All comics by chopper

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by chopper
1-16-06
Da´Vernite, I really like you as a friend, but I just cant see us getting intimate...
Thats the third one this year! This calls for drastic measures! I better go check JJP.
After a plane ride and a hike.
Wait, I-man sense a great disturbance in di force... ...Bredda Vernite, is it true you had a one year dry spell?
...Um, more like two if the ones where you pay count.... Otherwise its more like three...
I sense dat di gal dem naah satisfied with di wood u have. U need to check my master, the mystical bush scientist Creation. U will find im inna di hills.
The hills? Where the rastas live?

 

by chopper
1-16-06
Hey Mayti, what u doing down here?
The rent-a-dreds down in Negril have all heard the word about me, so my only chance is to find one a dem rastas smoking a spliff up in a tree top.
Yo NIX, where can I find this guy called Creation? I have some chicken neck in my bag...
Mooooooooooooooohohoooo ooooooooooooooooooooooo. Him did deh dung a di bottom a di ocean. His daytime hustle is crabfishing. Now gimme me food!
Come here and jump inna me bag, I command you!
Go hol yuh sistah Cuntclaat, Creation. Last night me did deh inna yuh mumma pubic hear and ah tear it up to ras!

 

by chopper
1-16-06
Are you Creation? JJP sent me here to fix my wood.
Wood? If a tree falls and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound? Of course bitch, I tried with a microphone once! Now go buy Magnum, and trick di gal dem wid!
12 pack a Magnum please.
Geezam Christ, da white bredda yah delusional!
One Week later, in Meri Makka
I heard from my dorm mate that you have to use Jamaican Condoms. Is that true?
Yes, I am the spokesperson for Magnum in Jamaica...

 

by chopper
1-16-06
Yo, Badman Crab, What a gwan inna e Marnin yah?
Me dung yah a red light distcrict and a hail up mi sistren dem. How Nebs say she a virgin and her pantyline busy like a Grand Central Station?
Mi nuh know. Check dis though, Mi hear say Spades a mek one calendar with all di badman Animals, except di Badman Dog...
Fe real? how come him neva contact me? A me run dung a Key Largo beach! Aks Burning Spear a who could bun chalwa fe days and days!
Yow, Spades, we had a deal! I dont trouble you, and you give exposure. Nuh badda mek mi get vex and go pon a killing spree!
I will never fuck at another Boardie Link up again!

 

by chopper
1-26-06
Yush Choppa! Why you ah look so distress?
Dis gyal I´m seeing, I think she tek me fuh eediat. Every day bare "ring ding ding" on the phone and she leave the room...
That no sound too right rasta, mek mi send mi posse and find out if she ah give yuh bun...
Respect, Badman
Yo Hermit, di big man Choppa have some gyal trouble, so mi waan di I to go unda di gyal bed and plant a bug.
Sight seen, General!

 

by chopper
1-26-06
Over at the girls apartment.
Di bug planted, me must meba fi tell Choppa air out the poon-juice afta him session dem. PHEW!
Some hours later...
Hello?
Yeah, this is the News Bot, Choppa is at home sharpening his machete. (And I mean that literally)
It is worse than you feared, Dada. She is getting inside info from di News bot!
Raahtid! This muss be cause I claim say him dead ova the News Forum. Good work, Badman Crab. The Groovebot shall hear about this.

 

by chopper
1-26-06
Blessed Groovebot... We have a situation with that skunting informer name News Bot Again.
Mi no care if me get ban, dis time him chatty chatty mouth will get kick off...
... and me did see to it that Scwally get ban, and him none de wiser.
Yow News Bot! Tek sovjet style Molotov attack!!
AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!
Good Times...

