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All comics by Makin_d_bacon

 

The Eavesdropper by Makin_d_bacon 3-06-18
Do you think this match between ragu4u & The Undertaker will ever happen? I doubt it.	Why? They've hyped the holy livin hell out it forever! Don't you see? They're scared of each other.	Why would that mountain of a man be afraid of a fat slob like him? C'mon..."The Undertaker" isn't THAT fat!

 

1960's Pioneers by Makin_d_bacon 3-06-18
Just in from Des Moines, Iowa..... Are we here Sister Bertha? Yup! It's called "Haight Ashbury", Jed!	SEX! LOVE! DRUGS! Hari Krishna!	It's true! The old lady bought a kilo of grass and a dozen flavored condoms to take home to Iowa! Cool! Where's Iowa, anyway?

 

May it Never Be! by Makin_d_bacon 3-08-18
He should be ok now. I pumped his stomach! He just sorta went nuts!	Maybe he had some kind of traumatic experience! I'll have to ask him.	Really? 100 sleeping pills? What the hell was wrong with you anyway? I thought Stripcreator.com had been taken off the internet!

 

Following Religious Orders by Makin_d_bacon 3-08-18
Good day, Father! The same to you, Brother!		Damned Franciscan! Jesuit fag!

 

Old School by Makin_d_bacon 3-08-18
Done with our taxes yet? I'm at my wits end! I've been working on it for six days straight and we STILL come up owing 4 grand!	How can we owe 4 grand? We have zero income! Is it possible you've made a mathmatical error? I guess ANYTHING is possible but I don't see how!	Maybe it's the batteries in your calculator. Calculator? HA! You know I'm an "abacus" guy!

 

The Last Resort by Makin_d_bacon 3-08-18
What good is being on the "No Call" list? That phone never stops ringing! *briiing* *briiiing*	But I'll show THEM! I've rigged it so if it rings more than four times it'll... *briiing* *briiing* *bri..."	Take THAT, you fuckers!

 

Makes Scents by Makin_d_bacon 3-09-18
I wonder where he is? I'm right here! You want my autograph or not?	How can I be sure you are who you SAY you are? I'll tell ya how...	So, did he prove he was Richard Gere's pet? Absolutely! I sniffed his fur!

 

Sometimes They Come Back! by Makin_d_bacon 3-09-18
Kim Jong Un's office in Pyongyang.... So...you complete new guidance system on my Nukes for testing yet? G'day, mate! I'd say we could give it a burl before the bloody weather goes walk-about on us!	What the hell you say? Speak Engrish! We good to go? Furphy has it, mate, it's fair dinkam to say I put big mobs of bikkies into this project. I'll be stuffed and hit the turps if this comes a gutser! She'll be right!	But on test day....... What kind guidance system is THIS? We calls it "Boomerang", mate!

 

What Funtional Family is Dis? by Makin_d_bacon 3-10-18
Beat it Lucy. I gotta sell my cupcakes! The ones you made with Marijuana?	How did you know...? My stash had to have gone somewhere!	May I have more Twinkies, daddy? Geez Lucy...what's with you and the "munchies" lately?

 

Off to a Poor Start by Makin_d_bacon 3-10-18
Come out, Earthling!	I mean you no harm! Ignore my "Death Laser"! It isn't even lo... Ya sure...?	... Oops! My bad!

 

Semantics by Makin_d_bacon 3-10-18
So, YOU wanna blow ME? Really? Absolutely! I'm here to welcome you to the neighborhood.	Well then, come right in. Never let it be said I stifled the "Welcome Wagon"! I've got to warn you tho...I LOVE anal too.	2 hours later..... WHAT? $500? But you said you wanted to give me a blo..... GIVE? NEVER did I say the word "GIVE"!

 

Salt in the Wound by Makin_d_bacon 3-11-18
Here she comes... Not HIM again?	What a dork!! She didn't even nod at me!	Months later...... You know, you didn't NEED to rape her! In fact, she's fucked every guy in here at least TWICE, willingly! If that's supposed to make me feel BETTER, it ain't workin!

 

Mysterious Ways by Makin_d_bacon 3-11-18
Hey Cindy....Look!	WOW! How do you do that? It's easy. Some homeless lookin hippie taught me!	He called you a WHAT? You heard me. It's gotta be this 5 o'clock shadow & the sandals!

 

Doctor's Orders by Makin_d_bacon 3-12-18
It's crazy Doc. I just got dizzy and fell out of my chair! Where were you & what were you doing?	I was in front of my computer and...uh...well, it's like I was...um..surfing the net, yeah, that's IT! Surfing the net! Aha! You had a simple drop in blood pressure!	From what and what do I do about it, Doc? In your case, too many continuous ejaculations are the culprit! Knock off the porn sites!

