All comics by UnknownEric

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by UnknownEric
4-28-09
How do you like your new pearl necklace?
It's... nice... but it's not quite what I had in mind...
Oh. OH!
Then I take it you don't actually want this here rusty trombone.

 

by UnknownEric
6-01-09
We finally chose the man to be the face of Sexyman Cologne in all of our advertisements.
Fantastic! Fantastic! What's the gentleman's name?
Hugh Jass.
Oh. My. Don't you think it might be a bad idea to use someone who's name is so, ahem, unusual?
Well, we could go with one of our two runners-up: Moe Titzenass or Jack Inhoff.
Hugh Jass it is.

 

by UnknownEric
8-01-09
KNOCK KNOCK
Coming!
Yes?
I HEER U LIEK MUDKIPZ!
OMG I LUV MUDKIPZ!
WOOD U FUK A MUDKIP??

 

by UnknownEric
10-17-09
WHOO-
What the fuck was that?

 

by UnknownEric
12-18-09
Hey, Muhammad.
'Sup, Jesus.
Let's have sects.
I thought you'd never ask.

 

by UnknownEric
12-18-09
Hey, Muhammad.
'Sup, Jesus.
Sunni day, ain't it?
Shi'ite, yeah!

 

Next time, to find my G-spot, say "Map!"
by UnknownEric, 2-25-10

 

by UnknownEric
3-12-10
Looking at job search sites? I didn't know you were interesting in leaving here.
Might as well now that you have a boyfriend.
The only reason I stayed was in the sad hope that you'd wake up one morning, decide you love me and we'd run away together.
That job in Jersey looks nice.

 

by UnknownEric
3-12-10

 

by UnknownEric
3-12-10
I'm sorry, ma'am...
...but I'm afraid I'm gonna have to nail you.

 

by UnknownEric
3-12-10
Hey man, whatcha got?
Folded up pieces of scrap paper.
So can I put you down for 20?

 

by UnknownEric
3-21-10
You know, as a Christian, there's something that really bothers me...
What, our premarital sex?
No, no... it's just that... when you come you always say "Jesus Christ."
So?
It's blasphemy.
Hogwash. Don't they say, "Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord"?

 

by UnknownEric
4-09-10
Alright Jimmy, I'll see you tomorrow...
You know, I've been thinking. Peter Parker totally invalidates that whole theory of yours.
Huh? What theory?
That "once you go black, you never go back."
*sigh*
I mean, he's gone back to the blue-and-reds TWICE now!

 

by UnknownEric
5-10-10
FUCKSHITPISS
Ah, it's just a penny.
CUNTCOCKASS
TITTYFUCKING!

 

MOTHERFUCKER!!!
by UnknownEric, 5-10-10

 

by UnknownEric
6-05-10
6 X 8 = 48

 
by UnknownEric, 6-08-10

 

by UnknownEric
6-09-10
Jefferson Airplane
Love! Peace! Drugs!
Up against the wall, motherfuckers!
Jefferson Starship
Let's do middle-of-the-road songs that are just edgy enough to remind people of who we are...
...but not too edgy for Adult Contemporary Radio! I love it!
Starship
We'd like you guys to do the love theme for a film about a guy fucking a mannequin.
Can you pay me in cocaine?

 

by UnknownEric
6-10-10
And now I'm going to play you their second big rock opera, Quadrophenia...
You know, we could do something else...
You know what? You're right.
After all the Who you've been through, I will make it up to you... I promise to.
*sigh*

 

by UnknownEric
6-15-10
I'm sorry, this just isn't going to work out.
No, no, it's not you... it's.. okay, it is you.
Frankly, you're harder than me... and you have more balls.

 

by UnknownEric
6-18-10
Mmm... that feels good... mmm...
umm... wait... what are you doing?... are you blowing in it?
GODDAMN IT, IT'S A VULVA, NOT A VUVUZELA!!!

 

Christ! What an asshole!
by UnknownEric, 7-01-10

 

by UnknownEric
8-03-10
We at Marvel would like to thank you, Jackie Chan, for screen-testing for Iron Man, but we decided to go in a different direction.
I don't understand, was I that bad?
No, no, not at all!
We just didn't want to put a chink in our armor.

 

by UnknownEric
8-09-10
Ahhhhhhhhh!
Seriously, thank you for killing that mouse, but next time, could you NOT leave the corpse right in front of the microwave?
Ungrateful fucker.

 

by UnknownEric
8-17-10
Hey Luke... what's with all the crap on the floor?
I bought my kid a trike... but it didn't come already put together.
Need some help putting it together?
Nah, I'm gonna take this shit over to Avengers Mansion and make my teammates do it.
What makes you think they'll do it?
Because Avengers assemble.

 

by UnknownEric
8-17-10
If you start singing "Ebony and Ivory" again, I'll WHOOP your ass.
Noted.

 

by UnknownEric
8-24-10
Hey, hey, hey... that's my piece of cheese there, buddy.
How was I supposed to know? You weren't around.
Yes I was! I just turned my back for a second.
There was no sign. No marking that said "Property of that guy." Hell...
...if you liked it, then you shoulda put a wing on it.

 

by UnknownEric
10-07-10
*RING RING*
Hello?
Hello. You have been selected to recieve a special wake-up call from the Godfather of Soul, Mr. James Brown! YEEEEEEEEEAAAAHHH!!!
GET UP-AH!
A-get on up...

