All comics by myles1890

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by myles1890
1-19-07
I'm a maneating plant. I can eat humans whole in one gulp.
I can suck their blood, leaving them lifelessly helpless on the cold, hard ground, watching them writh and die in agony and pain, slowly falling into eternal darkness that is death.
The battle may be lost, but the war rages on. Until next time.
Fer sure. You just keep saying that. I'll always win. Dracula ftw, bitches.

 

by myles1890
1-19-07
In the darkness...I reach for the nearest soul..waiting for the right moment...biding my time...
Craving a soul...I reach on...everlasting pain and anguish keeping my anger alive...
Grandma! Are you watching children playing outside AGAIN?
Uh...no! Get out, now! Shoo!
IT'S A HANDY THINGY TRYING TO GRAB MEH! RUNS!
Where was I...oh, yeah!

 

by myles1890
2-05-07
So...it was R1 to shoot...

 

by myles1890
2-05-07
NEVER!
Aw, come on! My mom's a christian, your dad's one! It's perfect!
Touche, young-awkward-looking-priest. Touche.

 

by myles1890
2-05-07
That squirrel...it reminds me of that one time I saw a squirrel...
Two seconds ago:
Wow, de ja vu.

 

by myles1890
2-12-07
So? Did you find anything other than the dead cat?
Yeah, a large deposit of some sort of gas has just been reported.
Oh, really? Where?
Right around...
Here.

 

by myles1890
2-12-07
Man. I really HATE Mondays.
Eh. To tell you the truth, I really don't care one way or the other. It's still drinking day.
Oh, really? I thought the "M" in Monday stood for mashed potatoes.
Yeah?
It does, man.

 

by myles1890
2-22-07
So? What's it say this time?
Says I'm being sued for sexual harrasment.
By who?
That one fat chick down the street. Says I called her "fat". Because she's a "fatty fathead".
You gotta stop doing that, man. It's costing us money.
I know, but dem's fat people's gotta learn, it's never okay to roll over a guy's car, no siree. Those dents ain't gonna come out with a plunger.

 

by myles1890
2-22-07
You know, we've been stuck in this cave for a while now...
Yeah. Almost a week now. Gettin' hungry, I is.
So, I've been thinking...maybe we could...you know...
Way ahead of ya, kid.
...try to get out...

 

by myles1890
3-01-07
You know, my husband always watches football. It's almost like it's on EVERY day.
I know what you mean. Yesterday, my man was in our room for fifteen hours, drunk as hell, watching football.
*thump* Oh...woo! Go Manning! *thump*
*-And there goes Manning with an excellent pass to number five...-*

 

by myles1890
3-01-07
It wasn't me!!!
Seriously, it wasn't me.
Fuck it! It WAS me!

 

by myles1890
3-01-07
I told you to get out days ago, Larry, and you just didn't listen!
I know, but it's just that I'm a chicken. And, ya know...I'm a chicken.
That's no excuse to be afraid of the outside world. Now go!
Okay...I dunno if I'll live, but...here I go.
Later...
Damn black neighborhood...
No more starving today, Gladus! We gots ourselves some cheeckin!

 

by myles1890
3-01-07
They got some nice pieces of art here.
I'll say! They even had that Mona Lisa thing.
The Mona Lisa?
Yeah. I had to learn about the painting and the artist's inspiration to paint it.
Well?
Turns out the artist was a crackhead that slept with a girl named Mono Lisa. Shortly thereafter, the artist died of Mono after painting it. Lisa then changed the "O" to an "A" to divert attention.

 

by myles1890
3-01-07
Ruff?
Fuck off, Strudel. I'm playing a game.
Ruff! Ruff!
Oh, fine. Shit...
Ruuuuuuufff...
Could you lend me that bone for a second?

 

It's not gonna work this time. But it did. So there.
Your mom's a hurricane; everyone's gotten blown over.
by myles1890, 3-08-07

 

by myles1890
3-09-07
Hey, you're not santa!
Well, technically, I am due to the new law passed.
What law?
Anybody that drinks from this water cooler becomes the "giving man".
This isn't what I had in mind. But oh well, c'mon!

 

by myles1890
3-09-07
So, John, how was your first day of college?
Not bad, actually. I thought it would be sucky, but it rocked!
Really? What happened?
Well, if I recall it right, there was this catfight going on in a conveniently located wrestling ring, and I decided to jump in and save them both.
Save them?
Yeah, you know when you save the girl you get the girl? It's sort of a law in the way of the Hero. Don't worry, you'll become a hero someday.

