All comics by lima

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by lima
7-07-03
to be.. or not to be..

 

by lima
7-07-03
do you have a banana?
YES! you DO have a banana!
he's right, i do!
where are you going?
its leading me somewhere...

 

by lima
7-07-03
where is it taking me?

 

by lima
7-07-03
where are you going?
im going wherever the banana takes me dude..
there goes the bravest monkey in the world..

 

by lima
7-07-03
not you as well?
our bananas seem to be attracted

 

by lima
7-08-03
how much longer this banana conquest is going to take?
what can it be leading us to?
my bananas bigger than yours
no, mine just appears smaller because its further away from you

 

by lima
7-08-03
hey..
do you hear that?
what?
i can hear something, like "widdlywee, widdlywee"
thats highly illogical, monkeydude

 

by lima
7-08-03
monkeydude, we are at the end...
you what?
hey..
what the... Jim Morrison?

 

by lima
7-08-03
your quest is over
oh, right
you have found inner peace. notice that you no longer hold the banana of eternal wisdom?
crikey
you can go now, oh yeah, and if you book them, they will come
huh?

 

by lima
7-08-03
so, monkeydude2 was Jim Morrison all along...
i suppose id better go home then

 

by lima
7-08-03

 

by lima
7-08-03
hey! do you have a banana?
he's right!
YES! you DO have a banana!
and so, the circle of life is complete...
where are you going?
its taking me somewhere...

 

by lima
8-07-03
After 6 long years, Metallica are ready to record their first all-new material..
hey James, i was thinking, im gonna replace my Snare drum with a Frying Pan
wha? Lars what the fu..
SHUT THE FUCK UP MOTHERFUCKER OR I'LL SUE
now if you'll excuse me i have to go tell the best guitarist in the world that he has to play nothing but drop-d powerchords for the next 3 years
most bands go through thousands of drummers but noooooo not Metallica :/

 

by lima
8-07-03
hey, you notice Robs bass playings a bit off?
ok, i'll go tell him
hey umm.. Rob?
*grunt*
um... nice playing, good on you, oh and i love the hair, it TOTALLY does NOT make you look like a big girl
*grunt* rob hit bass now

 

by lima
5-27-05
Mr Glazier, why won't you speak about your plans for Manchester United?
...
Please, there are a lot of United fans who are really troubled by your take over. We're all DESPERATE to know...
...
...so we can all laugh our fucking tits off
He hates the Manchester Blak-Sox already?

 

by lima
5-27-05
Jeff. Just walking down the street minding his own business when...
'scuse me mate but..
let me stop you there... I dont know what time it is, i don't smoke, i cant pay your busfare for you, i don't wanna buy weed and i dont have any on me, and i don't know the way to anywhere
...your laces are undone...
oh... i'll tie them up later
...and have you got any spare change?
gargh

 

by lima
5-27-05
I hate Haikus 'cos
Its too hard writing my thoughts
In seventeen syll...

 

by lima
5-27-05
mwuhaha! ha harr! prepare to be violated!
hehee! huhar!
...something wrong honey?
I have headache...

 

by lima
5-28-05
'scuse me mate, can i borrow a fag off ya? only you know, i aint got no money, i just really need a fag
no
aw man, well, have you got the time then?
course, its 5:30
you must be on your way back from work huh?

 

by lima
5-28-05
I'm allergic to Irony. When irony strikes, the muscles in my legs go limp.
Wow. Thats kinda weird seeing as you also have a phobia of wheelchairs
sorry..

 

by lima
5-28-05
I'm alergic to sarcasm.
Wow, thats really, bad. Honestly, it is.
No! Honestly it is! Seriously
For fuck sake get up!

 

by lima
5-29-05
You just dont understand the band Tool. You couldn't understand them. I do, Maymard does, everyone else is just fanboy wannabe twats.
Uhuh
The new albums awesome. Theres loads of mashed up Bill Hicks lines in weird drum beats, you've never heard that before man.
Well thats not entirely true.
I once kicked Denis Leary down some stairs.

 

by lima
5-29-05
I write Haikus with
last syllable missing 'cos
I can't poo-poo

 

by lima
5-29-05
Oh... so you aren't just pleased to see me

 

by lima
5-29-05
Uh oh, what do i do in face of this demon squirell
If sister Jane was here, she'd say 'show him your cross'
But i have no cross...

 

by lima
5-30-05
Hey, what should we call our pub quiz team.
How abooouutt, Marzipan Albatrosses? Belgium? Team Tarquin? Cuthbert's Badger Army?
no, that doesn't really say anything about our team though does it?
ok how about 'Me and my feckless unimaginative math-student friends'

 

by lima
5-30-05
Whadaya mean youll 'have the salad'

 

Besta keepa still, it maat haf an inveecible bayonet too!
by lima, 5-31-05

 

Mickey and Tiddles settle their differences like gentlemen.
You're not gonna turn round after two paces are you?
by lima, 5-31-05

 

Jeff rocked at hide and seek
meep!
57, 58, 59..
by lima, 5-31-05

 

by lima
6-01-05
Hello and welcome to the twenty-ninth World Stare-Out Competition, a fascinating contest we have for you here between the young Frenchman, Marcel Deschamps and the experienced Ukranian Yevgeny Dvorak
Dvorak here putting up a tight defence, but oh thats a good attack from Deschamps! This really is shaping up to be an epic encounter. Oh look now! Dvorak comes right back with an awesome attack!..
My word how on earth can Deschamps come back from this? He really does look under pressure. You really could literally cut the atmosphere with a tenon saw, great stuff!

