All comics by Barf2

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by Barf2
7-03-04
Excuuuuse me, sir. Have you seen a bird anywhere? Large? Tall? Skinny? Purple--NO BLUE! Fast? Runz lots?! Yeah, yeah?
Ha. Ha, ha, ha. Funny dog. Say funny things, dog does. Ha. Ha. El, oh, el.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! GAH! Dude, I'm looking for a bird--bird, bird, bird! Gah! Tall! Skinny! Gah! ROAD! Gah! RUNNER!
I not see bird. I see life. I see life equal to me. I see life run by ver' fast down road. I see.
WHOOOOOOAAAAAA!!!
Funny dog.

 

by Barf2
7-03-04
Excuse me, I'm lookin' for... Mike! MIKE! Mah son!
Dad...? Dad! DAD!!!
Ha. Ha. Funny girl. Say funny things, girl does. Ha. Ha.
Jawbreakers are good anal beads, kids! And... who the hell is this monk?
So what is the lord blessing you with these days...?
She rescued me from the devil's stomach... That was because I helped her to find an evil clown's only weakness... That was a long time ago though.

 

by Barf2
7-03-04
'Scuse me. 'Scuse me, Mister Bitch. Come to safety. Get out of the blast zone, we must.
DIE FOR ALLAH! I AM THE TERMINATOR-TX2!!!
No oh! No oh! Run, Mike! Mike, run! Delude TX, I must.
Meanwhile...
Oh no! The missiles are being launched!

 

by Barf2
7-03-04
The End

 

by Barf2
7-03-04
I'm fine today... I woke up with a boner, but that's no different from any other wake-up. Although, I didn't sleep as much as I usually.
I had a weird dream... In the dream I was temped to have sex with this weird girl... but I didn't!
I think it's all gonna go downhill from here.

 

by Barf2
7-03-04
Fuck! I had another orgasm...
I suck at this...
Alright, with any luck at all I can get to Day #1 in 24 hours.

 

by Barf2
7-04-04
One day at Mickey Dees...
Well, 'ello thar. Welcome ta Mickeh Dees. Whawt's yo'r order then, chap?
Yo, wassup du'. I'm not here to eat, I need some intell'. Any blues come in here?
Blues...? Like sad people?
Nah, bitch, I'm talkin' 'bout the motha'fuckin' crips!
...shit...
Yo, this is Blood territory now, dog. Recognize.

 

by Barf2
7-04-04
Uh, sir... I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
Hey yo... I'll be back wit' da crew.
Meanwhile, across the street...
Shit... You can't be wearing those threads up in here. Don't you know where you at, cracker?
Yo shut up, dog. Crips runs the shit here.
What are you talkn' 'bout, white-trash?

 

by Barf2
7-04-04
What the fuck do we got here?
Shit, shit, shit... Surrounded by Bloods. The fuck am I gonna do?!
This bum thinks Crips own these streets. I'ma take his white-ass around back and shoot him in the dick.
Meanwhile on the other side of town...
Homeboy's in trouble!
Oh shnap... I dun told that whitey to stay away from south-side.

 

by Barf2
7-04-04
Ten minutes later...
Hey-hey-heeeey! What's rockin'?
That's right, cracker! No more dick for you! Say good-bye to it! 5... 4... 3... 2...
...oh my...
Wha'ts rockin'...? You and me on a bed in about four minutes. Huh?
I'll tell you what... You run down to the drugstore and buy some condoms and my ass will be yours for the "rockin'."
Hell yeah, biatch! I be back in ten minutes!

 

by Barf2
7-04-04
I don't see what's so bad about those guys... They seem nice.
Whoa, whoa, whoa... The guy sexually harrassed you, and he was about to shoot my penis off!
Whatever, Homeboy. I think the Bloods are sweet.
Oh my god...
'Sides... You just miswear your gear... Maybe if you wore shit that matches your homies...
Excuse me, but did you just call the Bloods my "homies...?" I'm a Crip--to the core--and so are you, Pamela!

 

by Barf2
7-04-04
Later at the house...
Homeboy, I have something to tell you... You're not a "to the core" Crip.
What the fuck does that mean?
Mom and Dad were bloods, Homeboy. You're birthright is in the Bloods.
No! No, I don't believe it!
Bloods blood fills your veins! You can't deny it!
NOOOOOOOOO!!!

