All comics by lildeucecoup

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by lildeucecoup
5-25-07
I don't know what to tell you Mr. Pirate. According to the map the treasure should be buried in the grave.
Of course. It must have disintegrated by now.
Gold coins disintegrate?
No, but the trasure wasn't coins.
Then what did we dig for?
I was hoping the corpse still had a cock.

 

by lildeucecoup
5-25-07
He wants to eat me.
Look, just cause I'm a cannibal doesn't mean I'm going to eat you. Jump into my mouth and I will carry you across the dark forrest to safety.
He wants to eat me, but I don't have a choice.
I love the taste of rat in my mouth!

 

by lildeucecoup
5-25-07
I always promised myself that if I met an alien I would seduce it and make sweet love to it.
Did you enjoy it lover?
I gotta say I was dissapointed.

 

by lildeucecoup
5-25-07
Dad, I've been thinking about it and I've decided to apply at Purdue.
Purdue? Son, your skin doesn't even have any pigment. What makes you think you could get accepted at Purdue?
I'm....really not sure what my skin pigment has to do with anything.
You see me son? Take a good look at my skin. What do you notice about it?
Your healthy pinkish hue?
That's what a Purdue man looks like.

 

by lildeucecoup
5-25-07
Sir, I came in on my day off, but I refuse to work in the housewares department.
PLEASE!!!!
It's haunted sir and I won't do it.
PLEASE!!!!!
I'd much rather work in intimates if you catch my drift.
OK!!!!

 

by lildeucecoup
5-25-07
How was your day at work?
It was good. I snuck off into the intimates section for awhile and had some private time.
Did you steal that sexy nurses outfit?
No, I just put up some signs.
You put up signs in the intimates section for a couple of hours?
Yeah, but only cause I didn't wanna go to housewares. IT's haunted there.

 

by lildeucecoup
5-25-07
The other day I was sitting right here and this other squirrel was telling me about some treasure he burried.
Oh yeah? What did he say?
The other day...
Whats new?
I got some buried treasure.
What do you think?
I have no idea what to think.

 

by lildeucecoup
5-25-07
I went to the doctors office the other day and he asked if my stools were soft.
MY stools.
I told him, it's called shit and mine's got the consistency of oatmeal.

 

by lildeucecoup
5-27-07
Oh geez... Black guy in the house. I have no idea why he's here.
Hey, I'm Carl. I'm here to take your sister out.
Does she know your black?
What the fuck did you just say?
I mean, well, she's blind and all. I just hope you told her.

 

by lildeucecoup
5-27-07
I'm Carl. I'm here to date your sister.
Actually. It's me Denise. I'm just dressed as a ninja.
That's weird.
I thought it would match your skin tone nicely.
Cause you're black.

 

by lildeucecoup
5-27-07
Hi, I'm Ben. I'll be conducting this interview.
Hi, I'm Teddy.
Alright, so what makes you think you'd be right for this position?
I love people. You know what I mean?
Well, I'm afraid you're hideous and I won't be hiring you, but thanks for coming in.
Thank you for your time. I left several copies of my resume with your secretary incase you change your mind.

 

by lildeucecoup
5-27-07
Hi, I'm Ben. I'll be conducting this interview.
The name be Zekiel.
Zekiel? Is that amish? I'm afraid we use electricity here.
Actually, I'm just a big fan of amish culture and I had my name legally changed and I sorta dress like this alot.
Well alright, I won't be hiring you cause you're weird, but thanks for your time.

 

by lildeucecoup
5-27-07
Hi, I'm Ben. I'll be conducting this interview.
I'M GEORGE BACONMAN!
Well, for starters how about you calm down a little and use an insdie voice.
I'm sorry. I'm just a tad nervous is all.
Alright, well, I'm not going to hire you because you're made of bacon, but thanks for your time.

