All comics by muffindance

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by muffindance
2-03-09
MY BOSS HAD A TALK WITH ME. APPARENTLY I'M FIRED, BUT HE WOULDN'T TELL ME WHY
MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE I SKIPPED TOO MANY MEETINGS
OR MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE HE CAUGHT ME VIGOROUSLY EJACULATING ON A ROTTING CORPSE IN THE BREAK ROOM

 

by muffindance
2-07-09
MY NAME IS MARTIN
AND I AM ADDICTED TO COCK

 

by muffindance
2-07-09
BIG BONER IN MY PANTS
PULL DOWN MY DRAWERS AND SEE WHAT'S INSIDE
WASH IT DOWN WITH A CUP OF COFFEE

 

by muffindance
2-07-09
I VOLUNTEER AT A RETIREMENT HOME
I FEEL THAT IT IS MY DUTY TO CONTRIBUTE TO THE WELL-BEING OF HUMANITY
I ALSO LIKE TO STICK MY COCK IN THE JELLO

 

by muffindance
2-07-09
EXCUSE ME, ARE YOU MUFFINDANCE, THE INTERNATIONALLY RENOWNED COMIC STRIP AUTHOR? I HAVE A FEW QUESTIONS I'D LIKE TO ASK
FIRST OF ALL, A NUMBER OF RELIABLE SOURCES CLAIM TO HAVE EVIDENCE OF YOU BEING A FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL. IS THIS TRUE?
ABSOLUTELY NOT
OKAY, NEXT QUESTION: WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOOD?
COCK

 

by muffindance
2-08-09
AH, SUNDAY MORNING
WAKING UP TO FIND A HUGE DILDO LODGED IN MY ASS
PLEASE INSERT TESTICLES IN MOUTH AND TRY AGAIN

 

by muffindance
2-08-09
WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY COCK
A HARD COCK'S EJACULATION
TICKET TO RAPE MY FACE (REPEATEDLY)

 

by muffindance
2-08-09
THE IDEAL LIFE: A WIFE AND KIDS, STABLE JOB
MORTGAGE PAYED OFF, WIDESCREEN TV IN THE LIVING ROOM
A FAT DICK JAMMED HALFWAY DOWN MY THROAT

 

by muffindance
2-08-09
SHITTING IN THE URINAL
HURMPH
*PLOP
I LOVE MY JOB

 

by muffindance
2-08-09
I'M GOING TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST HERE
I WOULD LIKE TO CUP YOUR BALLS IN MY HAND AND JERK YOU OFF UNTIL YOU EJACULATE ALL OVER MY FACE
NO HOMO

 

by muffindance
2-08-09
FOLKS, I HAVEN'T ALWAYS BEEN A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER
THERE WAS A TIME WHEN I WAS UNHAPPY WITH MY LIFE. I USED TO BE A LOSER LIKE YOU
NOW I PAY A HOMELESS PEDOPHILE TO SQUEEZE MY TESTICLES

 

by muffindance
2-08-09
VALENTINE'S DAY
A DAY FOR ROMANCE AND LOVE
A DAY FOR BARN ANIMALS TO LICK MY TESTICLES
*SLURP SLORP*

 

I ATTRIBUTE MY SUCCESS TO CHOKING ON ROCK-HARD PRICKS 24/7
by muffindance, 2-08-09

 

by muffindance
2-11-09
FOLKS, THERE IS A PROBLEM WITH THE WORLD TODAY
PEOPLE AS A WHOLE ARE NOT GAY ENOUGH
THE SOLUTION IS TO CHOKE ON SEVERAL MILES OF COCK

 

by muffindance
2-11-09
MOOOOOOOOM
COME HELP ME, MOM
MY DONG IS STUCK IN THIS JAR OF PEANUT BUTTER

 

by muffindance
2-11-09
ATTENTION WORLD
PLEASE STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND LISTEN TO THIS ANNOUNCEMENT
I HAVE AN ENORMOUS BLACK DILDO JAMMED UP MY ASS

