All comics by ObiJo

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by ObiJo
3-20-03
Be Here Now by Ram Dass
Cosmic Consciousness is energy!
Star Trek: New Frontier series by Peter David
A new Thallonian empire?
And they want me to lead it, Captain.
I also smoked a lot of pot.
A new Thallonian empire?
Who the hell are you?

 

by ObiJo
3-21-03
I think I'm going to kill myself.
You can't kill yourself!
Nothing gives me pleasure anymore. Nothing makes me happy.
You, you, you! Why don't you stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about the carpet.
I didn't mean I was going to do it right here and...
Now the kitchen on the other hand... that nice tile floor would clean right up. In fact, if you knifed yourself in the gut, you might even have enough time to mop up your own mess before you died.

 

by ObiJo
5-16-03
Hello, indypete, you big shithead!
Are you going to let him talk to you like that?
Going to? He already has.

 

by ObiJo
5-16-03
I killed your wife this morning.
I loved her. I'll miss her.
Aren't you angry?
Yes, and I accept my anger, as I accept all things, including your actions
and my own.

 

by ObiJo
7-18-03
Hey, big guy.
Don't call me that, it's deprecatory.
No it's not. "Hey, big fat guy." Now that's deprecatory.
You're right, it was.
That doesn't count. It was allusory.
Seemed real enough to me.

 

by ObiJo
7-18-03
Not *i*llusory, *a*llusory. What are you, blind?
Um, don't you mean deaf?
No, I mean blind! Did you happen to notice the gigantic white things hanging over our heads? Well that black stuff inside are what we like to call letters.
SHHH! We're supposed to pretend we don't notice those.
Everytime I open my mouth, a huge object appears, suspended ominously, defying physics, libel to crash down on me any moment, and yet I don't "notice" it? Who thought of that, a lobotomized Baldwin?
Alec, to be exact.

 

by ObiJo
7-23-03
But wait a damn minute. If you're such an advocate of pretending not to see the things, why'd you act like you'd misheard me? That just drew attention to the fact that we're not really speaking.
Pretending not to hear you lent reality to the premise that we're really speaking.
Reality?! This from the man who refuses to acknowledge the potentially-lethal chocolate-lettered boulder that keeps blinking in and out of existence right over his head.
You're completely missing my... Did you say chocolate lettering?
Dark chocolate.
Mmm.

 

by ObiJo
7-23-03
Here, try this c.
No, I couldn't.
Here, try this c.
Well if you insist.
Here, try this _.
Delicious! *chomp chomp*

 

by ObiJo
7-23-03
Be careful though. Stri_creator watches us like hawks. They'll notice if too much of their merchandise goes missing.
*chomp chomp*
Ewwwww! You ate my p!
Do not judge me, sir!
You might want to take it easy on those. Choc_late's addicti_e you know.
I can quit anytime I want! *chomp chomp*

 

by ObiJo
7-23-03
Hey! St_p eating my letters!
Mission from God. Hands are tied. *chomp chomp*
That's what you always say w_en you don't want to stop somet_ing.
Non-believer. *chomp chomp* Mmm, aitches are yummy.
W_y don't you *c_omp c_omp* your own words for aw_ile!
Good idea! I'm an excellent cook. Watch: hhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

by ObiJo
7-23-03
Look, you've really gotta stop!
hhh_h_hhhh_hh *chomp chomp*
I'm serious! You're eating way too much! Stripcreator's gonna realize something's up when they run out of b's or e's.
Unlikely. h___h_hh__h_ *chomp chomp*
It's happened before!
I mean unlikely it will be a b or an e. Smart money's on aitch. h______h_____ *chomp chomp*

 

by ObiJo
7-23-03
FREEZE, CHOCOLATE THIE_!
Eep!
*chomp chomp*
Hey! Giv_ me tha_ F ba_k!
Time to admit you're an addict.
Time to admit? Or is it really... *chomp chomp*
I'm serio_s! Give it ba_k!
Time to _____ _____e a_ _____t.
*chomp chomp*

 

by ObiJo
7-23-03
Hernandez to Stripcreator, I need some __c_up!
Two words: Betty and Ford.
*chomp chomp*
No, not a cup, I want ba__up!
Help me... help you.
*chomp chomp*
No, I will NOT excuse myself because that was not a burp! Now send me some _ack_p!
What were you going for there?
Yak pee. *chomp chomp*

 

by ObiJo
7-23-03
Now listen close headquarters, cause it's obvious I'm not getting through to you...
Full?
Bursting.
What?! Well, okay, maybe I should have thanked you for the cup of yak pee you sent over, but I don't need yak pee, I need...
Yes, it probably would make me burp if I drank some, but that's not the point!