 

by chopper
2-13-06
Hello Newbie, and Welcome to "DHR Warfare 101"! Since you have just joined DHR Me an de Groovebot ah go teach de I dem something.
Blessed! Today we gwine chat bout text based war, the first and easiest way of shaming your opponent.
One important thing is to use your opponents weaknesses. Study old threads to find embarrasing details. A one page rant can easily be killed with a single statement.
...MI NO LUB NUTTN WEH NAME WHITE GAL, GET UNU TINKIN DUTTY PUSSY OUTTA HERE... RAY RAY
Hey, Didn´t you work as a secretary?...
Be careful though, if you over war it, you might be dubbed a "Tracer"
..Pussyhole me ago dun you! Go suck out your worried mumma and then go fold up undaneath u puppa ass beard, and then...
Waaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaah! Waaaaaaaaaah!

 

by chopper
2-13-06
Damn Nix, third time today. You really like your KFP! (Kentucky Fry Penguin)
Dis lil fat boy a trouble me, i really feel it unda neath me four belly dem.
Gwey lil fat boy, Me naah no time fe waste pon yuh no more, I need to go check me man di Hamburglar.
Whappen 2 u NIX? We grow a di same farm, nyam same shit and now you to big fe me? You fuckin Bow-Cow you!
Why dem ah war so Badman?
Bwai, Hermit, Mi Nuh Know. Ting Call fat on fat crime.

 

by chopper
2-13-06
So you wish to enter the 36 chambers and challenge our Masters? Good Luck
Unu nuh have no one badder dan me in yah, truss me!
Chamber 1: Bullet Dodging
Unu cyaan hit me a ras!!
Chamber 5: Martial arts
No One can test the Praying Mantis! Die!
Pray all you want, Badman Crab Style is di ultimate!

 

by chopper
2-13-06
Chamber 12:UnderWater Breathing
Di Shaolin bwai dem dunce, u see mi ah seh?
Chamber 21: Debate
... there fore it is crucial too see that the problems associated with this particular predicament can be no more than the sum of...
Mi Nuh inna e long talking, All a di man dem weh know dem no bow, Push up unu hand and say Yo!
Chamber 27: Cursing
GO HOL U GAL SOWA UNDA WEAR!
... Pathetic, Pink shirt wearing, Pussyhole, Penile Implant having, Poncey, Perverted Punk. And now for O...

 

by chopper
2-15-06
You have now passed 35 chambers. Your last task will be a Chinese proverb clash with my best student...
Sen on di pussy now!
Ok den, tek dis one unda you nasty ras: "War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left."
Aaah Boo Fuckin Hoo, JJP. "Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ."
"Crowded elevator smell different to midget"
"Schoolboy who play with schoolgirl during wrong period, get caught red-handed."

 

by chopper
2-15-06
"Man who put cock in Peanut Butter jar is Fucking Nuts."
"He who fish in other's hole often catch crabs."
"Nail on board is not good as screw on bench."
"Panties not best thing on earth but next to best thing on earth"
JJP is defeated, and Badman Crab is victorious once again...
I am humbled in thy presence, great Grand Dragon Master.
Gwaan go fix up some fry rice and chicken neck fe me now, an when u dun, go throw Mighty Crown out of here!

 

by chopper
2-22-06
So mr... Choppa, I see here in your application you haven´t worked for a year or more. Why is that?
I plead the fifth!
Let me remind you you are not on trial here. Why do you think you would be a valuable person to this company?
I work hard, I fuck hard and I smoke even harder. And I have a very high pain treshold.
That is very Impressive Mr Choppa, but we are looking for a sales, representative, and you have no prior experience...
I have been selling things from before I have hair on my nutsack. U tryin to say I´m a toy Badman?!

 

by chopper
2-22-06
I´m sensing maybe this position is not for you. Maybe Mrs Smith could find another one for you? I will call her.
All right then, safe.
Mr Choppa, we might have an opening as a trainee, but regarding your demands of having you pet crab here, I dont know really...
It naah go pose a problem, as long as people here give him his respect. It´s a part of his sentence, u sight? All right then baby, see you Monday.
So How was your meeting with Mrs Smith?
Well, Chuck, she did look all right, but she naah have no batty, and when she bent over I saw some granny-panty. But If you guys are payin I could go on another date with her.

