All comics by four_legged_tripod

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Pleeeeeeeease?
No!
Just touch it.
I said no!
Just hold the tip then. I promise to do the dishes for a month.
Fine! I'll take the ticket and go to Comic Con with you! Why can't you be a normal guy and beg for anal?

 

... Good night, and thanks for allowing us into your living room! By the way, your curtains are ugly!
Gimmie a second to pull my pants down
so you can critique my carpet as well!

 

... Are you room service?
Do I look like a Mexican to you?

 

I'll have the cheese and crackers, a side salad and a chocolate shake.
Hey Bob! I need a dog and maggot, run it through the garden, throw some mud on it and wreck it!
I love diner lingo! It's so fun!
It's not lingo. You'll be getting dog food and maggots covered in dirt.
Why?
Stop fucking other people's boyfriends, bitch!

 

Mrs. Howell!
Don't be so surprised. He may call me "Lovey" but Thurston hasn't dropped his anchor in my port for years!
Is that the sound of a ship's horn?
It's the sound of my loins groaning for you, young man!
Where's Gilligan?
Last I heard, Mrs. Howell found a cave she wanted him to explore.

 

I'd really like to try my skills behind the camera.
Directing? Michael, I'm not sure.
Oh, come on.
Fine. Start out as a camera operator and we'll go from there.
And...... Action!

 

How's the patient doctor?
D-E-C-E-A-S-E-D
Tell me what it means to me!
It, uh, means dead, right?
sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me...

 

January 20, 1966 pitch meeting
Okay Mr. Robertson, I'm following so far, but why "the 700 Club"?
We added my IQ with twelve others creating the show and got 700. Plus, all the money will go to funding 700 hobo fight clubs around the world.
I like it, Pat, but you look too good. We need someone more ugly and wrinkly to host the show.
I'll be back tomorrow with the perfect host!
24 hours later
Hi! I'm Pat Robertson's dick.
Hey, God! We got a winner!

 

Hey, baby! How you doin'?
I really need to find a better after work spot.

 

Mr. President, what are your thoughts on the protests over your Supreme Court judge nominee?
He's an intelligent man giving intelligent answers to complex questions.
We really should be talking about the unemployment numbers.
They are so low that even Colin Kaepernick has found a job.

 

squeal! *sob* squeal!
by four_legged_tripod, 9-06-18

 

Your birthday is coming up. What would you like me to get you?
I'd rather give you something for my birthday.
Oh, really? And what is it that you want to give me, big boy?
Laryngitis.

 

How many times do I need to remind you to take out the trash? It's like the only chore you have.
I got caught up playing Fortnite. It's not like the trash is going anywhere.
If you don't have all the trash taken out in the next 15 minutes, I'm selling your console, shutting down the internet, charging you a portion for the electric bill, I'll...
Okay, okay. I'm going. Sheeze!
Huh. I guess if we just treat our kids like Trump treats the rest of the world, it actually works.

 

Top ten answers are on the board. Name something that you hated as a child but now love as an adult.
Green olives.
Gardening.
Foreign films.
Spankings!

 

Doctor, Paul Allen is not responding to the treatment.
The co-founder of Microsoft?
Yes, doctor.
Huh.
Have you tried turning him off and turning him back on again?

 

What can I do ya for young feller?
I think a threw a rod in the engine.
Well let me take a look under the hood and see what we got.
Alex Rodriguez?!
The fucker just threw me in the god damn engine!

 

So this home is in your price range and in the location you want.
Looks good so far.
And I listened to what you wnated and this home has really good bones.
Great.
When I said good bones I did not mean skeletons in the closet.

 

Victory shall be mine!
What the hell are you talking about, Harold? We're trees. In the middle of a forest. Nothing we can do about anything.
Ouch! Son of a bitch!
Damn Ray. That's a nasty paper cut.
Victory!
Shut up Harold!

