All comics by xdjsorex

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by xdjsorex
12-16-02
i wonder who will play with me today?
oh no! not him...
CHESTY!
its chess you moron...
not only do you talk...but you also have sass! i like that...

 

by xdjsorex
12-16-02
hey i think i am agor bipolar cut myself and bring a book about it to a camping trip and act like its a cry for help but instead get mollered with another ass...
oh man...i exploded an egg in her microwave once...and pretended to be concerned when she cleaned it up...
of a female and the king of the under bite world...mmmmmrroookay...i file papers at a croth doctors office...i am sweet...my dog is stupid, ugly and bites people cause i don't feed it...my friends...
she came through my toll lane once and i laughed...i exercised my power to move her along...
blah blah blah
i ought to stuff a kerosene soaked rag down your fathers throat and make a molotov cocktail out him for selling me a car that didn't pass inspection

 

by xdjsorex
12-17-02
so jimmy when are we going to get the rest of the materials to make that pipe bomb...i think my mom is a having a bastard child from that 6 week coke/whiskey binge she had...
all you do is go on that internet and pretend to be 13 year old girls...why don't you look at cocks or something...whatever, i am going next door
what are you doing jimmy???
oh great, your mom just walked in...you know, i can't leave the door open anymore for the dog cause of her
you don't love me like you used to...everysince we make little ricky we don't make love anymore...

 

by xdjsorex
12-17-02
so i like love you and stuff...
haha...no no you must be thinking of my ugly twin sister you bloody vaginal fart...
i just can't get them straight...why...me...i hate myself...
now now...go talk to your step dad about girls...he is such a womanizer...he'll know what to do...
just don't show her your limp, small, ineffective penis...she'll probably won't know what to do with it anyways...plus, i've see you in the shower and its rather scary...all bumpy and shit...eww...
thanks, you always know what to say...

 

by xdjsorex
12-20-02
this weather is depressing...
i'll tell you about depressing. the way your mother looks when she wakes up. snot hanging from her nose, one saggy boob hanging out of her "nightie" and flat hair. now thats depressing!
but don't you think this weather sucks?
hey, you know what sucks? your mother...she eats likes a starving python in a drought...when i forced her in this marriage, i wanted sex and money...not an expanding beast of a woman...man oh man
i'm really having a hard time forming an opinion on my new step father...
come on simon...look on the bright side...your new step father has brought a protective and economic stable element to our family...plus he is such a good lover...mmhmm...

 

by xdjsorex
1-08-03
i really think that life is like a canyon...
...really low, possibly below sea level...lots of rocks, some water here and there...
HELLO!?!?
get out of my life

 

by xdjsorex
1-19-03
things aren't the same anymore...everyone has changed...i see people come and go like i am a train depot...they come to see the sights and sounds but then sure enough they are back on their way...
oh?
oh sure...some people stay for a while...but it seems like the part that cared left town months ago...and only a shell of what was or should i say what should be is left roaming around like a ghost...
i see...
do you know what i mean?
just join me in the trash...cause thats where everyone wants us...and by us i mean the non-conformists who feel that mutating into the next guy has no merit

 

by xdjsorex
1-19-03
funny to see you here
hey, what a nice surprise
are you going to cancun too?
yeah the wife and kids wanted to go on a vacation
do you know where the bathroom is on this plane?
it was over there

 

by xdjsorex
1-21-03
GO! MY DEMON!
WHERE?
GO! MY DEMON!
WHERE AM I GOING?
thank god...i mean satan he is gone...

 

by xdjsorex
1-21-03
honey, i think i might be pregnant
YOU THINK?

 

by xdjsorex
2-05-03
no one laughes...
so whats the deal with "winter wiper blades"
...not even a giggle
how many lightbulbs does it take to screw a blonde...
giving up
i'm going home..."stand up" just isn't my thing...