 

by Barf2
7-04-04
Why must life play games with me...? Why can't someone just tell me who I am?!
Who I am... Who I am? I'm... I'm a Blood.
Hear that, world? I'm a Blood, and there's nothing you can do to change it!
We could role you up and smoke yo bitchass like a blunt!

 

by Barf2
7-04-04
Alriiiiiiiiight! I submitted the last of your dumbass gangsta homegirl comics! Can I leave now?!
Did you submit the one where Pamela has wild sex with the Bloods?
Uh... No... I haven't got around to that yet.
Then you can not leave! Get back the fuck to work, slave!

 

by Barf2
7-04-04
I think I got it completely under control. I have no urge to see boobies, nothing like that... I got control now.
I've gone to (as you can see) a place of happiness... The epicenter of goodness.
This is definitely a good feeling.

 

by Barf2
7-04-04
You're in a position to gather some knowledge... Shut the fuck up and listen in, you may walk away with some intell'. We present, Candy & Sandy...
Hey, I'm Sandy.
Whad up bitches; name's Candy.
Life under a money-whoring Republican government...
...life in a society where people judge others by their size, shape, and/or color...
...life in a world where people will behead innocents to get their way...
...life is harsh. And we've got some shit to say. So, catch ya' next week!

 

by Barf2
7-04-04
Suddenly I feel very bored and very weak...
I guess this is the globally-known sign of tiredness; but there's an aching feeling of emptiness deep within the deepest pit of my brain.
I think this is because I've got tons of great ideas for animations, comics, and stories... but I, for some reason, can't bare to work on the shit! Well... At least I'm not horny.

 

by Barf2
7-04-04
Smilies are loads of fun! But you have to do them correctly!
Yeah! You see, (.)(.) is a common mistake for: (.Y.)
Yeah. And although people keep using the old boring smilies like, :) - :( - :D...
...doesn't mean there are millions more to be developed!
For example, the pussy smilie: (i)
Wheeeeee!

 

by Barf2
7-04-04
I've reached Day #1!
I totally got this under control.
Yup...

 

by Barf2
7-04-04
Somewhere near the Nevada salt plains...
They're coming for me so I must be brief...
No, I'm not hungry. Anyways, listen... There's a dark power at work!
DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUN!!!
That's quite enough, old man! You're coming with us!

 

by Barf2
7-04-04
Later that day...
So then some suits came and took him away?
Yeah. I don't know what to do...
Well golly, it's not rocket science. Just go find the dark power.
It's not that simple!
Alright... I know a "source..." She's been helping me out of jams and into jams for years... Go see her. Her address is 666 Satan's Lane, in New York.
M'kay. Thanks.

 

by Barf2
7-04-04
Later, in New York...
This must be the place... *Ahem* HELLO?! ANYBODY HOME?!?!?!
Yeah, come in... Door's unlocked...!
Uh... Hi... A friend of mine told me that you might be able to help me...
Yes, you're looking for the dark power, are you not?
Yes, I am. Can you help me?!
Nope.

 

by Barf2
7-04-04
Ah well... I did my best, and that's all anyone can expect from me...
Hey there, li'l monkey person. Name's Clinton. Bill Clinton. How are you this fine New York evening?
My balls itch, and my anu--BILL CLINTON?! Dude, can you help me find the dark power?
The dark power... Oh my... Well, yes I can. You must follow me!
TO THE BAT-CAVE!

 

by Barf2
7-04-04
This here's my house... Excuse me, I gotta go tinkle.
Wow... Pretty small place for an ex-president.
DUN DUN DUUUUUUN!!!
Hi, I'm Pamela.
Well hey there! Want some of my banana?

 

by Barf2
7-04-04
Alright... Now that my tinkle-tinkle's done... Monkey person, meet America's hero: General America!
General America... Uh... Okaaaaay...
...the fuck...?
And his sidekick: Woman!
Now that we've got our super-hero gear on, let's go find that dark force or whatever!
This is pretty fucked up right here.

 

by Barf2
7-04-04
Now we cut back to the old short guy...
LET ME OUT OF HERE!
Brother?!
Yes... Muhahahaha! It is I, your brother, who is leading the dark power to victory!
YOU FIEND!
Don't act so surprised, man. Now excuse me, I have some dark power to lead.

 

by Barf2
7-04-04
The missiles were launched... in a few minutes the Earth was reduced to thousands of miles of ash-plains...
All human life was destroyed... except for the most unlikely of creatures...
A bitch...
Ah man, what happened...?