 

by chopper
3-06-06
Yo Yallow Mista Hermit, whagwaan round yah so? Me just get payed and I need a piece of punash fe tear up.
Nuff boardie in yah, it look like some a dem a hold a grudge against de I. Watch unu back Fada Crab.
Hey Badman Crab, you wanna be In one of my photos?
Go suck unu self, Spades. Memba dem time when you ah post your wife butt nekkid? Dem japanese had a hidden drain cam, so now theres a whole webpage about your wifes crotch!
Please give me something I can start a thread from! I am desparate!
Ok then, how about a poll called "where should I go fold up?" Or maybe "Will I ever see a black pussy off line"?

 

by chopper
3-06-06
Yo dude, whats cracker lackin?
*sniff* *sniff* It ah smell ah Live-stock in yah...
Yo Badman, you need fe cool down wid de drinking a bit, people are not really appreciating your honesty...
...You always try come and tell me what fe do and who fe cuss, let me tell unu this Choppa: Every gal u ever fuck I fuck her before! Now buy me a nex Guiness.
WHAT DI FUCK IS GOING ON HERE? A WHO FA CRAB DIS?
Mi nuh give a damn bout you, neither your T-shirt with Matterhorn autograph neither. Gweh wid yuh Haleys comet sighting glasses!

 

by chopper
3-13-06
Welcome back to the Late greats show. We are here with the legendary Puppah Cadbury! Now this is not you first time on TV?
Blessed massive dis a de Puppah. No sah, David Skettelman, me bring nuff clip from my early days in Show Business. Run it selecta!
Originally, Spock on "Star Trek" was actually Jamaican...
Captains log, stardate 2.6731: We have reached Kingston 12, Spocks home planet. Show me the hand sign.
It is very imperative that you stay logic and calm, and keep the dancing to a minimum. I saw you with the green gal.
... and so was Scooby Doo...
Duh, I don´t know Scoob, You sure this is ok?
Is what tek u now Shaggy? You walk up to de door knock three times and tell ´im Scooby needs another "snack" bag. U sight?

 

by chopper
3-13-06
...and I was the first hand choice for Kwai Chang Caine in "Kung Fu" too...
Caine, the way of the warrior is not easy. One must be constantly prepared to fight!
Guy fe know dis: wid de flick of a wrist to mek yuh jump and twist and bruk yuh cocoa basket. Unu see mi ah seh?
... there was a brief cameo in the Friday 13th movies...
Hoy deh Jason, Mi juss ah come from dung a di cabin, and one a dem yute ah try dis the I bout you wear the mask thru seh you a bowcat.
.............
... I finally helped Bugs Bunny get his revenge...
Dis man been chasin you fa too long now. U need to show him you nuh give a dyam. Jus point it at his belly and press de trigger, Rude boy
Yeah, like "yibidi yibidi ya, Thats all Folks". Give Thanks Puppah!

 

by chopper
3-15-06

 

by chopper
3-16-06
Welcome back to the Late greats show. We are here with the legendary Puppah Cadbury! Now this is not your first time on TV?
Blessed massive dis a de Puppah. No sah, David Skettelman, me bring nuff clip from me early days in Show Business. Run it selecta!
... I had a guest appearance on "Star trek"...
The scanner is detecting unnatural levels of Ion in the atmosphere. We might have to refillibrate the photon cells.
Dammit Spock! I man a sound man, not a mechanic!
...and I played the bad guy in one "Scooby Doo" episode...
Duuh, are you sure Mr. Cadbury? This doesn´t seem too legal.
Is wha tek u now Shaggy? You walk up to de door knock three times and tell ´im Cadbury needs another "snack" bag. U sight?

 

by chopper
3-16-06
...there was that alternative ending to "Jurrasic park"...
...I and I must trod inna di hola order of RastafarI, de I sight? De herb is de healing, but it need fire to be able to burn and cleanse...
Blessed!
... this is some exclusive tings from next season of "Lost"...
So you mean to tell me that black smoke that´s been killing everyone was you?
Yute! Don´t try dis up me me jerk pork recipe! It was handed dung from me great grand father!
There you have it folks! A round of applause for Puppah Cadbury!
Blessed Massive. Free Jah cure, legalize de herb and vote Zeke´s for Prime Minister.

