All comics by bigworm

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by bigworm
4-07-11
OMG!!! The pervert's wagging his cock in my face!!!
Chill out ...
I'm just rehearsing!

 

by bigworm
4-08-11
Dear Santa, I'm writing you this letter so you'll know what I want for christmas.
You scratch my back, I scratch yours.
What the hell?!! I guess you could call this scratchin'!
I want all of ONE LOUSY MOTHERFUCKING BITCH TO SUCK MY GODFORSAKEN COCK!!!
You sure you're not lookin' for a sandwich?
don't get me wrong i could be
Dear God, Am I asking for too much?
Say "No" to blowjobs!

 

by bigworm
4-11-11
Baba, am I ready for enlightenment?
Indeed you are my blessed child.
This is so exciting Baba...
Yes it is... now take a deep breath, and repeat after me.
Okay... *snort snort* I'm ready.
A... B... C...

 

by bigworm
4-11-11
I'm very pleased to have you on board.
When can I start?
How about right now? Are you ready to go to work?
Sure, I'm ready to do my job.
Can I give you a hand?
Can you give me a hand doing my job? Ha Ha Ha! That's funny!

 

by bigworm
4-14-11
Hey, I'm still alive! Maybe you could come back tomorrow?
Tomorrow you'll be a speck of shit hangin' out my ass!
I was meaning to talk to you about that. Could I ask you to please pinch me off when I come out?
WTF?!!
It's just that I hate the idea of being dragged around. Hey!!! Where ya' goin'?
I don't even wanna' eat you now.

 

by bigworm
4-14-11
What do you say we join forces, and wreak a little havoc?
I think you're misreading the pink bunny outfit, and I prefer to work alone.
But I already gotta' name picked out for us...'Butch Chopper and the Hoppalong Kid'! Besides, look at the size of my axe... and look at your tiny bulge! Ha ha ha! Does it have a name?
I'll let you know.

 

by bigworm
4-15-11
Just flew in from Korea...
... and are my puppies ate!

 

by bigworm
4-15-11
Any Koreans with shotguns in the audience tonight?
No?
*Whew!!!*

 

by bigworm
4-15-11
I've studied hard all my life... striving to be recognized by the A.K.A. I get letter after letter telling me I'm a 'mutt'.
A lowlife Chihuahua buddy of mine sits around drinking beer all day, bloats out like Porky Pig, burps and farts all the time... and TA-DA...!!!...
...'Rat Terriers' .

 

by bigworm
4-15-11
What's up with bitches these days?
They're all like...
"Fuck me 'human style'!!!"

 

by bigworm
4-15-11
Humans are always asking the stupidest questions... like... "Why does Spot always tremble?"
Fucking idiots!!!
Because every Korean is Hitler, and every dog is a Jew!!!

 

by bigworm
4-15-11
What do you get when you put peanut butter on the mike?
My master at bed-time!

 

by bigworm
4-15-11
You know what the difference between a Korean master and a White master is?
The White master wants you to lick peanut butter off his dick, and the Korean master ...
...wants to eat your dick with barbeque sauce on it.

 

by bigworm
4-15-11
I've received a lot of mail ever since coming out about licking peanut butter off my master's dick every night.
Everyone wants to know if it tastes different than peanut butter straight out of the jar. Well...
...that depends on whether or not I lick the strawberry jam out of his ass before or after I lick the peanut butter off his dick.

 

by bigworm
4-17-11
So you want to rape me? If you do I'll scream out in terror and my lungs might even burst!!!
I'm kinda' new at this. I didn't anticipate a threat of you injuring yourself. I need a minute to think.
I could give you a blowjob first, if that would help.

 

by bigworm
4-17-11
So... you want to rape me huh?
It's more a psychologically tweaked mandate put in place by my mother over a period of many years.
So your mother hangs and your father skates free?
Duh!
You're just a disillusioned, mildly twisted, sociopathic mommy's boy.
Does this mean we're going steady?

 

by bigworm
4-18-11
Rape... it's a disgusting act!
I'm a disgusting guy!
I've been told I'm a disgusting girl.
This whole thing is disgusting.
I'm sorry! I didn't mean to put you off.

 

by bigworm
4-18-11
OMG!!! He's focusing on me.
Oh no! He's zooming right in on it!
I wonder what he's thinking.
*Aaacckkk*!!!

