
Maybe I should pull over...

 

by Spankling
6-11-01
Many moons ago I was crashing on the couch at a friend of a friend's. One of the guys who lived there (he was about 30) stumbles through the room dragging a drunk cheerleader (with big pom-poms).
C'mon, baby. We don't have much time.
Te he! *hic*
They rattled the walls in the next room for about 30 minutes. Then they stuffed themselves back into what few cloths they had bothered to remove and he chucked her out the back door.
Halftime must be over. You better get back.
Sure thing! See you tomorrow? Te he! *moan*
Hey, Spankster! Wake up and blow some weed with me! Wrestling is on! *click*
Should I be disgusted or ask him how he gets away with that?

 

by Spankling
6-11-01
I was a senior in college and she was an ambitious local girl, perhaps a junior in high-school. Ladies were never beating down my door, except this girl. Maybe I reminded her of someone else.
She could talk twice as fast as I could think. Despite the age difference, I felt like the one being stalked.
Why don't we head back to your room.
... uhhm...
She claimed she was a virgin who wanted me to change things. I didn't want that much responsibility.
I want to try something my girlfriends have been talking about. Maybe you have something you want to try? Anything?
GOD am I going to regret this when I'm old!

 

by Spankling
6-11-01
I made a friend in 7th grade just because his mom was SOOOOO hot.
Hello, Mrs. Johnson!
Hello kid. Wirthling's outside playing with cow pies.
I especially liked coming over on summer mornings. She often only wore panties and a tight t-shirt until noon.
Hello, Mrs. Johnson!
*sigh* My face is up here, kid.

 

by Spankling
6-11-01
We worked as camp councilors together. She managed the stables and I worked canoe class. At night we either headed for the bushes to get high or to the bars to get drunk.
I'll just tease him along for a few weeks until he'll_do_anything_for_me...
Damn! I want her so bad it hurts!
She was 6'2", strong, gorgeous and confident. We wrestled for weeks before she finally let me "climb on." If we were straight I could win, but she beat me every time when I was altered.
Give it up Spanks. After blowing that J, beating you is child's play!
No way. This time I'll be sitting on YOUR chest!
We had a drinking contest one night and she drank me under the table. She had to carry me home.
*snicker* When we make it back to the bushes, I'm gonna collect my "winnings."
hummer ffllupping.. juss wake me up fer it.

 

by Spankling
6-11-01
American media has become homogenized to the point that it is useless for actually disseminating information.
I watched every debate and endless news coverage. I voted for W because he said he was compassionated. What_else_do_I_need_do_know?
Today Resident Bush played T-ball on the White House lawn. No questions were asked about his druggy past, his molestation of young girls, or how this influenced his daughters'_current_behavior.
Why is it so easy to fool us?
What was the question again?
Such fools! Just keep smiling and say nice things and WAMMO! You got 'em bent over like a Wirthing mule! Ha ha ha ha!

 

by Spankling
6-11-01
Do you have the brains to play with these boyz, little girl?
Sure, Spankling. I've got it solved.
Great! Let me in on it, will you?
It wouldn't do any good. If it doesn't have to do with a skirt being lifted, you can't remember it for more than 2 minutes.
Good point. Speaking of which, let me give you a place to hang that little green dress of yours.
In your dreams, Spankling. Even Maura doesn't return your calls after the crap you've admitted to.

 

by Spankling
6-11-01
What's the difference between Bill Clinton and the Titanic?
What?
Only about 2000 people went down on the Titanic.
Oh yeah. I heard that one... *sigh*
It gets boring out at sea when you're dead.
Well, at least we got the band down here with us!

 

by Spankling
6-11-01
What's the difference between Bill Clinton and the Titanic?
What?
Only about 2000 people went down on the Titanic.
Oh yeah. I heard that one... *sigh*
It gets boring out at sea when you're dead.
Well, at least we got the band down here with us!

 

by Spankling
6-11-01
The night I first found Strip Creator
REMOVE THE JACKET! TOBOR WILL MANRAPE YOU!
Excuse me?
REMOVE THE JACKET! TOBOR WILL HAVE HIS WAY!
Oh. Well, I'm new arround here. If that's the way things are...
TOBOR SEES HE IS NOT THE FIRST TO ARRIVE!
OOOch! Where do you keep that thing? In a refrigerator?!?

 

by Spankling
6-13-01
Honey, have you seen the cat?
No.
I can tell when you're lying. Your LED's dilate. Now what'd you do with the cat this time?
I killed it.
In another mad attempt to prove Schrodinger's principle?!
No, I just hate cats.

 

by Spankling
6-13-01
So... We're back.
Yep.
Feels good.
Yep.
Can I see you without your pants again?
Can I see you with your head ripped off again?

 

by Spankling
6-13-01
An embarrassing encounter
Hi.
Oh... Uh... Hi there.
Is that all you have to say for yourself?
uh... Holly, was it?
Say goodbye Gabe.
Yeah. Bye.

 

by Spankling
6-13-01
Say tall green and scaly, you were an unstoppable love machine during the downtime.
Back atcha!
Does 40 bucks sound all right to you?
Lead the way!

 

by Spankling
6-13-01
What?
*snicker*
Forget it nut-cruncher. No peep show today.
Been there, seen that already, slut. Pardon me while I track down that field mouse I've had my eye on.

 

by Spankling
6-13-01
Hey you! Poke-a-hiney! I'm gonna use those braids to drive my meat home. Why don't you drop and deliver!
You want a piece of me? I'll slap you with my head and drive you right into the ground like a nail!
Shit! She's right! Her head alone is almost as heavy as I am...
You got something else to say, white boy?
Please don't hurt me, oh mellon-headed goddess.

 

by Spankling
6-14-01
EW! A major bug! I am SOOO gonna hurl!
Actually, foxy lady, I am a rare breed of roach. My entrails contain a chemical that provides humans with a safe, but pleasurable euphoria. In short, I can get you off.
*crunch*_Hey..._you're_tasty..._*crunch*_and_robust! Fast acting too. Any more like you at home? You would be a big hit at the rave... Oh. I should've asked that before I started eating. Shit!
Bitch! You gonna die from that and I'll just grow me a new ass! Ha ha ha ha ha!

 

by Spankling
6-14-01
Cthulhu rises from his slumber and wades to shore.
Your life is forfeit, mortal! I will suck your brain dry!
You think you can suck brains? Follow me.
This isn't exactly what I had in mind... but... can't... look... away!
And now back to the Beverly Hillbillies marathon (after these messages).

 

by Spankling
6-14-01
If I said you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?
Why not. When choosing between two evils, I always take the one I've never tried before.

 

by Spankling
6-14-01
Late, on a street near your home.
Hey, boozer! You wanna see some pictures? I got pictures of me and my sister.
What? Really?
Sure. Just follow me.
Hot damn!
Only a few hours later...
You didn't use enough garlic, and he was under done!
Fine. Next time I'll do the hunting and you do the cooking.

Showing page 2.

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