 

The People's Choice by Makin_d_bacon 3-12-18
Alright folks, here are your two choices! Make your selection and press the appropriate button!	This is too easy!	So who did they pick as having "Better People Skills"? Good night, Melania!

 

A Perfect Fit by Makin_d_bacon 3-13-18
Gina Haspel? Really, Mr. President? And why NOT, Pence?	Is she at all qualified for the job? She's a woman, right?	Yes, but... But nothin! She can fuck, suck and can be made to do anal too. What MORE could we want?

 

Cutting Remarks by Makin_d_bacon 3-13-18
Allow in the next prospect. Certainly! Please come here, Miss Ogynist!	Hmmm...sounds like a little Russian gal, possibly! NOW!	YOU?! So, yes your royal highness, I DO keep all my women in line BUT...I'm definitely NO misogynist like that guy Damocles was making me out to be!

 

On your Mark.... by Makin_d_bacon 3-13-18
Selecting Jurors..... Will you be available for the trial of Denzel Shabazz Jefferson on Monday, May1st? I had planned to be in a 5K race that day but I'll cancel. I want fry that no good spook!	I'd hate for you to miss your run! Just say the word dude and I'll throw the switch on that jungle bunny! Just call me!	So...are you gonna be a juror? Nah! That damned judge must hate us guys that run to stay in shape. He said there's NO WAY he'd have a "racist" on one of his juries!

 

Ramming Speed! by Makin_d_bacon 3-14-18
You know we have only 200 years to leave this planet, right? You just saying that shit cause yo idol Stevie Hawking die!	He's DEAD? Oh no! We're doomed! Quit that crying you "noodle legged" geek!	So...now a cripple kicks your ass? He broadsided me!

 

The "Chair" Man by Makin_d_bacon 3-14-18
So, old man Hawking's number finally came up, eh Pops? Hold on boy...show some respect!	Why? Didn't he kinda have some pretty outlandish leanings? Now you're just being down-right MEAN!	Mean? What did I say? Look, if YOUR spine was shaped like an "S" you'd sit kinda funny too!

 

Off the Hook by Makin_d_bacon 3-15-18
Daddy, I need a new bear! She's gotta be kiddin. She has every toy known to man & I'm BROKE!	Please, please, please, please, pretty please with sugar on top! Look, in six months I'll take you to the toy store and buy you whatever you want. Just SHUT UP ABOUT IT!	Six months later..... Does the sign on the door say... "Toys r Us", daddy? Not really! It says "Out of Business", thank goodness!

 

Irresistible by Makin_d_bacon 3-15-18
In the cell of Joran van der Sloot... How many marriage proposals in the mail today? None today, van der Sloot!	That's odd. I usually get at least 20 per day! The world is still filled with "Dummies", ya know! True that!	So where are all my proposals? Maybe if they started letting WOMEN write you..

 

The "Human-Zee" by Makin_d_bacon 3-15-18
In a lab somewhere in China...... Go ahead. Get in. Chen make you famous!	When you come out, you be brand new, smarter, stronger, better looking, sexier, able to be understood etc.etc.etc.	Then "Presto...Change-o"! Me wanna check hair for lice. Another REJECT!

 

Road Trip by Makin_d_bacon 3-16-18
Hey...what's that up ahead? Looks like a pedestrian bridge collapsing!	Should we turn around or help? "HELP"...most definitely but wait for a bit!	Wait? Wait for what? For me to stop laughing...you insensitive bastard!

 

Thumbs Down by Makin_d_bacon 3-16-18
Well, Netflix finally sent you "IT"! How was "IT"? "IT" sucked! That's how "IT" was!	But you said "IT" was gonna be scarier than "The Exorcist! Well, I was horribly wrong. So, you gonna sue me over "IT"?	"IT" ain't worth the effort. Is "IT"? All I can say is that "IT" should have had a prequel titled "SH"!

 

CC 688: Scent of a Woman by Makin_d_bacon 3-17-18
That was quite a dinner, Maura! What's THAT supposed to mean, Petey?	Just stating a fact, that's all. I mean, broccoli, baked beans & sauerkraut...what's NOT to like? You're making fun of me but I just don't give a damn anymore!	Oh boy... I can feel something in the air tonight, oh yeah! *Riiiiiiiiiiiiiip * Take THAT Kreskin!