 

by bigworm
4-18-11
"Love means never having to say you're sorry."
I've had 6 surgical procedures to repair my anus, because you "accidently" butt-fucked me every night for two years.
That's right, those were all instances of accidental anal intercourse.
"Love means never having to say you're sorry."
On top of that, you permanently damaged my larynx by "accidently" irrumating my mouth and throat every day for 1 year, even though I resisted!
That's right, all those were instances of accidental oral sex, and I stopped each time because you were resisting.
"Love means never having to say you're sorry."
Is there anything in the way of amends that you would like to make or say to me?
What the fuck does that mean?!! You know I love you Mom!

 

HUBBA HUBBA?
by bigworm, 4-20-11

 

by bigworm
4-20-11
I'M GETTING SUCKED OFF UNDER MY TOGAAAAAAA!!!

 

by bigworm
4-21-11
I WAS ROCKIN'A CACA, like a big Chewbaca! YOU SHOULDA' SEEN, it looked like Idi Amin!
IT STANK LIKE THE BLOATED SNATCH OF SOME RANK SKANK, a feisty fuckin' beast. a behemoth colony of festerin' fuckin' yeast. UNWANTED, EVEN AT THE BOTTOM OF A FISH FUCKIN' TANK...
...scrape it off the bottom, and take it to the fish fuckin' bank!
Really? "fish fuckin' bank"? Really?

 

by bigworm
4-21-11
Are you having fun sweetie?
No, all I can think of is starting you on fire.
Come on now! Why would you wanna' start mommy on fire?
'Cus I can.
Well... you would get a big spankin' for that.
Crispy arms a spanking cannot render.

 

by bigworm
4-21-11
Did you just say... "Crispy arms a spanking can..." AAAIIIIEEEEEE!!
You got most of it in there.
Juhlst waaaiit tilb ou fhaoughder geez halhlm.
Don't worry mommy, my throat will take care of daddy's dick until your enunciater is back in service.
I love the arcade!

 

by bigworm
4-21-11
My Lord, I have been meditating... and I am ready to consumate our marriage.
Yeh... uh huh. Lemme' get ready...
...uhhh
...uh
*snore snore snore*

 

by bigworm
4-21-11
*sno... ahem...* Justa' minute there!
What is this? Hath my Lord awakened?
Does this mean a consumation of the 'doggeral' style?

 

by bigworm
4-21-11
If thou chooseth the 'doggeral' style, then it shall be so my Lord.
Well... that changes everything!
I'm on all fours my Lord, and my habit is lifted.
Great!!! Uhh... can you hold that position for a couple more days?
Oh sure!!! No problem!!! I came all the way out here to grovel about in the hot fucking sand for 3 fucking days, like a fucking cow with nothing better to do than wait on you to stick it in my ass!!!
Well, that pretty much killed it for me.

 

by bigworm
4-22-11
I'm givin' you a hand!
Uh huh...
Oh yeh!
I'm givin' you a hand!
Bidda bing! Bidda bong!
Our hands sing a happy song!

 

by bigworm
4-22-11
Each of these documents is religious in nature. They are subversive and must be destroyed. Your job is to rip them up!
That's a big job!
It sure is!
Would it be cool if I just farted on 'em?

 

by bigworm
4-24-11
I too am riddled with uncertainty! I too... suffer from the torment of not knowing!
My big problem is looks. My God given need is self-gratification. In that I can change my looks, as well as words, thus fulfilling my needs... Let us pray.
Lord, thankyou for stupid parishoners, and all of their children, and all of their money, and all of their misplaced trust etc., blah blah blah ... Amen.

 

by bigworm
4-24-11
John... I'll be watching the play with only my wife. Your presence in our 'booth' (ha ha, no pun intended), would be scandalously revelatory. Thus it is with great regret, and a sore anus, that I...
But... I love you. Could you not grant me one last dalliance, and thus emancipate me from enslavement? Can't you see I am but a negro to my passion?
Nice try John, but you should save your eloquence for the stage, and you should look up the meaning of 'dalliance'! Go back to acting school, and 'break a leg' John, 'break a leg'!
Don't speak to me as an actor, for I am not acting.
And no one but John ever heard the Presidents final prophetic words, which I'll be damned if John didn't go off and fulfill literally!

 
by bigworm, 4-25-11

 

by bigworm
4-26-11
Class... my views on sex education differ from the norm. The sexual act culminates in an orgasm... which I claim is an act of violence.
Sir, such a claim flies in the face of the woman's experience.
Slow down, we're gonna' get to oral sex shortly.

