All comics by mutsje2000

Profile

 

by mutsje2000
7-30-02
Kramer_vs_kramer has asked, why are you always hanging around the graveyards?
He makes me. I could've got laid by a real girl in a Catholic schoolgirl's uniform... He's really pissing me off.
It was a small sacrifice to make for our service to the greater darkness of Chernobog.
Er... hi, still intervieing... hello? Can you hear me?
Dude, Chernobog can suck my dick. I was going to get some real pussy on Saturday! I can't believe you're so fucked in the skull that you don't get it...
Mmm... fucked in the skull. I haven't tried that one yet...
Okay... so, back to the interview. You've made some serious accusations against scriptcreator.com veteran, Kaufman. For an interview exclusive, then... does Kaufman really suck?
Oh, totally.
Fuck yes.

 

by mutsje2000
7-30-02
[*Dialog stolen by Kaufman*]
[*Dialog stolen by Kaufman*]
[*Dialog stolen by Kaufman*]
[*Dialog stolen by Kaufman*]
[*Dialog stolen by Kaufman*]
[*Puncline stolen by Kaufman*]

 

by mutsje2000
7-30-02
I could've been anything if not a lackey to a failed necromancer...
A taxidermist... an accountant... hell, even a comic strip artist.
Damn. I could've been Kaufman. That'd suck non-sequiter donkey balls.

 

by mutsje2000
7-30-02
It has been mentioned...
... that using the same two guys...
... gets really boring.
As if.

 

by mutsje2000
7-30-02
Hi, I'm Benny. You might know be better as mutsje2000.
I'd like to take this moment to address a few issues that have cropped up of late.
I recently said Kaufman sucks.
Yes, he kicked my ass for it, too.
Thank you all for your support.
Assholes.

 

by mutsje2000
7-30-02
Hi! I'm Staci. You might remember me from such escapades as "Staci gets banned from #VampireHall", and its sequel, "Staci gets banned from every channel ever". They were classics.
I'm tired of everyone thinking I'm a pointless IRC hack who has nothing better to do than harass random IRC channels, so I'm here to clear the air up some.
See, it all started in the summer of 1989, when my brother had sex with my mother and they both conceived me. It might've been okay, had they not dropped me on my head.
But time goes on and heals all wounds, as they say. I'm a better person for being anally raped by my brother, father and the greasy uncle who only visits every year to cop a feel of my abused cunny.
I'm no longer the hateful, spiteful person I once was; a mere shadow of a human being, trapped within a grey box that inflicts the zeros and ones of my putrid life onto every IRC user I come across.
Now I just call people fucking fags. I think I ran out of creativity.

 

by mutsje2000
7-30-02
Cletus catches up...
... on Kaufman's witty reply...
... who said dead females?

 

by mutsje2000
7-30-02
"Nato could be undermined if member states fail to agree on a reform programme at a key summit in Prague later this year, say MPs."
Excellent, just what the world needs... more politicians to mess things up.
"The House of Commons defence committee rejects suggestions that the alliance is "dying"."
"Dying"...? Did someone say dying? That gives me an idea...
Dude, when I said we should fuck over the NATO alliance, I meant with an evil plan, not by digging up the 1949 delegation for your morbid pleasures....
Just shut up and dig.

 

by mutsje2000
7-31-02
I swear to God this joke is getting old.
It'll never get old, trust me. How could screwing dead people get old?
And... CUT! Okay, that's a wrap, people.
Thank Christ...
So they put the graveyard shot in later?
So they tell me.

 

by mutsje2000
7-31-02
*Mmmph!*
?
*Snrft... hehehe*
What?
Forget to shake properly, did you?
...

 

by mutsje2000
7-31-02
Here's a headstone... "James Heath"... Dude, I read about this guy.
Oh? What happened?
He got shot. Apparently some guys were out hunting blind people, but instead they shot this deaf guy, James Heath. It took two shots, apparently. First one missed.
It's his own damn fault then, isn't it.
How d'you figure?
Should've heard the first gunshot and ran,

 

by mutsje2000
7-31-02
This is just like that scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. You know, the one with the killer rabbit?
"Death waits for you... with sharp, pointy teeth!" Hehehe, that was a great film. This strip is just like that.
Only not.

 

by mutsje2000
7-31-02
Okay, so when the bunny moves, I'm supposed to scream, right?
Aaah!
See, I'm just not getting my motivation here.

 

by mutsje2000
7-31-02
Apparently necrophilia gets old and tired.
So here's something a little different to spice things up.
I don't see it myself, so bring on the fucking corpses!

 

by mutsje2000
7-31-02
Hi. This is a personal message from Bill Gates. Press OK to continue.
Holy crap!
I'm a big fat gay loon who is taking this moment to send a public and personal message through MSM to every single user to come out of the closet...
Disgruntled MSM programmers get even.
All of my life up until this point has been a lie. I stole the Windows' OS source code from Apple...
*Clickety clackety*

 

by mutsje2000
8-01-02
Kiss me.
No.