 

"...and like magic..." by Makin_d_bacon 3-17-18
We've got 5000 people to feed with just THIS! No biggie. Take a couple of the crew and pass it out.	OK, but I don't see how it's.... You just leave it to me. And don't forget to bring me what's left.	So you've got THAT plus 11 more boxes of left-overs, eh? I hope the people will now know my name & believe! No doubt about that! The name of "Chris Angel" will be famous!

 

"I Hear the Tran a Comin..." by Makin_d_bacon 3-17-18
Are these the dossiers of all the porn stars I've had sex with? Most of them sir! The rest are in my office at the N.S.A.......in a drawer!	Why have these been singled out? The one's at the N.S.A. are.....100% women.	You mean that THESE are.....? We at the N.S.A. call them "Switch-Hitters", Sir!

 

Read BEFORE You Sign by Makin_d_bacon 3-17-18
Martha & George Adopted a baby..... Mama...say Mama! Please say Mama. Say SOMETHING, ANYTHING!	Maybe you two should have re..... NO mother! We went by the book yet it's been almost 6 months and not a word!	Later, in the baby's room..... If they KNEW you were a midget you'd be out on your ass. Fuck em! I got em by the balls now. Cocky a-holes were too good to read the fine print.

 

Mistaken Identity by Makin_d_bacon 3-18-18
*beep, beep*! This is too good to be true. He's trapped! I'll just go inside and...	OH NO! Holy Moly.....	*beep beep*?

 

WW:116 "God Awful" by Makin_d_bacon 3-19-18
So you think just because of who you are, you get in, Ms. Daniels? Call me Stormy! Seems to work everywhere else! Go ask your boss!	I can't believe she feels ENTITLED to be here. Some people are just THAT way. You need to take the bull by the horns.	She said to ask you for the OK first! So, does she get in? I'd make her put out first!

 

Field Testing by Makin_d_bacon 3-20-18
What's with all this talk about "Furry's" on this site? It's true! Go check it out for yourself!	So...in theory, if furry animals make me horny then I'm a "Furry"! Hi there!	Oh geez..I hope my boner isn't showing! You OK?

 

Compromise! by Makin_d_bacon 3-20-18
Today Antelope, Oregon has been taken over by a cult. And for more on THAT we go to Roy in Antelope!	Guru Bahgwam, is it true you own 20 Rolls Royces and own 60,000 acres here so your followers can have a place for the daily orgies? When you put it like THAT it sounds excessive!	And you think it's NOT? Fine! No orgies ever on Feb. 29th!

 

The Future Belongs to the Young! by Makin_d_bacon 3-21-18
Listen Bob, the new 25 yr. old C.E.O. wants to see you NOW! The "KID" wants to see me, eh? THAT'S not good!	That little punk thinks us oldtimers are useless. Well, he's gonna see ME in a different light!	My thinking isn't "antiquated"! How old do you think I am, anyway? Just clean out your desk and leave, Bob. Your usefulness around here is like you...extinct!

 

When it rains..... by Makin_d_bacon 3-21-18
Oh dear, that poor girl has been handcuffed & gang raped by ruffians!	Wait...is that help coming this way?	Oh kind sir, save me! Ruffians have cuffed and raped me repeatedly! That's too bad. Looks like today is NOT your lucky day. Now bend over & assume the position!

 

Better Than Nothing by Makin_d_bacon 3-21-18
Mmmm! Gary hungry for your beautiful brains! Oh my, I'm scared to death!	Don't get scared. Spoils taste of brains! *oooomp* *kerplop*	Come back! Ooooh look..."hors d oeuvres"!

 

Big "Daddy" by Makin_d_bacon 3-22-18
A Seattle Sperm Bank reports..... It's true! Most Brazilian woman request sperm from our donor #9601? Because of the outstanding Caucasion traits I suppose?	Yes...among other things. For instance, children from donor #9601 don't have normal body odor! They smell like "I-Hop"! B.O. that smells like "I-Hop"? Amazing!	Do you have a reservation, Mr. ....? Some call me "#9601"!

 

R.I.P... The One & Only by Makin_d_bacon 3-22-18
Oh crap! Here come those damned "wannabees"!	Where's a banana peel when ya need the darned thing?	Geez...did ya have to wear the "BOZO" outfit? "Imitation" is the sincerest form of flattery!

 

"Damn bitch, it be's HOT!" by Makin_d_bacon 3-23-18
Well folks here at the "Weather Channel" we have a new owner! That's right, Ted. His name is Byron Allen. He's here now!	Hi there, Boss! Where did Cindy go? Same place your Lily white cracker ass is goin...O-U-T!	The NEW "Weather Channel"! Yo, bitch! It be hotter than Ashanti's snatch out t'day! I SEE what you mean. Judging by dat bulge you got down there in your weather "VEIN" pulsating due North, you be a stand up guy!

