All comics by brycekain

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by brycekain
11-19-16
Try new Bigly Spearmint Gum.
Or we deport your whole family.
To the bodega!

 

by brycekain
11-19-16
Open up! We got word that some undocumented Muslims are in there. If you don't surrender them now we will be forced to send Mike Pence in there.
Operation Mud Pump is a go!
Lube or no lube?

 

by brycekain
11-24-16
Attention, Alt-Shoppers. Bargains start on aisle 5 where you'll find all the guns. Don't worry. They're easy to find next to the lumber and gasoline section...
Shit, it's White Friday!
Welcome to Alt-Right Burger, where all our cows are humanely gassed for non-violent consumption. May I take your order?
Hold on. Let's see. Not sure if I want to go with the Anti-Monkey Bread or the Fuck Jewsburger.
OH GOD! SAY IT AGAIN! SAY IT AGAIN!
HITLER WAS A SUPERIOR SPECIMEN OF MAN AND DONALD TRUMP IS HIS LOVE CHI- UUUUGGGHHH.... what a world........ what a world.......

 

by brycekain
12-06-16
*sniff* Did I make another universe?

 

by brycekain
12-11-16
F*****!!!!!!! F*****!!!!!!! F*****!!!!!!!
Jan Brady! Where did you learn such a word?
Cindy was chanting it at the last Trump rally.

 

by brycekain
12-11-16
Your dick fell off.
Krokodil is a helluva drug.

 

by brycekain
12-14-16
Hey, mister, is this the line to see Santa Claus?
Yup.
Wow. I'm going to see Saint Nick. I wonder if he'll be jolly like they say? Should I ask him for a toy? Or maybe a new backpack? Oooh! I can't decide!
Say, what are you going to ask him for?
To stop screwing my hamster.

 

by brycekain
12-14-16
He sees you when you're sleeping...
He knows when you're awake...
He knows you've got the Hershey squirts, but wants a Yule log anyway...

 

by brycekain
12-14-16
WEEEE!!!!

 

by brycekain
12-25-16
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas...
So can you, like, deport all the brown people...?
Sir, the very idea of singling out a group of individuals just because they were born different than you is appalling!
What if I made you Secretary of the Interior?
I ain't no queer.

 

by brycekain
4-20-17
Where the hell have you been?
No one cares.
Actually, you're right.
Dick.

 

by brycekain
4-24-17
What did you bring me to read today, neighbor?
Well I was going to give you Trump's new book "How to Be Rich," but I'm having second thoughts.
Why is that?
Chapter One: Are you me? No? Then you suck. #SAD Chapter Two: Have a rich dad. Period. Chapter Three: On the following pages, use the tools I gave you for creative meditation.
Well, that chapter doesn't sound so bad...
The rest is just a fucking coloring book.

 

by brycekain
4-28-17
But Kate, dost thou understand thus much English? Canst thou love me?
I cannot tell.
Can any of your neighbours tell, Kate? I'll ask them.
That bitch sucked so many dicks her HMO won't even cover her.

 

by brycekain
4-30-17
Jesus Christ, I'm fucking high.
How high are you?
High enough to believe this background is a haunted house instead of a neon dildo sticking out of a poop.

 

by brycekain
5-21-17
Ms. Kardashian, thank you for coming in on such short notice to interview for Director of Communication.
Didn't you give that job to a spice rack or something?
*ZIP!*
Sean Spicer, but... wait, what are you doing?
Getting ready to be interviewed.
Um, yeah. That isn't going work unless you have a penis.
Funny you should mention that, Mr. Vice President...

 

by brycekain
5-30-17
You know I would have voted for Obama a 3rd time if I could...
FUCK YOU, HONKY! I'VE SEEN THAT MOVIE BEFORE!

 

by brycekain
5-30-17
*CRUNCH!*
It's official.
Ai.
The new Grand Theft Auto is out.
Ya mean it wasn't me playin' mah bag pipes that distracted the drivers?
Heavens no. Listening to shrieking squeals from a farm animal skin sack is always a fucking delight!

 

by brycekain
6-15-17
And it feeeels...
And it feeeels... like...
Heaven is so far away...
Not THAT far away according to these readings.

 

by brycekain
6-15-17
Says here when ya get to the nearest tombstone... fart...
I did not say shit your pants, pardner.

 

by brycekain
6-15-17
I've come to ask for your hand in marriage.
You're fucking kidding me, right?
Zombie hand fetish? It's a thing. Like, swearsies.

 

When I said I wanted to do a cancer chick in the dumper, this isn't what I had in mind...
by brycekain, 6-26-17

 

by brycekain
1-26-18
Hey, did you hear BryceKain is back?
Nope.
Yeah, no one really gives a shit either, so I'm hoping the Rectal Probulator 5000XBWTF©®™ will make for more stimulating conversation.
Is that bacon poop I smell?

 

by brycekain
1-26-18
What are you up to?
Oh just reading a fascinating article about the anatomy and the mating habits of all us dinosaurs.
Uh, ok...?
It's beautiful. I'm now more in touch with my biological instincts. I know about my cloaca and why I like to watch other dominant dinosaurs use their bone to impregnate my wife.
So you're now you're a cuck?
I'm not sure. I blacked out after jerking off to a bird's butthole.

 

by brycekain
2-07-18
My liege, I remain vexed. Thy attention never gazes upon me and I dare not speaketh the infernal nature of my inner cravings to devour your every expression...
...for thou art of noble character and yet thine immissions flow like radiant supernovas into my open and awaiting vessel.
Are you eating my farts?
*gulp!*

 

by brycekain
2-10-18
When I bought you from Farmer Bill I didn't know he named you "Motherfucker." That just simply won't do for a good Christian household like ours.
buck-buck-buck
Hey I know! I'll have you baptized. And I think your new Christian name should be MoFu. How does that sound little guy?
buck-buck-buck
By the way... why DID he call you "motherfucker" anyway?
cuc-KOLD!