 

by lildeucecoup
5-27-07
Hi, I'm Ben. I'll be conducting this interview. You are obviously Santa Clause.
You've been very naughty Ben.
Lets just carry on with the interview. Are you open to working holidays?
Anything except for Christmas of course.... I know you fucked my wife.
You're hired Mr. Kringle.
I look forward to helping this company acheive new levels of success.

 

by lildeucecoup
5-27-07
Holy Fuck! Zombies are gonna get in.
Dude, I saw a zombie girl that got me totally hard.
Brains?
You're out of luck dude.

 

by lildeucecoup
5-27-07

 
by lildeucecoup, 5-28-07

 

by lildeucecoup
5-28-07
This is the best job ever. I sit at this desk and type dirty text messages all day.
I only get 10 bucks an hour, but it's so easy. All I gotta do is keep typing dirty talk off these scripts they give me.
We just learned we could write a program to do this for us. You're fired.

 

by lildeucecoup
5-28-07

 

by lildeucecoup
5-28-07
As head guy at NASA I've decided to send you to the moon and meeting Jesus.
When I was young, I always dreamed of going to the moon.
This is just like my dream, but Jesus wasn't wearing a space suit.
Uhhh... Hello my child. Why are you on the moon?
Why are YOU on the moon? And whats the deal with the space suit?
The moon is where my dad sent me as punishment for all of your mortal sins and I need a space suit to breathe on the moon.

 

by lildeucecoup
8-10-07
What can I get you for lunch, sir?
DON'T YOU EVER JUST FEEL LIKE A CALZONE?
Not particularly.
I'll have a calzone.

 

by lildeucecoup
8-12-07
Do you have any idea where my coffee mug went to?
I really don't have any idea.
No idea at all. Sorry.

 

by lildeucecoup
8-15-07
Dango, Dingo, do you know where my keys are?
Damnit, Dingo. If you can learn to wear sweaters and balance on that ball all day, then you should learn to talk.
I wonder if Dingo is deaf?

 

by lildeucecoup
8-15-07
Hey there Dingo! Can I help you with something?
It's really rude to just ring someone's doorbell and then not say anything.
Is Dingo a deaf-mute?

 

by lildeucecoup
8-15-07
Dingo, did you shit in the hall way?
Cause I can't think of anyone else who would shit in the hallway other than you.
Where do I go to get a dog hearing test?

 

by lildeucecoup
8-15-07
Have you been a good boy this year Dingo?
You're going to get a big lump of santa coal in your stocking.
That means I'm going to poo in it.

 

by lildeucecoup
8-16-07
Yar, can I copy your bible homework?
You know pirate man. If you don't actually do the work yourself the lord will know you cheated and then he will know you're a sinner.
Wouldn't he already know that I'm a sinner since everyone is born with sin?
I'm not sure what that means.
Isn't there something in the bible about being born with sin, so everyone is kind of a sinner in there own way?
I don't know.

 

by lildeucecoup
8-16-07
Can I help you?
I'd like one chicken taco, one beef taco and one steak taco, please.
I'm sorry we are currently cleaning our grills. I can get you hard shell tacos if you would like. We can also make tostadas.
I'd like one chicken taco, one beef taco and one steak taco, please.
Sorry, we're closed.
Ok.

 

by lildeucecoup
8-16-07
I'm glad we're finally out on a real date. This is really romantic.
Yeah, I'm having a great time.
So when are we going to come out to your parents.
I think that it's a fair question.
You know I'm not ready.

 

by lildeucecoup
8-18-07
I'm new in the office. Maybe you could show me around.
Your small yarny frame is more than just a turn on for me. It's a whole new way of living that I need to live.
You got me... Rock hard.

 

by lildeucecoup
8-18-07
Sir, we've been getting calls all night about your apartment. Did you have some sort of party here?
Fist of all, how did you get in my house? Second of all, go fuck yourself.
You have no door sir. It was removed and set on fire and thrown out of a window sometime in the last hour.
I've been sleeping, but the woman down the hall has alot of cats. Go talk to her.
I'm gonna need a run down of everything that's happened tonight.
Well, I was napping and then I went for a walk and then..

