All comics by Zegota

Profile

 

by Zegota
3-18-03
Sieg Heil

 

by Zegota
3-20-03

 

by Zegota
3-20-03
Hello Mr. President what will you be doing today?
I'm going to rewrite a book my dearest Mengigo
Sounds fun, which one?
The constitution

 

by Zegota
3-20-03
"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"
TROOPER TRANSFORM
GO GO POWER JESUS!
RAAAAR! I AM SINNEROR, SENT TO DESTROY THE WORLD BY THE EVIL HELLOSSA!

 

by Zegota
3-20-03
Meanwhile, on Mount Gehenna
"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"
TROOPER TRANSFORM
GO GO POWER JESUS!
RAAAAR! I AM SINNEROR, SENT TO DESTROY THE WORLD BY THE EVIL MENGIGO!

 

by Zegota
3-21-03
Romeo Oh Romeo Where Art Thou?
He's pole dancing in the Gay Bar, his act is called the Luscious Mengigo

 

by Zegota
3-25-03
And the award for best female artist goes too...
Halle Berry!
Oh thank you, I'm so honoured.
Wtf? You're not Halle Berry.
I forgot to put my make-up on, just hand over the award bitch.

 

by Zegota
3-25-03
Presenting the next award, because he can run fast, Maurice Greene!
*Applause*
And the award for best Cornholing screen, for the 4th consecutive year, goes too...
TOBOR!
RAAAAAAAR, COME BACK! TOBOR WILL CORHOLE YOU WITH AWARD!

 

by Zegota
3-26-03
In the green room
So? What award did they ask you to present?
The "You're too old, stop making movies and go die somewhere with dignity" award.
Woosh, that's the sound of time passing
I'm proud to present this years Lifetime Achievement Award ...

 

by Zegota
3-29-03
Lord Super Jesus, we just received some unsettling news. Apparently the U.N. have completed a new and horrible weapon. Reports say it's something big, and red.
Big and red? Oh dear, that can't be good, let's see if I can get help from my daddy.
Father? Where art thou father? I doth requireth thy aid.
What? Oh, it's you? Well, what happened now that you decided to grace the old man with your presence.
There's something big and red trying to hurt me. Maybe it's Satin or whatshisname.

 

by Zegota
3-31-03
Hello? Is there anyone in here?
Hello. I am the caretaker, how can I help you?
I'm lost, where in Needledicks Eustachian Tube am I?
We are currently inside the head of one George Bush Jr. But if I were you I'd get the hell out of here, everyone else did. I'm packing up my shit to get the fuck out of here too.

 

by Zegota
3-31-03
Hello officer
Hello Sir, My name is officer Bookya can I help you?
Yes, I'm a midget called Spanky and I'm looking for some Hanky Panky
He
Would you kindly place your hands on your head sir?

 

by Zegota
3-31-03
Hello Officer
Hello Sir, my name is officer Bookya, how can I help you?
I'm a midget called Spanky and I'm looking for some Hanky Panky
Would you kindly place your hands on you head sir?

 

by Zegota
4-01-03
Kaufman?
In a lonely and remote place?
Where could that be?
The top!

 

by Zegota
4-01-03
Lost your job? Got dumped? Ran over you own dog? Got evicted?
Been diagnosed with cancer? That skanky whore you picked up last night had AIDS? Your firstborn is retarted? Your cable's been cut off?
Meet the people who care...

 

by Zegota
4-01-03
Hello little boy. What's your name?
Brade
Why are you alone in this cold and damp hospital room?
Ma elbow hurts.
Oh dear, what happened?
Been slapping the salami a little too often.

 

by Zegota
4-01-03
Hi! My name is Todd Benderbutt and I'll be your host this evening. Tonight on "Ain't that Pathetic" we'll be looking at the lonely, the outcast, the homeless.
I'm standing Under the bridge here. Yes, perhaps even THE bridge Anthony Kiedis wrote that song about. Here we meet our first poor, homeless, soul.
Hey dude, you got some cash for me? I'll suck your dick man.
What? Shut up, we're on live television here, watch the language.
Oh come on man, I'll let you fuck me up the ass for some cash. You know the drill, you've been here before.

 

by Zegota
4-02-03
When I was a kid I got kicked out of school once.
'Cuz I set the principal's office on fire.
How was I supposed to know that gun was really a lighter?

 

by Zegota
4-02-03
Got kicked out of the boyscouts too. 'Cause of Norse Mythology. I learned there's a boat called Naglfar, built from the fingernails of the dead. Naglfar carries the Ice Giants to Asgard on Ragnarok.
To prevent this ship from being built the Viking pulled out the nails of the dead, so the Ice Giants couldn't use 'em for their boat.
Couldn't see the use of waiting till my campmates where dead.