 

by bigworm
4-26-11
So class, have I made myself clear? The male orgasm is experienced as an episode of inner violence.
I'm up here again to disagree. My husband tells me he loves me when he's climaxing.
Let's say your husband was to tell you he hates you when he's climaxing. Would you want to make love with him again?
No.
Hence the need to couch his true feelings... like the violent, lying sonofabitch he is.
OMG!

 

by bigworm
4-26-11
So now that we've established that men are basically violent, lying sonsofbitches... we can move on to where we go from here.
We're not going to some 'pie in the sky' sexual oasis.. we are already where we are to go. Would the young woman who has objected please come up on stage again?
Suck it!!!

 

by bigworm
4-27-11
Through the medium of the mind I will take you away... far away... where there are no limits.
Oohhhh.... Ooooooo... Aahhhhhh...
On the plains of ether you will writhe, and I will control the rhythm. I will rock you into oblivion.
Oh my God it's happening! I'm passing throuh the gates of ecstasy... I am one with... uummmmm...

 

by bigworm
4-27-11
Wow, having our own planet is the bomb!
It sure is brother.
Did you fart?

 

by bigworm
4-27-11
Did you fart?
Payback's a bitch huh?
God knows it!
That's some funny shit! Hahahahaha hahahaha hahahahaha hahaha!!!
It sure is! Hahahahahahaha hahahaha hahahaha hahahaha hahaha!!!

 

by bigworm
4-27-11
Truce? *purrfloooot*
Uh...*ppffftttt*
Truce? *prrrggggoooeeeeee*
Well... *pa-kack ack... pa-kack-ack*
Truce? *meow*
*Ka-Plop!* Sure... truce.

 

by bigworm
4-27-11
You've made a mistake now bro!
I don't think so!
Oh yeh, you're gonna' lose your 'temple recommend'! No 'shape-shifters' allowed in the temple.
Hmmmm.....
How about a 'shape-shitter'?

 

by bigworm
4-27-11
Could you describe the basic difference between Mormonism and Fairy Tales?
Sure! That's easy.
...err...uhhh...
Well, for one thing... the preponderance of Mormons don't believe in Granny Goose.

 

by bigworm
4-27-11
What's the difference between Granny Goose and Gordon B. Hinckley?
I must say, you're asking some rather easy questions!
Could you go ahead and answer the question?
*ahem*... of course...
...Granny Goose was a woman.

 

by bigworm
4-27-11
You referred to Granny Goose as having been a woman. Why did you do that?
Well, I guess I just assumed that she had died...
I'm gonna' have to be on guard now.
These questions are getting tougher!

 

by bigworm
4-27-11
You referred to Granny Goose as having been a woman. Why did you do that?
Well, I guess I just assumed that she had died...
I'm gonna' have to be on guard now.
These questions are getting tougher!

 

by bigworm
4-27-11
Back to Granny Goose... are you saying the only significant difference between Granny Goose and Gordon B. Hinckley was that Granny Goose was a woman?
Well, no... that's not what I'm saying.
Could you go into a little more detail then on the difference(s) between the two?
Of course, I'd be happy to!
I'm pretty sure that Ms. Goose has a vagina.

 

by bigworm
4-27-11
You said that Ms. Goose has a vagina...
Could we maybe move on from discussing the gentitalia of historical figures to perhaps a higher level of topic and questions?
That's ok with us... any suggestions?
Yes, as a matter of fact I do have a suggestion.
How about Aesop?

 

by bigworm
4-28-11
This is a class in literature. There's a virtual ton of material we are going to cover... thus we are going to jump right into it!
...are there any virgins in the class?

 

by bigworm
4-28-11
How does Shakespeare address the issue of virginity in 'Romeo & Juliet'?
Doesn't he basically say that it's...
...better to live a wanton slut, than to die a wantin' slut?

 

by bigworm
4-28-11
So basically we have Shakespeare saying "Fuck before you die!" It's reasonable to assume that he...
Excuse me sir, but I thought this was a class in literature, not 'Olde English' sexual positions.
So, you wanna' get straight to the 'Kama Sutra' eh?
What's the 'Kama Sutra' got to do with English Literature , or 'Olde English' sexual positions for that matter?
Remember, whoever wrote it, whenever it was written... it's all about cock and pussy. Class dismissed!

 

by bigworm
5-05-11
You want anything else to eat?
How 'bout a little mo' ham Ed?
Shit like thats gonna' cost you a couple virgins at least.

Showing page 20.

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