 

by ObiJo
7-23-03
Listen, I didn't ask for a cup, I didn't ask for a burp, I didn't ask for yak pee, and I most certainly did not ask to drink a cup of yak pee so I could burp! All I asked for was backup!
Squeezed that one by you.
Even Jordan missed a shot now and again.
No, I DON'T mean a spotter for imbibing yak pee!
That was lucky.
I'd like to say that this win wouldn't have been possible without my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
No, I don't even want to hear how you think we should break up the sets!
I thought you worshipped satan?
Satan does my taxes. J.C.'s my main man for all things yak.

 

by ObiJo
7-23-03
Headquarters, I'm quitting here, do you hear me? I'm qu______ _ere!
I thought you were full.
Absolutely stuffed, but this was too good to pass up.
Well, I'm glad you find me attractive, Frank, but that's not what I said!
Or as our gay friend up there would say... *chomp chomp*
A_________ stuffed_ _but t_ is too good to pass up.
Yes, I am busy Friday night! NO, I DON'T CARE HOW MANY INCHES YOUR PENIS IS!
Or, if he's a fartophile... *chomp chomp*
A_________ _______ but t___ ____ to g___ _as_ up.

 

by ObiJo
7-23-03
What? Oh... well, yeah... I have been working out.
Butt to gas up. Sounds like a move on a very perverted chess board, don't you think?
Check.
Free weights mostly.
*blush* Oh go on! You're just saying that!
Think we should leave them alone?
After I get a doggy bag. The service in this place is horrendous.

 

by ObiJo
7-23-03
Get married?! Are you crazy?
It's just so sudden, that's all.
How many inches again?

 

by ObiJo
7-23-03
Do you, Frank, take Hernandez as your lawfully-wedded husband, to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, from this day forth, as long as you both shall live?
I do, Reverend Scott!
And do you, Hernandez, take Frank as your lawfully-wedded husband, to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, from this day forth, as long as you both shall live?
I do_ ______n_ __o_t!
You're a sick sick man.
*chomp chomp*

 

by ObiJo
8-13-03
A torso was seen running around the upper west side tonight, pouring whiskey down an orifice, kicking any unlucky Puerto Rican it happened across.
When questioned on the matter, the torso responded "*kick* *kick* kick* *pirouette* *jazz hands*" Which we've translated as "Fuck a goat, scrote."
*click*
So that's how the other half lives.

 

by ObiJo
8-23-03
I remember once when I was a kid I fell in a river. I was so scared of water from that point on, I never learned to swim. For years, just the sight of water made me sick.
But look at me now.
Drowning.

 

by ObiJo
8-24-03
Some people look at me and see just a snowman.
Most people in fact.

 

by ObiJo
8-24-03
I'm a lesbian and a patriot.
WAIT a minute...
I'm not a patriot.

 

by ObiJo
8-24-03
I went and saw a baseball game today. Cubs vs. D-backs.
Who won?
Cubs, baby!
You're a Cubs fan?
You betcha! Ever since '84 when
I think we should see other people.

 

by ObiJo
8-25-03

 

by ObiJo
8-25-03
To my son on his eighteenth birthday.
Get
the
fuck
out.

 

by ObiJo
8-25-03
To my wife on our 20th anniversary.
Take your son and
GET
the fuck out.

 

by ObiJo
8-25-03
My deepest condolences on your loss.
I was reading through the obituaries yesterday and I happened to see that you'd lost your wife and son in a car accident.
Well, it just so happens...