 

by muffindance
2-11-09
I WILL NOW DEMONSTRATE MY NEW MAGIC TRICK
OBSERVE MY ASSISTANT'S COCK AS HE PULLS IT OUT AND COVERS IT WITH LUBE
NOW WATCH IT DISAPPEAR UP MY ASS

 

by muffindance
2-13-09
A look back at George W. Bush's presidency
PHOTOCOPYING MY COCK AND BALLS
*WHIRRRRR* *KA-CHUNK*
ANOTHER PRODUCTIVE DAY AT THE WHITE HOUSE

 

by muffindance
2-13-09
Another look at back George W. Bush's presidency
I WONDER HOW MANY FAT DICKS I CAN STUFF IN MY ASS AT ONCE
MR. PRESIDENT! THE CITY OF NEW ORLEANS HAS BEEN FLOODED! THIS IS A HUGE DISASTER THAT REQUIRES YOUR IMMEDIATE ATTENTION!
PROBABLY AT LEAST FIFTEEN

 

by muffindance
2-13-09
Yet another look back at George W. Bush's presidency
CONGRATULATIONS ON WINNING THE ELECTION, SIR. WHAT DO YOU PLAN TO DO NOW THAT YOU'RE PRESIDENT?
I'M AFRAID I CAN'T TELL YOU MUCH. I CAN'T REVEAL MY PLANS TO THE PUBLIC, AS THEY ARE STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL
THEY ALSO MAY OR MAY NOT INVOLVE SMOKING MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF POT AND WATCHING HOURS OF CARTOONS

 

by muffindance
2-15-09
GIVE ME A BIG "HELL YEAH" FOR RAP MUSIC!!!!!!
SUCK MY DICK
EAT MY SMELLY AND SEMEN-ENCRUSTED ASSHOLE

 

by muffindance
2-15-09
YOU'RE SHITTIN'
QUIT SHITTIN'
IN OTHER NEWS: I LIT MY COCK ON FIRE OUTSIDE K-MART BECAUSE I'M A FAGGOT

 

by muffindance
2-15-09
VALENTINE'S DAY:
TELLING YOUR LOVED ONE HOW MUCH YOU CARE ABOUT HIM/HER/IT
DESPERATELY ATTEMPTING TO ABORT THE FETUS BY POURING MOUNTAIN DEW IN YOUR SNATCH

 

by muffindance
2-15-09
STANDING AROUND WITH SHIFTY EYES
WEARING A LARGE UNWASHED OVERCOAT WITH SUSPICIOUS STAINS
GETTING KICKED OUT OF SEARS OF STICKING MY DONG IN A VACUUM CLEANER

 

by muffindance
2-15-09
STANDING AROUND WITH SHIFTY EYES
WEARING A LARGE UNWASHED OVERCOAT WITH SUSPICIOUS STAINS
GETTING KICKED OUT OF SEARS FOR STICKING MY DONG IN A VACUUM CLEANER

 

by muffindance
2-18-09
DEAR EX-GIRLFRIEND:
YOU'RE DEAD NOW, BUT I CONTINUE TO SHIT ON YOUR ASS
LOVE, KENJI COUCHSOFA

 

by muffindance
2-18-09
SOMETIMES WHEN I WAKE UP IN THE MORNING, I ROLL OVER TO KISS YOU, ONLY TO FIND THAT YOU'RE NOT THERE
I MISS YOU. YOUR DEATH LEFT A HOLE IN MY HEART. LOVE, KENJI COUCHSOFA
PS: PEOPLE=SHIT! SLIPKNOT RULZ!!!!!!!!!