 

by xdjsorex
2-05-03
...so my question has to do with the operation and where it will leave me...
are your lips salty?
yes actually!
go in peace...
i'll trade you?
don't twist yourself over a little tear

 

by xdjsorex
2-06-03
haha you can't come in my house...
errrr ggggrrrr yaaaaaa churggrraaa
ok ok, i'll let you in here...but you have to stay in this room...
yaa gooaaayya chaaa feeee godoadoa
where is this comic going?
i'm not sure...i'm just the finger puppet

 

by xdjsorex
2-06-03
he is so cute but if he wasn't obsessed with hockey...
hey baby...
hi gretsky fan...want to get some coffee
ohh i know a place that has amazing coffee...
oh where?
the Skyreach Centre...we can leave the Yellowhead Highway at the downtown-exit. When we reach 118th Avenue turn and follow the road until the arena is on the left side of the street...

 

by xdjsorex
2-06-03
i hear that you are going into the field and showing your knowledge on the subject of air pressure
that is right dr. googlestein
what have been your findings?
no one trusts the laws of the universe
ow
another one bites the dust

 

by xdjsorex
2-06-03
so what do you do in the off season
a whole lot of melting
so what do you do in the off season
i freelance for a computer company

 

by xdjsorex
2-09-03
"...believe it or not i'm walking on air..."
i hate that show

 

by xdjsorex
6-22-03
boss, i lost the shipment...it was somewhere between the bonnie prudden fan club meeting and hating my last friend...
look, you fucked up since day one and i have come to the end of my rope with you...
you ever think that marbles are magnetic and blood is the cheese of the soul?
no...clean your locker out and give me your hat...
smile and say mermaid

 

by xdjsorex
6-22-03
you think anyone will mind that we are going to take over the world for the oil supply and grease ourselves up REALLY good?
nah, thats what the porn industry has been doing for decades
do you think that anyone would notice if we enslave the humans and then eventually kill them...kind of like a 76.8 year torture/kill program?
do you know what a government is?
should we still hand out our plans in a nicely package book with many versions and interpretations?
nope

 

by xdjsorex
6-22-03
hello how can i help you?
oh, i'm just here to lie, steal, cheat, hate, rape, destroy, taste but not swallow, chew but not enjoy everything in my path...
business as usual, eh?
the fool learns quickly, but not to the tune of deception...i'll be back...
*feedback*
...and he said with his last breath, "don't be a sell out"...now, in his passing, he can finally rest knowing that his words will be forever working

 

by xdjsorex
6-22-03
i love my country...
i protect my fellow citizens...
get out of here you free loading fake hero...get the right uniform on atleast, you fucking shill...you're no better than a pile of dirt...conservative shit hole...find a ditch and die in it...
i should have been a car salesman...they are respected...my dad always told me on our hunting trips that i could sell anything

 

by xdjsorex
6-23-03
confronting the criminal
sir, may i help you...
this deck is off limits to primates...
the punishment
i should have been nice to that quite little ape...

 

by xdjsorex
6-23-03
lala la...cleaning lala dusting up...lala la
*ding dong*
i wonder who it could be...lala la answering the door...lala la
you want to sing for my band? Yah!!!
lala la no lala la

 

by xdjsorex
6-23-03
when is this show going to start?
get on with it!!!
this better be good!
come one!!!
what the hell!!!
this is like snuggling with montel williams...boring and bald

 

by xdjsorex
6-24-03
so you had a baby with someone you don't like and you cut all of you hair off...
i thought it was for the best...
hey whatever happened to your one friend from a couple of summers ago?
you're a waste of space...
can i help you?
you probably "could" have...

 

by xdjsorex
6-24-03
so do you want to get something to eat?
maybe later, i am converting all of my mpegs. into movs....
why?
candice isn't working and well...just because i can...
why do fridays exist?

