All comics by tealsmith

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by tealsmith
1-29-04
Soon, Xornox was forced to leave for 'a while'.
OK well, I'm leaving the board in your and Futbol's hands. Take care of it. I'll be gone a little while.
Sweet!
Yeah well, this is a damn long while! Anyways, one day 1nnervision came to the board.
Wo-ho, I just got here and I'm already a mod!
How the hell did that happen?
All the while the background STILL continued to change.
Wheee, this is fun!
JESUS CHRIST STOP, MY EYES ARE BLEEDING!

 

by tealsmith
1-29-04
Then there came a time when Futbol created a thread known as, "The Story Thread".
If you come with me to Koosh Land to save Chee-Z, I'll give you a cookie.
Sweet I'm sold!
Of course, we needed our fill of intelligent threads...
Yuna has a nice ass!
I'll second that one!
Then tealsmith made a thread devoted to a couple stupid comics of his.
Whose comics are you calling stupid!? I'll have you know I worked my ass off you bastard!
Yo do realize you're insulting yourself, right?

 

by tealsmith
1-30-04
Despite the good nature of The Equinox and it's posters, some felt the need to 'spice up' life.
Oh, your owned now spigs! You had this coming! I am the master of ownage, no one owns me!
Get off the computer, it's dinner time you little bastard!
Thankfully, A-Cow proved he had more use then posting links to hentai:
HA! Caught you right in the act teh_dolla!
Wha... what are you talking about. I had NOTHING to do with this...
Then there's TempZ, where would we be without his hacking knowledge?
I've been banned out of my own board TempZ, can you help me?
For god's sake, this is like, the 5th time! Can't you see I'm busy!

 

by tealsmith
1-31-04
TS and A-Cow are talking on MSN
So I invented a new hat!
Oh yeah? What's it do?
It basically sends an electro shock through someones body whenever they have an impure thought. I thought it would, you know, help the children from being corrupted.
Wow, that sounds unsafe. Any test subjects?
Well, just V-Man.
You think the electricity would deter me, but no!

 

by tealsmith
2-03-04
Soon the board fell into normal patterns. The changing background:
Wheeeee, it's like a slide show!
CHANGE IT BACK YOU BASTARD!
The constent N-Gage jokes:
Hey A-Cow, how's it...
Just shut up and set me on fire already.
Vector's continued boasts:
My wang is the size of Rhode Island!
Yeah, if you're looking at Rhode Island on a globe.

 

by tealsmith
2-04-04
One day, Xornok returned.
Hey Futbol, I'm going to be gone a little while longer. I'm moving, and it'll take time for me too hook up.
That's what you said four months ago.
Unfortunatly for poor Xornok, he got seperated from his parents during the move, increasing the time it took him to get to a PC.
Hey, I uh... think I might be on the wrong flight and...
You're telling me. How the fuck did I get here?
Using his mind however, he managed to get enough money to reach his destination.
So... welcome to the Slappy Circus. Hope you like you uniform kid.
Yeah it's gre.... hey, why does my name tag say 'Male Stripper'!?

 

by tealsmith
2-10-04
After becoming a bad-mouthing dictator, 1cey was de-admind by Xornok.
Sorry 1cey, but I'm going to have to de-admin you.
That's it, I'm leaving. Goodbye.
Afterwords, at The Galleon Seas Board....
Everyone here go and spam the Equinox and... hey Futbol...
...
Observe our latest addition to the idiot museum, Mr. Complete Fucking Hypocrite
*YAWN* This is boring, let's go see the sneaky_ninga shrine.

 

by tealsmith
2-15-04
Hello posters. Some of you might be worried due to the new changes to the board, but don't worry,we have things under control.
NO! DON'T PRESS THAT BUTTO...
BOOM!
Please excuse me for one momment, I have someone to beat.