 

by muffindance
2-18-09
A WORLD HANGS IN DELICATE BALANCE
EQUILIBRIUM

 

by muffindance
2-18-09
FATHER, WE DID SHE HAVE TO DIE?
THE LORD GIVETH AND TAKETH AWAY, KENJI
I DON'T KNOW HOW I CAN CARRY ON. HER PASSING HAS LEFT ME A MERE SHELL OF MY FORMER SELF
WE ALL MUST COPE IN OUR OWN WAYS. OUR HEARTS ARE WITH YOU IN THIS DIFFICULT TIME
HERE I AM
ROCK U LIKE A HURRICANE!!!!!!!

 

by muffindance
2-18-09
GOD? CAN YOU HEAR ME? MY NAME IS KENJI
I CAN'T CARRY ON WITHOUT MY GIRLFRIEND. I'LL BE RETURNING TO YOUR KINGDOM SOON
[IMG]SADLOLCAT.JPG[/IMG]

 

by muffindance
2-18-09
HI FOLKS, IT'S KENJI COUCHSOFA HERE, JERKING OFF WHILE LISTENING TO AC/DC
I MEAN, UH, I MISS MY DEAD GIRLFRIEND
LINECOS [~ -- END FUNCTION

 

by muffindance
2-20-09
LOOK AT ME, I'M A GIGANTIC BONER
I AM HIGHLY CONSPICUOUS AND EMBARRASSING! THE ONLY SOLUTION IS TO JERK ME IN THE BATHROOM
*WOBBLE WOBBLE*

 

by muffindance
2-25-09
MY LANDLORD EVICTED ME TODAY. HE SAID HE DIDN'T APPROVE OF MY HOBBIES
THIS IS CLEARLY A CASE OF DESCRIMINATION. I'M THINKING ABOUT SUING
FIRST, THOUGH, I NEED TO FIND AN APARTMENT COMPLEX THAT WILL LET ME RAPE FARM ANIMALS IN MY ROOM

 

by muffindance
2-25-09
I'M SO TIRED. I WAS UP REALLY LATE LAST NIGHT
...
MASTURBATING TO TELIVISED GOLF TOURNAMENTS IS HARDER THAN YOU'D THINK

 

by muffindance
2-25-09
I HAVE RIGHTS, YOU KNOW
AS A CITIZEN OF THE UNITED STATES, I AM ENTITLED TO DO CERTAIN THINGS IF I CHOOSE
THIS INCLUDES SMEARING MY NUTS ALL OVER CHURCH WINDOWS

 

by muffindance
2-25-09
KIDS: I KNOW I MUST SEEM LIKE A GIGANTIC FAG, BUT I HAVE HOBBIES OTHER THAN SUCKING COCKS
I AM AN AVID MUSICIAN. MY INSTRUMENT IS THE RUSTY TROMBONE
IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS, ASK YOUR PARENTS ABOUT IT

 

by muffindance
2-27-09
I'M GOING TO START A NEW RELIGION. IT WILL CONTAIN LOTS OF GAY FUCKING AND HUGE BONERS
THAT'S A GREAT IDEA!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT SHOULD WE CALL IT?
ISLAM

 

by muffindance
3-07-09
I PAID A HOMELESS MAN TO TAKE A SHIT ON MY EX-WIFE'S PORCH
AND BY "PAID", I MEAN "FORCED AT GUNPOINT"
AFTERWORDS I SMOKED POT AND JERKED OFF TO THE HOME SHOPPING NETWORK

 

by muffindance
3-07-09
AND NOW I'M GOING TO SING A SONG:
I LIKE TO LICK LICK LICK ANUSES AND BALLSACKS
I LIKE TO RAPE RAPE RAPE PROSTITUTES AND STRIPPERS

 

by muffindance
3-07-09
OKAY LISTEN UP GUYS!!!!!! I HAVE A SUPER FUNNY JOKE TO TELL
I LIKE MY COFFEE THE WAY I LIKE MY WOMEN:
RAPED AND DISMEMBERED IN FRONT OF AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL

 

by muffindance
4-18-09
ALRIGHT, PEOPLE, LISTEN UP!!!!!!!!!!!! I HAVE LOTS OF IMPORTANT QUESTIONS THAT NEED ANSWERS
FOR EXAMPLE, IF I RAPED A PROSTITUTE AT GUNPOINT, WOULD I BE CHARGED WITH ARMED ROBBERY?
THE ANSWER IS THAT I JUST EJACULATED IN MY PANTS

 

by muffindance
4-18-09
AS A LAW-ABIDING CITIZEN OF THE UNITED STATES, I WOULD LIKE TO ADD SEVERAL THINGS TO THE CONSTITUTION
MAINLY, I BELIEVE THAT EVERY MAN SHOULD HAVE THE RIGHT TO WAKE UP IN THE MORNING WITH A BIG FAT DICK IN HIS MOUTH
I ALSO BELIEVE THAT I SHOULD HAVE THE RIGHT TO LEAVE WORK RIGHT NOW TO CLEAN THE SEMEN STAINS OUT OF MY PANTS

 

by muffindance
4-18-09
ATTENTION, CLASS!!!!!! TODAY WE WILL EACH TELL EVERYONE WHAT OUR HOBBY IS. I'LL GO FIRST!!!!!!!
MY HOBBY IS POSING AS A SCHOOL TEACHER SO I CAN FONDLE SMALL CHILDREN
MY HOBBY IS COLLECTING STAMPS

 

by muffindance
4-18-09
MY HOBBY IS TAKING A SHIT ON SOMEONE ELSE'S POOP
I HATE MY LIFE

 

by muffindance
4-18-09
SON, NOW THAT YOU'RE BEGINNING TO REACH PUBERTY, WE NEED TO HAVE A SERIOUS TALK
LESSON NUMBER ONE: WHEN A MAN AND A WOMAN LOVE EACH OTHER VERY MUCH...
I ALREADY KNOW WHERE BABIES COME FROM, DAD
LESSON NUMBER TWO: ALWAYS BURN PROSTITUTES AFTER RAPING THEM

 

by muffindance
4-18-09
THANK YOU FOR SELECTING ME TO BE THIS YEAR'S VALEDICTORIAN! THESE PAST FEW YEARS HAVE BEEN A HIGHLY EDUCATIONAL AND ENRICHING EXPERIENCE FOR ME
MY FAVORITE PART HAS BEEN POSING AS A HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT AND SQUEEZING UNDERAGED GIRLS' TITS
NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I NEED TO GO JERK MY ENORMOUS THROBBING BONER

 

by muffindance
4-24-09
I'M SUCH A FAT FAGGOT!!!!!! ALL I CAN DO MOST OF THE TIME IS SHOVE FISTFULS OF PENISES AND JELLY DONUTS IN MY MOUTH
*BUUUUUUUUUURP*
THAT TASTED LIKE BALL SWEAT

 

by muffindance
4-24-09
GOOD MORNING CLASS!!!!!!! TODAY I WILL CUT OFF MY TESTICLES WITH A RUSTY SAW
AFTRERWARDS, I WILL BEAT OFF TO GAY PORN IN THE MEN'S ROOM WHILE A HAIRY CUBAN MAN POINTS A MACHINE GUN AT YOU
I HOPE YOU'RE AS EXCITED AS I AM

 

by muffindance
4-24-09
LOOK AT ME SMOKING THIS FAT JOINT!!!! I'M SUCH A FAGGOT POTHEAD
THAT'S NOT MARIJUANA!!!!!!! YOU'RE JUST SMOKING MY SHAVED-OFF PUBES
THAT WOULD EXPLAIN WHY MY PENIS IS SO ERECT

 

by muffindance
9-04-09
TODAY'S ASSIGNMENT IS TO TELL THE CLASS WHAT YOU DID THIS WEEKEND. TIMOTHY, YOU GO FIRST
I SMOKED HALF A POUND OF METH AND SPENT 48 HOURS MASTURBATING TO MY GRANDPA'S GAY PORN STASH
A+

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