 

by Barf2
7-04-04
Oh my god... They're all dead... Every last one of 'em... My dad, my friends, Candy, Sandy... All gone...
:: INTERMISSION ::
No we're not!
So spill your pepsi comfortably, knowing that we're okie-dokie!
I gotta do something, before all of this oxygen released off Earth when the atmosphere was eradicated... um... goes away into the vacuum of teh space.

 

by Barf2
7-05-04
Months of drifting along with the oxygen remains, Mike came upon the moon... the only familiar place left.
Just a little closer...
Ah... The moon... Well, I guess I could go find the moonlander site.
Days and days go by, and Mike hadn't found the site yet. Luckily, though, the oxygen wrapped around the moons' gravitational pull.
God dammit! I knew it was a fuckin' lie! I'm gonna die...

 

by Barf2
7-05-04
I guess I'll have to wait for the solar winds to cook me like butter in a microwave...
What the fuck?!
Halt, Earth human! What are you doing on my world? We had a deal, no humans are to set foot on our planet!
What in the motherfucking hell are you babbling about, fuckwad?
Your leader... Nixon... He said that he'd keep humans off the moon.

 

by Barf2
7-05-04
LISTEN UP YOU LITTLE SHITBAG, MY WHOLE WORLD JUST BLEW UP! SHOW SOME FUCKIN' RESPECT!!!
So that's where that shower of molten lava came from... In any case, I'm sorry, Earth human. Follow me to my colony.
Later, in the depths of the moonanite caves...
My lord, I have brought forth an Earth human.
Is that...
Yeah, over here.

 

by Barf2
7-05-04
What the... are you their leader?
Yeah... I was trying to uncover the "dark power" with General America & Woman when the world blew up... There's also, -->
Rabbit Boy!
Homeboy!
General America!!!
...and Woman!

 

by Barf2
7-05-04
I wonder if Sharkfucker made it out...
Mike is it...? Well, Mike, I'ma need your help. See, we're lookin' for the "dark power."
Oh yeah--uh-huh?
My Super-Hero/Ex-presidential sources told me the dark power is located on the moon!
The plot thickens yet again! For the second time!
Uh... Dark Power? What now?
I need you to help me find it. Roger?

 

by Barf2
7-05-04
Five hundred million years before the Earth blew up...
Bitch, where is my money? You've been late ten times, this is intolerable!
Oh... Uh... Hey, honey... I just--
--Is Rabbit Boy gonna have to stab a hoe?
No-no-no! Please! Okay, I'll get you your money by the end of the day!
You've got four hours to come up with 2K, Candy. Now say, "thank you."
Thank you...

 

by Barf2
7-05-04
Meanwhile...
Earth is gone...? Then where are we?!
'Lo humown. 'Lo. I brung newz from master. Eart'. Eart' went da boom. Iz no more.
Cut to General America...!
Oh my god... Underground water canals... Hmm! My spider-sense tells me that the dark power is at the other end of this canal.
:: INTERMISSION ::
I got an infection from humping the butter machine while it was on.
Which is why you should always hump ketchup bottles instead!

 

by Barf2
7-05-04
It should only take a matter of minutes to get to the other end!
Nanananananaaaaaa!
Holy tarter-sauce!
We are the Dark Power! Cleanse inpure species! Moonanites forever!!!

 

by Barf2
7-05-04
General America here, with my lovely sidekick Woman.
Hi. We'd like to dedicate this comic to all the people who gave their lives to build this nation.
Two-hundred twenty-eight years of truth, justice, corruption, coorperate scandals...
Although the country is doing bad now, with hope we can improve ourselves...
Our hearts go out to the families effected by the events of 9/11, and to all those in the armed forces.
And May Each Republican Inherit Contagious Anal-warts! That's what A.M.E.R.I.C.A stands for.

 

by Barf2
7-05-04
Look kids! It's the Jersey Devil!
Jersey Devil here...
I was just here... in hell... torturing Hitler... When it occured to me: Independence sounds like a word that means "undependable."
P.S: I know the title of this is "Indepence." I meant it to be like that.
Then I thought, "Now, that is dumb."

 

by Barf2
7-05-04
Jon's beautiful house...
Alright, son, I have to go to work. Why, you ask? Because it's my duty to keep the streets clear of rapists, child-molestors, murderers, and poop thieves... Love you, bye.
Later that day...
So you say you were scooping poop when you hear some whispering, and then a shadowy figure takes some of your poop and runs away?
No, I wasn't scooping poop... I was taking a shit when this little kid runs by and takes it!
I'll get right on it. The fee for the inspection is $999.95... Send it to my office.
What the fuck?! Now you listen here, Mr. Agent... I ain't payin' shit!

