All comics by flipynif1

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by flipynif1
3-09-05
After a stint of shootin smack, smoking crack and smakin ho's Bessies career is over
HEE HAW!
Well Bessie, ya durn cat, y'all spent out money on them happy drugs and now we's back where we started..
HEE HAW?
Well that's ok, ya'll can get back to them mice, they's been moo'in the place up...
And of course, i'll still give ya the tube steak as long as you still gimme the White Chillie that we love so much
HEE HAW!

 

by flipynif1
3-10-05
YO stickman you look sad what's up Homey, can I help you in some way?
*Sniffle* I want to die...I am a 2-d drawing in a 3-d world...even my wife has contours..
There are so many great things to live for...sunsets, pussy, sex, pussy...
Hey you know what? You're RIGHT...what the fuck was I thinking? Man I look forw....
REM's everybody hurts plays in the background
BUT YOU WON'T SEE THEM, MWAHAHAHA...*BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG*

 

by flipynif1
3-10-05
Everybody hurts continues to play in the background
MWAHAHAHAHAH...*BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG....
*gets shot repeatedly*
The song ends
MWAHAHAH...oh...Uh so anyway...yeah man there is a lot to live for don't you agree?
*bleeds*
So anyway, see yah.
*bleeds*

 

by flipynif1
3-10-05
*bleeds*
*bleeds*
Everybody hurts starts playing in the background again...
MWAHAHAHAHAHHAHA...*BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG*.... MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
*gets shot some more*

 

by flipynif1
3-10-05
Everybody hurts continues to play
MWAHAHAHAHAH...*BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG*...MWAHAHAH
*gets shot lots in the head*
Everybody hurts stops playing
Talk to ya later bro!
*bleeds*
Who lets the dogs out starts to play..
hee hee hee...*whizz*...*chew chew*...*whiz*...*slobber* MWAHAHHAHAAH
*gets peed on and eaten*

 

by flipynif1
3-12-05
Hey...
I'm not a Lumberjack or a Fur Trader
Tabernack...we must chop these, how you say....TREES TO SHIT MAN!
Yeah, eh...let's get some beaver pelts too, eh
I don't live in an Igloo or eat penguins
Come here leetle penguin, I won't, how you say....EAT you
TABERNACK, eh

 

by flipynif1
3-12-05
I don't know Hab Ebb or Alice from Canada, though i'm sure they are very nice
Hello baby, COME again!
You are, how you say...HOT eh
I have a Prime Minister, NOT a president
I'm Canadian, eh....
YEE HAW..duh...WE'RE GOING TO WAR!!
I speak English and a little French NOT American
BONJOUR man, Comment Alle Vous, dude and...fuck that's all I know
How's it goin', duh...

 

by flipynif1
3-12-05
It's pronouced about NOT ABOOT
I WON'T TAKE OFF ANY MORE CLOTHING TILL YOU SAY ABOUT!!!
ABOOT, ABOOT, ABOOT....
I can PROUDLY sew my bodyparts to my missles
Dis goes here, eh, take dat badguys, eh
Just sew it on, eh
I belive in peace keeping NOT policing
Hows it goin' eh
That's it you're coming downtown, i'll think of charges on the way you filthy waste of tax dollars

 

by flipynif1
3-12-05
I believe in Diversity not Assimilation
Thank you Come again, eh!
He's different, I must contact the assimilation corp., they'll know what to do..
and the beaver is a TRULY proud and noble animal and a toque IS a hat!
I'm a beaver, eh
AIEEEE I FORGOT MY TOQUE, WHY AM I WEARING THIS...how you say....CUNTSNEEF on my head?!?!
A Chesterfield IS a couch
I'm not a Chesterfield, but you can sit on me anyway
WAAAAAAAHHH I WANT MY CHESTERFIELD, eh!!

 

by flipynif1
3-12-05
and it's prounouced ZED, NOT ZEE, ZED!!!
I have searched the WHOLE internet, eh, and I found out that it IS ZED...
....all that education...DOWN THE TOILET...
CANADA IS THE SECOND LARGEST LAND MASS
So you see students, Canada is bigger than us!
Fine then, YOU CAN'T COME TO MY THANKSGIVING!
THE FIRST NATION OF HOCKEY!
Wow, sorry about that hard check, eh...you should learn to wear skates, eh
UhhHHhHh I was coming to sing the national anthem....