 

by UnknownEric
11-05-10
Man, can you believe what happened in this city on Tuesday?
I know, it's unbelievable. Completely unbelievable.
I can't believe that group of jerks won.
It's mind-blowing.
I mean, I know they were playing the Sixers, but still...
...I didn't think the Wizards would win a game all year either.

 

by UnknownEric
11-05-10
Hey Christine! Sweet costume! What made you decide to be a witch.
I am not a witch.
But, the hat... and the broom...
I am just like you.
Yeah, uhh... I'll be over there if you need me...

 

by UnknownEric
11-29-10
Wow, that was great.
Yeah, uhh...
Can I ask you for a little favor?
Sure.
Next time, can you not pour a 40 of KY onto the floor "for all those who came before me?"

 

by UnknownEric
12-07-10
So as you can see from my resume, I have an Ivy League education...
Great! Which school.
Dartmouth.
Ehhhh...
What! Dartmouth's a great school!
I'm sure it is, son, but one thing my mother taught me is never to trust a school with a name like a C-grade Wonder Woman villain.

 

by UnknownEric
12-07-10
And another supervillain's plot has been foiled...
Haha! You didn't count on ME, Wonder Woman!
Who are you?
I'm your new arch-enemy... DARTMOUTH!
Let me guess, you shoot darts from my mouth.
No, my farts give you herpes.

 

by UnknownEric
12-18-10
I see a Compsognathus.
It's a meat-eating dinosaur. See how it's the size of a large turkey?
Dude, you are tripping BALLS right now.

 

by UnknownEric
12-29-10
Excuse me, are you Mike Lookinland?
No, I'm sorry, you have me confused with somebody else.
Well, that was disappointing.
Yeah, but what can I say...
Dude looks like a Brady.

 

by UnknownEric
4-01-11
My son, come with me and you shall be cured.
Sweet!
Not what I expected...

 

by UnknownEric
4-02-11
Oh, hello... I didn't see you there. Let me tell you a little story about a guy I knew named Jack Schitz.
Every day I'd see Jack, and every day he'd say "Abe, I wanna change my name." And I'd say, "What for, Jack? It's a great name!"
And he'd say, "Nah... it just doesn't sound right... it's virtually obscene!"
Then one day at the bar, he came up to me and said "Abe, I finally did it! After all these years, I finally changed my name!"
And I said, "Great! What'd ya change it to?"
"Joe Schitz."

 

by UnknownEric
5-21-11
Pull my finger
regnif ym lluP

 

by UnknownEric
6-08-11
In yesterday's news, we told you about Representative Weiner, who tweeted a photo of his weiner.
*sigh*
Sadly, today, we have a story to tell you about Senator Kelly Vagina...

 

by UnknownEric
6-10-11
Hi, I'm famous former Nazi dictator Adolph Hitler, and have I got a deal for your children!
Come spend the warmer months in play and relaxation at Mein Summer Kampf!
It's the final solution to summer boredom!

 

by UnknownEric
6-29-11
Hello?
Everyone?
I knew I shoulda made that left toin at Albuquerque.

 

by UnknownEric
7-09-11
Betty Ford! Nice to see you my dear.
Gosh, Betty, if I had told you 50 years ago you'd live to the ripe old age of 93, what would you have said?
Pass the Courvosier, motherfucker.

 

by UnknownEric
8-03-11
This just in, members of Australian rock group Midnight Oil were killed in a bizarre accident last night.
A short in a hotel wall caused the bands rooms to be set aflame, which apparently they slept through.
Which raises the question: How did they sleep while their beds were burning?

 

by UnknownEric
10-22-11
By jove, Alastair, where are you off to?
I heard of a wonderful thing earlier and I'm going to see what it's like... a gay pride parade!
Gay pride? Who ISN'T proud to be happy?
I know, I always make sure everyone knows when I'm feeling gay!
I'm gay!
Let me introduce you to a world you've never known...

 

by UnknownEric
10-22-11
How was the gay pride parade, Alastair?
Alastair?
Shut up and kiss me.
Finally!

 

by UnknownEric
2-23-12
Did you hear about the guy who got caught with his dick in a bucket of KFC?
He was arrested for unlawful Colonel knowledge.
Thank you!

 

by UnknownEric
3-29-12
Man, I can't believe you got double crossed like that.
I know.
I know.

 

by UnknownEric
4-27-12
So let me get this straight, you had 5 cats, 3 gerbils and a raccoon over. You fucked the raccoon in the ass, while the gerbils blew the other cats.
Then you shat on the gerbils, who then ran around in another cat's ass, while the other 4 cats pissed on each other.
What the fuck do you call this?
The Aristocats!

 

by UnknownEric
4-30-12
This is madness!
MADNESS?
This is... ONE! STEP! BEYOND!
Doo-doo-doooooooooo, doodoododo dodo...
pickitup, pickitup, pickitup...

 

by UnknownEric
5-07-12
Man, nobody will buy us any booze!
I know exactly what to do, man.
Dude, what?
Go get a bucket of water and Mary and Joseph's son...
A little later...
Imma turn this shit into wine!
WHOO-HOO!

Showing page 21.

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