All comics by faggot

Profile

 

by faggot
6-10-08
My grandmother passed away last week
What'd she die of? Choking on your DICK?
Yeah. Yeah she did.
Does that make you feel any fucking better?

 

by faggot
6-11-08

 

by faggot
6-11-08
James, if you had five minutes to live, what you do?
Well I'd probably start by masturbating right here in front of everybody just for laughs.
James, I'm sorry but you have five minutes to live. I accidentally poisoned that lemonade you drank back at my place.
Oh.
Aren't you going to masturbate?
Not in front of everyone, do I want to look like an asshole?

 

by faggot
6-12-08
Steve, can I ask you a question?
Yeah, go ahead.
Do you think you would feel more comfortable around me if I was white?
Well I'll answer that question for you but first I have to stand way over there
Yes I would.

 

by faggot
6-12-08
I'm not TRYING to stick it in you know

 

by faggot
6-12-08
Al, I heard rumors that you've commited sexual harassment around the office
I'm sorry, Tom. It's not usually like this for me.
You know I can't have this, Al.
I'm sorry, all I wanted was some nectar.
Yeah but you had to take the fucking pollen with you, didn't you Al?
It sticks to my ass!

 

by faggot
6-12-08
So I saw that movie Kids the other day.
What is it about?
Everyone gets AIDS
Kind of like Rent.
Yeah, it's a dark comedy.

 

by faggot
6-12-08
hey jesus, can you tell me if masturbation is morally wrong?
well young man, some people believe that the bible condemns masturbation, but it really comes down to your personal intrepretation of the bible
so you're a wanker
You said it first

 

by faggot
8-07-08
hey fuckface motherfucker i'm telling you that niggers are stupider than white people, google average white IQ and average black IQ dickhole
hey you fucking whore faggot shit cunt maybe that's because they don't get the same opportunities as whites because of racial discrimination for that exact idiotic reasoning
yeah well i sucked your dad's dick and he was all like oh yeah don't stop
yeah well i bet that you weigh 500000 pounds and eat doritos all day bitch
what was the title of this video again?
"cat plays with yarn ^_^"

 

by faggot
8-07-08
Oh boy, road trip, road trip!
For the last time, this isn't a road trip. I raped your mother, stabbed her in the back, put her in the trunk, attached a 50 pound weight to her feet, and we're taking her to the lake to dump her.
What? That's the first time you've told me this.
And the last. We need to pull over, I'm getting the knife.

 

by faggot
8-09-08
i'm really horny
hint hint

 

by faggot
8-09-08
i can't believe i kill him, it was an accident.
it was dark out, and i slammed on the brakes, but by the time my i saw his frame in my headlights
do you think the jury will buy that?
they might if there weren't fifty stab wounds in the body

 

by faggot
8-09-08
Watch me do a backflip.
Sounds good.
10 seconds later
Ta-da.
Wow, that was incredible.
I'm going to do it again, watch carefully.
I will!

 

by faggot
8-09-08
That was the third time I met Morgan Freeman. But enough about me, what about you?
Well, I walked on water, turned water into wine, cured cripples, died for your sins, and rose 3 days later.
But enough about me.
Bitch.

 

by faggot
8-09-08
Rape is forced, unwanted sexual intercourse. Rape is about power, not sex. Both men and women of any age can be raped.
The phrase statutory rape is a general term used to describe non-forcible sexual relations that take place when an individual (regardless of age or gender) has sexual relations with an individual not
old enough to legally consent to the behavior.
Anti-sexual assault organization working with local rape crisis centers across the US Also has a web-based crisis hotline providing live and anonymous ...
rape is fucking hilarious

 

by faggot
8-09-08
Hi I masturbate furiously to hentai of small children with nails through their genitals.
Let's be friends.

 

by faggot
8-09-08
want to hear a knock knock joke?
ok
knock knock
come in

 

by faggot
8-09-08
seriously, do you want to hear a knock knock joke?
sure, i love knock knock jokes
knock knock
wait a minute, let me get comfortable so that i can enjoy this knock knock joke fully. i always make sure to pull down my pants when i listen to a knock knock joke. it enhances the experience.
are you sure you want to hear a knock knock joke?
yeah totally, i love puns thinly veiled as a joke. they get me sexually excited. hold on, i have to pull down my pants; i always make sure to properly airate my crotch when i listen to your jokes.

 

by faggot
8-09-08
Hi, faggot here.
I just realized that the dialog in my comic "an accident" is slightly fucked up.
This could be because at the time it was 4 in the morning and I was jerking off at the same time. That is all

 

by faggot
8-09-08
i had a ride on my step-dad's dick yesterday.
wow, that's so cool. what was it like?
well at first it was really violent, and kept shaking me off, but you really just have to move with the dick. it creates a kind of harmony
that sounds exciting. i've always wanted a ride on my uncle's dick.
have you pet your uncle's dick yet?
every time i go over to his house.

