All comics by bigworm

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by bigworm
7-25-11
So I'm a smelly cunt, but you get to be a monk.
That's right.
Doesn't that seem a little unfair?
We are what we are.
That's fucked!
Maybe if you meditate.

 

by bigworm
7-25-11
Should I have a mantra?
Of course.
You have any ideas on what it should be?
I'm a smelly cunt?
I know you are, but what am I?
You're a fucking asshole, that's what you are!

 

by bigworm
7-28-11
STROKE! STROKE!
STROKE! STROKE!
Aye! The cap'n is requestin' your company.

 

by bigworm
7-28-11
STROKE! STROKE!
STROKE! STROKE!
I see it! I see it! But they done changed the name sir. Now they call 'em STORKS!

 

by bigworm
7-28-11
STROKE! STROKE!
STROKE! STROKE!
GONNA' PET YER FUZZY PUSSY 'Fore I strike it in the head with an OAK Oaken paddle, OAK Oaken paddle, BOBO Badiddle daddle, BOBO Badiddle daddle!
Got it! I'll teach it to the men right away sir!

 

by bigworm
8-01-11
Dr. Mengele was reported to be alive and hiding out in the jungles of Vietnam. '60 Minutes' sent Morley Safer to find him. Morley found him...
One... Two... Buckle my...
Stop!!!
...and this is the story of their offspring.
What?
It just doesn't sound right.

 

by bigworm
8-04-11
After locating the infamous Dr., (but prior to their engagement) Mr. Safer observed him as he practiced medicine in his jungle clinic.
Mr. Tran please report to 'Hooch #7'!
What he saw Mengele doing to the locals, was somehow stimulating to him.
Thankyou Mr. Tran, Your bratworst vill be ready in 2 veeks!

 

by bigworm
8-04-11
After observing Dr. Mengele for a day, Morley just couldn't sleep. He was deeply troubled by what he had seen.
What the fuck's goin' on here anyway? *fap fap fap... fap fap fap... fap fap fap...*
Ooh ooh ee ee... ooh ooh ah ah!
After many hours of arduous (and deeply troubled) nocturnal fapping, (which was due to his heretofore unrealized and medically undescribed 'Nazi Cock Fetish'), Morley knew he needed medical attention.
Thank god there's a clinic less than 25yds away... *fap fap fap... fap fap fap... with a handsome Nazi Dr. in charge!!! *fap fap fap... fap fap fap... fap fap fap...*

 

by bigworm
8-04-11
The next morning (post 'fap'), Morley sneaks into Mengele's clinic compound, and has a realization...
Ummm, thems some tight buns!!! *fap fap fap* Nazi buns!!! *fap fap fap!* Tight Nazi cockbuns! *fap fap fap*!
The two became fast friends in no time.
Herr Dr.!!! Tight Nazi cockbun motherfucker!!! *fap fap fap* Gotta' sperm sample cummin' right up!!! *fap fap fap*! Can we talk?
Yaah... in mein hoochen!

 

by bigworm
8-04-11
And thus Morley and Mengele begat Adolph and Shlomo...
I look more like daddy than your ugly ass!
For reals!??
Fuckin' A!!!
If you're lyin', I'm gonna' inject you with DNA from my twisted purple torso!!! Ha ha ha ha ha!

 

by bigworm
8-06-11
So, what do you have to say for yourself?
*Ahem...* ummm, *ahem...*
You can stop right there...
... 'cus hockin' lugeys don't get it!

 

by bigworm
8-06-11
BOO!
!!?! *pfffttttt blurbbble blurbble*
That 'scared to hell' look turns me on!

 

Take a pack of 'depens' and come back tomorrow.
by bigworm, 8-06-11

 

Take a pack of 'depens' and come back tomorrow.
by bigworm, 8-06-11

 

by bigworm
8-06-11
JESUS!!!
What is it dad?
Are you busy?!!!

 
by bigworm, 8-08-11

 
by bigworm, 8-08-11

 

Man-up 'raggy', it's temperature time, and 'playing dead' ain't gonna' save you!
by bigworm, 8-08-11

 

by bigworm
8-08-11
"Perchance to dream..."
Honey, if you need sexual services of any kind, just ring the bell by your bed, and one of our Candystripers will be right there.
Oh my...! *boing* That sounds just wonderful!
We want our patients to be as comfortable as possible, so if you would like a pre check-in blowjob, I'd be pleased to take care of you right away.
Sure, *boing boing* but only if you want to. *boing throb drip*
Oh I really do, and if for any reason you should become incapacitated and/or unable to respond, a member of our 'Special Forces' {SEXUAL DIVISION}, will hump you back to life.
Damn! My insurance rocks!!!