 

by chopper
3-29-06
I´m sorry Shim, I found another guy to live with so you have to move out.
*sniff* I´ll be at my Mommas. You can mail me my facial cremes and tight my pants.
Mommie, I got kicked out by my goatfriend, so I need to move back in de basement.
Ok, son. Just remember I need my pubic hairs braided every morning.
Hey dude, who are you and whaddya doin in my room. That´s like NOT cool!
Shet unu bloodclaat mouth GoatBoy! I have a message for u: stop whinin all a e pussyclaat time! Else me a go pinch up all a u LP dem!

 

by chopper
3-29-06
Daddy, I have a problem, theres dis guy on DHR, he keeps making comics about me. I try to act like I don´t care, but the one about my mother was too much.
Oh dear son, I can remember when I was a wee battyboy back on de emerald island, I had a similar problem.
"Now this was before the days of Riverdance, so Irish gays were quite uncommon."
Ay, Ya pommy Poof! Me an de boys have decided ta give your heid a good stompin. Oki?
Thats it! I´m selling me signed Bowie albums and moving to Boston, where some day I can marry a man.
Come on daddy, tell me the rest, why did you marry Mom if you are gay?
Well, lad, their is something ya need ta kno. When I first met your mother she had male genitalia. Another pint, ay?

 

by chopper
4-19-06
Grand Pa, I have a problem. Everybody on DHR thought I was a badman, but now they laugh at me even though I invent my own language called Patglish. Help Me!
Their is only one place you can go to, boyo. Go see the leprechaun at the end of the rainbow. Now off with you, lil Poof boy.
Oh No, not that crab again!
Mek I tell yuh dis now, Mad Shim. A me run bo yah, de Leprechaun him did ketch couple pinch and run wey. Choppa says stay your fuckin side and sheddup!
At Shims house, few weeks later.
Hey you mr mail man, what happened to my " Goats gone Wild" video? And my Playpet magazine?
This is a message from de insurrection: talk up in this thread and me a go shat yuh, battybwoy.

 

by chopper
4-19-06
Mi have a message from de Badman Crab: " Mi hear some pussyhole a run up dem mouth bout redbeard and lay lay, mek me tell uno this:"
I am in no part or form involved in any funny business. Wha mek dem crabclaat people misunderstand so?
Ongle reason why me did deh ah end a di rainbow is simple: ting call Operation Crabification is in full effect. Di Outrage bwoy dem a go wish dem neva born.

 

by chopper
6-21-06
Blessed RIDDIM massive, blessed, dis a Cadbury man once again, and as de I dem might ave noticed, I been away. Me and me new bredrin Badman Crab did deh ah me ends a reason.
Yush! Yes I fada Cadbury, reasonin must have fe gwaan, and mek me tell de I about gun now:
Gun is a ting weh, if you show it to de yute dem, like Elmer hunting rabbit and dem ting deh, it is OK.
Wascally Crabbit!
But if you a underpriviliged ghetto youth, singing about gun pon stage could be expensive to ras! How much dem charge you, Baba Rankin?
Bwoy sah, Crabbie, dem bruk dung di door,dem tek wey me fridge, repo me gal weave, all because a one lickle "show me de BLOODCLAAT gun hand dem"! ? Gwaan go mash dem up Badman Crab, dem a hipocrite!

 

by chopper
6-21-06
Whagwaan neighbour? You set up dat ting fe me? De high grade yuh was talking about?
Yeah, hermit just hold on for a while I have to fix something....
Oh, hi honey, I´ll be right in with your delicates, hand wash like yuh like it snuggums. And I´ll wash out the menstrual stains on the sheets of course.
And dont be getting high with that good for nuthin crab friend of yours, you know the problems I been having with crabs Honey. They are just inferior to us, and they steal.
A wha dis fada? Mi naah waan no weed from no panty pirate, Go stick it inna yuh mumma and suck it out!
... sidewalking piece a shit !! I tried being you frien even though they told me I was crazy, now I know: Crabs and people dont mix!