 

This is it Chen! You are about to get your ass kicked for not being able to properly sing "Deck the Halls"!
Shit! I hope there is some sort of distraction to save the kicking of my ass.
http://www.time.com/5449074/ruth-bader-ginsburg-broken-ribs/
Jerry! Ruth Bader Ginsburg just broke her ribs!
We better go and offer her our own ribs as quick as we can!
Ah, thank God for Ruh Beta Ginbuhg!
I heard that asshole!

 

Am I in heaven? Am I dead?
Yes and no, Chen.
What then?
I'm here to show you how your life could have turned out so much better if there had been one small change in your life.
35 years earlier
Ah, what a cute boy. What's his name?
John.

 

Remind me again why we are sitting through ten minutes of credits after the movie is over.
There is usually an end-credit scene that sets up the next movie. They also let you know who's returning in the next film.
So, what does that say on the screen?
Stan Lee will not return.

 

Professor, your discovery is amazing!
It will change the way people think about ancient Egypt, that's for sure!
Running water and indoor plumbing was way ahead of their time.
I know. And to think, they even had sinks where the water could be turned on and shut off.
What do you plan to call your new findings professor?
The Pharaoh Faucet.

 

Victory shall be mine!
Not again!
Let me just grab this... Ouch! Paper cut!
Victory!
Shut up Harold! I want a de-forest!

 

You shaved off the beard?
Yep. It's the end of "No Shave November".
You don't usually wear any facial hair. Any issues with it?
My wife couldn't stand it. She told me that as long as I had it, I wouldn't get any sex.
That's rough.
Yeah. But at least I now know the origins of "No Nut November".

 

Who lives in a casket, under the ground?
Stephen Hillenburg!
by four_legged_tripod, 11-30-18

 

Are you tryin' to serve me broccoli again, Barbara?
Now George, pipe down and your veggies.
Listen here woman, read my lips....
And what exactly does "gurrgle gurrgle ack" mean?

 

What's your favorite Christmas song, mommy?
"I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus".
Do you know all the words?
Of course! ♫ Oh, what a laugh it would have been, if daddy had only seen, mommy kissing Santa Claus last night! ♫
So the little boy's dad was a cuck?
Well, he-- OH MY GOD!!!

 

Nick!
Mike!
Dude, no offense, but you've gotten fat.
I know! It's awesome!
What's so awesome about it?
I can now honestly say that my dick reaches my belly button!

 

Freeze Anders!
What for?
Your name is all over the police scanners. You're listed as "armed and dangerous".
Really?
Okay, maybe just dangerous.

 

I am a Saudi prince needing to transfer millions of dollars to the U.S. I will reward you with a large percentage of the money if you give me your assistance.
The last time I fell for a hoax like this, "Amanda" turned out to be a 55 year old man!
Looks like Rags left his computer on. Wonder what kinky stuff he has in his browser history.
Thanks for the yacht Mr. Sheik!
No worries Mr. Bacon. Oh, and please, call me Amanda.

 

Who's a good boy? You are! Yes you are!
Who's gonna do a good job for daddy? You will. Yes you will.
I can here you talking to the dog clear out in the hallway.
I wasn't talking to the dog. I was getting my penis ready for sex night.

 

My girl had this huge open mouthed yawn so I stuck my finger in her mouth and said, "I've totally been inside of you right here at McDonald'."
So your dentist has totally been inside of you.
Well, I mean given check ups and dental work, I guess so.
No, I mean that time he gave you anesthetics, put you under, and raped you.

 

Ha! Now you're a snow woman again!
Why don't you come real close, look me straight in the eyes and see what happens?
_______________________________________________________________________
You didn't have to shove it so far up in there!
You're MY snow woman now, rabbitch!

