All comics by TheNewSoup

Profile

 

by TheNewSoup
3-28-04
haha ha ha! lookit the fat guy!
hey man, that's not cool.
fatty fatty fatso. you horrible fat fucker. go on a diet.
hey! i'll have you know that i AM going on a diet! i've been watching my fats for over 2 months!
heh, yeah. watching it GROW.

 

by TheNewSoup
3-28-04
Mr. Principal, i'm beginning to think that these fire drills are too tough on the students.
nah.

 

by TheNewSoup
3-28-04
I checked my 30.06 Double-Action Guglielmo Reamed Free-Fire Blow Back Assault Rifle with Kigiz-Pittman Deflected Silencer.
I saw him there. My fingers strayed to my 40-ODD-7 Belefescue Rim-Packed Sluice-Gated Close Action Revolver with Doubled-Hipped Andrews Hollow-Nose Ammo Feed.
he had given me the invitation...
who're ya talkin to?
He had tasted my 3.55 Millimeter Slip-Streamed Bit Mapped Callahan-Siegel Fieldpiece with attached Double Reverse Blowback Ammo Feed and the 300 DPI Modified Pendleton Underslung File Damper.
...and i had brought the tuna casserole.

 

by TheNewSoup
3-28-04
there! my great masterpiece is complete!
WOOOOOO! FAMILY GUY ROOOOOOCKS!

 

by TheNewSoup
3-30-04
howdy pardner! ya like mah 10 gallon hat?
10 gallons in that tiny space! i am amazed!
it actually only holds one gallon...
WHY MUST YOU LIE TO ME!?

 

by TheNewSoup
3-30-04
On the computer screen
hey, it looks like you're writing a letter!
or wait, no you're not. what the fuck are you doing?
oh....sick.

 

by TheNewSoup
4-05-04
isn't my painting great?
amazing. it's just how i imagined it.

 

by TheNewSoup
4-06-04
say wally, can you help me with my homework?
sorry beav, i can't! i've got a date with my girlfriend tonight!
son, i think you're too young to be thinking about girls!
oh ward!
'Beaver' indeed.
jeez, TV land has the weirdest porn ever.

 

by TheNewSoup
4-07-04
COW! GIMME SOME MILK!
i am not a cow. i am a donkey. no milk for you.
it's because i'm DIFFERENT, isn't it!?

 

by TheNewSoup
4-07-04
whatcha drawing?
a pair of kitties snowboarding.
are they having fun?
no. they're hitting a tree.

 

by TheNewSoup
4-08-04
BURN THE WITCH! BURN THE WITCH!
i'm not a witch! why won't you believe me?
if you'd like, we could go up to my bedchamber and i could closely examine your body for the mark of satan to prove you aren't.
actually, just burn me.

 

by TheNewSoup
4-09-04
Zeus! I'm bored!
Are you kidding? We're on Mt. Olympus! We have everything.
Fun, Zeus, I want to do something fun! Tell me, what do you do for fun?
Hmmm...
and THAT, m' boy, is where babies come from.
You're weird, daddy.

 

by TheNewSoup
4-09-04
MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
wrong house dude. the girl's dorm is right across the street.
oh. really? fuck, that's embarassing. jeez, i look like a retard now don't i?
don't sweat it. it's an easy mistake. i get tentacle monsters with the wrong adress ringing my doorbell all the time.
cool. hey, you wanna come? it's gonna be a blast!

 

by TheNewSoup
4-25-04
one evening, two star-crossed souls, destined to be together, bump into each other on the street...
sup.
um, hello.
abstinence is stupid.
afros are out of style.
they never saw each other again.

 

by TheNewSoup
5-16-04
clear your mind, my young psychic apprentice, attempt to see events which have not yet come to pass...
OH NO! IT'S HORRIBLE! WHAT?! WHAT IS IT!?
what is it, my child? what do you see?
i... it's so hard to make sense of it all...it was like a... a...

 

by TheNewSoup
6-11-04
oh wise and honorable master, i climbed to the summit of this mountain to lift a burden that has been resting on my soul...
yes, what is it my son?
well, i live in nebraska. i'd really like to go surfing. is there any way i can accomplish this without driving like 400 miles to the coastline?
yes, there is. you will need to purchase a wave pool. a nice and powerful one.
but those are expensive.
we must all make sacrifices for the greater good.

 

by TheNewSoup
6-13-04
so, seen any good movies lately?
no, not really.
cool, me neither.
what about books? read any good books?

 

by TheNewSoup
7-05-04
i just flew in from vegas, and boy are my arms tired!
penguins can't fly, retard.

 

by TheNewSoup
7-07-04
i'll go slip into something.. a little more comfortable!

 

by TheNewSoup
7-07-04
honey, bad news. i've been fired from my job of reciting oingo boingo lyrics for no reason.
what? you stupid deadbeat, i'm moving out.
oh, don't you go-oh oh! won't you stay with me one more daaayyy? oooh, if we get the room! one more night! ooooh!
...fuck you. i'm leaving.
oingo boingo....rules....

 

by TheNewSoup
7-12-04
DUDE THIS IS TENSE!
OMG I KNO!

