All comics by southlondon

Profile

 

by southlondon
6-08-05
It's been done to death.
Yeah, I agree. We need something mindless.
Mindless. What about bright colours?
People like dogs...
And so...
Look! I'm a dog! On a ball! Ha ha! Buy my merchandise, kids!

 

by southlondon
6-21-05
Alright mate, let's see what you've got here.
One plunger, one whisk, one blue bulb...
(Sigh) Dalek building accessories over there, pal.

 

by southlondon
6-21-05
No, you're not a Grey, I'm the only Grey in this village!

 

by southlondon
8-13-05
Mickey the West Ham skinhead is about to take the stand at another NF meeting...
An' what I hate about them Arabs is the way they treat their women.
You see 'em out on the street treatin' their wives like bladdy slaves! And us English 'aint like that. We treat our birds wiv proppa respect!
Mickey? Are you coming home?
Fuck off Barbara, I'm fucking talking here, you stupid cow!

 

by southlondon
8-25-05
Congradulations, you have won a free house makeover from MTV's Pimp my Crib! We'll be sending someone round tomorrow!
The next day...
Hi, are you from Pimp my Crib?
Erm...aye, that's me son. Best to clear out forra bit so I can...erm...measure up. He he he.
Five minutes later...
What the...
'sup dawg, I'm gon' Pimp Your Crib! Where's al' ya furniture?

 

by southlondon
8-25-05
Hey, look at mee! I'm the amazing reanimated body! I jump! I dance! I walk! I...
...Pretty much do fuck all else.
Well, what did you expect? Superpowers?

 

by southlondon
8-29-05
Hey South, I've been meaning to have a word with you.
(Sigh) what is it?
I'm sick of your ways and the way you are always rude. You're a callous bastard, you know that?
And? What's your point?
Is the end for southlondon?
Furthermore, I have decided that you must die.

 

by southlondon
8-29-05
What the...?
How did you...
Did I mention I can regenerate like Doctor Who?
So what else can you...
You don't want to know, believe me.

 

by southlondon
8-29-05
Scally? What's up?
Ayup South, I ran into Jimbo an' he was tellin me you can do stuff like Doctor Who. What else can you do?
I hate you.

 

by southlondon
8-31-05
Hark traveller, for you have encountered the Amazing Reanimated Body, the most feared entity in the Netherworld!
No! Please! What are you gonna do to me?
Erm...scare you into a state of near insanity? I ama reanimated body after all! And I glow an eerie blue.
So, uh, you can't actually do anything to me?
Shut up. I'm going to my room to cry.
Yeah, you do that. And try to get some frigging powers!

 

by southlondon
8-31-05
Despite the fact that he has a nasty temper, a blue shirt and powers of regeneration, little is known about the mysterious Strip Creator known as southlondon. That's why we made a movie dawg!
Jimbo? You wanna take another "stab" at killing me?
No, I came to say I'm sorry about that. Work stress, and the like.
That's ok. Besides, I've decided you're too important to sack. My father always taught me one thing: Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
I know it was you Fredo...you broke my heart!
BITCH! I never saw the ending to Part 2. Thanks for spoiling it!

 

by southlondon
8-31-05
So, erm, moving on, what else can you do? Other than regenerate and turn Scally into a rabbit whore?
Well, I have a blue police box that takes me anywhere in time. And I have a 1980s Delorean with a Flux Capacitor fitted.
Really? I thought they were both made up.
Yeah, kidding.
Apart from the bit about the TARDIS.

 

by southlondon
8-31-05
Welcome to the only time-travelling machine you'll ever go in.
Cool. So like, can we go back to the stone age?
I'd like to but this baby runs on plutonium. We need something like a bolt of lightning...
Hey, enough of the Back to the Future references!
Hey McFly! Thought I told you never to come in here!
...that's just sad.

 

by southlondon
8-31-05
Welcome to Brixton, South London, somewhere in the Cretacious Period.
So there's dinosaurs here?
'Earmenow, man chat like Ras Clart! Jamahl got some prappa shit for you bruv!
Five minutes later
South, I've just been mugged! By a dinosaur!
Well it might be millions of years ago, but it's still Brixton.

