All comics by DragonXero

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by DragonXero
8-09-06
My parents are both republicans.
Now, I don't fault them for that, but apparently I missed something as a kid. I've heard a lot of people talk about republicans and.. well..
Where's my $5 million inheritence?

 

by DragonXero
8-09-06
My dad's a staunch republican, and he seems to really dislike that I'm a libertarian.
I can really see how he can hate my stances on things.
Especially since I am against gun control, higher taxes, increased spending, smoking bans and a lot of socialized programs.

 

by DragonXero
8-09-06
As for my more liberal friends, I can certainly understand their hatred of libertarians.
I guess, after all, I'm a complete right-winger.
What with my staunch support of gay marriage, abortion, free-speech and my anti-war sentiments.

 

by DragonXero
8-09-06
In the lovely state of Calfornia, it's illegal to smoke in any public place other than a Tobacco-oriented store.
Totally fair, especially the bar thing.
God knows when I'm in a bar, the last thing I want to do is endanger my health.

 

by DragonXero
8-09-06
California wants stricter laws on cigarettes, as well as higher taxes on them.
God, this state is awesome. Always looking out for us. I can't wait for the "no procreation" laws to hit the books.
After all, life is the #1 cause of death.

 

by DragonXero
8-09-06
I even have disputes with fellow libertarians.
But, hey, I can see where they're coming from.
I would feel a lot safer if my neighbors had nuclear weapons.

 

by DragonXero
8-09-06
Yeah, can I get a coffee?
What kind?
The really dark brown kind that has a bitter aftertaste.
Like, do you want a cafe mocha or a latte supreme?
Coffee. I want a coffee.
Let me get the manager.

 

by DragonXero
8-09-06
You were just complaining about weird coffee.
Hey, I like to choose what goes into my coffee.
But you got espresso.
Sometimes I like something really bitter and fancy.
Yeah?
And sometimes I like Taster's Choice to come out my dick.

 

by DragonXero
8-09-06
The bathroom is a great place to unwind. Even a public one.
I'll sit for hours just reading, not really doing anything else after the first few minutes.
I just wish these chicks would stop staring at me.

 

by DragonXero
8-09-06
Y'know, sometimes I just like to sit in my room and think about suicide.
Oh, don't get me wrong. I would never kill myself.
I just like laughing at 14 year old My Checmical Romance fans.

 

by DragonXero
8-09-06
I met this chick online last night. Absolutely perfect.
She even sent me a picture. Gorgeous woman. Huge gazongas too. And she even got a nude one for me!
Should I be concerned that she kept talking about her prostate exam?

 

by DragonXero
8-09-06
Man, I remember a couple years ago, everyone was talking about Grand Theft Auto.
There were people getting all up in arms, so pissy. I just don't get it.
I mean, it WAS my first offense.

 

by DragonXero
8-09-06
So, I'm building a NUCLEAR REACTOR in my basement while I chat online with a TERRORIST CEL.
I mean, these days I'm having a BOMB of a time.
This strip brought to you by the letters F, B and I.

 

by DragonXero
8-09-06
Sometimes, I like to take these long walks through the woods.
I wander about and breathe deep the cool natural air, meandering about over the fresh grass.
Where the fuck am I?

 

by DragonXero
8-09-06
Still wandering through the forest, absorbing the color, the fresh air.
I feel so much like I'm part of nature here. I feel kvlt and troo.
I fucking hate trees.

 

by DragonXero
8-09-06
Yeah, Stargate SG-1 is a great show, and that new doctor chick is really hot.
Yeah, she's pretty cute.
Carter's still kinda hot, but she's not gotten rid of the mousey thing.
I would pound Christopher Judge's tight ass.
Y'know what? I'm gonna go watch some football, drink a beer and drive really fast in a big car.
Then we shower up, right?

 

by DragonXero
8-09-06
I keep coming to bars to pick up chicks, knowing that it's not going to work. I just don't know why.
You're cute. I'll buy YOU a drink.
Coming into the *wrong* bar is a lot less scary with Drexle here.