 

by Zegota
4-03-03
Got kicked out of the Girl Scouts too.
Guess that don't need much explaining.

 

by Zegota
4-05-03
I wanted to be a cop but I didn't make it through the psychology test.
I think I messed it up when I answered "My dog" to the question "Who would you always listen to?"
Fucking Ted Bundy ruined it for all of us

 

by Zegota
4-07-03
I loved the science and biology classes at school.
You could burn stuff with your bunsen burner and get away with it.
Unfortunatelly my classmates didn't fit the definition of 'stuff'

 

by Zegota
4-07-03
Hmmmm, a CC about me, if I post something here I'd better make sure it's really funny.
Better ask my Bonzi Buddy.
Hello Kaufman! How are you today. Want me to make up a good pun for you?
YES!

 

by Zegota
4-10-03
I cast Tobor into play. Do you have a counterspell?
No
I use Tobor's Cornholing ability on your Captain Obvious.
I cast the "Bleeding anus"-spell on Captain Obvious to protect his ass.
Tobor doesn't care if his anus is bleeding or not.
Fuck you.

 

by Zegota
4-10-03
I sacrifice three newbie cards to bring Kaufman into play.
Fuck you, I'm outta here, Kaufman ain't even Tournament Legal.

 

by Zegota
4-10-03
I cast Zegota, When Zegota comes into play all stripcreators your opponent controls' anusses start bleeding.
You cast who?
Zegota
What the fuck is that?
He's a stripcreator, Zegota, surely you've heard of him.
You made that card up didn't you?

 

by Zegota
4-10-03
I cast "Brain Suck", removing 5 Pun Points from your Pun Pool and adding them to mine.
Crap, now I have no more Pun Points left in my Pun Pool
I use 6 Pun Points from my Pun Pool to activate Kaufman's Punning ability
okay
Now I use the remainder 7 Pun Points in my Pun Pool to use a level 7 Pun on you.
Shit, I'm dead. Damn, that Kaufman totally outpunned me.

 

by Zegota
4-11-03
Hello Kids, it's time for fun and games with Pablo!
HELLO PABLO!!!
Look, it's sideshow wigudonkey!
Hi Kids! Order the latest edition of Stripcreator Skanky Mom's before it's too late.
And what will we do with sideshow wigudonkey today?
CORNHOLE HIM!!!

 

by Zegota
4-11-03
ARMY BRAD!
JUNGLE WARRIOR BRAD!
BITCH BRAD!

 

by Zegota
4-15-03
You've landed in Belgium. Their excellent road network allows you to travel faster, take an extra turn after this one.
SUICIDE BOMBER! Go back to start, do not collect 5$
Pull my finger
Your anus is bleeding. Skip next turn to visit doctor

 

by Zegota
4-16-03
Write down the positions of the players pawns. Clear the board. All players put half their money aside, all card stacks are cut in half. Begin a new subgame of The Stripcreator BoardGame with ...
... the money the players put aside and the remaining half of the card stacks. All dicerolls in this game count double. The player who reaches the finish square first receives all money the other ..
... players have left in this subgame. Then place the pawns back as they where in the game the subgame originated from, add all cards to the card stacks and shuffle them. Continue the original game.
WTF
WTF
Bureaucracy: at the start of each players' turn that player performs all actions in the sequence of previously added actions, in the order those actions where added, then adds another action to ...
... the end of the action queue. All actions must be simple physical or verbal actions that a player can perform while sitting in a chair, without jeopardizing the health and security of said player.
If any player does not perform all the prescribed actions in the correct order, that player must donate all his money to brad and return to Start. He may not add a new action to the action queue.

 

by Zegota
4-17-03
If you look over there, you can clearly see the crow circling it's prey, waiting for the right time to fly down and attack
Do crows hunt like that?
Any time now, the crow will begin it's deadly descent and pierce it's fierce claws through the back of some unsuspecting victim.
Now that's just rubbish, crows don't hunt like that.
Quickly, we must flee! The crow has spotted us and ordered it's leprechaun army to capture us and feed on our entrails!

 

by Zegota
4-17-03
Hello, I'm Albert, and that there is my son, Timmy. My own flesh and blood, if you care to look at it that way. My flesh and blood, walking around, breathing, talking...
Okay, dad, calm down. Let's talk about something else.
In a way you could look at him as my sperm. A big wad of sperm just standing there. My sperm, walking, running, breathing, talking...
Calm down dad, don't make me call the doctor again
SPERM! That's all you are, SPERM! MY SPERM! EVERYWHERE! JUMPING! RUNNING! TOUCHING ME!! OH GOD, IT'S SPERM... TOUCHING ME!!!!

 

by Zegota
4-17-03
Did you ever sniff your sperm, to like, know what is smells like?
Well...... yeah, I guess
You know what it smells like right?
What? Oh, I dunno. I guess...
It's smells like MILLIONS OF CHILDREN BEING MURDERED!!! Every time you masturbate you murder millions of children, it's the smell of DEATH! Come here and face your DOOM!