 

by Barf2
7-05-04
...oh shit...
...oh shit...
FUCK!!!
THERE'S A HUMAN OVER HERE! SOUND THE ALARMS!!!
Why you little shit...
Freeze, Earth Human Intruder... You ain't goin' no wherez, biatch.

 

by Barf2
7-05-04
Agh! The light...!
Get in there Earth Human Intruder!!!
Uh...
Those aliens sure are tricky little guys...
Teh weirdness...
So then... You got captured, obviously, but... who are you?!
Oh yeah--I am General America!

 

by Barf2
7-05-04
Hey, Woman, where's General America?
He went through the cave I was just peering at and he hasn't been back for hours...
You've been staring at that cave for hours...?!
She's teh weird...
And I don't plan on stopping.
Er... Okaaaaay... Wanna go look for him?

 

by Barf2
7-05-04
So, seeing as how you don't have a spacesuit on, and you don't have a spaceship... How'd you survive?
Oh, uh, wehll... I tell ya'... I wuz just sittin' on my uh-hill dehr... Whin awll uva sudden...
YAAAAAAWN!
BOOOOOOM!!! An' den I woke up on da moon here... What about youz?
I'm in a frickin' spacesuit equipted with a jetpack, how the fuck do you think I survived?!

 

by Barf2
7-05-04
CAPTAIN AMEEERICAAAA?!
Did you find him yet?!
Huh? Oh, Woman, you... No, I haven't. We should get back inside though, the oxygen is starting to wear thin.
Mike's smart.
NO! I won't find him by going back inside!
Alright... Well, let's try goin' into the cave that you said he disappeared into.

 

by Barf2
7-06-04
Later, they went through the cave...
Whooooaaaa... so this is where he went to.
It's a water canal... Let's follow it!
I better change into my swimsuit then! Ahhh...
Oh. My. God. You are so fucking hot. Wanna fuck?
I can't believe that greacey pig just asked me if I wanted to fuck him... Although, I am a bit horny...
Er--no. Never mind, I'm sorry, ma'm. Let's get going.

 

by Barf2
7-06-04
After they got through the water canal...
His ass is so hot.
Moonanites... of course! They're the dark force!
Oh yes... Ah, keep talkin' baby... Oh yes! YES! YEEESS!!! OH MY...!
We'll have to sneak through them. I'm guessing General America's in one of those caves with the cell doors over them. Let's go!
Five minutes later...
General America...? You in there?
By the gong of the libery bell, yes! I am here!

 

by Barf2
7-06-04
Later, after they get Gen. America and the Old guy out...
So, uh... Then, they, uh... Well... Uh... You've got great boo--no!
You okay, General America? What happened to you?
*ahem* Woman, it is part of your sidekick duties to pleasure me. Now start pleasuring, Woman!
Well, I am still REALLY horny.
Holy fuckin' shit! YES!!!
You better saddle up for the ride of your life!

 

by Barf2
7-06-04
Freeze, Earth humans...
Oh yeah, spank me big daddy! OH YES!!! I LOVE YOU GENIRAL AMERICAAAAAAA!!! Ah...
RED LIGHT, FOR CHRISTS' SAKE!!!
Oh shit... Oh yes! Fuck me harder, Woman! HARDER! HAARDDDEEEER! AHHHH... Ahhhh...
Dude, you should ask to join them. No, that's gross! No it's not! God dammit, just take them to the execution...
Uh... Yeeeaaah... Give us five more minutes?

 

by Barf2
7-06-04
Why buy food or soda when you can get a refreshing blowjob from the hoe loitering outside the cinema?
Intermission time is also good time to go fuck your date in the bathrooms.
I once got buttfucked by a guy in a theater. People thought I was just sitting on his lap...
I once bought a strap-on and fucked a girl in her ass in a theater.
Oh yeah... That's where I met you.
I remember now...

 

by Barf2
7-07-04
Ooooooooh shit...
Ooooooooh shit...
Mike, I'll create a diversion while you escape to the surface! Find a way to save us, Mike! You're our last hope!
God dammit... Why's it always me who has to save the world...?
Hey you ugly green shitballs! Come get me! I'm over here!

Showing page 3.

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