 

by DragonXero
8-09-06
Another bar, another night, another drink. Still no chicks.
They're all taken, lesbians, not interested, or just plain nuts.
You're kinda cute.
Or they have a penis.

 

by DragonXero
8-09-06
I've had a lot to drink tonight, way more than I should have.
I mean, I'm almost drunk enough to fuck a squirrel.
I said ALMOST.
DAMMIT!

 

by DragonXero
8-09-06
Cedric, you said this was going to be a metal night.
Yeah, sorry dude. I'm not too happy about it either.
This is EMO shit. I mean, I totally stand out here. But at least you...
At least I what?
Um... You know people here.
I don't wear glasses dude.

 

by DragonXero
8-09-06
Shit shit shit. Why did I take so many tough classes?
At least weightlifting is after this class.
Are there any questions?
Do we get violated before or after the midterm?
After.

 

by DragonXero
8-09-06
I like to come here, to this graveyard.
Such a beautifully gothic, dark night. I feel so comfortable here.
I mean, I could never piss on a grave in another graveyard.

 

Engage!
by DragonXero, 8-10-06

 

by DragonXero
8-10-06
The following is fiction, but could quite possibly happen:
It's not my fault you didn't brake slowly enough! You shoud have *blah blah blah*
Shut UP, you gigantic fucking manatee. Get back in your land yatch and stop riding people's asses!
I-
Are those your children or are they sentient life-forms bourne of your pseudopodia?
*sob*

 

by DragonXero
8-11-06
Well, up here in my thinking spot on top of this building, I've realized life is meaningless and empty.
What? I just dropped my cigarette.

 

by DragonXero
8-11-06
It's good to be returning back to earth after a couple hours of boring negotiations.
Whoa, shit, what happened here? I thought I left only hours ago!
Dude, WWIII happened here. Global destruction. It's 2105
Wow, time flies when you're travelling through a wormhole.
Special relativity will do that to ya.

 

by DragonXero
8-11-06
I'd never go through a Star Trek transporter. You know how they work?
It disassembles your atoms and turns them into energy to transport them to wherever you're going, but they have to use compression, like in JPEGs.
I don't want my weiner to become a red X.

 

by DragonXero
8-19-06
Back in 99, things were looking up for us all.
We'd just finished college classes and things were going great. But we had to find ways to entertain us over the summer.
So we did what anyone would do: act like idiots and occasionally steal things. You know, for fun.
So we all know the plan. Grab the baptism thing and run.

 

by DragonXero
8-19-06
This is Robert. Now, for this particular mission, he was to ensure we had another exit. Just so happened the church had a door to outside in the bathroom. Why? I don't know.
Now, the thing about Robert is that he has problems making with the golden flow if someone's watching. Can't do it.
Stop staring at me.
Even if the person watching is just a night light statue put there because the church bathroom has wiring problems and thus no lights.
STOP WATCHING ME, BABY JESUS!

 

by DragonXero
8-19-06
This is Arnold. He was the resident "ladies' man".
So, you come here often?
Every Sunday. Are you new to the church?
The problem was, Arnold wasn't a very good ladies' man.
Uh, no, I just, thought it would be fun to take in the sights.
Uh, okay...
He was supposed to be the lookout.
You doing anything after the sermon?
Actually, my friends and I were planning on going down and donating blood.

 

by DragonXero
8-19-06
This is Johnson. Johnson was our intel, because he was the only one who'd ever been in the place before.
We meet again, Jesus.
Certainly not because he was intelligent. We called him Johnson because no one knew his first name.
This time won't be like last time.
Johnsonnnn...
We tried a few times, but every time we asked him, he got really paranoid.
OH SHIT, IT'S JUST LIKE LAST TIME!
Come and pleasure your lord!

 

by DragonXero
8-19-06
That's Cedric. Our muscle.
What, here?
Well where else, sonny?
Cedric claims to have done things for the government. Strange stuff. Even said he worked at Area 51 once.
It just feels kinda, wrong in here.
It's not like you'll get caught with your pants down or anything.
I've done the math, and over 2/3 of it have to be fake. He'd have been 16 when he left Area 51, 15 when he helped fake that shuttle launch.
Alright, here's the money, where's the perscriptions?
Did you want Zoloft or Oxycontin?