 

by tealsmith
2-20-04
One day a guy named Brandon came to The Equinox.
Come, I have created a new board, view it for yourself!
I'll do it for a cookie!
So The Equinox posters followed him to this new board.
Wow yeah... this is cool and everything but... can we go back now?
You will post here from now on, there's no going back!
...do you think he realizes we can switch between boards whenever we want?
I have no fucking clue.

 

by tealsmith
2-20-04
This Zelda ROM is sweet... but I can't stand Navi anymore! "Z-Targeting is useful!". No shit Sherlock.
Navi's a fuckhead. I want to sufacate her in a bottle so she dies.
"Go to Death Mountain to get the spiritual stone!" Well that would have been useful HALF A FUCKING HOUR AGO!
No kidding. My Navi still hasn't figured out I laready have The Master Sword.
THAT'S IT! I've had it! Ganon can have fucking Hyrule, I'm moving to Mexico!
Mexico's on the Hyrule Map?

 

by tealsmith
2-24-04
Then the time finally came when the board was dying.
Who, a post! Let's see what is says!
th1s place is teh coxxxors, im leavin.
The place needed more posters.
We need something exciting! Hey Xornok, weren't you once a male stripper?
Forget it, there's no way in hell I'm doing that again! We need someone else.
...and I know just the guy.
What the hell are you looking at?

 

by tealsmith
2-25-04
A-Cow and Teal talk over MSN with webcam and voice chat.
So, you've seen the ad for The Twin Snakes and saw the little... problem?
Yeah. I thought it was wrong and disturbing.
Oh really Teal?
...Yes.
Then where are your hands?
...

 

by tealsmith
3-05-04
So basically I...
Um, excuse me, could you maybe help me down?
Dude, screw off, I'm talking here. Get yourself down.
So what were we talking about? People who are bastards and don't help others, right?
Yeah, I HATE those kind of people!

 

by tealsmith
3-16-04
Following The Equinox's death, our heros departed.
Later Equinox, it's been fun. The times we spent together shall not be forgotton. Right Teal? ...Teal?
Hey look! That guy has a yo-yo! WHEEEE, look at it go! Brilliant!
So they set out to find somewhere else to bring Teal's comic thread.
The Hylian Knights? No, they hate us. I think the Cool Gamers Association hates us too right?
No, they hate YOU, for calling their leader a 'Nerdy four eyed snot nosed geek, who'd never get any action."
Then they finally realized the perfect place: The Cyber Ninjas
Hold one second! Why didn't we think of this before, it's MY club! Teal? TEAL!?
Hey look! Kyoske has a frisbe! WHEEE, look at it fly! Brilliant!

 

by tealsmith
3-18-04
A-Cow and Teal are talking on MSN
So recently I had a girl tell me she's in love with me.
Hah! Yeah right, you? You've got worse luck with women than I do!
No, it's true! And besides, I can get all the women I want!
Hiding in the bushes and snapping pictures does not qualify as "Getting Women"
It does in V-Man's mind.
Do we really want to go by what he thinks?

 

by tealsmith
3-18-04
The conversation continues...
Well, whatever. I'm sure that I could get any woman on the boards.
Well, what about Chee-Z?
Later...
Hey, Chee-Z! I was wondering--
For the last time A-Cow, not until you're the last man alive.
Great! Gimme 5 hours!
Why do I even try to deter him...?

 

by tealsmith
3-18-04
Ok, Flybot. Here's the plan: I wipe out all men, and Chee-Z goes out with me!
10101010101110001! But wait, sir, is all this nessacary for just one girl?
Flybot, you're missing the point! If there are no men left, there will be nothing to compare me to! All women will throw themselves at me!
Ah, excelent point, sir! How do you intend to do it?
...You always have to complicate matters, don't you?
Yes. ^-^

 

by tealsmith
3-18-04
So, A-Cow. Did the plan go over well?
Are you still here?
Yes.
Then no. *sigh*...How do you do it, V-Man? How do you get all those girl's consent?
Who says I get their consent? WOOOOO! ^-^
Dude, that's not even...Actually, that's not a bad idea...