 

by southlondon
8-31-05
Phew, that was pretty intense. Where to next?
Next stop's home, I'm afraid. I have to go save the world. I'll drop you back to your place.
Come on, don't prolong it.
Huh?
Both of us know that to continue the "buddy theme" of this strip you're gonna end up taking me with you.
Obi Wan has taught you well.

 

by southlondon
8-31-05
Ok Jimbo, welcome to New York, 2355. Apocalypse has just happened and we are one of the only living humans in the city.
Very depressing.
What we have to do is find out exactly what happened to trigger this event and hopefully stop it.
Five days earlier...
Hey Muhammed, I had a thought. Why don't we stop building WMDs out of plastic? Metal's a lot better.
Wow, you're so right! Come to think of it, it'd probably be better as well to use plutonium rather than just corn syrup.

 

by southlondon
8-31-05
Well hello there, Hazmed.
Ah! An infidel! How do you know my name?
I know a lot of things. I also know that in a couple of weeks, you're gonna be the reason Al Quieda finally gets their hands on WMDs.
Indeed! And there is nothing you can do to stop us! Soon Islam will rule the world!
I had a feeling you'd be of that mind. Jimbo. Show our friend here the joy of pain.

 

by southlondon
8-31-05
I gotta say, that was one of the better gruesome murders I've ever seen.
I love my work!
Anyway, we stopped Al Quieda ruling the earth. That means I will be Supreme Dictator by the year 4015.
What, you thought I was going to turn out to be a hero? How well do you know me?

 

by southlondon
8-31-05
Welcome to Planet Earth 4020, recently renamed Planet SouthLondon.
Wow. So you can do anything you want?
Attention citizens of Planet SouthLondon, this is your supreme overlord. I am hereby enforcing a new law that states that all attractive women with blonde hair must offer themselves to my friend here.
Wanna go back to my place?
Ok, this is pretty cool.

 

by southlondon
8-31-05
So all this time you've been saving the world, you've only been doing it so you can build your own utopia. So you're a villain after all.
Uh huh. You should have guessed it before.
Funny, I thought your nasty, surly persona was just an attempt to hide an inner person that was more kindly and heroic.
Funny, I thought Father Christmas was real.
...He's not?

 

by southlondon
8-31-05
So, erm, anyway, what do we do now? Aren't you gonna go back and make some comics?
Actually, I was planning on staying here, up to my bollocks in slave girls.
Ok, what about me?
You can go back to the 21st Century. Make a few comics, earn a few grand.
Actually, what you said about slave girls...
Ahem! My harem, biatch, not yours!

 

by southlondon
8-31-05
Ladies and gentlemen! I have finally realised that comics starring me are no longer funny.
If you'll forgive me, I promise to end this "SouthLondon's quest for fame" shit and get on with some new comics.
Now if anyone needs me, I've got a nice Thai servant girl waiting in the back.

 

by southlondon
9-03-05
Two friends are playing Monopoly...
Yes! You landed on Mayfair! ALL MY HOTELS AND DOUBLE RENT!
YES! I ALWAYS KNEW I WAS BETTER THAN YOU AT SOMETHING! AFTER THE MONTHS AND YEARS OF BEING DESTROYED AT ANY SPORT WE PLAYED AND I FINALLY BEAT YOU! REVENGE IS SWEEET!
I own Mayfair, you fucktard.
Oh...

 

by southlondon
9-03-05
I was attacked by a shark the other week.
Shh! Don't over-generalise!
Huh?
It's unfair to brand all sharks as cruel carnivores just because a few of them like to eat dolphins. Your over-generalisation is racist towards sharks and very un politically correct.
Sharks are the most loveable, down-to-earth fish in the ocean and anyone who says they should be sent back to where they came from is the worst type of racist....
Time for breakfast!

 

by southlondon
9-04-05
I think we're safe. All you need to do is move in an L shape to move into checkmate. The Rook and Bishop should already be in position.
Check and mate, douchebag!
What the fuck?
I just hate it when Mike's little brother steals his chess set.