 

by flipynif1
3-12-05
AND THE BEST PART OF NORTH AMERICA...
Mexico?? United States??
NO!!!! Canadian Girls are easier AND not fat!!
MY NAME IS JOHN AND
Hi I'm Jon!
Hey STUD, let's go have sex, eh
I AM CANADIAN!!!
w00t

 

by flipynif1
3-12-05
WOW LOOK AT ALL THESE PRESENT SANTAâ„¢ I LOVE CHRISTMASâ„¢!!
HO HO HO Well Christmas­™ isn't just about presents..let me tell you a story HO HO HO
Here we go again...fuck, this years haul better be worth listening to this bullshit.
A long time ago, born on this fine day was a hero of heros.....
Yeah yeah yeah I know Jesusâ„¢ was born so he would die for our sins....bling blong
Who? No I was reffering to Rhudolphâ„¢...without him I wouldn't have been able to do your mom...I mean bring presents tonight, HO HO HO, HO BABY!

 

by flipynif1
3-12-05
How could something like this happen?
Sir! The witness is ready to speak.
Tell us exactly what happened ma'am.
Well...
She tells her tale of woe..
..so that's what happned..uh..did you even hear a word I said? Why are you signaling behind you?
OK He wants the sandwich tactic this time...man my billy clubs been cravin some ass rapin' action, oh BABY!

 

by flipynif1
3-12-05
Hey Jesusâ„¢ if you had a stick and i jumped on your back would you beat me off?
Yes, yes I would
HAHA, You said you'd beat me off HAHA!!
I stand by my answer.
Well what are you waiting for?

 

by flipynif1
3-12-05
*BWANG BWANG BWANG*
No you idiot not like that, Jesus Christâ„¢!
*BWANG BWAN BWANG* Well you show me a better way! *BWANG BWANG BWANG*
See it shows right on the plans here....aw fuckit...i'll just show you
See, just like that!

 

by flipynif1
3-15-05
Jesusâ„¢ dude, I have been thinking, with all the great things you did for us, how can I pay you back?
Eat a queer fetus
Ok...*chew chew chew chomp*...*squish*
Bite by bite you are closer to forgiveness.
Tastes like chicken
Yes, yes it does.

 

by flipynif1
3-16-05
Good Morning tech support...No everything is 100% here, there must be something wrong with your PC...let's reacreate your connection...
I JUST #@#$% CALLED YOU 2 MINUTES AGO AND WE JUST DID THAT!! FIX THE DAM PROBLEM!!!
Ok sir....hold please.............. .......... ........... ...........Thank you for holdin, ok let's recreate your connection...

 

by flipynif1
3-19-05
I just got off the phone with THIS winner. RING RING
Good morning tech support...
Hi, i'm having problems connecting to the internet..
Ok...It looks like your account is suspended i'll just open that up for you and you shouldn't have a problem..
OK thanks you young man. *click*
RINGRINGRING
Hi i just talked to you..YOU BROKE INTO MY COMPUTER AND REMOVED THE PASSWORD, BECAUSE I CERTAINLY DIDN"T CHANGE ANYTHING YOU SON OF A BITCH!! SQUAWK SQUAWK!
Sigh...I wish I was Prime Minister, computer liscenses are MUCH needed..

 

by flipynif1
3-19-05
The winner of the day so far.
Good morning tech support...
*gruff* MORNING, I was testing out YOUR Internet and downloaded a bunch of viruses, NO PROBLEM. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?
Excuse me? Are you saying that you INTENTIONALLY downloaded viruses thinking that we filter YOUR Internet traffic?!?
NOW LISTEN YOU LITTLE ASSHOLE, I KNOW ALL YOU ISP'S SELL DIFFERENT INTERNETS AND YOURS IS FULL OF VIRUSES JUST LIKE THE REST!
....Sir, The Internet is a worldwide network, ISP's don't have the entire thing at their offices...
YOU FUCKING LIAR!! YOU OWE ME A NEW COMPUTER, I WILL SEE YOU IN COURT!!

 

by flipynif1
3-19-05
What's the difference between snot and calliflower?
mmmmm, YUM YUM, THIS IS REALLY GOOD, NUMMY!!
Eat if up REAL good...shhh shhh I ain't gonna hurt ya non...*hyuck hyuck*...shh shh
THIS IS SO YUMMY!!
shh shhh...I ain't gonna hurt ya none...*giggle*
Kids will eat snot.
I FINISHED IT ALL UP DADDY!! YUM, MY TUMMY IS FULL!!
shh shh shhh....hush....I ain't gonna hurt ya none...now we's gonna fill you up somewhere else..*giggle*...comon wit me...