 

by DragonXero
8-19-06
And that's me. The mastermind. The one who got us into all our trouble.
Come on, you can tell me why we're here! I won't blab!
No way. Not until we're done.
Wow, I almost forgot about Carlton. He wasn't really a friend of ours.
Look, I promise on my mother's grave not to tell ANYONE here!
No freaking way!
He was rich and had an SUV we could all ride in though. Looking back, I'm almost ashamed we used him. Almost.
Fine, I guess I'll just go drive home, see how you guys get back on your own!
No, wait!

 

by DragonXero
8-23-06
I SAW A MIDGET!
Like, on TV?
No dude! In real life! She was surly!
Oh. Where at?
At the KFC!
Was she black?

 

by DragonXero
10-02-06
Due to technical difficulties, "A life of laziness" has ended before it really began.
We apologize for any inconvenience.
By "technical difficulties" I mean "writer laziness".
And by "inconvenience" I mean "violent anal rape".

 

I'm not dead, and I didn't leave forever. I'm just not feeling inspired lately. Bah.
by DragonXero, 12-16-06

 

by DragonXero
1-10-07
Yeah, what did you want?
Well, we're in this private room, door locked...
Oh come on, what makes you think you could keep up with me?
I eat women like you for money.
Wh...
That's just how I roll.

 

by DragonXero
2-15-07
"I don't like playing ping pong, I don't like the Viet Cong, I don't like Burger King...
I don't like anything, And I'm against... Well I'm against it!"
Thus, my fellow congressmen, summarizes my proposal.
All in favor of passing this non-binding resolution?

 

by DragonXero
2-15-07
Y'know, people say we don't ever get anything done in congress.
I know, and it's totally untrue!
I made a sweater.
I set a world record for the longest sentence with the least meaning.

 

So while I was peeling those little crawfish, I swear one was trying to steal my soul.
Nah, I'm sure he was just trying to make you feel guilty for committing genocide for an appetizer.
by DragonXero, 2-15-07

 

by DragonXero
2-15-07
Cholesterol only comes from animals. You don't get it from eating vegetables!
!
MURDERER!

 

by DragonXero
2-15-07
Y'know, they're banning trans-fatty acids in New York.
Really? Hold on, I'll be back in a while.
Knock it off.

 

by DragonXero
2-15-07
So, wait, you're saying in your society, you have people who complain about eating certain kinds of life?
Er, pretty much, yeah.
*snicker* And that there are people who can't even get a decent meal?
Yes..
ED! You were right! They are retarded!
HEY!

 

by DragonXero
2-15-07
ED! Get this! There are people on this planet who voluntarily starve themselves to lose weight!
Hey now, they have a legitimate disease!
So, you have a virus that makes humans not eat??
No, I mean, it's a mental illness.
ED! Get the saucer running, I'm scared.
... Can I come with?

 

by DragonXero
2-20-07
Your astronauts wear DIAPERS when they go into space?
Oh God, now we've got to talk about this. Stupid overzealous media... Yes, they wear diapers!
But.. why?
Uh, they need somewhere to release their waste. I mean, how do you guys do it?
We exhale our wastes.
I - *khack* Oh my GOD! MY EYES ARE BURNING!

 

by DragonXero
2-21-07
So, what did you get?
Herpes!
So how'd the date go last night?
Herpes!
Dude, where's your suit?
Herpes!

 

by DragonXero
2-23-07
It's peanut butter jelly time, peanut butter jelly time..
Wey-ya, wey-ya, peanut butter jelly, peanut butter jelly...
I've got a bad feeling about this...

 

by DragonXero
2-23-07
That guy seemed a bit odd, but I can't place it.
Julie, you're just being paranoid...
Right?
IT'S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME, BITCH!

 

by DragonXero
2-23-07
I told the judge it was just an honest mistake. He wouldn't listen to me though.
Apparently he didn't believe that I could accidentally have sex with a 12 year old.

 

by DragonXero
2-23-07
Did you know that urinating on a peace officer is illegal?
I did too. But it was worth it.

Showing page 26.

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