All comics by naz_ghul

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by naz_ghul
12-13-02
Oh my God, Brad! I have wanted you so *hic* mush since I saw you in Legends of the Fall! I mean, you're the most . . .
loverly piece of beefcake *hic* Evar! *hic* What was I saying? Right! Fucking you. 'Cause I'd do anything for you, Brad.
ANYTHING. Even really dirty stuff with Saran wrap, a picture of Angela Lansbury and a styrofoam cooler full of Canola Oil.
She is totally hammered . . . Looks like we're both getting our Christmas wish this year.

 

by naz_ghul
12-13-02
Dear Santa, All I really want for Christmas is for my Mom and Dad to love each other again . . .
Every night they have the same argument, and it makes me sad.
Don't fuckin' tell me how much I can drink you floppy-chested harpy! Just like my fuckin' mother! No wonder I never want to be home!
Fuck you, Eric! You're never here because you're too busy deep-dicking anything that moves! I swear you'd hump oatmeal if it wiggled!
So, Santa, all I want for Christmas is my parents back as they were. I miss my family. Signed, Cindy.
Wow . . . Well, fuck her anyway. Too bad for her I'm Santa Claus, not fucking DYFUS. Malibu Barbie it is.

 

by naz_ghul
12-23-02
Doctor, How is Operation: Mentat going? The boys in Washington will want to see thier funding yield results.
We've made an incredible breakthrough. We can grant astounding intelligence, but limited a single field. We administer the serum, and the first thing the subject touches becomes his specialization.
What is the specialization of the first test subject? Tactics? Espionage? Assassination?
The subject's knowledge of his specialization is unsurpassed. Never before has the U.S. Goverment had access to an individual with information this complete.
"He's a Snack Mentat. Some idiot administered the serum right before lunch."
It is by will alone I set my mouth in motion. It is by the snack of Cheetoh that the stomach acquires cheese, the fingers acquire stain, the stain becomes a warning . . .

 

by naz_ghul
12-31-02
Take on me.
Take me on.
Ah ha! Take on me.
No, take me on.
Take on me.
Fuck, she is never going to learn proper grammar.

 

by naz_ghul
12-31-02
Game Show
You can't start a fire . . . uh, I know this.
You can't start a fire without a spark, dimwit!
Shooting Range
Do you rent firearms?
This gun's for hire.
Night Club
Even if we're just dancing in the dark?
Even if.

 

by naz_ghul
12-31-02
Maybe I'm just like my father, too bold . . .
I think you should take your blouse off . . .
I can't believe he just said that.
Maybe you're just like my mother, she's never satisfied.
*pant* *pant*
Oh . . God . . . yes! Never . . . stop . . . fucking me!!
Why do we scream at each other? This is what it sounds like, when doves cry . . .
*sniff*

 

by naz_ghul
1-02-03
Billy Ray, I need to talk to you.
Yes, sweetheart?
You see, I've met somebody. Even though I've never reciprocated your feelings, I need you to accept that I have someone in my life.
What does this person have that I don't?
She's a woman.
Oh, is that all?

 

by naz_ghul
1-03-03
I can't believe the Acadamy of Arts and Sciences cancelled me as the keynote speaker tonight! Who the hell did they get that was better than me?
Well, Mr. President, let me introduce you to the world's very first cybernetic barnyard animal. I give you . . .
" . . . RoboGoat."
But . . . it's a goat.
ROBO-Goat.

 

by naz_ghul
1-16-03
Fuck, why are you living in a monastery?
Hear Ai hav fownd manny uthers liek me! I didnt no u coudl becum a Rappist Monk! Soon ill lern the anchent wayz of teh holey Rappchure!
These are Trappist Monks you idiot! They make beer and pray a lot. Are you retarded or what?
Hmmm . . . THEN AFTER I DRINK AL TEH FUCKIN BEERS IL BEND THEM OVER AND GIVE TEHM A RAPPING IN THIER HOLIEST BICH HOAR HOLS!!!

 

by naz_ghul
1-21-03
Hello. My name is George W. Bush, and I am an intelligent human being worthy to lead the world's most powerful superpower.
Aw, come on! My daddy said I could be PRESIDENT!