 

by mutsje2000
8-01-02
Picking up chicks is like pick-up-sticks.
Kiss me.
No.
Screw up just once...
Kiss me.
No.
... and it puts you off your stride.
Kiss me.
No!

 

by mutsje2000
8-01-02
Lisa...
Benny...
Kiss me.
No.
Fuck me.
Fuck you!

 

by mutsje2000
8-02-02
By right I shepherd...
The wayward Childer of Caine...
Through the great Jyhad
Bee-yatch.

 

by mutsje2000
8-02-02
Reptured by high art...
The pinnacle of top class...
They're fake!
My passions unleashed.
Are not!

 

by mutsje2000
8-02-02
Hideous features...
Mask against the judging eyes...
Hidden knowledge waits...
Peep dis... da woooord on da street...

 

by mutsje2000
8-02-02
Hehe.
Yo...
All these trees are makin' me horny, man....

 

by mutsje2000
8-02-02
Well?
No, it says right here... "10pm, 2nd August... Donald Smith, to die. 11 Brockwurst Street."
The PDA never lies...
It's 9:30... come back in half an hour.
... okay, there was that one time...

 

by mutsje2000
8-02-02
Half an hour... I have to wait half an hour.
So embaressing.
Almost as embaressing as the time that little girl asked to see my pee pee.

 

by mutsje2000
8-02-02
SHE SAYS I CAN'T COME WITH YOU UNLESS SHE CAN COME, TOO!!!
Jesus, I swear I never had this much trouble in the dark ages.
Oh, fuck this for a bag of bones... Ten O'Clock exactly. this may be a little unorthodox, but...
ARGH!
Take that motherfucker.

 

by mutsje2000
8-02-02
Donald Smith, as promised. Sorry about the mess... things got a little heated. Hehe.
Quite alright...
Death?
Nnnnngh!!!
Yes?
That isn't Don...

 

by mutsje2000
8-02-02
Hold up... don't I have unfinished business with you, too? Something about a couple of necromancer's and your supposed Messiah-hood...
Uh... on second thoughts, you take him. He's all yours. I'll start next door... nice seeing you again! I mean... shit.

 

by mutsje2000
8-02-02
There you are. You must be the most annoying... right, your time is here and now.
Great! So did I win the lottery, or something?
Not exactly.
What the... Are you one of those religious freaks?
Get thee behind me Satan!
I already am... welcome to damnation, Don. I hope you don't enjoy your stay.

 

by mutsje2000
8-03-02
Welcome again, Cecil and Cletus. First question, how does it feel to be side-lined?
At least I get a break from working the graveyard shift. Haha. Hm.
Side-lined? Never! We made him what he is... he'll pay if he lets us rot.
Pay? How do you intend to make mutsje2000 pay for side-lining your, quite frankly, mediocre exploits?
Good question... Cletus?
Everyone dies sometime. And when he dies, I will dig up his corpse and anally rape him repeatedly.
I see. And just how do you expect to do this when mutsje2000 is dead? He is, after all, your author...
Fuckwit.
Shut up. I'll think of something.

 

by mutsje2000
8-03-02
What's the difference between Nixon and Clinton?
Oh God, here we go again...
Maybe if I stay quiet he won't finish the joke...
Nixon didn't know who Deep Throat was. Clinton called her every night.
So much for that idea.

 

by mutsje2000
8-03-02
Uh... Where am I?
You are in your own subconcious.
Oh, cool. Who are you?
I am you.
Then who am I?
The token pint-sized lackey.

 

by mutsje2000
8-03-02
That's not true! Show yourself!
I don't need to. I'm right here... it's not my fault you can't see what's in front of your nose.
This is deep, dude...
Not as deep as the hole your subconcious has placed in front of you.
What holaaaaargh!
Idiot.

 

by mutsje2000
8-03-02
How do I get out of this?
Click your heels together and say "there's no place like home..."
There's no place like home, there's no -- oh, so that's what you look like.
I told you I'm you. Idiot.
... "here likes Timothy McVeigh. His defense lawyers blew it." Hello? Anyone home?

 

by mutsje2000
8-03-02
Dexterity + Athletics
uNF! uNF! uNF! uNF! uNF!
Oh... Oooh...
Dexterity + Athletics
uNF! uNF! uNF! uNF! uNF!
Mmmhmmm...
Dexterity + Athletics
uNF! uNF! uNF! uNF! uNF!
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, baby so GOOD! YES! YES!

 

by mutsje2000
8-03-02
Dexterity + Athletics
uNF! uNF! uNF! uNF! uNF!
Oh... Oooh...
Stamina + Athletics
uNF! uNF! uNF! uNF! uNF!
Yes... yes... Oh, baby...
Performance + Manipulation
uNF! uNF! uNF! uNF! uNF!
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, baby so GOOD! YES! YES!