 

by brycekain
2-10-18
On vacation...
So I says to Congress I says you better give tax cuts to the rich or ELSE! Know what they did...? BOOM! Caved like a coalmine on a bunch of peasants...
HAHAHA!!
On the road...
So I says to Congress I says you BETTER build that wall or ELSE! And ya know what they did...? BOOM! Crumbled faster than I can get pussy!
HAHAHA!!
At home...
HAHAHA!!
....but Congress said it was a GROW-er not a SHOW-er...

 

by brycekain
2-15-18
Here?
No.... no, I don't think so...
Here?
No... although something about this does seem familiar...
Here?
Yes! This is it! This is DEFINITELY where I gave you the aids.

 

by brycekain
2-15-18
No.
PSSST....
No. Go away. You're not real.
HEEEEEEY....
WHAT?!?
De-tachable peeeeeeee-nissss...

 

by brycekain
2-15-18
Now look, you may be married to my sister, but we have standards here and you will abide by them.
Rules. Big rules. Important rules. You've almost got better rules than I do. I have the best rules.
Hey, pal, I'm not kidding. Potus or not, you will refrain from making any racist remarks, grabbing anyone by their genitals, or hitting on anyone's wife. Ya got me?
Got it. No talking about the chocolate people in your wife's vagina. Is that the bathroom over there?
I fucking hate Russia right now.
I SWEAR THIS IS COMPLETELY BY ACCIDENT!

 

by brycekain
2-16-18
Ow!
Oh gawd, I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do?
YEAH! TAKE THE DILDO OUT OF MY ASS!!
Wait, what? But your...... your body is on the floor......
In that case, shove it in deeper.
I'll never understand experimental theater.

 

by brycekain
2-16-18
Hey honey, guess what? The Walking Dead will be coming back soon.
Did they kill that loud mouth asshole in the stupid outfit yet?
You know who I mean, right? That dickhead with a stupid name that just loves talking shit and thinks he knows everything?
*sigh* No, Carl isn't dead yet.
See? This is why we never fuck.

 

by brycekain
2-18-18
Roadhouse.

 

by brycekain
2-19-18
You know, I've been thinking about this for a while: You don't think contest winners are picked by favoritism, do you?
You mean "clique mentality"?
What do you mean?
Like if someone doesn't like you they pick someone else instead of basing the final results on merit? I don't see how that could ever possibly happen here.
No.
Not at all.

 

by brycekain
2-20-18
I overheard Father O'Malley teaching sex ed class today and I'm worried. He said something about oral sex being a form of cannibalism!
Hold on, let me try...
Dear Diary... today I learned what "baby gravy" is...

 

by brycekain
2-20-18
Look at it, Dan, gold gold gold as far as the eye can see...
This BETTER be gold. I put a LOT of money into your hands and it BETTER deliver!
Behold this plethora of Donald Trump tweets. We're going to corner a market by selling them to the Donald Trump presidential library!
Ok....? Hmmm... Ok, I think I understand. Well this looks promising. We'll just charge per tweet and we'll make millions! Have you added up the total on how much we're going to make?
Not yet. I still have to sift through this pile and take out all the racist ones.
Welp, we're fucked.

 

by brycekain
2-20-18
You've heard of the 8 Dwarves, right?
Sneezy, Bashful, Sleepy, Happy, Grumpy, Doc, Dopey...and Jeff Sessions...
Uppity.
BITCHES BETTER STOP SELLIN' DAT THAR DEVIL LETTUCE!

 

by brycekain
2-20-18
You starin' at my tits?
No, I have back problems.
You starin' at my tits?
No, I have back problems.
You starin' at my tits?
Yes.

 

by brycekain
2-20-18
I heard that there's going to be more sensitivity training for the police force. How does that make you feel?
Sorry about that.
Did you put a squeegee in my ass??

 

by brycekain
2-20-18
What did the lobotomist say to the patient?
I don't remember...

 

by brycekain
2-20-18
At last! I've waited so long for you to arrive! I've never had my own Pokemon before! What are you called?
GERBIL-SAURUS!
What kind of a name is-- AAAAAAAHH!!!
That's the last time I borrow anything from Richard Gere.

 

by brycekain
2-20-18
I will never do bukkaki again...

 

by brycekain
2-20-18
What?
Bitch, why ain't they defringed your sorry ass yet?

 

by brycekain
2-20-18
GIVE ME AN A! GIVE ME AN N! GIVE ME AN A! GIVE ME AN L!
GIVE ME A Y!! GIVE ME A Z!! GIVE ME AN E!!
Fuckin' perverts.
OK, WHO ON CAMPUS HAVEN'T I FUCKED?

 

STOP STARING AT MY ASS!
by brycekain, 2-21-18

 

by brycekain
2-21-18
You don't think it's because we sit on our asses all day making comics on your website, do you?
Fuuuuuuuck yooooou...

 

by brycekain
2-21-18
Bitch, why you got front butt?

 

by brycekain
2-21-18
Still can't believe this dumb ass has 37 followers.

 

by brycekain
2-21-18
Fartzilla

 

by brycekain
2-22-18
Drilling for oil?
Bringing back coal?
Proceed with the invasion of Earth, sir?
Negatory Ghost Rider, we don't invade shithole planets.

 

by brycekain
3-13-18
So I heard you won the lowery.
Lottery. And yup. I'm a rich man, now.
I suppose you'll be wanting Orel again, huh?
You know it.
HONEY! You've been masturbating to Adult Swim for 5 DAYS now!!
I think my penis is stuck to my kidneys!

Showing page 28.

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