 

by lildeucecoup
8-18-07
And that's it?
Pretty much.
Then why does your apartment look like this?
I'm an artist. I'm doing this art blog sorta thing. It's kind of for my college class in expression.
Are you a man or a woman? Just so I'm completely sure.
I'm a man.

 

by lildeucecoup
8-21-07
I'm gonna give you one chance to answer this right.
Will you marry me?
Yes.
WRONG ANSWER BITCH!
I love him lots.

 

by lildeucecoup
8-21-07
I'm Jay Leno and I'm going door to door to steal an old Steve Allen bit. Can I interview you?
Sure.
Where's the best place around here to get some poutine?
Poutine really isn't my thing.
Thanks for your time.
You're welcome.

 

by lildeucecoup
8-21-07
Excuse me officer, can you tell me how to get to State Street?
I'm gonna have ta issue you a citation der for not being from around here.
I don't normally drive downtown.
You aren't driving.
I parked my car and walked over here.
I'm gonna have to call for back up.

 

by lildeucecoup
8-21-07
Tis be hard work managing a robot factory.
Yar!

 

by lildeucecoup
8-21-07
I can see you ghost.
Thank you father for bringing his soul to rest. Even if it meant sending his soul to hell.

 

by lildeucecoup
8-21-07
Yes?
Is your household adequately covered by Wolf's Breath Insurance?
Yes.
Thank you have a good day.

 

by lildeucecoup
8-21-07
How was your day sweetie?
Just a day.
What did you eat for lunch?
The sandwich you made me.
What would you like for dinner?
Whatever you already started cooking.

 

by lildeucecoup
8-21-07
I got a letter from God here, it says you should mate with me since we are the only two people alive.
Who will marry us.
I don't like your tone. I'm gonna go home.
I wish I could meet someone.

 

by lildeucecoup
8-25-07
Well, all your blood work seems good. Very red. Did you have any other concerns? If not, I'll see you in 6 months for another check up.
Well actually, the other day out of the corner of my eye.
That's perfectly normal for a man your age. Why don' you go to your local mall and talk to someone sort of optical professional.
I think it was Jesus.
I'd like it removed.

 

by lildeucecoup
8-25-07
Video games...
Playin' some video games...

 

by lildeucecoup
9-01-07
Early in the day...
Yes, I'm calling to request an escort for the night...
*Sure thing.*
Early Evening...
That call was for a female escort.
I'm a high school guidance counselor by day. Maybe we can just talk about this.
Very early the next morning...
I didn't particularly care for that.
Well, I should be going. Feel free to order me from the service again.

 

by lildeucecoup
9-15-07

 
by lildeucecoup, 9-15-07

 
by lildeucecoup, 9-17-07

 

by lildeucecoup
9-22-07
I generally like to keep about 3 gallons of nice clean water in my apartment at all times.
Yeah, it should be cold.
It is cold. I already said it would be cold. I just like to have it around incase of emergencies.
What sort of emergency would require 3 gallons of water?
Being thirsty.

 

by lildeucecoup
9-22-07
I went to visit my grandmother last weekend and she felt it necessary to talk about the time she was molested by a shoe salesman.
How does that even come up in casual conversation?
We were watching reruns of Married With Children at the time.
Wow, I haven't seen that show in awhile.
It hasn't aged well.
I still like Home Improvement.

 

by lildeucecoup
9-22-07
Have you heard that new Jay-Z song?
I thought he retired from music?
What?
Jay-Z... Didn't he say he was going to retire a few years ago.
You must be thinking of 50 cent.
White people ruin Hip-Hop.

 

by lildeucecoup
9-22-07
Hey, wanna buy some old Tommy Hilfiger shorts I found?
That you found? Where'd you find them?
They were in my closet. I've never worn them. I got them for my 8th grade graduation back in the mid 90's and I never got around to wearing them.
You were never a cool kid.
So do you want them?
No... No, I don't.

Showing page 2.

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