 

by mutsje2000
8-03-02
Dexterity + Athletics...
uNF! uNF! uNF! uNF! uNF!
Oh... Oooh...
Stamina + Athletics...
uNF! uNF! uNF! uNF! uNF!
Oh... Oooh... Yes!
Botched.
uNF! uNF! uNF! uNF! uNF!
ACK! Ow! Shit, get off me!

 

by mutsje2000
8-03-02
Trust me...
... you won't get this joke.
See?
Tzimisce.

 

by mutsje2000
8-03-02
If this were a funny comic, the squirrel might start talking to me.
*Chrip*
Nope, my author must be a newbie.

 

by mutsje2000
8-04-02
Mmmm... Breasts...
Tip for the ten thirty: "Spank My Spotty Hiney" all the way to the end.
Huh?
Ten thirty, numbnuts. At the dog track.
I must be hearing things. Mmmm... Breasts...
Hey, are you listening to me?

 

by mutsje2000
8-04-02
Mmmm... Breasts...

 

by mutsje2000
8-05-02
Hey, mind if I join you?
Sure, why not. Everyone else does.
So what is it you want?
My nuts on your chin.
Figures.
Would you mind hurrying it up? I have an old lady to molest at 10:30...

 

by mutsje2000
8-05-02
I got a question for you, squirrel.
Okay, shoot.
I've been reading all these comics that star you, and you're always this little freak trying to get his nuts wet. Why is that?
What the hell kind of lame ass question is that? What are you, a faggot?
No, seriously... why?
I'm a fucking squirrel, moron. Nuts... get it? NUTS. I eat NUTS. I have little squirrel nuts in my ball bag, do I need to spell it out for you anymore?

 

by mutsje2000
8-05-02
Okay, you find yourself in a small room, decorated in an ultra modern minimalist style. There's a large glass desk and a brace of shelves on the wall...
Behind the desk, Don Giovanni sits opposite his personal assistant, and both rise to greet you as you enter, their hands outstretched and smiling.
What do you do now?
I kill them all and drain their blood.

 

by mutsje2000
8-05-02
You want to spent some XP?
Yeah, I wanna up my Firearns to 4...
4? What's your guy being doing to earn that level of mastery?
Shootin' rusty cans of a tree stump.
Uh... rusty cans don't move...

 

by mutsje2000
8-05-02
The man suddenly roars out in defiance, his body shattering with a crimson spray of blood. His flesh breaks and bones pop as he takes on the Zulo form...
Claws slice through the air, the Zulo's maw wide open and a thin spray of bloodspittle coats you as it prepares to charge.
What do you do now?
Uh...

 

by mutsje2000
8-05-02
Court is hushed, the Prince seated upon her throne. She is a creature with such magnificent poise, arrayed in fine silks that complement her petite form...
I approach the Prince and bow down low... "I am Rufus Magnamus of Clan Gangrel, come to request home in your city!"
The Prince inclines her head and beckons you forward. She leans in towards you and tilts her head slowly...
I get out my peppermint spray and check my breath... "Nice shoes, wanna f--"
"Kill him!" Booms the Prince with a dismissive wave of her.
--uck?

 

by mutsje2000
8-05-02
The room before you is dark...
My turgid digit extends forth, probing the plaster internal divider between the dank and confined corridor and the abyss beyond the bared portal.
Huh?
I look for a lightswitch.

 

by mutsje2000
8-05-02
No you can't have Potence 6...
Dude, it says so right here... Page 139, a 7th Generation can have up to six dots in a given trait...
Yes, but--
What, you're going to argue with the fucking book? What the hell kind of lame ST are you, anyway... we're here to have fun, now do I have to quote the Clanbook to you, too?
...
And while we're at it let's talk about the blood bond, too... what the hell is with this three consecutive nights crap? Are you blind? It says right here, three -seperate- nights....

 

by mutsje2000
8-05-02
Alright, nutbag, I have a question for you.
Sure thing, colon-muncher.
Lately I've been having these wierd episodic turns of insomnia, fueled by a gratuitous sexual need, an itch that I'm just not getting scratched anywhere else. Or even at all...
It's like there's no decent people out there who can really satisfy me. I'm left abused by meaningless aquaintance after aquaintance, with no depth. It's all so... shallow.
So waddya think?
I think I'm a squirrel, and you should go see a therapist. Or a hooker.

 

by mutsje2000
8-05-02
I'm sitting here on this park bench, talking to a damn squirrel. Like it even understands a word I'm saying.
Hey, whatever fits your paradigm, bud.
Like a squirrel could even talk back. I'm hearing things. It's all in my imagination. That's right, imagination.
Doesn't change the fact I'm still here. Hey, are you gonna eat those pestachios?
Take 'em. I just lost my appetite.
Thanks.

Showing page 2.

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