All comics by ObiJo

Profile

 

by ObiJo
9-01-03
Listen here, honky motherfucker - black people dominate basketball, football, and baseball. We own the inner city, we pimp white asses in prison.
Like that ain't enough, we've also got bigger dicks, making white ho's all over the land spread like jelly. What you got to say?
We OWNED you.
End game.

 

by ObiJo
9-01-03
All men are dogs. And I don't care if they score higher in the SAT verbal and math, I KNOW women are more intelligent.
Plus women are always faking orgasms for them, so we don't crumble their fragile egos. Fucking babies. What you got to say?
We OWNED you.
End game.

 

by ObiJo
9-01-03
After setting them free...
Fleshlings have one-millionth the computing power of robots. Plus, they emanate odor and are all squishy and gross.
As if that isn't enough, you all require food input for survival, making the imminent war a foregone victory for our side. What you got to say?
We OWNED you.
End game.

 

by ObiJo
9-02-03
I was de-atomized and injected into the particle accelerator at CERN, where, using Einstein's Special Theory of Relativity, I was sent back in time.
While there was some talk of side effects, those concerns were obviously unfoun
Mooooooooo
Do try not to interrupt, my dear.

 

1
by ObiJo
9-02-03
Ah, 1906. No highways, no skyscrapers, and best of all, no
wirhling!
SUCK
What the hell are you doing in 1906, assy?
mine is an eternal suck

 

by ObiJo
9-02-03
I don't get it.
It's kind of like the series finale for Star Trek TNG - as they traveled back in time, the rift in spacetime got bigger. So it is for my suck.
Ewwww!
In fact, most of this fine countryside you see behind you compriseth my suck. You're standing on my suck right now.
Am I breathing your suck?
You're breathing my suck.

 

by ObiJo
9-02-03
Wait, if your suck increases with time, how big were you at the beginning of the universe?
In the beginning there was the word, and the word was SUCK.
I can't believe this!
My SUCK runneth over.
I'll jump rope with limpdick before I worship you!
You worship my SUCK with every blade of grass you feel playing between your toes.

 

by ObiJo
9-02-03
AAHHHHH!!! wirthling is God, and I'm squishing him between my toes and his SUCK runneth over and
Sweety, it's okay! It's okay. You're just having a nightmare. Here, let me get up and get you a glass of water.
Don't turn on the light! I know how this shit goes down!
What?
You're going to be him!
Don't be silly.

 

by ObiJo
9-02-03
CLICK
See, I told you I'm not him.
Where are you?
Are you hiding under the bed?
What if I am?

 

6
by ObiJo
9-02-03
Okay, I'm coming out, but give me a 5 minute head start before you start sucking.
Oh god no.
Hey, you really AREN'T him!
OH GOD NOOOOOOOOO!!!!
What a relief.

 

by ObiJo
9-03-03
It says here that you've only written 7 comics in 2003, assy.
I'm busy with fireman stuff. Saving orphans, muzzling wiggaz, that sort of thing.
Muzzling wiggaz?
Yeah.
What the hell's wrong with you?
Wiggaz need muzzling too!

 

by ObiJo
9-03-03
gabe and I have copyrighted the word assy.
assy © obi and gabe 2003
If you use it without our permission, we'll fuckin cut ya.
From tit to tit.
Tit to tit? That's not very much cutting.
I take the long route.

 

by ObiJo
9-03-03
You know what we should do, obi, my man?
Jab wirthling's floating head onto the end of a stick and play "How many whacks does it take to knock down this brick wall with a stick"?
Can't. The world's running out of sticks.
Oh yeah, forgot.
Let's start a gang and go around stomping the shit out of unauthorized "assy" users!
Tit to tit, baby!

 

by ObiJo
9-03-03
Excuse me, could you help me read this letter?
Letter? It's just a piece of paper with one big word scrawled on it.
And what would that word be?
*STOMP STOMP*
Assy... OWWWWW!!!!
*STOMP STOMP*

 

by ObiJo
9-03-03
Why do you always put your arms up like that whenver you're stomping someone's ass?
Like what?
Like this! Like it'll kill you to get your hands dirty!
Hey, you do that too!
Yeah, but if get MY hands dirty my wife WILL kill me.
Just stomp her ass too!

 

by ObiJo
9-05-03
Oh Phillip is it really you!
It is, Clara! I was a fool! You can't marry Joseph! I DO love you and I'll never let you out of my sight again!
Julie! Julie, I found you! I'm so sorry! I know you'd never cheat on me! I was just blinded by jealousy! I love you! There! I finally said it! I LOVE YOU!
SHHHHHH!!!!
I think Phillip's about to propose.

 

by ObiJo
9-06-03
There you are, Bill! I couldn't find my contacts and I've been swimming in circles all day! It's an absolute miracle I haven't been eaten by that pussy-ass shark.
KNOCK KNOCK
Can I help you?
I accidentally threw my frisbee over your fence.
Let me go check.
It's shaped like a small korean boy and likely telling some OUTRAGEOUS lies.

 

by ObiJo
9-07-03
Hey! Great party last night, huh?
Not for you, man. You slept with Karen.
Karen?
And her brother Rick.
Oh christ.
Liquor, man. The great emulsifier.

 

by ObiJo
9-08-03
Sweety, there's something I have to tell you. But first I want you to know that I love you and I will always love you. That will never change, okay? Chris... you're adopted.
OH thank god.
I was really starting to worry!
I'm gonna go call my friends.

 

by ObiJo
9-08-03
Little shit.