 

by myles1890
3-14-07
Ya know, it's never too late to escape.
Screw it, I'm staying.
Why? You get no food, no water, no nothing! It's as if you're WANTING to die.
It's better than being outside with them!
Gawd, gawd! GAWD! GAWD...
It...feels so good! Agh! The refreshment! JOIN CHRISTIANITY! BAAAAH! We like to sue people and think your awesome ideas are from the devil himself! Bah! You all suck, we rule!

 

by myles1890
3-15-07
I am sooo not lost in here! Nope, not lost! And definitely not losing my mind because I am not lost! Nope!
And there is NOT a zombie standing behind me! Nope, not at all!
'Sup.
Nope, NOT lost! Never!

 

by myles1890
3-15-07
I SO want a new sandwich, man. I so do.
Yeah, me too.
*Shoonk!*
But, for some alien reason, I never get one! They just fall right out of the sky, and someone else gets them!
Sweet! A sammich!
Hey, dude, check this out! A sandwich!

 

by myles1890
3-15-07
Welcome to the Cracker Barrel # 2, where we serve NOTHING but crackers! May I take your order?
How's about some 'O them crackers you got there in ya hand?
My...MY crackers? You don't mean...these?
Yeah, I is a wanter of dem crackers.
BLASPHEMY!
Dem crackers will beh mine! You'll shee! AAAAUUUGH!

 

by myles1890
3-15-07
So, ya see, Bob, you HAVE to die. I mean, that burglar out in the living room is bound to kill you off, anyway.
Why? Is it because I'm black?! HUH?! Am I different?
Earlier...
Eep! A robot thing trying to kill meh! Runs! Oh, god, he smells like shit! Run for your GODDAMNED LIVES! The...hell? Who would rob a house smelling like THAT?!
Ah.

 

by myles1890
3-16-07
So, Bill, how was your date last night?
It went pretty well, Jerry. All except the last part of it...
What happened, dude?
Well, she ran out in the middle of the street yelling, "RAPIST! RAPIST!" for some reason.
Earlier the previous day...
Oooh, you know you want to touch me...down there. 'Cause it feels good. Yeah. Want to? PLEASE?!

 

by myles1890
3-25-07
So ya see, Julia, we brits like to do it the hard way.
Oh, so we've got to bend over?
No, no, you've got to stand up straight and hope I don't poke the wrong hole.
Ah.
Okay. Here comes the choo-choo!

 

by myles1890
3-31-07
Lisa's Birthday Party
Oh, I don't know...
C'mon! It's from your ex-boyfriend!
So...it's a dildo?
No...
It's an EVEN BIGGER dildo than last year!

 

by myles1890
3-31-07
I gots me my crowbar.
Great, now let's rob us that maximum security databa-
A fucking crowbar!? Who do we look like, huh? Ethan Hunt?

 

by myles1890
3-31-07
So...why are you here again, Jesus?
I was mindin' my own, just wandering the streets, when this girl asks me to help her, right?
Right...
And then she ends up sucking the life out of me! I swear, I gushed until I fainted!
I mean, who else could have known she was a vampire?

 

by myles1890
4-12-07
The perfect place to catch them kids drinking. I always get a bust here.
I smell BACOOOOOOOOONN!
No, the irony is NOT lost in me, folks.

 

by myles1890
4-12-07
Hey, it's Larry! I haven't seen you since your Family Guy gig!
Oh, hey, Bob. Yeah, it was a doozy.
So, why're you back on the job?
I got fired from my older job.
What old job?
A nurse at Saint Jude.

 

by myles1890
4-12-07
You know, this tornado isn't actually as bad as I thought it would be.
Yeah, it's awful calm in here. But I hate to see what it'll be like when it's over...
Two minutes later...
Well, at least we still have our personalities.
Even LATER...
My personality was BETTER.

 

by myles1890
4-12-07
Hum dee dum...Dum...Oh? An e-mail?
Dear PacGhost@hotecto.com: We regret to inform you that the position for the white ghost has been taken on the new Pac Man Game. Terribly sorry. - Namco
Well, at least I still have Mario...

 

by myles1890
4-12-07
I refuse.
Why? It's only four dolla.
No, I regret to inform you that I would not and will not receive a blowjob from an illiterate whore-bunny. And you're from ASIA. Clearly not U.S. related.
What if I give you American blowjob?