 

Colton? What happened?
Well, after I jumped the fence, I decided that I quit. I can't do it anymore.
Do what? Stand there and look pretty while you get paid and have all these women pretend to be in love with you and offer you sex to prove it?
Yeah, that.
So you're gay, stupid, or both. Do you also make online comics under the user names edoggydog and RandomComicLayoutGuy?
How the hell do you know my user names?!

 

WAAAAA!!! WAAAA!!!
Dude! There's a nursery you can take your kid to, You don't have to bring them to the service.
Sorry about that. I didn't mean to disturb you
That's okay
It's just that some of us are trying to sleep.

 

I'm sorry sir, but you can't park your car in this lot. It's too commercial.
What makes it "too commercial"?
There is a huge advertisement for Ford right there on your car! That's very commercial!
It's the brand of the car! What do you suggest I drive?
You can drive what I do. A plain white van with no windows or markings.
That reminds me, have you also noticed the lack of children in our neighborhood recently?

 

Looks like my shoe is untied. Better bend down and tie it.
Whoa! Whose face is in my ass?
Sorry about that.
You shouldn't stick your nose where it doesn't belong!

 

It's about time you got home. I see you had a rough night at the bar.
What gave you that idea?
It looks like you were beat up by a woman and it appears that you have herpies on your face. What have you been doing?
Looking for love in all the wrong places.

 

I'm divorced.
Me too.
So what happened?
I screwed up. Kept making bad decisions. I totally blew it. What happened to your marriage?
She refused to blow it.

 

"let's see the wheels falling off of a great idea."
I've got this one in the bag! ALL of my ideas end up with the wheels falling off.
I just need to submit a comic about my life and I'm a shoo-in to win Comic Comp 714!
In the not too distant future...
"and the winner is NOT JoeBlough becuase..."
Huh. I'm surprised rags didn't see that one coming a mile away.

 

After not being able to find jobs, the
business class of 2019 took the job of
being human paper dolls.

 

March 31, 1909
My tally whacker is the biggest!
No, my tally whacker is bigger and I'll prove it!
There! This should prove that my tally whacker is the biggest!
Well, this sure is one big ship!
Does your big tally whacker have any bright ideas to get us out of this situation?

 

1931
My tally whacker is the biggest!
No, my tally whacker is bigger and I'll prove it!
There! This should prove that my tally whacker is the biggest!
Well, this sure is one big blimp!
Does your big tally whacker have any bright ideas to get us out of this situation?

 

April 24, 1184
My tally whacker is the biggest!
No, my tally whacker is bigger and I'll prove it!
How do you propose that?
Whoever is given the biggest gift obviously has the biggest tally whacker!
Charge! Kill them all!
I haven't had that many guys in my ass for a while now!

 

*smack!*
Ouch! That really hurt! Don't smack my ass!
What if I just rub it like this?
What if you just don't touch it in general?
So.... you want me to touch it in specific?

 

Welcome to the meeting for "Rarely-Used Prefab Characters."
I know black ninjas are rare but damn man, show a brother some love!
Any thoughts Jackie?
People still reference the "Watchmen" movie, right? I'm Rorschach! You can interpret me any way you want!
What are you doing here? You're used all the time.
I thought this was the meeting for "Barely-Amused Rehab Characters."

 

I'm hungry.
Hi, "Hungry." I'm Dad!
I'm pregnant.
Hi, "Pregnant." I'm Dad!
Yeah.... That's what we need to talk about.

 

Can I get a hot dog please?
McDonald's does not serve hot dogs.
Why not?
We got tired of teenage boys asking us to super size their McWeiners.

 

Doctor, why are you letting the residents run the hospital?
They need the experience.
But one of them could not keep Peter Mayhew alive!
Well, it was probably just a wookie mistake.

 

What are you doing?
Just reading this comic. There is a contest to see who can make the most offensive joke and one guy chose to offend the guy running the conest.
I hope the guy running the contest has thick skin.
Why do you say that?
Just imagine if a guy on a comic site got so offended by something so stupid that he quit!

Showing page 23.

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