 

by chopper
7-10-06
Yo Yallow Mister goverment man, explain something fe me: how come when nuhbaddy dung a di ghetto invent gun, dem people dung deh ah suffer the effects?
What is this now? Another threat from Al Quaida?
How come unu CIA people spy on Bob Marley? How do you explain that when u fight down ganja in de carribean you makin way for cocaine? Ansa mi nuh man!
OK, Crabbie, stick em up!You´re coming with me, you know way too much for a Jamaican crab. Where are your papers?
Two months later, in Guantanamo Bay.
Why the hell they asking me about why Sizzla had gun unda neath him chicken coop? Dem neva hear buot de Bad Man Fowl?
Blessup Fada badman, mek we get outta here now. While yuh deh and chat wid de yankee dem I dig a tunnel. It lead straight to de gutter inna TG.

 

by chopper
7-11-06
Yo, wha gwaan Ninja? What u have to tell me bout gun?
Mek me tell uno dis Crab, unu never hear mi sing bout "one house a gun" "gun pon teeth"? And now Operation Stinkfish mash up me DJ career.
Mi neva know ninja responsible for all de gun in Jamaica, how comes police neva ketch im?
Lyrical gun neva send no man ah jail naah no cemetary, so what dem should charge him fa?
Fada Cadbury, how come de babylon dem want to blame de yute dem when dey see badness and tun round sing it pon record?
Hermit, mi nuh know wha do dem claffy, but one thing me know is that in dem kinda society, your gun is your vote.

 

by chopper
7-11-06
Yow yallow mr government man!how come when nuhbaddy dung a di ghetto invent gun, dem people dung deh ah suffer the effects?
What is this now? Another threat from Al Quaida?
How come unu CIA people spy on Bob Marley? How do you explain that when u fight down ganja in de carribean you makin way for cocaine? Ansa mi nuh man!
OK, Crabbie, stick em up! You´re coming with me, you know way too much for a Jamaican crab. Where are your papers?
Two weeks later, in Guantanamo bay, Badman crab is rescued by his bredda Hermit
Why the hell they asking me about why Sizzla had gun unda neath him chicken coop? Dem neva hear bout de Bad Man Fowl?
Blessup Fada badman, mek we get outta here now. While yuh deh and chat wid de yankee dem I dig a tunnel. It lead straight to de gutter inna TG.

 

by chopper
7-21-06
Like two weeks ago
Choppa please send me your picture. Dont mind me being a crazy bitch.
Hmm. I´ll have to say no since: 1 you are pretty scary, 2 you even photoshop worse dan me and finally 3: I can smell u renk pums from Stockholm.
Yesterday.
I´ll send Choppa some bad ratings, no man wid a crab for a pet can diss me! I´m de racially ambiguos Queen!
POSTED BY TOP CHOPPER: QUEEN D STOP SENDING ME NASTY PIC,I DONT CARE HOW MANY BANANA CAN FIT IN DERE!
TODAY
Damn I was banned, where will I vent my frustration about being alone in de swedish countryside wid only a paper figure of Jay Z I stole from de record shop.
Welcome to the JJP house of fun. Me hear seh u like banana, me have a couple o boxes...

 

by chopper
8-08-06
Yush, Hermit, wha gwaan inna de mornin? How de dance a go last nite? Cadbury Man mash it?
Lissen now Bad man, serious ting a gwaan! Fada Cadbury get trick by this Jezebel lady, mek me tell you de whole story...
"... We did deh ah de venue, and then..."
Blessed, dawta, Blessed. I might be an old man, but back in de day me invent de style call lizard lap, so yuh know me have me credential.
Mi well want de length, but me nuh waan no one minute ruks, mi will buy yuh a Guinness, baby!
"...when him come back him act well outta order, like if him smoke coke!
All de man dem weh skank til dem hip bruk, hand inna di bomboclaat air! Concrete respect to all de jerk pork massive!
Dance nuh start yet, Fada cadbury, and dem speech deh naah go mek it!