 

by southlondon
9-04-05
After one hour of awkward conversation...
So, who would you say your heros in life were?
Oh, the usual, really. Nelson Mandela, Che Guevara, Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill. What about you?
Ted Bundy, Charles Manson, Fred West and Ed Gein.
And guess what? I just locked all the doors and windows.

 

by southlondon
9-08-05
How can you demand this of me? I, who has been to the very depths of the Netherworld to face the unholy demon that threatens us all?
I, who has hunted down the vile Kraken and risked my life to slay it?
I, who has offered to lay down my life in exchange for the world's freedom, I, who has...
(Sigh) do we have to do this every time I ask you to do the shopping?

 

by southlondon
9-23-05
We are here today to remember our dear friend, David Palmer.
David's grisly murder was proof, if such is needed, that Christians are now a terrorised minority in London.
Uh, Father? Dave was hit by a bus.
...Yeah, but I bet the driver was a Muslim.

 

by southlondon
9-23-05
Hey, wait a sec! That's...yes! It is!
Checkmate! Checkmate! I knew I'd finally find my niche! CHECK AND MATE! I am the supreme overlord! Kneel before me mortals! I finally beat you at something!
Dude, we stopped playing two hours ago. This isn't healthy.
I can pretend, can't I?

 

by southlondon
9-23-05
Hey there, readers! I've come to a few realisations. Firstly, I don't actually have any superpowers, making me a poor corpse. Second, I am nothing but a comic.
Therefore, I have petitioned the artist to draw me on some cool features, like maybe a flaming ghost-sword or something.
Your prayer has been answered!
Why the hell...?
Sorry laddie, kids prefer clowns these days.

 

by southlondon
9-23-05
Jon has rented Kill Bill on DVD
I wish to see Hatori Hanzo. I need Japanese steel.
She's talking about a sword, idiot.

 

by southlondon
9-27-05
Mum! Mum! There are voices coming from that barn! I think it's haunted!
Don't be silly. There's no such things as ghosts. You'll forget about this in a day or two.
Ten years later...
Mum, you won't believe this, but I've just heard a noise from the barn! It sounded like a voice!
Oh, for God's sake! We went through this ten years ago! Stop imagining things!
When is that moron going to finally catch on?
Soon, I hope. The oxygen ran out a few months ago.

 

by southlondon
9-27-05
I'm nearly there, Princess! Soon, I shall rescue you from Bowser's evil clutches!
Rescuing a Princess is a great idea. Ok, so maybe she won't sleep with me anyway, and maybe there's millions of other Mushroom Kingdom women willing to sleep with me.
And maybe my feet are a little tired from jumping on nasties and leaping from platforms. And maybe..........you know what? Fuck this.

 

by southlondon
9-27-05
Hey, alright matey, you wanna puff of my spliff?
Work, slave, work!
I'm gonna chalk that up under 'things never to say to my boss'

 

by southlondon
9-29-05
Oh mighty website artist, I have a problem. Why am I one of the only characters on StripCreator without colour?
But you do have colour, my son!
You wear a plain white shirt with a plain black tie. Your hair is jet black. Your skin is white because you haven't left the house in 12 years. And that thing with your eyes is genetical.
Great! So if I go outside more often I'll get some colour! Thanks!
Man, Sunstroke's a bitch.

 

by southlondon
9-30-05
Hey, I know what happens in the end. Keyser Soze is Ke....
Don't, dude.
It's Kevi.......
I said don't.
Why couldn't you have listened just this once?

 

by southlondon
10-03-05
Did I tell you my new girlfriend is a businesswoman? She takes her work too seriously though. Like she's got this whole system worked out. If I dump her, I have to give two weeks' notice.
If she dumps me, I have to clear out my side of the flat by noon before she calls security. And if I get "laid off.."
Let me guess. She says "It's not you, it's me" but gives you severance pay before you go.
No, that's her word for blowjobs.