 

by Zegota
4-18-03
Look, it's a birds nest, I think it's got eggs in it.
WAIT! Be carefull, that could be a crow's nest.
So?
Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God. It looks like a crow's nest and in that case those aren't eggs.
Then what are they?
EYES! EYES I TELL YOU! The crows sneak into your house through the window and pluck out the eyes of little babies sleeping in their cribs. RUN! I think I hear the leprechaun patrol coming this way.

 

by Zegota
4-22-03
SPACY PILL! Take a green pill from the pill bag, the number of colours you see is the number of spaces you may move.
Today a young man on acid realised that all matter is merely energy condensed into a slow moving vibration ...
... that it projects itself subjectively, there's no such thing as death and we're the imagination of ourselves.
SPASMY PILL! Take a blue pill from the pill bag, the number of seconds you can remain on your chair is the number of spaces you can move forward.
That's not foam on my lips.
SHITTI PILL! Take a yellow pill from the pill bag. The number of seconds it takes before you rush to the toilet is the number of spaces you can move. If you befoul yourself you must skip a turn.

 

by Zegota
4-22-03
KILLY PILL! Take a black pill from the pill bag.
GORY PILL! Take a red pill from the pill bag, the number of orifices you start bleeding from is the number of spaces you can move.
RAAAAAR! SPONSORED BY TOBOR PHARMACEUTICALS
PUKY PILL! Take a grey pill from the pill bag, the number of people you throw up on is the number of space you can move.
SPLAT
SPLAT

 

by Zegota
5-10-03
Hey Birdie, hey birdie, Can you say Polly wanna cracker?
*sqeek*
Come on, you can do it, say Polly wanna cracker
Expansion of the Universe

 

by Zegota
5-10-03
Look it's a rabbit's hole, let's look inside and see if it's inhabited
WAIT! I could be a trap!
Oh, you're right, maybe some trapper put a trap in there that would horribly mangle my arm if I put it in the rabbit's hole.
I'm not worried about some trapper's trap
Then what are you worried about?
The Crows! They dig holes and snatch out at your ankles when you pass by them, then they slowly poke you to death when you try to crawl away with your stumpy legs.

 

by Zegota
5-18-03
Sucketh Sucketh, Fi Dollah
Fi Dollah, Fi Dollah, where art thou?

 

by Zegota
5-18-03
To be or not to be...
You called?
What? Who the fucketh art thou? Buzz off!
Okay
Did you get it?

 

by Zegota
5-22-03
I don't get this CC, alot of rules and I barely even read them.
I read 'em but I forgot most of 'em.
The only thing I remember is something about a love story.
Yeah, as if that's gonna happen here
So, do you wanna touch my todger?
Sure

 

by Zegota
8-29-03
Dilbert! Is the anual report in yet?
The anal report?
What did you call me?
I didn't call you, I sent you an email.
You sent me ale?
Should I get you a doctor?

 

by Zegota
9-02-03
Excellent, I've made it back to the year 1900, with the knowledge I possess I should become the wealthiest man ever!
Hey, look yonder there
Aha, a local
Let's go lynch us a nigger
Bugger

 

by Zegota
9-04-03
1900 huh?
Yup
D'They have pot in 1900?
Sure
AWESOME!
AWESOME!

 

by Zegota
9-04-03
I am the Terminator, I have been sent back to the year 2003 to find John Connor, are you John Connor?
Well, feck me, you stupid tin bastard, you're in 1900, not 1986. But fer one chance in a million yer standing in front of the one and only John O'Connor.
O'Connor?

 

by Zegota
9-06-03
And that concludes today's episode of "When Children Collide". Tomorrow we'll see what happens when a boy with an abnormally small head collides with a boy who has rather large nostrils.
Man, that was scary.
Yeah, I don't think I'll ever have the guts to bend over again.
That kids head was like totally buried inside the other's... God, I can't bring myself to say it.
A pity we didn't have a camera, we could have sent it to "When Children Collide".

 

by Zegota
9-06-03
Heard you failed to into the KKK.
yeah
What happened
BIG misunderstanding
Elaborate
I thought Burning Crotch didn't sound right.

 

by Zegota
9-08-03
Getting raped in the ass, not my idea of a gay time.
GRANDOSSOS BOOBOS, ME NAME ES PIPO!
OI OI OI, GIGANTICOS COCKOS ES NAME ES PIPO!
SUPERBOS ANALE, FOR LA GRANDE FINALE
MEOS NAME ES CAPITANOS FELLATIOS

 

by Zegota
9-18-03
DUCK!
Yes you are.
That was a big fucking meteor.

Showing page 2.

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