 

by myles1890
4-12-07
Okay. Now can I kill you?
No! Remember, I'm the main character. You have to wait until something drastic happens to kill me.
Three hours later, in the storage room...
Okay, that's it. Something drastic HAS to happen sometime!
I think I got just the thing!
Crazy Frat Boy party!

 

by myles1890
4-12-07
*Poof!*
Where'd all the Bandidas go?!?!
Hello, and welcome to the Matrix. You were chosen by a fate larger than your own to become the One and save mankind-
The fuck?
Who brought the wetback in here?!

 

by myles1890
4-13-07
I've never listened to rock music. My mom says it's because I'm fat.
I don't know how or why, but I think she's right.
That pizza tasted gooooood.

 

by myles1890
4-13-07
Hey, dude, wanna go play with my Wii together?
Wait, what?
My Wii. Wanna go play it?
...
Not that stupid ass joke again...
Are you gay or something?

 

by myles1890
4-13-07
What're ya in for?
Stealing from the liqour store down the street. You?
I hacked off some guy's balls and stuffed in in a sack.
...
It's a ballsack.
I know, I know...

 

by myles1890
4-16-07
Wow, so you really like it here in New York?
Yep. It's all chock full of surprises.
Surprises? I'm a surprise. For you, I mean. I forgot to give you the musical telegram...
You are!?
*Singing* Bacon man! Bacon man! Oh so grease-y Bacon man! Please let me eat you, little Bacon-man!
So it WASN'T a dream last night...

 

by myles1890
4-16-07
"Dear Johnathon, Please do NOT use the Incinerator 3000 enclosed in said box to kill your girlfriend, although you are going through tough times. Have a great holiday! Love, Mom"

 

by myles1890
4-16-07
*Yeah, dude, that native girl is SO into me, over!*
*Seriously? Sweet! Beam her up to the ship, Over*
Okay, babe, time for me to beam you up onto my ship.
You PERVERT!

 

by myles1890
4-16-07
THIS IS A STICK-UP! HAND OVER THE CASH!
He's so stupid, he's pointing at that old lady instead of me...
But little did Dave the Pirate know, Captain Stoopid was aiming to rob the old lady instead. It's just GOTTA be that old-lady smell.

 

by myles1890
4-16-07
Hmmm...should I let him kill me, or tell him where the money is? I mean, it's my rent money, and I need the rest of it for my weekly porn...ah hell...
The money's hidden in my desk drawer!
FUCK!

 

by myles1890
4-16-07
So...you want the rent, eh?
Yeah, seems to be.
But doesn't our contract say that if I magically and suddenly show up in a trash can, I'm exempt from that policy?
Yes, it does say that. Why?
Well, shit-fuck.

 

by myles1890
4-17-07
Trying to open this door with my foot is hard...

 

by myles1890
4-17-07
That was one helluva fight between Pikachu and me.
I can barely believe something like that could emit such electrical extremes.
I pulled out the rubber after I found that out. Slipped on like a Charmander.

 

by myles1890
4-17-07
Hallo, I am Amehdeecan.
Heya, Achmed. Was Iraq great for ya?
No, those Amehdeecan soldiers kept shooting at me.
Ouch, that's gotta suck. Did you do anything about it?
Ya, I murdered the terrorist sons-of-a-bitches.

 

by myles1890
5-08-07
~So we're back with the News that Matters, hosted by Dan Farkle. Today he is interviewing TV's newest superhero, Mr. Jew!~
So, Mr. Jew, what brought you to become a superhero?
I just have to say that I wanted to do it because I love the kids.
So you're aiming to be a children's idol? Wow, that's quite goal.
Not so much as an idol, but as a parent figure. I even invite some of my favorites to slumber parties.
What? Won't their parents be angry?
No, I love them, too.

 

by myles1890
5-08-07
Some say that Death once lived as a child, way back when Hell was still ruling Earth.
He then grew to a teenager, beginning to see the all knowing holiday called Christmas. He vowed that one day, he may overthrow the wretched holiday and all who loved it.
But now, during his adult years, he finally found out that Christmas wasn't but about the heart, but about the soul.
So I started reaping souls instead of hearts. Jesus will NEVER find out.

 

by myles1890
5-09-07
*Sigh* I think it's time I drew myself a friend...it's been so lonely since Spielberg left me here...
*DRAWING COMMENCING-READ ON TO NEXT PANEL (dipshit...)*
Why does it ALWAYS turn out this way?

 

by myles1890
5-09-07
Hey, it's a cow!
Look who's talking.
Hey, it's a spotted cow!
Bitch...

Showing page 2.

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