 

by southlondon
10-04-05
A pair of shady characters meet...
Greetings, fellow Youth Crime League member.
Good day.
As part of our new "Kill a Bad Kid" initiative I have picked a first target. I will show you a picture of him.
Good.
"By the way Gary, these scythe-shaped back scratchers you bought really go well with our top secret uniforms."
Gizz ya fockin' money, ya cont!

 

by southlondon
10-04-05
This 'Scally the Scouser' seems to be an ideal candidate. -
Indeed. He terrorises his local estate and is currently on the run.
Of course, we cannot publicise the kill. We will make it top secret, then go public once we can show how much of a good impact his death has had.
I've heard enough. Send our top assasin. No expense spared.
Jesus, SouthLondon really can't stop milking me for jokes.

 

by southlondon
10-04-05
Scally!
Oh, hey Jimbo! Still in the torture/murder/time travel business?
Erm...no. Doing a bit of contract killer work.
An' yer landed in my neckodda woods! Well funny that, seein' as me horoscope said a friend would try n'kill me widda large knife...
Oh

 

by southlondon
10-04-05
South? South, is that you?
No, it's Bernie fucking Winters. And you're about to make a big mistake.
But I thought you weren't gonna appear in any more strips?
Well, you know, my ego is just THAT big that I thought I'd grace the strips with my divine face once more.
Oh, and there was a coup in Planet SouthLondon, forcing me into exile. Apparently my "Breathing Tax" policy wasn't too popular.

 

by southlondon
10-04-05
But anyway, I've come to tell you that you can't kill Scally just now.
Why not?
I was trying to pitch you guys as friends. I was gonna do more crossover specials and everything.
And besides, there's always the fact that I can fire you.

 

by southlondon
10-19-05
Sorry about the delay, folks! I'm back now!
He's right. Scally, I'll turn the job down. I can't kill you.
Phew, thank God fer that like!
Ya know, you really shouldn't worry. You ain't got the skill to kill me anyway!
Jesus, this one's bad. Let's just thank our lucky stars the attacker couldn't finish the job!
Gaaah!

 

by southlondon
10-19-05
Back in the top secret location of the Kill A Bad Kid conspiritors....
It appears our efforts to eliminate Scally have so far been fruitless.
Not really. I had an apple today.
You know what, Gary? You're a fucking idiot.
That's as maybe. But now we have to worry about that Scouse boy. He seems practically impossible to kill!
"That he is, Kev. That he is."
Hmm, didn't someone once say tha' yer not meant to put a wet finger in a plug socket?
Shoddup and do it, I'm missing Top Gear!

 

by southlondon
10-19-05
Well Gary, time is running out. Have you figured out a way to kill our young friend yet?
No Kev. Fresh out of ideas.
Well, you're lucky you've got me to take charge. I found an individual that can help with our cause.
Good job! Who?
Good choice! Who needs originality when we can make in-jokes all day long!
RRAAARR! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU NOW!

 

by southlondon
11-05-05
But seriously, we need to find a way to destroy this lawbreaker.
Do we?
What do you mean?
I've been thinking. Why do we need to kill this boy? Why can't we just stuff him in a van, plant some drugs on him, and send him to the nearest police station?
That's it-you're sleeping on the couch tonight.

 

by southlondon
11-05-05
"This is an urgent appeal for the NSPCC."
"Meet Anushka. She's only twelve but her neighbor makes her do things no child should be made to do."
What, like file his tax returns?

 

by southlondon
3-08-06
At the interview...
Good morning.
Oh, good morning!
Wait!!! You speak...English?
Twenty seconds later...
And the company Ferrari will be right over, Mr CEO.

 

by southlondon
3-08-06
Jansen! What are you doing?
Using the minimum effort possible, I'm dragging a broken broom of which the bristles are already worn down to mere inches, yawning and stopping every few seconds to evaluate my sad life.
I'm also sweeping the one spot on the whole floor and have been doing so for the last three hours, while burping loudly and whistling at any female customers that walk in.
I mean, er, just cleaining up, sir.

 

by southlondon
3-10-06
It's Day Twelve in the Big Brother house and George Gallloway has been arrested for being a Thought Criminal
No, hang on
There never was a George Galloway

Showing page 2.

« Previous Next »