 

by naz_ghul
1-21-03
This sentence is false.
Ha! I knew you were a lying sack of . . .
Hey, wait a minute.

 

by naz_ghul
1-21-03
"Come, young man. I, Booze, will show you the way. I will guide you to success. I am confidence and well being in a bottle."
Ok, Booze, I'll give you a shot. Lead me to bliss.
"Behold, The beautiful blond thinks you are the most witty, intelligent and attractive man in the room. "
Uh, Booze, that's a guy. He looks like more like Chuck Norris than a woman. What are you trying to pull here?
"You must have faith, my friend. Have a few more pints and I'll reveal every intricacy of my design."
Yeah, Right. Fuck you, I'm outta here.

 

by naz_ghul
1-21-03
Bob Sagat on Full House
Aw, come on sweetie! Daddy's funny, too!
I want Uncle Joey
Bob Sagat, Stand Up Comedian
So I'm thinking, I'm a funny guy, ya know?
You weren't fooling anybody.

 

by naz_ghul
3-06-03
That's right folks, it's Booze. The answer to almost every conundrum in life. It heals all wounds and makes you popular. It takes a bad party and makes it a good one!
It's confidence and well being in a bottle! It makes you suave, urbane and gets you the highest quality sex available!
Oh, yeah honey. Oh my god you look just like Tom Sellek. You are so hot . . . *hic* My apartment is just around the corner . . .
Ok, bad example.

 

by naz_ghul
3-07-03
He's so different from any man you've ever met. He's very rich, incredibly powerful, and is able to exert his, ahem, will across almost any distance.
And you should see what he can do with his mouth! My god, no man has ever done the kind of things he can do with his mouth . . .
. . .Vote George W. Bush in 2004, so he can give it to us good an hard for another four years.
The point is, is that I want America to lead the nation - lead the world - toward a more safe world when it comes to nukular weaponry.

 

by naz_ghul
3-20-03
Mmmm . . . time to order some Mengigo's pizza. Tasty . . .
*Ring* *Ring* Ring* *Ring* *Ring* . . .
*Ring* *Ring* Ring* *Ring* *Ring* . . .
Mr. Mengigo, I'm not answering that! Did you see the caller ID?

 

by naz_ghul
3-20-03
"Be that word our sign of parting, Bird or fiend" I shrieked upstarting, "Get thee back into the tempest and the night's Plutonian shore!"
"Leave no black plume as a token of the lie thy soul hath spoken! Leave my lonliness unbroken - quit the bust above my door! Take thy beak from out my heart and thy form from off my door!"
Seriously dude, I have a date coming over.
Ok Mengigo, fine.

 

by naz_ghul
3-20-03
Javert, I find you rather obnoxious.
Jean ValJean, I'm writing you a parking ticket.
Eponine, it's wet and chilly out here.
Yes, it is rather unpleasant.
Can I sing the song of mildy-grumpy men as well?
I don't think so, Mengigo.

 

by naz_ghul
3-21-03
Are you struggling to shed those unsightly pounds? Have you tried everything with no success? Then Marlowe Enterprises has the solution for you!
I'm Mengigo, and I'm here to tell you about the revolutionary new Jew of Malta weight loss system. It's simple, easy to use, and guaranteed to make you lose unwanted pounds.
Barabas here will filet pounds off of your big ass until you reach your desired weight! What could be easier? Call now!

 

by naz_ghul
4-11-03
Wanna see something cool? Check out my kickass necktie trick.
Shazaam! Necktie!
Shazoom! No necktie!
Dude, you're freaking me out with that.

 

by naz_ghul
4-11-03
Rare videotape of Deuce's early career in the Royal Shakespeare Company . . .
Now is the winter of our discontent changed to the glorious summer of York . . .
Fuck seems to be having trouble memorizing his lines . . .
He rapps teh fukin . . . *bleep* Heh heh, I'm sorry, is it "Nales teh Fuckin Bich" or "Rapps teh Fukin' hoar?"
Ha ha ha! Okay, okay - let's try it again. Heh heh heh! I'm sorry, he keeps making that face! Okay, okay, for real this time. *ahem*
Things Get a little heated on the set of "TOBOR, the Cornhole slayer."
RAAAR! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE . . . What the? Who the *bleep* is talking on the set over there?!
Seriously, guys, can we TRY to be *bleep* professionals here?!