 

by lima
6-01-05
Heya Goatboy, You shaggy, smelly thing. Whats that?
Hwu huh huh, Thats my purple wand, and my hairy sack of magic
Magic wand... you do tricks?
Hwu huh huh, Goatboy can make a bell ring in your stomach.
...what does that bell mean?
It calls goatboy to dinner, hwu huh huh

 

by lima
6-01-05
Heya there man, wassup with you?
I'm upset man. My monkey's disappeared man. I loved ma monkey
Thats a damn shame
I know man, i just woke up and ma monkey was gone man.
Shit. And i wanted to eat that monkey.

 

by lima
6-01-05
Hey.. i was just wondering..
Would you like to have sex with me?
No.

 

by lima
6-01-05
...so yes, i've been just doing comic tributes and competitions recently. I'm sorry, i'm usually very prolific.
Prolific? For heavens sake Liam..
You started out in 2001. You wrote SIX comics through the WHOLE of 2002, and NONE in 2004. 2003's highlight was 'Bantastic' which consisted of just one character, who had six lines in the WHOLE COMIC.
Yeah... what wrong with that?
The whole comic was eleven episodes long.

 

by lima
6-01-05
Careful Bob, Irony is a foot...
Thats only ironic if i fall over isnt it?
is it?
ah yes, so it is

 

by lima
6-03-05
You must hate this falling over thing. I mean, people like Michael Barrymore enjoy falling over, on purpose, to get laughs.
Whereas I don't like falling over, but people laugh when i do it. Like last night.
I know, its weird. We laughed then, but we dont laugh at Michael Barrymore
...
Sorry..

 

by lima
6-05-05
..i've no idea why the dutch voted no.
I can't understand it myself.
I know. They speak four languages, officially
Yeah, you'd think they'd be pro-active on that front.
Jumping Badger Feces!

 

by lima
6-05-05
..was alright, but it didn't have the, i dunno, the specialness
I know, the first Matrix just felt like something special
Aye. The other two just aren't the same, i'm not sure why.
Maybe its because they start getting a little to philosophical, or maybe..
Holy Fuck Biscuits!

 

by lima
6-06-05
...see a way back for United at all
Yeah, that Malcom Glazier has them by the balls
I'm not sure whether i should be glad that theyre gonna go bust, or sad
Sad that its an american thats gonna do it? Yeah, thats pretty..
Sweet Marzipan Jesus!

 

by lima
6-07-05
I think G8 is fantastic
Well, not so much anymore, he was good at Spurs and Lazio though
What? No, not G8 Gasgoine, hey, do you think he gave himself that name to support fairness in Africa?
Heh, yeah right, theres about as much chance of that as there is of you sponaneously combusting.
Frolicking Bugger Ninjas!

 

by lima
6-08-05
ooh, uh! aah! ooh!
Do doloo doo do, do doloo doo do, da dalaa daa da, dan dalan dannn
ugh! oh yeah! ooh! UUUHHHHGH!!
dan dalan DANG DANG, dan dalan DAN DAN, DAN DALAN DAAAAAUUGH!
Keith, why do you always hum that same symphony when were making love?
'cos im ridin' the valkrie bitch!

 

by lima
6-17-05
..and where are you going with that trolley?
I work here, i'm running this down to the skip
Are you sure?
Am i sure? No, no i'm not sure. Actually, yeah, im gonna sneak onto a train with it, go to iran, sell it for nukes, come back here and blow up the train station. How about that?
How about i hit you with this truncheon?
You win, officer

 

by lima
6-22-05
Hey you know dawg, when i call you dawg, i don't mean that you're like, a dog dawg, you understand man?
Shut up and throw the stick!

 

by lima
6-22-05
woopdewoop!
gopbblecrocka!
rar the badgers!
floobajooba! kill the penguins!
woop?
Oh my god! Its an Insane Clown Posse!

 

by lima
6-30-05
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you; If all men count with you, but none too much,
Then your hide-and-seek game has got waaayyy over crowded.

 

by lima
7-08-05
South Africa? Cool. Why did you leave?
They made me, i was shooting peasants y'see.
Peasants? Heh, you mean pheasants mate.
No. I mean the lower middle classes
...that'll be £2.80 please
thankyou

 

by lima
7-11-05
You want to pat cock for a living?
Noo! P.A.T.C.O.C. Private Air-Traffic Control Office Complex
How on earth did you come up with an idea like that?
I researched it yesterday! I can set it all up for a hundred dollars!
$100... based in New York... two disused sky-rise office buildings... two jets thrown in....

 

by lima
7-11-05
Hey, you know whats really cool?
Ice?
No, silly, i mean do you know whats extremely cool at the moment...
The bag of peas i just put in the freezer?
...Jeff this thing sucks
Is it a hoover?

 

by lima
7-12-05
I just had a huge argument with my boyfriend, i feel like shit.
Aw honey, i wish i knew how you felt, i never argue with my boyfriend
Really? But.. how?
Theres no point. We already know who has the biggest penis
sigh

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