 

by faggot
8-09-08
i jerk off to child porn.
not bad, i just got done jerking off to child porn.
wait what
you heard me

 

by faggot
8-10-08
hey, can i borrow some of your superglue?
i guess, what for?
well with all the stds going around these days, i figured the best course of action would be to superglue my urethra shut
so who's the lucky lady?
no, no, i'm just making a habit of putting my dick in public spa jets.

 

by faggot
8-10-08

 

by faggot
8-10-08

 

by faggot
8-10-08
dude, i just got a job at nintendo
are you sure it was a job at nintendo? are you sure it wasn't a job wacking off homeless people for pocket change?
let me go check

 

by faggot
8-10-08
...and that's when I told that bitch to get fucked.
Hahaha! That reminds me of a story of equal value and humour. It went a little something like this:

 

by faggot
8-10-08
Oh, hi there Frank, long time aqquaintance, co-worker, and friend. I have a really exciting bit of information to share with you.
Please, feel free to share away, friend.
I just got a job that involves me producing Game and Watch handheld electronic games.
Wow, I can't believe he got a job producing Game and Watch handheld electronic games. He sure isn't very smart.
Wouldn't you say that that's pretty nifty?
I sure would say that that's pretty nifty, I'm very excited for you!

 

by faggot
8-10-08
Well Mrs. Whuzzburger, we were able to salvage your brain from the fire.
Oh thank god!
Your body, however, was much too burned to be of any use to you, so we had to find you a different body. You have to understand, we didn't have much time.
What do you mean?
Do you have a mirror?
What?

 

by faggot
8-10-08
you'll never guess what just happened to me.
probably not.

 

I
by faggot
8-10-08
Did you know that 33.2 million people are living with aids worldwide? It's actually considered a pandemic.
Even more sad, the majority of AIDS related deaths happen in Africa, where the people can't get the treatments they need.
Well maybe if Africans would stop fucking so much our problems would be solved.

 

by faggot
8-10-08
My dad passed away last night. I got pretty emotional while I saw him go....The last thing he said to me was "I'll be right here" and he put his hand on my heart.
What, does your dad think he's fuckin' ET or some shit?
He's a fuckin' faggot dude.

 

by faggot
8-10-08
Did you watch that thing about child molestation on TV last night?
No, why?
I just heard they got some really good pictures of me in there.

 

by faggot
9-11-08
Hey, uh, Chen. Are you going to file those reports?
Oh yeah, no problem, I was just about to Mr. McKinley
Alright, cool, cool.
So I will just be on my way.

 

by faggot
9-12-08
'Sup.
The sky.
What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
I don't know, the sky is up? Like above us?
What the fuck are you, some kind of a comedian?
Am I funny?

 

V
by faggot
9-12-08
Hey motherfucker.
Why do I hang out with you? All you do is abuse me and swear excessively at me.
Because our moms used to hang out when we were 6.
Fuckin' hate you bro.

 

by faggot
9-13-08
Last night I visited my mom's grave.
That's funny, last night I visited your mom's grave too.
Guess what she told me about you.
Nothing, because she was dead and I was having sex with her.

 

by faggot
9-14-08
I wish I was dead.
Then why don't you kill yourself?
I really need someone to help and support me right now.
No you don't, you need to kill yourself; you said you wished you were dead.
But I don't want to DIE.
Fuck you, don't fuck with my head.

 

by faggot
9-14-08
I've decided to give up abusing you for lent.
It's not lent.
Really?
Yeah.
Fuck you.
If only I had the willpower for suicide.

 

by faggot
9-14-08
I just saw The Dark Knight.
Yeah, everyone else saw it on opening weekend.
I just thought you might want to talk about it.
Well I fucking don't.
So what about that Heath Ledger? He gave a pretty spectacular performance.
Fuck you poser.

 

by faggot
9-14-08
I have a theory that the universe exists solely within everyone's mind, and everyone exists because everyone accepts everyone else's existance as fact.
If anyone at any time were to completely disbelieve that the universe exists as such, we would all cease to exist.
That's fucking retarded, fuck you.

 

by faggot
1-14-09
hey CARROT TOP, man! i'm your biggest fan bro!!!
i'm not carrot top you asshole! i'm a woman!!
damnn girl
that was the worst sex of my life

 

by faggot
1-14-09
hey, it's sinbad!! yo, you're my favorite comedian!
i'm your wife lenny jesus christ we do this every day.
oh.
that was the worst sex of my life

 

by faggot
1-14-09
hey, jeff? jeff huisman? class of '82, man! it's lenny!
hey, lenny!! i missed you man, we used to do some crazy stuff back in the day. you still look the same.
you too man!! hey, you wanna go get wasted like old times?
i'm afraid i can't lenny, you see, i'm an owl now. it's pretty hard to drink with a beak. it's a lifestyle choice, my friend.
people change, man. people change.

 

by faggot
1-14-09
oh my god why did you abduct me this is so scary!!!
little girl, have you ever been FUCKED STUPID
yeah
oh
sorry about that
well now i just feel terrible for you

Showing page 2.

« Previous