 

by tealsmith
3-18-04
Shoot, Shoot, Shoot!
Enemy sighted! What should I do!
...
NO YOU DUMB BITCH, SHOOT IT!!!
Affirmative, I'll check the dresser!
That's right, come check the dresser!
ZAP!!
Well, if you ever get that to work, let me know. We'll have a party.
Hold on, let me just save. Check sa... NO, NOT THE DRESSER, SAVE DAMMIT!

 

by tealsmith
3-18-04
Hi there, recently I wrote a comic serious called "A-Cow's Luck With Women."
Yes, he did. While none of it was actually based on fact, he and I are a bit concerned.
Yes. Recently, we both decided to post our pictures on the internet.
There has been a constant barage of e-mails, and one girl decided to mail me her panties. We want this kind of attention to stop.
Yes, that's---Wait, what?! You've been getting e-mails!?
Yeah...haven't you?...Hoo, boy this is akward...

 

by tealsmith
3-19-04
So... let me get this straight. Know, instead of hiding from enemies, I attack them?
No no no, not attack. It's just if you come into contact with one, we want you to have "some teeth".
Any other changes I should know about?
Well, you can't swim anymore, and there are no rope arrows. We're just, you know, trying to make Thief for a broader audience. We're not all MIT grads you know.
Thief 3: Deadly Shadows
Werd Garret, whered you get the new digs yo?
Man, I stole them from some cat down by the river, ya hear me dawg?

 

by tealsmith
3-21-04
Hello ladies and gentlemen. We're here today to dispell a popular myth.
Contrary to what most people think, the CN board is not a spam centre. It is in fact, a board for cultural Metal Gear learning. Why, just look at this intelligent thread:
Wild turkey.
Porn.
You idiot! That's the wrong thread! We wanted to show "MG fanfics", not "What is your shoe size?"!
...and there you have it folks. Undeniable proof that we aren't full of spam. Tune in next week, when we talk about how Stalin WASN'T an evil dictator!

 

by tealsmith
3-22-04
In recent video game headlines, Nokia has recently been sued in Britain for the suggestive and sexual nature of their N-Gage commercials.
This comes as part of a crackdown in sexual TV themes after the superbo...
Oh man, first the lackluster sales and now this! The bosses aren't even naying anymore!
I know, it's horrible! Things couldn't possibly get any worse, could they?
We now have breaking news that a giant chunk of space crap has come crashing down onto Nokia headquarters, completely shutting off business.
One must wonder just how the crap managed to get through the atmosphere, as it's supposed to burn up while coming down.

 

by tealsmith
3-25-04
Hey A-Cow, remember how sad you were when I ran out of N-Gages to burn you with?
Not very. Why?
Well it looks like you won't have to be sad anymore! Nokia is making a follow up to the N-Gage!
I told you, I'm not... WHAT!? Who came up with THAT idea!!!?
Why, Nokia's CEOs of course.
Bahahahahahaha!
Nyahahahahaha!

 

by tealsmith
3-29-04
Unreal Tournament 2004 Demo. 60MB done, 45 minutes left. How about you?
30MB done, 1 hour left. 1 hour 2 minutes. 1 hour 20 minutes... 2 hours...
God dammit, my connection always slows down in downloads. Your's is like the fast, winning horse.
Yeah, I guess you're right about that. So then what's your connection like?
Mine? Mine's the dumbfuck horse who still hasn't figured out the stall is open.

 

by tealsmith
4-12-04
So, I hear John Woo is doing a Metroid movie. How exactly is that working out?
Well we've got some budget problems, so we weren't able to get the proper cast or costumes... but we'll pull through.
So who DID you manage to cast?
Hold on one second, I thought Samus was a chick!
Of course she is. Why, is there a problem mam?
So then you took off the helmet and beat him?
'Beat' is such a bad word. I prefer, "Drastically altered his face'.

 

by tealsmith
4-13-04
Hey A-Cow, check it out! Using MGS3's new camo system as a reference, I've applied the right camo and I'm now invisible! You could kick me in the balls but never know I'm there!
In the balls eh?
OH GOD, IT HURTS!
Funny, I HEAR something but I don't SEE anything.
Hey A-Cow! Nice carpeting, real soft! What are you using?
Invisible fanboy.