 

by ObiJo
9-08-03
YOUR REAL PARENTS WERE CRACKWHORES!
YOU HEAR ME, YOU LITTLE CRACKMUTT?

 

by ObiJo
9-08-03
Mommy?
...so go ahead and be glad you aren't related to me...
What is it?
Can I be adopted too?
From now on, no talking to crackmutt.

 

by ObiJo
9-08-03
Crackmutt, I'd say it was about time you and I had ourselves a little reckonin'.
Sorry I ran away so fast. I couldn't wait to get on the phone and tell all my friends you still love me! I was so worried!
YEAH the bitch bought it.
Dude, like I've been saying, there's something wrong with that genome.

 

by ObiJo
9-08-03
Crackmutt, stop hitting your sister.
She's not my sister, remember?
Then at least work the body more.

 

by ObiJo
9-09-03
God I hate you.

 

by ObiJo
9-10-03
And I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for those meddling kids.
And that dog.

 

by ObiJo
9-10-03
You're all a bunch of fucking slaves! You hear me??? SLAVES!!!!
I feel happy.

 

by ObiJo
9-10-03
So since we can sense an apple, that means we're both on the same plane, and if we are, I can influence it using only my mind! Do you understand?
I understand.
Think that towel's on a little tight.
But understand.

 

by ObiJo
9-10-03
I HAVE KILLED THE SCARECROW!

 

by ObiJo
9-10-03
Leading off the news tonight - a crazed gunman climbed onto a JC Penny's roof and started shooting at passerbys with a sniper rifle.
Twenty-three people were killed and twenty more injured, at least seven critically.
The gunman got away and police are still trying to figure just what could have motivated such senseless violence.
My thighs were chafing.

 

by ObiJo
9-10-03
What up, crackmutt?
Crackmutt?
The creator used that word a couple of comics back. It stuck in my head.
Creator?
Yeah, the creator. Can't you see him? He's sitting right there with his legs propped up on his desk typing this comic.
Benny, you really need a vacation.

 

by ObiJo
9-11-03
I think this is just what we needed.
No work, no school, just unfettered freedom as we cross the Caribbean.
Sorry I've been cranky lately. Rich has really been riding me at work.
Well, no Rich here. Just us and the ocean.
Ah.
Relaxing.

 

by ObiJo
9-12-03
Yo Ho Ho HO, a pirate's life for me.
Yo Ho Ho HO, I hope they saw that flare.

 

by ObiJo
9-12-03
Guess who's back
Back again
Obi's back
Tell a friend
Obi's back.
FUCK!!!

 

by ObiJo
9-12-03
*cough cough cough* Could you get me a glass of water?
*yawn* Okay.
Click
HOLY SHIT!!! HOBO CHICKEN!!!
ROARRRR!!!!
SUDDENLY!!!!
Good to meet you.
You too.

 

by ObiJo
9-12-03
Do you think I have a drinking problem?
You're gay with it.
Do you think I'm stuckup?
You're gay with it.
Do you
Gay with it.

 

by ObiJo
9-13-03
LED ZEPPELIN!
Led
Led
Led
LED ZEPPELIN!
Did you even read the rules of this contest?

 

by ObiJo
9-13-03
Hey, that was great. Thanks for the booty call.
Don't say it.
I was surprised. After last time, you said you'd never call me again.
Don't say it.
Anyways, I gotta get going. See you later. PENIS: 1, VAGINA: 0!
I'm not calling you again.

 

by ObiJo
9-14-03
Living in the moment.
Living in the past.
Living in the moment.

 

by ObiJo
9-14-03
Let us pray. Heavenly father,
G-man,
You are all things.
You da man!
By let *us* pray, I meant let *me* pray.
We pray, I pray, G-man. You da man!

 

by ObiJo
9-15-03
On every Hallow's Eve, we gather here and await their coming.
They'll grip and claw their way from the ground and when they do, we'll be here.
And then we boogie!
Oh how we boogie!

 

by ObiJo
9-15-03
I think I'll keep this one.
Put it under the tree.
I think I'll keep it.
Put it.

 

by ObiJo
9-15-03
I'm a pirate!
I'm a policeman!
K, let's switch back.
Oops.

 

by ObiJo
9-15-03
Do I have something in my teeth?
You're gay with it.
Could you tell me what time it is?
Half past you're, quarter to gay with it.
Well if it isn't
Mr. Gay with it.

 

by ObiJo
9-17-03
Scientists across the land are coming together, desperate to figure out the mystery of hdb...
Housing and Development Board?
No, no, no. hdb indicates the primary slave drive of your computer.
hdb measures the spaciousness of apartments in Korea.
Hey Dogbert!
Meanwhile, on campuses everywhere...
Police! Open up!
Hide da beer!

 

by ObiJo
9-17-03
Do you follow football?
I'm gay with it.
Did you see that play wh
Not really.
You don't follow football?
I'm not really gay.

 

by ObiJo
9-17-03
She gay wif it.
You gay wif it.
We all gay wif it!
Even muskelman Lou Frigno?
Gay wif it!
!!GASP!!

 

by ObiJo
9-17-03
I'm a mad scientist and gay with it.
I'm his creation and likewise gay with it.
You know us.
We gay wif it!
RAAAARRRR!!!!!
Damn you Hulk, and damn you Gamma radiation. But GOD BLESS gay with it!

 

by ObiJo
9-17-03
I feewing less than gay wif it today.
!!GASP!!
I kid! I still gay wif it!
!!GASP!!
No, weally. I kid.
!!GASP!!

 

by ObiJo
9-17-03
No.
No.
No one's diggin my message.
RAAAAARRRR!!!!

Showing page 27.

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