 

by flipynif1
3-19-05
Man those two days off felt good...*yawn*...I hope they weren't busy busy yesterday..
Better get started,..bling blong...HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!! AUUUUUGH I'VE BEEN TUBGIRLED!! *pukes*
*Snicker* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AUGH MY EYES, MAKE IT GO AWAY!!! I'LL SHOW YOU A TUBGIRL!!
MWAHAHAHAHAH!!

 

by flipynif1
3-19-05
RINGRINGRINGRING
Good Morning tech support..
YEAH YOU SON OF A BITCH. YOU TOLD ME YOUR HOMEPAGE WAS WWW.TUBGIRL.COM YESTERDAY!!
RINGRINGRINGRING
...could you hold please...*line 2* Good Morning tech support..
YOU SICK MOTHERFUCK!! WHY THE FUCK DID YOU TELL ME YOUR HOMEPAGE WAS..
RINGRINGRINGRING
Hold please..*line 3* Good Morning tech support...
HEY YOU SICK FUCK, I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE YOU PIECE OF SHIT...

 

by flipynif1
3-19-05
I HATE MY JOB I HATE MY JOB I HATE MY JOB I HATE MY JOB.....
Hi I'm CLARABALLS I'm here to turn that sad and possible phsycotic-entire-office-killing frown upside down! *Does a happy clown dance*
I HATE CLOWNS I HATE CLOWNS I HATE CLOWNS I HATE CLOWNS I HATE CLOWNS I HATE CLOWNS.....
Let's think about the good thingsthat come with your job, think of ALL the WONDERFUL people you have helped and how much they thank you in the long run!
THIS SURE HELPS CLARABALLS, THANK YOU!

 

by flipynif1
3-19-05
Good Morning tech support...
Uh...I have a question for you let's say guy x stole a bunch of files from guy y...
But guy y is gonna try to steal it back...could you change my, AHEM I mean, guy x's IP address?
So what you're saying is that you stole a bunch of stuff off someones computer and now want to hide from them?
Ok sir let me have a look..*breaks into clients computer erases all files*...Well Sir it appears that you have no files to steal
What...I....uh... Well...hehe.. It's good that that was hypothetical eh....*nervous laughter

 

by flipynif1
3-19-05
*humming* La la la
*shuffle shuffle* What's wrong with me?
Dum dee dee
MOMMY MOMMY WHY DO I KEEP WALKING IN CIRCLES??
SHUT UP OR I'LL NAIL YOUR OTHER FOOT TO THE FLOOR!
*poops pants*

 

by flipynif1
3-19-05
Hmmm...Prolific...prolific... uh *www.dictionary.com* p r o l i f i c...
RINGRINGRING...
Producing offspring or fruit in great abundance; fertile....ok...hmmm... producing...producing....p r o d u c i n g.
RINGRINGINRNG...
And so it goes on for eternity...
To bring forth; yield: a plant that produces pink flowers..... uh...hmmm.. yield....yield..y i e l d ...
RINGRINGRING...

 

by flipynif1
3-19-05
Good Morning tech support...
HEY YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! YOU TOLD ME TO DELETE EVERYTHING ON MY COMPUTER AND NOW IT DOESN"T WORK!!
Uh..Excuse me?
Yeah,ASSHOLE, you said to scan my computer for Spyware then delete everyting, NOW MY FUCKING COMPUTER DOESN'T WORK..
uh...I told you to delete everything Spybot found...and you formatted your harddrive?...
YEAH SEE YOU JUST TOLD ME TO AGAIN YOU FUCKING JERKOFF!!!