 

by tealsmith
4-18-04
Teal's on an all-night SOCOM 2 game, in his boxers.
Whooo baby, score one for the SEALs!!!
Dude, what the HELL are you doing playing SOCOM 2 in your boxers?
Excuse me, but I think the better question is...
What the hell are you doing WATCHING ME while I play SOCOM 2 in my boxers?

 

by tealsmith
4-28-04
So, Hitman contracts huh? How is it?
Oh man, it's amazing. You haven't lived until you've taken a pool que and impaled a guy with it...
... :\
... then I took his intestines and strangeled the hooker down the hall with them. Pretty neat huh?
Just stay in your happy place Teal, just stay in your happy place...
Oh, and I haven't even mentioned what you can do with the pin cushion!

 

by tealsmith
5-01-04
As many of you have noticed, there's been a definate decrease in the amount of comics we produce.
We feel we may need time to recollect our creative juices. As such, we will now hand the comic over to Vector and Flybot.
THE ADVENTURES OF VECTOR AND FLYBOT
Recollect our 'creative juices' must you?
Luckily Vector has an unlimited supply of HIS juices, and he's been spilling them all over Asia! OH YEAH!
Huh...well, they'll do a good job...I hope. I just can't figure out why in the hell it's taking us so long to "produce more juice".
Yeah, normally it only takes me 2 hours before I ca---I mean, yeah. Quite the puzzler, this.

 

by tealsmith
5-01-04
Hello, It's me! Flybot! Here to brighten your day with a plethora of zeros and ones! 1000100100101! To get to the point, Teal and A-Cow asked me to explain why they were not writing comics.
They've both kinda lost their minds...here's how we think how:
You see, Teal's been depressed latley. He's had some sort of weird decent into madness, proclaiming to be the king of no pants. We thnk it's due to repeated exposure to my little pony comercials.
The pink ponies are your friends!
A-Cow? This week, A-Cow's had one girl tell him he's weird, one tell him she "just wants to be friends", and another confess she's in love with him. He's also got a job writing. His final verdict?
Pudding tastes better when you lick it out of a tube!

 

by tealsmith
5-30-04
Chee-Z hears strange noises from Teal's room.
OH YEAH BABY, THAT'S IT! YEAH!
!
What's going on in there!? It sounds like Teal's having sex!
Sex? Teal? HA! No way.
He's just playing Thief: Deadly Shadows.

 

by tealsmith
6-07-04
Yesterday was June Sixth. This was the 60th anniversary of D-Day, when allied forces atacked specific beaches during WWII. To honour those who died. We all should have honoured the deceased somehow.
I played Metal Gear Solid 2: Substance, and Teal played Call of Duty
What did YOU do?

 

by tealsmith
6-16-04
So, I'm sure you've all noticed less and less comics lately. There have been reasons.
We didn't have any intentions of telling you guys, until our lawyers oulled out our contracts and a pointy knife.
Teal's been playing Thief 3 all day every day since it came out. He's gotton a little weird...
You think you know glyphs!? I AM glyphs, now and forever!
As for me? I've been doing in depth research for my biology finals.
That means he's been watching porn all day.

 

by tealsmith
1-05-05
Our two heroes, who are surprisngly NOT dead, are discussing Half-Life 2 over IM
Yeah, so Alyx was just captured by some Combine soldiers and I've gotta go through a giant sewer.
Oh, you're in for an AWESOME part, man. The G-Man comes in on a 747 and mows down Combine, while "Faint" by Linkin Park plays
...R---Really?
Oh yeah! Then, Alyx gets on top of the plane and starts dancing naked to the music, and your crowbar becomes possesed by JESUS.
...Wow, dude. Alyx is fucking HOT.
If you think that's cool, wait until the ending. There's a reason the game is rated M...heh heh heh...

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