 

by bigworm
8-08-11
We've only enough oxygen for two! One of us has to die! Any volunteers?

 

by bigworm
8-08-11
Hey... I'm in charge, and he didn't wanna' volunteer.
Plus he already had some practice.

 

by bigworm
8-08-11
The son-of-a-bitch went all the way round, and snuck up behind us!

 

by bigworm
8-08-11
I'm gonna' kick yer ass!
Did you just hear something?

 

by bigworm
8-08-11
*kick kick*
Gee... is somebody (filled with resentment) kicking me in the ass?
No, I'm kicking your ass! *kick kick*
Whatever.
*kick kick kick*
Ouch?

 

by bigworm
8-09-11
Hospital- Late at night: ragu4u's room.
*fap?....*fap fap?*... *fap fap fap?*...
Same hospital, same night: Nurses station.
*squeesh?*... *squeesh squeesh?*...
A veritable symphony of UMCLS (unidentified morse-code-like sounds) meet in mid-corridor!
*fapfapfapfapfap* *fapfapfapfapfap* uhhhh *fap-do fap-re fap-me!*...
*squeeshsqueesh squeeshsqueesh-fa squeesh-so squeesh-la squeesh-ti squeesh-da!!!!!*

 

by bigworm
8-09-11
So I said, "Cut yer fuckin' hair, you look like a goddam woman!"
Hold on a minute...
...you said that to Jesus?

 

by bigworm
8-09-11
Then I said, "You not only look like a woman, you look like a bearded woman!"
What did he say?
Cried like a bitch.

 

by bigworm
8-10-11
My balls are hot, but your balls must be huge!!!
Could I see 'em?

 

by bigworm
8-12-11
Could I ask you a question?
Do I look like a whore?!!

 

by bigworm
8-12-11
Would you stop please?
Me stop?!! You're the one who needs to stop!
Why are you being such an asshole?
You're the asshole, not me!
Okay... can we start over?
Fuck you!

 

by bigworm
8-12-11
Okay... so here we are with a fresh new start.
There's nothing 'fresh' about it! It's old.
It can't work if you have a bad attitude!
It can't work if you persist with your fake good attitude.
Just a minute! That was a 'double negative'! That turns into a 'positive'!!! I just saw movement!
What an idiot! You fell for the old 'scratching my balls' trick.

 

by bigworm
8-12-11
Maybe we can see eye to eye if we stand on our heads. Are you game?
I am if it'll shut you up!
It's not working for me, how 'bout you?
Think about what you just said, ok? Look...let's show fate just how stupid we aren't! We'll switch around real fast at the same time! Ready??? GO!!!
Did you hear what you just suggested?
Don't blame it on me! You did somethin' wrong!

 

I'm goin' with 'Human Penis', how about you?
Don't you get enough of that at home?
by bigworm, 8-12-11

 

by bigworm
8-14-11
Most Holy Father, I have finished another panel in the Chapel, and it awaits your approval.
Come Michelangelo... let us view the work together.
...in the Chapel
Most Holy Father! Is something wrong?
Hell yes somethin's wrong!!! I want Adam 'full Monty'... I wanna' see penis!!!

 

by bigworm
8-14-11
Most Holy Father, I have finished another panel in the Chapel, and it awaits your approval.
Come Michelangelo... let us view the work together.
...in the Chapel
Most Holy Father! Is something wrong?
Hell yes somethin's wrong!!! There's no whore to make ragu4u feel better, no visible penis to make me feel better, and nobody's farting to make it all funny.

 

by bigworm
8-14-11
*pa...fi-fi brrrat-a-tat brrrat-a-tat poo-pooeee*
OMG!!! You see that hot chick? She just cut the coolest fart I ever heard! Man, I'd eat the peanuts outta' her daddy's shit! How 'bout you?
Nope...
What?!!
... but I might sieve it for some whole cashews.