 

by chopper
8-09-06
No body dont rate de I anymore, de poll dem flop, and no LOL:s for a month, what can I do?
Nevermind that Dancehall bullshit Debo, let´s go to the rave and take extasy like we used to.
Whats dat, I hear?
Woof Woof.
A whe di bomboclaat is dis now?
Woof Woof, u gullible summabitch. I man a di Badman Kangaroo and Choppa sent me fe tell u to stop blaspheme Badman dog name!

 

by chopper
8-16-06
Mommie, where is Daddy?
I aint seen that summabitch since he knocked me up down at the wharfs, OK Diyah darling? Now go beg mama some change for condoms...
Can I have your change sir? Please, I am slightly retarded... and I think I am polish or sumthin...
Poor lil girl, I´m sure there is half a burger in dat trash can over there, just help yourself and God bless us everyone.
Tell me a bedtime story please...
Once upon a time I was a wharf whore and I fucked a sailor, after that I got you and my life turn to shit, THE END.

 

by chopper
8-17-06
Whats the matter Diyah? Isn´t your mother coming to tell us what she is working with? And what about your Daddy?
They are over at Kofi Anan eating dinner today, so they aint gonna make it...
twenty minutes later...
I´m so glad you could make it, even though you have so many high society friends, but Diyah didn´t tell me what kind of job you do.
I do everything, hand, blow, greek, italian, polish, libyan. But it´s gonna cost you extra to do it in front of the kids, alright, daddy?
Mommy, how come you were telling all those country names to the teacher? Does this mean I´m Libyan?
Yeah whatever you say honey. Now help mommie warm this spoon.

 

by chopper
8-21-06
Lawdie Lawdie. Dats something a Jamaican girl said when she smelled my pussy. I dont apologize to battybwoy, but I can sure feel up myself in de gents forum. Wanna smell my finger?
WHE DI RASS YUH A TALK BOUT? I CAN SMELL IT FROM HERE AND IT TINK NOW FUCK. AND FOR DE LAST TIME I AINT YUH DADDY!!!
De phone is ringing, i wonder who dat might be?
THIS IS A COLLECT CALL FROM: "Diyah come bail me out, Im at the station an..." DO YOU ACCEPT THE CHARGES?
Whats wrong mommie? Did you go to kill whitey again? Black Power! Salaam Maleikum
Walaikum salaam! Yes we black people gots to stick together against the Man. And dont breed outside your race, just look how fucked up u turned out...

 

by chopper
8-23-06
What is the similarity wid Queen Diyah Pussy and de Panama Canal?
IT TEK ABOUT TWENTY THOUSAND MAN TO DIG IT OUT!!!!
A just de tight pussy gal dem a dem a run de place, Queen Diyah pussy big like outer space ,
Unda she waist, a miner crew dig out a cave, Unda she waist some monster truck runnin a race, Unda she waist she have a shelter for gays, Unda she waist dey having room for a Air force Base...
We have a brief announcement: anything lost inside of QD pussy will be found in de warehouse in boxes like dese.
There is x-amoiunt a dem though, so mek sure u description fit. We do not response for things lost up her big sharkfin nose though. Respect.

 

People Begging Pussy from QD, Choppa dun set up she phone number:
Hey there, This is Queen Diyah A.k.a. Daria, and I can be reached at de BIG PUSSY HOTLINE, de number is... 004673-58 111 12.
Give me a call and i´ll tell u how I can hide a battalion of Soljah in my big worn out hole! Number is: 004673-58 111 12
by chopper, 8-23-06

 

by chopper
8-24-06
Wow this has really been an exciting day, first you were accused of being an Uptown Nerd, there were diggings in DREW,s shameful past, what will come next?
Let me clue unnuh in pan a secret, Drew thinks a him run the show, but only time Drew get fi run nuttn a when him invite the presi to him Barbeque and presi say gwaan till mi dun dah piece a chicken!
Chicken, huh? Well some have called this the election of Nerds
A Me SHOW YUTES PON DHR SAY YU CAN STAY RIGHT A YU DESK AND GET GYAL MI DO DAT..not gwan B4 mi set teh trend all did gwaan in a PM was exchange of words a mi usher in the AGE of GENETAILIA
Meanwhile...
RRRRRRRRIIIIINGGG!!! RRRRRRRRRRIIIIINGGG!!!!!!! RRRRRRRRRRIIINGGGG!!!!!