 

by flipynif1
3-19-05
Good Morning tech support...
Good morning...my dial up connection doesn't seem to work...*click BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP*
See it's just won't connect, let me try it again..
NOOOOOOOOO (my head MY HEAD) *click BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP*
Hmmm, maybe if I do it really fast.. let's try!
Please don't, *sob* *click BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP*

 

by flipynif1
3-21-05
Good Morning tech support...
Hi I just had a quick question...
My computer keeps booting me off all the time when I am in the middle of doing something...
Hmmm...well that's not good..but I have a solution..
You see the fan on the back of your tower....yeah at the top....Pee in it, it shows the computer who's boss....yeah JUST like wolves...
Ok, you're the tech...*zzzip* YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH bzz bzzz bzzzz crackle *click huuummmmmmmmm*

 

by flipynif1
3-21-05
I'm dreamin of summer cool breezes fresh air...And when I start dreamin Summer's Eveâ„¢ takes me THERE!
Catchy tune.
That cool fresh feelin keeps the good times in my mind! Summer's Eveâ„¢, Keeps that freshness everytiiime!!
SEE TV? I AM FRESH TOO!
Downtown later that day
SMELL MOM, I AM FRESH AND CLEAN FROM SUMMER'S EVE!!
Why you little WHORE!

 

by flipynif1
3-21-05
I hate old people, what a bunch of cunts!
Yeah, I say bring on mandatory euthanasia!
Here's there's a old lady...HEY YA OLD CUNT, GO PLAY IN TRAFFIC YOU FILTHY WASTE OF TAX DOLLARS!!!
HAHAHAHAH, WHY DON'T YOU JUST DIE YOU OLD BITCH!
HAHAHAH...YOU STUPID OLD BITCH..FUCK OFF AN DIE!!
What lovely young people!

 

by flipynif1
3-21-05
Senior citizens are lonely people...Why don't you read to one
Ok Old Lady, Here's a story that you can rest in peace to...He slowly slid his...
Whoever you are I don't want any...*slams door*
If they seem a little resistant to let you read to them, pretend to be a salesman..
*knock knock* THIS IS PHIL MACRACKIN FROM HOME HARDWARE, HERE TO IMPROVE YOUR LIFE!
GO AWAY!
If that still doesn't work, force your way in, seniors are old and easily overpowered
OK Where was I before I was so RUDELY interrupted...he slowly slid his..

 

by flipynif1
3-21-05
Try to reunite someone with a long lost family member!
WAAAAAAH WHERE IS MY DADDY!! *Sniffle*
I know where he is! Let's go!
Hmm, the map says about here, let me get my shovel, Your dadda will be right here!
What is this place? I'm Scared!
SON! Come here and give Daddy a big kiss
!!!!!AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

 

by flipynif1
3-22-05
Mommy? Can little girls get prenant?
Of course not Little Johnny! Don't be a silly goose!
SWEET!
What a little rascal..
We can play that game again!
Ok, I'll be the doctor this time, you're thermometre hurt.

 

by flipynif1
3-22-05
Go to places filled with people that would be considered a little "dodgy" and make fun of them.
Welcome to da Godfatha's, Da special of da night is a nice spicy fettucinni..
*talking like Marlon Brando* I'll make you an ulcer you can't refuse.
Hey SATAN, you're a fag!
HOW DARE YOU!! *sniffle*..Fine I won't be your friend...YOU CAN'T COME TO MY BIRTHDAY!!
This place was too scary, even for me

 

by flipynif1
3-23-05
What are you doing? *glare*
Uh, NOT watching porn if that's what your asking..HA HA..no, I am just FTP'ing *nervous sweat* RING RING...Well better get the phone..
You just said ring ring then picked up the phone.
*shaking* No I didn't...RING RING..there's another call
Fucking retard.
RING RING...Good Morning Tech support...

 

by flipynif1
3-23-05
Good Morning Tech Support!...
Now you listen here you little SHIT, STOP FUCKING AROUND WITH MY ACCOUNT!!
...excuse me?
YOU HEARD ME, YOU CHANGED MY PASSWORD, EVERYTIME I TYPE IT IN IT SAYS, INCORRECT PASSWORD, FUCKING FIX IT ASSHOLE!!
Is your caps lock key on?
..Oh....How did you turn it on from there? Ha ha....*click*

 

by flipynif1
3-28-05
Hey man, what's with the attire?
I like the pain...*giggle*...any kind of pain, see how hard my nipples get from thinking of the pain? *giggle*
...
*giggle*
I like pain too, let's be friends!
Whoa you're hardcore, i'm out.

 

by flipynif1
3-28-05
Good Morning tech support...
...Your open?..Whoa I didn't think you were open today?!?
Why would you call if you didn't think we were open?
......
Sir?
*click*

 

by flipynif1
3-28-05
Matrix 1
uhhhh
Neo you can't be dead, because I love you and because the Orcle told me *revives Neo with a Magic kiss*
Matrix Reloaded
Trinity you can't be dead becasue I love you! *starts heart by magic*
Matrix Revolutions
Ugh..Neo i'm dead...you can't fix me this time..
That's ok i'm dead too AND blind!