 

by naz_ghul
4-15-03
UNPROVOKED TROLL ATTACK: lose a turn stunned by stupidity.
OMFG! You assholes are so fugking gay! Like you're comicx are any better! You faggots suck dick! At least I can get laid unlike you fiucking grammer faggit geeks!
l337 SP34I<: Pubescent Teenager inadvertently opens portal to alternate universe by invoking eldritch Demigod. You must cross dress for three turns. Kajun is immune to this tile.
TAG TEAM CUP 4: Not getting the joke, you miraculously enter a completely compliant comic anyway. Move ahead five spaces and earn the jealous ire of everyone else.
Dick.
Showoff.

 

by naz_ghul
4-15-03
WRITER'S BLOCK: After staring at the default page for several hours, you're so uninspired and demoralized you decide to get good and drunk. Move ahead one square.
You never were very funny.
Drinking dulls the pain, you know.
THE DRUNK TANK: You cannot leave this square, nor stop drinking, until someone remembers where Boorite's trousers are.
Don't look at me, mate. I don't wear the silly things.
WEST VIRGINIA: Make a FUNNY hillbilly-and-donkey comic or go back ten squares.
Well, she shore ain't the purdiest lady I ever seen, but if you say so . . .

 

by naz_ghul
4-15-03
DEATH PUN-ALTY: Make three decent puns in thirty seconds based on a word chosen by the player to your right or give all your cash to the Kaufman Foundation for the Mining of Learning Strategy Data.
How the fuck am I supposed to make a pun out of "polystyrene?"
SCIENTOLOGY: Join creepy cult, move ahead two squares but lose the next two turns having pseudo-intellectual conversation and hoping to meet John Travolta.
Creepy, aren't we?
Be one of us.
FILET OF SOLE: You are caught impersonating someone else in the stripcreator chat room. Formulate a convincing apology with your foot in your mouth or go back to start.

 

by naz_ghul
11-19-04
One dark night . . .
So, are those the undead minions you created? They're eating veggie burgers and drinking organic soy milk.
Yeah, apparently a busload of Phish groupies crashed here a few years ago.*sigh* This is fucking pathetic; in MY day zombies craved HUMAN flesh!
Will hippies ever realize how flammable patchouli is . . . Wait a minute, in YOUR day? You're twenty five years old. This IS your day!
Pardon me, dude. You wouldn't happen to have any organic honey for my latte, would you?
You know what, Jim? Fuck you.

 

by naz_ghul
11-19-04
November 3rd, 2004. The United Churches, uh, States of America.
The Polls were roaring on the height, The Dems were moaning in the night. The map was red, it flaming spread; The states like torches blazed with light . . .
Welcome to our Theocracy! Please disengage your critical thinking apparatus! You don't need to see his qualifications! This is not the candidate you're looking for!
. . . The bells were ringing in the dale, And Dems looked up with faces pale; Bush’s ire, more fierce than fire, Laid low their hopes and dreams frail . . .
. . . The nation smoked beneath the moon; The Dems, they heard the tramp of doom. They fled their halls to dying fall, beneath his feet, beneath the moon.
*Gasp* Laura! I dreamt a bigoted, belligerent, brain-dead profiteer was elected president!
Don't worry sweetie, you were!

 

by naz_ghul
5-25-05
3-5-05 Sen. Rick Santorum denounces Sen. Robert Byrd's metaphor usage:
"Senator Byrd's inappropriate remarks comparing his Republican colleagues with Nazis are inexcusable!"
5-20-05 Santorum, due to oxygen deprivation caused by an acute case of Cranius Rectalis, suffers amnesia:
"It's the equivalent of Adolf Hitler in 1942. I'm in Paris. How dare you invade me? How dare you bomb my city? It's mine."
Later, at home . . .
Mommy says you're a hypocrite. What's a hypocrite?
Susie, I hate to be the one to break this to you, but your Mommy hates freedom.

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