 

by chopper
8-25-06
?
Dont panic, they said this could happen on DHR
?????!!!????We were just in de sound forum!
Help, somebody get us out of here!
I ThINK i touch a stalagmite!
DONT WORRY YOU GUYS, U AINT THE FIRST TO WANDER OFF INTO QD´S HAUNTED CAVE , WELL HAVE U OUT IN NO TIME! HEAVE!HEAVE!

 

by chopper
8-25-06
Fuckin bright set a people unno be....Unno fi fix up di ting unno do a while ago.!!!!!
is who yuh be???yuh a smaddy???
Mi ah yuh madda sperm donor. A mi mek yuh deya so.Now yuh nah fi wonder again how yuh madda grow yuh fatherless as bastard pickney
Mi gaan inside.Unu fe go a yuh yard.
Yuh mix up bad. Yuh couldn't pay no one fi tek pitcha a yuh ugly bloodclaat self das why yuh tek it yuhself. Now yuh deya and ah beg friend.Move!
.....

 

by chopper
9-08-06
So tis here you doth hide Mocchasaurus rex? In de depths of Queen Diyah Vaginal Canal? I Sir Slamsalot shall rid this world of dis foul lesbian beast !
AIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
We shall reign DHR supreme, Mwahahahahahahah!!!! Mocchasaurus Rex u my gal fe real!!!
From now on, refer to mi as MochaChocasaurus Homosex.

 

by chopper
9-16-06
Yeah man! Anything cross de border dead!Biggest clash inna history of mankind, Almighty Hi Powa vs Puppah Cadbury vs Beelzebub Intl!
Start de war!
I HAVE BEEN TELLING PEOPLE THIS THE LONGEST WHILE: ALMIGHTY HI POWER IS A FRAUD SOUND, HE PLAY THE MOST SPLICE TUNE! NOW SEND ON MY MICHAEL JACKSON DUB PLATE!!!!
Rhaatid! Big tune start from early...
Love Massive. From night me hear all kinda rumour about splice dub, mek me settle dem weak argument once and for all: John the Baptist, Bredda Moses and Fada Abraham inna one combination!
Gwaan Jesus! Mash up Lucifer!

 

by chopper
9-16-06
My son, did you know that you cannot enter the heavenly kingdom of God without accepting Jesus as your personal saviour?
Blessed Father Blessed. Well back in de foundation days me an Jesus use to par, but me nuh know if some a dem tune he used to play were splice...Line up de clash let we see who is de bigga man.
O Diabolical one whos name I dare not speak, there is talk of a clash in heaven. This is a great chance to shame the old man once and for all.
Call up every sound man that ever sold his soul for a dubplate, it is spliceing time...
Hoy deh, Ninjaman? Dis is Puppa Jesus C from Almighty Hi Powa, me need a host fe de upcoming clash, u check? In de name of the sound owner, the selector and and the mic man.
U back inna de business fe real? How long me tell dem dem better of dying before dem test de Hi Powa? Dem must know wha ah gwaan...

 

by chopper
9-16-06
Lemme tell you Jesus followers sumthing. Yuh come in like the ADDIES people dem ah try live pon memories and brain wash! Dat no go work wid me. I GO MURDA HIM BLOUSE AND SKIRT WID TUNE!
See it deh, Groovebot, Cadbury man always have some long speech...
And Beelzebub, u should have neva reach de dance. Yuh always pose like a gallis and yuh neva breed yet, Dats why them neva call u PUPPAH Lucifer. Now ins come the ting call fifteen the hard way!
BRRAAAP!!!!!! BRRAAAP!!!!!! BRRAAAP!!!!!! Bomb a Drop!
Bwoy sah! Clash a gwaan wicked! Almighty Hi Powa seem to be in the lead, but me tell yuh star, it could go any way. Me Badman Crab tell yuh dis: Link up next time to see who tek de title!!
Dem smart eeh?! NEXT RIDDIM MAGAZINE SELL OFF!!!