 

by xdjsorex
6-24-03
boo!
bean!
whats going on?
nothing, want to play skip bo?
i need to work on that

 

by xdjsorex
6-24-03
no no really, if this shit continues i will say something to him...
why don't you just stay out of it?
fuck you stay out of it...if you were him you'd want to know...but since you are a frigid piece of veal in tinfoil i guess it don't matter now does it?
i'm so dumb
why are you always an asshole?
an asshole = right

 

by xdjsorex
6-24-03
so what are we suppose to do?
i don't know, i was going to ask you the same question...
come on mother fucker, bring on the pain...
its time for the ritual, let the round ups begin

 

by xdjsorex
10-14-03
shut up, you damn chicken head!
chicken head? whats that?
...
...
douche-bag
where is alaska?

 

by xdjsorex
10-14-03
i think my wagon made a wrong turn somewhere
where are you trying to go?
quakertown...
i'll take you there
sorry, i can't
bye

 

by xdjsorex
4-03-05
ohhhh noooo...
like...oh my god, are you ok?
i lost the lid to my can and my heart stopped pumping blood to my bent legs...
umm, like...can i get you a glass of water?
listen shitbag! i live in a garbage can on the moon, ok! the only water you will find around here is in your urine...idiot!
like, um...say, what do you mean by 'you're in'

 

by xdjsorex
6-13-07
my whole life i wondered what i would bring to a desert island?
...
but this shit is real, man...no hypothetical crap here
...
when can i ride the medicine ball?
never

 

by xdjsorex
6-13-07
LOOK everbody!SOCKO the Wonderdog is here!
tell us a joke! we love your jokes! arf arf!
so what is the deal with airplane peanuts?
i don't know? what is the deal with them?
i should have finished med school and married the girl with the glass eye...mother always knows best. i hate myself
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is.

 

by xdjsorex
6-13-07
are you guys hiring?
do you have any previous work experience?
well, i did run the heavens and kind of ran shit down here on earth too...but i got fat and lazy...killed some hot bitches so we could screw in heaven...
well, i feel like you are underqualified. we run a tight ship here...but hey, what is like having millions of assholes following your bullshit?
hey, whoa! i was joking. i'm not god, i'm just a poor bum looking for some cash to score some Big Bear "premium" malt liquor...
look at me! i missed my wrist!

 

by xdjsorex
6-13-07
Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD.
hey, i thought i fired you!
Or if anyone has a stone in his hand that could kill, and he strikes someone so that he dies, he is a murderer; the murderer shall be put to death.
hey, listen. if you want you job back you have to lose the pink rabbit suit.
Jesus left the temple and was walking away when his disciples came up to him to call his attention to its buildings.

 

by xdjsorex
6-14-07
how can i help you?
i need a pack of Camel Lights and...uh and a pack of matches...and, do you have any 5w 30 motor oil...oh, yeah i need some double A batteries for my vibrator...do you sell picture frames...
how was work today?
oh i was fired months ago...i just go there to listen to people. i'm a people person...
girls sleep with me because i am sensitive to their needs...they think i hear them, i just smell twat
i sleep with guys who think i think they are sensitive...but in reality, i just gave him 'the herp' and could care less...

 

by xdjsorex
6-14-07
here is your brother. where do you want him? he stinks like a motherfucker!
do you smell bacon?
sssssssss crackle crackle snap ssssssssssssss
jesus fucking christ!

 

saturday morning
that was fun!
more ice cream, less rape barn!
by xdjsorex, 6-14-07

 

by xdjsorex
6-14-07
i'm going to have to write you a ticket for causing the accident...
checkmate...
œ¦«zŠÂã‹ã”

 

by xdjsorex
6-15-07
i like the get-up...these dress-up fridays are really fun!
i actually lost the use of my legs in a motorcycle accident last summer...remember?
could i make you a balloon animal?
you don't actually know how to make balloon animals, do you?
a life of lies is a lonely road

 

by xdjsorex
6-18-07
...this painting was directly inspired by a dead rabbit i found in the forest near my parents home...
have you ever had a paper cut before?
The word paper comes from the ancient Egyptian writing material called papyrus, which was woven from papyrus plants...
Papermaking is considered by the British scholar Joseph Needham to be one of the Four Great Inventions of ancient China, alongside the compass, gunpowder, and printing...

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