 

by flipynif1
3-29-05
Doc I think I have finally accepted the death of my mommy and will no longer need the therapy sessions, thank you for your help!
Discontinue your therapy? No no no no...You'd best leave THAT decision to a Medical Professional!
bling blong....
Besides, have you considered that your mommy was in a death-like coma and buried alive?
B-b-buried alive?

 

by flipynif1
3-29-05
Whoa DUDE...check that hotty out! Man I LOVE goth chicks!!
Poor mother...*sniffle*
*wolf call* HEY BABY, I AIN'T DEAD BUT I'M A SOUND SLEEPER *wink wink*
Well, she's in a better place now...
Whoa look at that one on her back already....i'm gonna go over and get some TEABAG ACTION!
HEY ASSHOLE, THAT'S MY MOM!

 

by flipynif1
3-29-05
Sigh, another year gone by filling kids with Candy Goodness
Hrumph..
Yup 365 more days till the kids dress up again, dressed up pediphiles stalk back alleys..
grumble
You should really try a different tactic.
It always works at the mall though...*sniffle*

 

by flipynif1
3-29-05
squeek
Holy hog tied pumpkin patch would y'all look at this here donkey he gots a BIG Pee'er
Squeek!
what da hell.... And what are you s'pos ta be
Never thought you'd ask old chap... Most of my friends consider me wood duck of pelagic fishes...blah blah
Well ya sure talk a lot for a Wheelbarra..well better get ya back to the farm, say, can you catch dem mice that's been all Moo'ing the place up?

 

by flipynif1
3-29-05
Ooo this haunted house is soo scary!
Quietly creep...she won't even scream...
Ooo aren't you a funny costumed killer? *giggle* You can't get me*squeel*
Slowly, steathily...
Hee hee you can't get me...giggle
DAMMIT!

 

by flipynif1
4-01-05
Dear world: I no longer have any reason to live, I have just found out that Princess Dianna died today...she was my everyyhing . Goodbye
*hero music* Du du du DU DUDU!!
sniffle, sob..
It looks like you are proofreading your suicide letter, click me to help
What? It's a suicide letter, no ones going to care about my grammer.
Deer World: I know larger have many reasons to alive. I just have found in that's Prince Diarrea died today. Her everything me. Goodbye?
I disagree, everyone cares about grammer, EVERYONE! Isn't that better?
Fuck...

 

by flipynif1
4-01-05
o/^ I'm a HETERO, HETERO SEUXUAL, I'm a HETERO, HETERO SEXUAL o/^
o/^ I'm a HETERO, HETERO SEUXUAL, I'm a HETERO, HETERO SEXUAL o/^
Hey big boy *wink wink*
*grunting* o/^ I'm a HOMO, HOMO SEXUAL o/^ TAKE IT ALL BITCH!

 

by flipynif1
4-01-05
RAAAARR!! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU NOW!!
That cornholer won't generate gravitrons by itself ya know...
HA HA!!
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING TO TOBOR ABOUT??

 

by flipynif1
4-01-05
Good Morning tech support...
Hi my DSL doesn't work..
*munch munch*...Rrrow... KACK! GAG!
Yeah the DSL cables aren't cat proof and the service doesn't work since my cat ate the wires...it's your fault..
Your cat ate the wires and you blame us?
Yeah, so pay up, buy me new wires and shit.

 

by flipynif1
4-01-05
Good Morning Tech Support....So what you are telling me is that when you dial in and try to dial in again your PC says modem in use....hmmmmm
HAHA he always gets the moronic calls...MWAHAHAHA..oh phone!
May I ask why you are trying to dial in twice? ...Oh to make a faster connection..Well sir you modem cannot connect twice to...no it's true sir... no I am not ripping you off... Ok let me explain ..
Good Morning tech support...Ok so your saying that your cat pissed on your keyboard and now it doesn't work that well?....have you tried buying a new...
No I'll explain so you will understand... you see two people cannot talk on the same phone at the same time...Please get your wife off the phone sir...please stop yelling...ok you ARE smarter than me
I understand cat pee is sterile, but you may want to buy a new keyboard anyway because of the smell....oh you LIKE the smell...uh...hold please *click accidentaly hang up* Woops hehe

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