 

by chopper
10-31-06
IS WHE DE BLOODCLAAT DO U, SICK!? HOW U WAAN CUSS DE ICON AND A U ONE HAVE UR OWN BRAND A JERK AWF LOTION!?
Shet u mouth, Secratary bwoy! I would ban u from de Gents forum if I didnt know u a straight battybwoy! Go fold up unda Chin sound tape and stop back yuh fist to pictures of yourself...
WHAT A DAY WHEN DEM POST DAT PIC WID YU LOCKS ALL TANGLE UP INNA LADYSTUNNA PUBIC HAIR! ICON NUH BUSINESS WID U NO MORE...
Yes Nancy DREW, do what u always do when u inna hot wata: run go hide inna de sound forum wid ur soundboy version a de Manson family!!!
Back inna de day....
Could anyone come up to the blackboard and wipe it clean ?
YES FADA, A MI DAT! MI LOVE DELETE SO MUCH I WRITE DE SAME TING INNA MI SCHOOLBOOK DEM TWO TIMES JUST TO ERASE IT!!!

 

by chopper
11-26-06
Hold on, massive! U have seen the three sounds perform, but now is de time fe one a dem judgement. Which sound must go?
Send Beelzebub back to hell!
Cadbury Man, me an yuh ah ol time bredrin, but yuh come a me yard and ah gwaan like a u run tings.Is like yuh nuh memba seh me can play me Zion artist dem. Run it, disciple!
A CHAPTER A DAY, KEEP DE DEVIL AWAY BEHOLD ALMIGHTY HI POWA, RAHI RAHI RAHI HA HA....
Yes Jesus, big tune dat, Blessed. Now yuh mention we a old time friends. Let me play de I dem one a my good friends from back inna de days of Studio One... Come In Burning spear!
AWAKE, ZION I AWAKE, AWAKE AND TRIM YUH LAMPS, PUPPAH CADBURY KNOCK AT YOUR DOOR, ZION I AWAKE. AY AY AY AY, WHO IS HIGHER DAN I...

 

by chopper
11-26-06
Children, let me ask unu something now. When tune nice what name u call out?! Is it Puppah Cadbury? David Rodigan? NO, IS JESUS YUH CALL OUT!
Yeah, dis is Joseph Hill on Almighty Hi Power, Puppah Cadbury yuh betta run like u a coward... WHAT A LIM BAM BAM BA YEH, YUH DEAD INNA DE SOUND CLASH CLASH TONIGHT....
Blessed massive dis a me last tune fe de night, and me want unu listen keenly to de intro...
Jesus, its your mother Mary. Me waan talk to yuh now. How come all yuh do is listen Down Beat cassette and sit around doing de wine trick wid yuh disciple dem? Is what tek yuh me son?
Hold on massive... Me will only play a short piece a de tune...
We had dinner at our house last night at 20:00 and all now yuh nuh show! Come in me artist tell him something... WELL THEY TELL ME OF A PIE UP IN DE SKY, WAITIN FOR ME WHEN I DIE...

 

by chopper
11-27-06
Yush, Groovebot, wha gwaan inna de mornin? How de dance a go last nite? Cadbury Man tek it?
Yuh neva hear? Beelzebub brought a busload a him fan dem, and when him get voted out bare fuckry a gwaan. And I hear some man seh Cadbury last tune is a splice
First Addies dead, then Stone Love flop. Now de legendary Almighty Hi Powa get sick unda Puppah Cadbury treatment. Wha really a gwaan, Drew?
Well, H.I.M. feel is a just natural evolution, every dawg have dem day, one day smaddy haffi nyaam dem suppa .. Like Buju please tell mi now how massa gad world a run.
Blessed, Fada Cadbury. Me really like de way u outsmart me dups Jesus, ah one piece a sound history dat truss me...
Well reality talks now, Ninja. Dem new sound fe stop look back and imitate tune from cassette, man fe look forward and originate dem own tunes. Blessed massive, blessed.

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