 

The "Right" Stuff by Makin_d_bacon 3-23-18
So....am I IN? Well done my good and faithful servant!	So....am I IN? Well done my good and faithful servant!	But WHY? You REALLY don't know? Sheesh!

 

Butt Buddy by Makin_d_bacon 3-23-18
10am.... I've told you 100 times....he's NOT here now! How about..... NOW?	After a solid hour of "No's"..... Phreaky......call the Cops! While she's at it....	...have her get Richard Gere in here!

 

Mamma's Boy by Makin_d_bacon 3-23-18
Look...you wanna learn "Self Defense" or NOT? I don't see why. Mother gets me out of any trouble because I'm SPECIAL!	Listen up! I've been paid to train you, so pick up the damned knife and let's get it on! There has to be a way...I'VE GOT IT!	Oh shit! Now here comes the "I've got a headache" routine! Hold on. I feel woozy! It must be my deadly allergy to "mandated aggression"!

 

Miracles DO Happen! by Makin_d_bacon 3-24-18
Well...I had a wonderful time, Rags! What's next? Maybe a night cap at your place or mine?	My place is fine. Just make sure when you get there to pull around back and come in the rear! O..........K! I can do THAT!	I'll have it wide open for you! I hope you're patient, tho, because I may not come right away. With any luck, I won't either. I sure hope she's thinking what I'M thinking!

 

Say Wah...? by Makin_d_bacon 3-25-18
You sure "brycekain" said to meet him here? Pretty sure. It sounded like he had a mouth full of cannoli!	It just seems odd that he'd want to meet out side the Zoo's "Amphibian" enclosure! All I know is he kept saying what sounded to me like...	Like what? ...like "Toad-House, Toad-House, Toad-House......

 

The "Yeah, Yeah" Sisterhood by Makin_d_bacon 3-25-18
Phreaky confides in her boss....... So, my dear, you think you're a Lesbian? Yes boss! When I see another HOT woman my panties fill with grool and my nipples get so hard they could cut glass!	When THAT happens what do you do about it? I usually grab my 12 inch "Black Max" combo and start going "Dentist" on myself! And of course, I love to eat pussy!	Wow, I think I'm a Lesbian too! But how does one go "Dentist" on one's self? One fills all one's cavities...multiple times!

 

The "Yute" Have Speaked! by Makin_d_bacon 3-25-18
Yes, I'm David Hogg and I'm leading the youth of America to revolt! Revolt? Against what?	The massive gun lobby in this country controls everything and should be eliminated at all costs. Eliminated? How?	By VIOLENCE you stupid fucker. You adults don't know shit how to get crap done. Us kids know to throw tantrums & fits and threaten to blow shit up. That's how to get REAL results. So violence actually STOPS violence, eh? Look kid, If everyone were as wise as YOU we'd ALL be dead!

 

Horsin Around by Makin_d_bacon 3-25-18
Tonight on "60 Minutes"...Stormy Daniels tells ALL!	Inside "The Green Room".... Do I look "Nice & Innocent", Anderson? As a new born babe, Stormy...as a new born BABE!	As Melania watches at home.... "Stormy...did you EVER have sex with Donald Trump"? If she tells about our 4-way with that thoroghbred I'll kill that slut!

 

Kinky Holiday Party by Makin_d_bacon 3-25-18
Nice "package"! Who? Me? Thanks!	Not YOU! HIM! Oh! I see.	From "Madame Feelgood", I hope? Quite so! The whips, nipple clamps and latex nun outfit as you ordered, sir. Happy Holidays!

 

Easy Money by Makin_d_bacon 3-26-18
Inside Chez Ragu/d_bacon...... YO, Rags, baby! You ain't gonna believe THIS!	Oh crap! I bet he's lost yet ANOTHER comic contest! I better call in "damage control"!	That goofy guy with the red tie paid for a full hour. Said to do WHATEVER you wanted! Here's the deal...everytime I show you a comic I've made you gotta promise to laugh your ass off.

 

Always Check 1st With the B.B.B. by Makin_d_bacon 3-26-18
Your ad said that you can hold back zombies! Is that right? As long as I have my little helper here!	So, you gonna chop em up with that axe? In the proper hands it has a dual function. You'll see!	That's IT? You just hammered up boards! So where did all that blood come from? Guess I shoulda not used the blade side to hammer the nails. Got any more beer?

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