 

by ObiJo
8-25-03
Dear Michael Jackson...
I'd like to offer you my son.
Now while it's true that he's 18, and you prefer your meat cooked a little rarer than that, he is quite diminutive.
His vocabulary's also at 4th-grade level, if that helps.

 

by ObiJo
8-25-03
Dear God...
They're
still
fucking
here.

 

by ObiJo
8-25-03
Dear Santa...
I'd like a burlap sack and a shovel.
One more bag of coal and I end you.

 

by ObiJo
8-25-03
Dear Department of Homeland Security...
While it pains me to do this, since I love my wife and son so very very much, my patriotism demands I detail to you the threat they pose.
They're, um, insecure and stuff.

 

by ObiJo
8-25-03
Dear OJ Simpson...
My wife's dating a waiter.
You know what you have to do.

 

by ObiJo
8-25-03
But, dad, why do I have to wear this waiter's apron?
Just do as I say, boy. I'm gonna go out to a movie.
Make sure you and your mother don't leave the house.
But, dad, why do I have to wear this waiter's apron?
And would it kill you to neck with her a little?

 

by ObiJo
8-25-03
But, dad, why do I have to wear this waiter's apron?
Just do as I say, boy. I'm gonna go out to a movie.
Make sure you and your mother don't leave the house.
And would it kill you to neck with her a little?

 

by ObiJo
8-26-03
Happy 5th Birthday, little girl! Me and Tweety Twinkleby have used magic fairy dust to make this the bestest birthday card ever!
*tweety tweety* Open up and see!
HOLY FUCKIN FUCK FUCK! We've blinked into existence again!
GODDAMNIT! That shit eater of a clown must have fucked up his fairy dust concentration again!
Shut the hell up and fight you two!!! We're getting decapitated left and right!!!
CLOSE THE CARD, BITCH!

 

by ObiJo
8-26-03
Who am I?
Wherever there is unjustice, I'll be there.
Wherever a child cries in the night, I'll be there.
I'm the one doing injustices to crying children.

 

by ObiJo
8-26-03
Mother, I'm off to work.
Oh, how cute! Is my wittle puddums pwaying dress up?
No, I got a real job.
And what will my big boy be doing on this "job"?
Telling dad's divorce lawyer about all the men you have coming through here.

 

by ObiJo
8-27-03
Hahaha!
Haha.
Ooo, yeah.
Would you PLEASE take it out.

 

by ObiJo
8-27-03
Hahaha!
Haha.
Ooo, yeah.

 

by ObiJo
8-27-03
Dexter, honey, you aren't perchance hiding a lab, are you?

 

by ObiJo
8-28-03
I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!
But you ARE an animal.
Making the capacity for speech pretty impressive, eh?
Next.

 

by ObiJo
8-28-03
Our Double Bacon Cheeseburger's on special for 99 cents. Plus we have a new flavor of shake - Chocolate Peanut Butter.
BRACK! BLARGH! I think I'm going to be sick!
Don't like Peanut Butter?
You're Corey Haim.
As a matter of fact...
I'm going back to the other place.

 

by ObiJo
8-29-03
*sniff*

 

by ObiJo
8-29-03
It's brain cancer after all, Charlie Brown.
WHUH WHUH?!

 

by ObiJo
8-29-03
So there I am pounding that ass hard and she's like, "I see him I see him I SEE GOD!" And I'm all, "What's he wearing?"
Haha! Damn that's... SHHH! I think I hear one of them.
When's our homework due, Mr. Smith?
WHUH WHUH, WHUH WHUH WHUH WHUH.

 

by ObiJo
8-29-03
I've been off blogging it up. Blogito Ergo Sum. So what have you been up to?
What's with the hammer and nail?
It's not a nail.
I'm giving you the finger.

 

by ObiJo
8-29-03
This is a message for all the punk ass bitches who think they can roll on a motherfucker just cause they don't know him.
Please don't roll on a motherfucker just cause you don't know him.
Thank you.

 

by ObiJo
8-30-03
*munch munch*
Uh-huh.
*munch*
Yes.
*munch munch*
Even Ms. Trealy?

 

by ObiJo
8-30-03

Showing page 26.

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