 

by bigworm
8-14-11
Daddy!?? Are you done yet?
Yeh, I'm done Sweetie, just had to find somethin' to wipe with.
You hear that? Her daddy was in the bushes the whole time! Let's go see what he was doin'.
Looks like he was listening to what you were sayin'.

 

by bigworm
8-17-11
I wanna' thank you all for coming out tonight.
Most guys blame their mothers for fuckin' up their lives.
Well, I blame my dad for fuckin' my mother!

 

by bigworm
8-17-11
I'm often asked "How does someone go about being born into this world as God?"
It's all in the parents... and it really does make sense when you think about it...
... you got yer invisible dad out there floatin' around in space... who doesn't even fuck yer hooker mother, who just so happens to be a virgin!

 

by bigworm
8-17-11
You know how hard it is gettin' a job when your name is Jesus, and you're the Son of God?
Put that shit on your next application... then you'll know!

 

by bigworm
8-17-11
Of course, the first thing the job application asks for is your name. So what am I supposed to put?
Jesus Christ?

 

by bigworm
8-17-11
So, for my 'occupation' I put 'Son of God'.
So give me the fuckin' job already!
Am I gonna' have to smite your teeth down your fuckin' throat?

 

by bigworm
8-17-11
Getting competent medical services is another problem I've run into a lot...
Yeh Dr., I've got this ingrown toenail here, and their all... "...you're going to need to wash your feet first."
So I'm all... "Well, you sure as hell ain't gettin' into heaven motherfucker!"

 

by bigworm
8-17-11
So the Dr. says, "So, you're going to see to it that I don't get into heaven huh? Who do you think you are anyway... God?"
That question is totally understandable...
... coming from a Dr.

 

by bigworm
8-17-11
I like to go up to someones house late at night and knock on the door...
... ask 'em if they have a place I can rest my weary head. They say "Sure, come in please, be our guest."
*DING* It's daughter fuckin' time!!!

 

by bigworm
8-17-11
Well John, on behalf of the nursing staff here at the hospital, it's been a pleasure serving you.
I appreciate the sentiment, but I'm not John, I'm ragu4u.
Did you hear that everybody? He's not JOHN, he's ragu4u!
I'm ragu4u as sure as those titties are real!
If you're not a 'John', then I guess I'm not a whore.
Gotcha' Nurse Receptionhole, off to the custodial closet we go!

 

by bigworm
8-17-11
So if he's not a 'John', and you're not a whore...
... then I guess...
... I'm not a pimp!!! *Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha*
*ah ha ha ha ha ha, whoa ha ha ha*

 

by bigworm
8-18-11
The zombies gathered round the sacramental fire, biding their time... chanting zombie rhyme!
BOOM shaka-laka BOOM BOOM...
But their thirst for blood was stuck in neutral, as the fire raged on!
Dude... that's African! We're Zombies! As far as I know, we're not associated with any nationality. We have our own chants.
Fine! If you wanna' be the chant leader, then you be the chant leader! I was just trying to get things rolling. I'm still gonna' be a Zombie, right?
As the fire crackled ominously into the darkness, the bloodthirsty Zombies went over certain aspects of Zombie etiquette.
Don't be so insecure, yes, you're still a Zombie, but you can't go up to someone and say, "Hey, I can suck your blood... right?" You never ask for permission first. Just suck blood! No conversation!

 

by bigworm
8-18-11
So are we all clear on the proper way to suck blood? Are there any questions before we march?
No sir... let's march!
I'm ready!
Same here sir!
Ready too!
Almost ready sir, just one more question. Let's say I'm sucking some chicks blood, and I get a boner. Is it cool to rub it on her... you know, for a little while maybe?

 

by bigworm
8-18-11
Godammit Ralph... how many times do we have to go over the same old shit? Yes you can rub your boner on her all the way to breakfast if you want! Same goes for you gay Zombies! Now, can we march?
Ready!
Let's do it!
Ready!
I'm ready sir!
Just one more really quick question sir, ummm... do you think I should I wear a condom?

Showing page 22.

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