All comics by Ultamatom

Profile

Robert Scratchit - Legendary pornographer, our diminutive hero, patron saint of the downtrodden and sex-starved.
Alice Tovores - Scratchit's long-suffering secretary.
Sven Svensson - Scratchit's gofer, and Alice's coworker.
Tim Jefferson - Alice's love interest, and a fan of Scratchit's work.
Mandy Dale - One of Scratchit's star actresses.
Darren Steam - Scratchit's right-hand man, his equal in porn legend. His specialty is bukkake.
Neil Jerkit - Neil is a reluctant partner of Jerkit, Spankit and Spurt, a local law firm.
Ellen Buck - Another actress.
Bruce Buck aka BuckBunny - Ellen's furry brother.
Richard Maus aka Dickmouse - Bruce's friend since childhood, also a furry.

Ye will know them by the trail of the jizz

by Ultamatom
11-02-06


	So if you hated the job so much, and Bob doesn't like you, why did you keep it up?


	My sister got me the job by begging him, and I needed the money to buy a blessed adamantium armour for my Rabbitman Ranger on Furscape.


	You worked in live action furry porn in order to buy a rare item in an online role-playing game.


	*Hey, this was blessed* adamantium armour. It costs like $3,000 on eBay.**


	Suddenly I think I understand why I hang around with you.


	Don't pretend you're better than me. I've seen those drawings of the Animaniacs you keep under your bed.

I debated whether or not to write that

by Ultamatom
11-02-06


	So, what are you going to do?


	I can't go back home. My mom has been crying ever since Ellen told her, and my dad's hands keep shaking as he cleans his guns. Can I stay here?


	Sure. I'll set you up in the basement. You'll only be able to stay until my mom gets back from Kansas on Sunday, though. I'll just go and get you a mattress.


	Man, why does your mom hate me so much?


	Because when we were fourteen, she caught you trying to force our pet cats to mate while you masturbated.


	*GOD DAMN IT, just because she didn't catch you in the closet with the video camera, you act like you had nothing to do with it!*

Could anything be more pathetic than this

by Ultamatom
11-02-06


	All right, BuckBunny. I called Ellen and told her you were here.


	Why? You needn't've bothered, she'd've guessed. I don't have anywhere else to go.


	Uhh, she was probably worrying about you.


	Bullshit. You're just hot for my mundane sister, you creep. Why do you waste your time on her? She's human, for Fenrir's sake! I'm going to bed.


	Well, she does happen to have a pretty nice pair, is all I'm saying.


	And that grab you made for them in the dark at school camp in tenth grade is still the closest you're ever going to get to them.

The thot plickens

by Ultamatom
12-06-06


	*Damn it, Dickmouse, I told* you not to garnish my salad! That's a preserve of the mundanes! And where are my carrots?!**


	Shut up. Look what's on TV.


	In local news, pornographer Robert Scratchit is to appear in court on Tuesday on charges of impropriety and tax evasion.


	Scratchit's counsel, Darren Steam, J. D., says he is "unconcerned" by the allegations against Mr. Scratchit.


	He adds that he expects an early acquittal.


	... reaaaaally now.

Go on, look it up.

by Ultamatom
7-07-08


	Hi Neil. Great work on that Scratchit case. It's gonna end up pretty high-profile, should really put us on the map.


	Yeah, I keep seeing it on the news. I think they're puffing this up into a landmark suit for women's rights.


	I bet they're shitting bricks over at Scratchit studios just now.


	Heheh. Uh, yeah. Yeah, probably.


	We're geniuses. You're a genius. This is brilliant. There are tears in my eyes this is so brilliant.


	Priapic Pizza Boy XII: The Hairy Hawaiian. God I love my job.

Showing page 2.

« Previous