 

by TheNewSoup
7-16-04
dude, i met this girl at a bus stop about a year ago! she was incredible! we talked and talked for hours until it got dark, then we arranged a date!
and so we've been dating ever since! i can tell she's the one for me! she's perfect, i'm so in love with her! i'm sure she feels the same way! i'm gonna ask her to marry me!
dude, that's awesome! wow, you're so lucky! are you serious?!
nah. i just saw a waitress' cleavage this morning when she served me my food.
oh... ask her anyway.

 

by TheNewSoup
7-19-04

 

by TheNewSoup
7-28-04
hey, what the fuck are you doing?
killing people. what else would i be doing?
whacking off.

 

by TheNewSoup
7-31-04
man, that was freaky how our bus just dissolved into thin air back there, huh?
i'll say.
let's go eat some bees.
word.

 

by TheNewSoup
7-31-04
daughter, you should have been studying for your final exams instead of sleeping with the entire football team.
dad, it's my CHOICE what i do with my body, not yours!
WHORE!
TYRANT!

 

by TheNewSoup
7-31-04
hey, how are you?
i think i need to throw up.

 

by TheNewSoup
8-01-04
the lights are ready, the props are set up, the band is prepared, but WHERE IS OUR STAR?!
i'm right here, mr. director!
oh, you must be our replacement star we got at the last minute! thanks so much for coming! do you think you have what it takes to be an action star by today's high standards?
fuck yes. shut the fuck up, you whore.
WE'RE READY TO ROLL!

 

by TheNewSoup
8-01-04
hi, my name's hewlett.
HELLO HEWLETT.
yesterday i took over the soul of an innocent little girl and made her kill her entire family, then herself.
THE FIRST STEP TO RECOVERY IS ADMITTING YOU HAVE A PROBLEM.

 

by TheNewSoup
8-01-04
YES! woohoo, i did it! i'm the official worldwide chess champion! damn, i'm so fucking awesome! holy cow, this is the best day of my life!
*polite applause*
i wish i had a girlfriend.

 

by TheNewSoup
8-01-04
so you're saying my boobs are disgusting but you'd titty fuck me anyway?
that's what i'm saying, yes.

 

by TheNewSoup
8-01-04
marie, will you marry me?
surprise! i'm actually a robot and not a human woman! this changes nothing though, i'll still always love you! yes, let's get married right away!
shit, my arm fell off. oh well, we can still be happily married togeth-
this is so fucking lame.

 

by TheNewSoup
8-01-04
damn, it's really windy in america.
i'll say.
i liked it back home more.

 

by TheNewSoup
8-01-04
i just need one more level up...seriously you guys... *yawn*

 

by TheNewSoup
8-01-04
you guys smoke corn husks?! what the HELL have i been doing all these years?
i dunno, but you've been missing out.

 

by TheNewSoup
8-01-04
*sigh* there goes my secret crush. one of these days i'll work up the nerve to talk to her, just you wait.
why do you find women so attractive? you need a man in your life.

 

by TheNewSoup
8-01-04
HAAAAAARRRRRGG! RRRRRRRRGH!
push harder and hurry up, i need to take a shower.

 

by TheNewSoup
8-01-04
damn, i'm hungry! what do i ahve to do to get some food around here?
uh, go to a restaurant?
you dumbass, there's not gonna be anyone eating out on a sunday. they'll be inside, relaxing. or at church.
so go to church.
And so the zombie became a priest!
eating the altar boys is much more fun than molesting them.
eep.

 

by TheNewSoup
8-01-04
oh won't somebody help me? i have accidentaly glued my hands to my eyeballs!
somebody, anybody! i need help! where are all the helpful townspeople?
....maybe i imagined them all along.

 

by TheNewSoup
8-04-04
my penis watches you when you're not looking.
yeah, it sees you.

 

by TheNewSoup
8-07-04
TheNewSoup has made quite a few comics on this site, and he'd like to take this opportunity to thank an important person in his life.
the truth is, these comics are all really made for that special person, and each of these comics are dedicated as a whole to her wonderful self.
jesus, what the fuck did she do deserve it?
probably gave him syphilis.

 

by TheNewSoup
8-09-04
hey little boy, how would you like a free gynecology exam?
my mom always told me not to accept gynecology exams from strangers.
i'm no stranger, little boy. i'm your best friend.
anyone with a free gynecology exam is a friend of mine!

 

by TheNewSoup
8-14-04
hi, i'm a scary thing.
yessiree, i'm one fucked up little creature.
ladies, i'm single.

 

by TheNewSoup
8-14-04
you know, i look like some kind of reject jar jar binks if you look at me the right way.
see?

 

by TheNewSoup
9-19-04
wow, a corpse! maybe i should take it home!
but....then who would carry my saddle?
fuck. that always happens.

 

by TheNewSoup
10-02-04
i need some drugs.
i need some carbonated milk.
carbonated milk is awesome man. those bubbles in it...those bubbles fuck you up.

 

by TheNewSoup
10-23-04
this is the hottest tv show ever. yes baby, shake those beads!
*tambourine noises*

 

by TheNewSoup
11-19-04
and so the jackrabbit says to the mexican: "fish taters!" now wasn't that funny?
that was less funny than the lump i found in my breast this morning.
i'm not kidding. it's learning stand-up comedy.

 

by TheNewSoup
11-21-04
8th grade!
9th grade!
10th grade!
11th grade!
12th grade! I WIN! I WIN!
god dammit, one more round! 1st grade!

 

by TheNewSoup
12-04-04
so, anything new happen lately?
ah got my sister pregnant.
i said new.

Showing page 2.

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