All comics by BlackAlice

Profile

 

by BlackAlice
5-16-03
and Alice lends a hand.

 

by BlackAlice
5-25-03
What's up Alice?
I'm bored.
O' why is that?
Everything is just so..
dead around here.

 

by BlackAlice
5-25-03
I've decided to kill myself
O?
can I borrow your nails?
Sure here you go oops!
*sigh*
So this is what being dead is like is it? Somehow I expected more.

 

by BlackAlice
5-25-03
Marcus get up the doctor says you're not dead.
Then why do I have a death certificate?
I wrote that..
in crayon.

 

by BlackAlice
5-25-03
This is Mike and Ruth
Hello!
Hi!
Mike and Ruth are really nice people we go to their house on Saturdays and play computer games, RPG's and so forth..
Would you like a drink guys?
I'm getting a new bag puss aren't I Mikey?
Unfourtunately they're not really funny and that presents problems when making a comic.

 

by BlackAlice
5-27-03
Alice I don't think it was very nice the way you erased me and Ruth like that.
I wasn't impressed at all Mikey.

 

by BlackAlice
5-28-03
Take us to your leader!
Us? There's only one of you.
Take I to your leader.
I is the nominative you need the accusative.
No inteligent life on planet.

 

by BlackAlice
5-28-03
Surrender Earthling!
It's finaly happened I've gone completely mad.
"A stickman with action poses." Shut up Marcus.
You're not going to believe this but I saw an Alien today.
If you think that's bad I saw an Alien, a talking stickman and I'm dressed as a halloween witch!

 

by BlackAlice
5-28-03
I am an Alien from the planet Bob prepare to be ridiculed for your inferior technology!
At least I'm not green!
What is wrong with green?
Do you have to keep touching yourself like that?
You only have windows 98 that is backward technology even for your backward species.
And how old are those shorts?

 

by BlackAlice
5-28-03
I have a ray gun in my pocket!
I bet you do the way you keep rubbing it!
Do you wish to be zapped?
Maybe?
It is quite painful you know.
I'm a big girl.

 

by BlackAlice
5-28-03
FEAR ME!
Why?
Because I'm a big scary alien.
The only thing scary about you is where you keep putting your hands.
So you fear the mighty ray gun?!
That feels good, do it again! do it again!

 

by BlackAlice
5-28-03
Enough you will subject to the might of planet Bob!
Planet Bob?
Yes mighty planet Bob with much superior gaming technology than this planet Dirt!
I've still got a Commodore 64, wanna play?
But but all those wavy lines and that noise as it loads slowly and tediously from a tape!
So that's a no then?

 

by BlackAlice
6-13-03
Stop staring at my chest!
I can't help it.
Somehow this is funnier if I don't say anything.

 

by BlackAlice
6-13-03
So now you've ended it with the hot American girl for a date with a complete stranger.
Yep.
How does that make sense?
In case you haven't noticed America is further away than Derby.
I guess that makes sense. Still what I want to know is when will someone date me?
O' that's easy, never.

 

by BlackAlice
12-05-03
Well I say new but it's been months already but new to you as this comic seriously needed updating.
Say Hi Katy
Hi Katy
This doesn't look anything like me, I'm much prettier.
Somewhere there's a joke that would make this funny.
I want dolls!

 

by BlackAlice
12-05-03
Alice starts work at a sandwich factory.
Right you'll be on hygiene today that means you sweep floors and empty bins, you brought your own broom good.
You'll also need to wear a green hat when working in hygiene.
This comic strip is as boring as my job, well nearly.
I only have black hats.
Well if anyone asks just say it's dark green.

 

by BlackAlice
12-05-03
Today you're in intake
O' the joys of being a temp.
Ok this is bread holding here we have lots of bread we load bread on to trolleys.
Be still my beating heart.
That's it!

 

by BlackAlice
12-05-03
I want dolls!
Why can't I have dolls?
YaY dolls!

 

by BlackAlice
12-28-03
So you're an engineer then?
Yep.
My dad's an engineer. He designs trains. What do you do?
Well if something don't work I hit it with me ammer.
And the crowbar is for?
Sometimes we go housebreaking after hours.

 

by BlackAlice
12-28-03
Bad music playing in the background.
So what happens when just hitting stuff with your hammer doesn't fix it?
Well then we just get James to fix it.
more bad music.
And is James an engineer?
Well not officially.
o' dear it just got worse.
Why not officially?
He doesn't have an ammer.

 

by BlackAlice
12-28-03
Well we're late and no-one else is here.
There's a suprise. I mean the us being late part.
Hello sorry I'm late can't stay long.
Hello sorry I'm even later but don't worry I'll out stay my welcome.
Well a better turn out than last time.
There were no dolls in this strip, that's sad.

 

by BlackAlice
3-26-04
Now I want you to go to the shops for me.
Every Friday I do a couple of hours helping out my nan and she gives me £20. Not bad huh?
Now I want me magazines and a couple of yogurts and..
Ok.
POLYGRIP.
You don't pay me enough.

 

by BlackAlice
3-26-04
You're 24 that is so like old.
Yeah and you know what old witches do to little girls?
What?
Well in your case FUCK THEM!
Can't we just play with dolls?
Where's a wall when I need one to bang my head against?

 

by BlackAlice
4-24-04
On my way to work I often walk past this mad woman selling guns that blow bubbles. She always says the same thing.
Half price your bubble guns. Get your bubble guns half price.
Excuse me how much are your bubble guns?
They're half price like I said.
But they're always half price. They can't be half price if they're always half price, that would become their normal price and if they're half of that then they're quarter price. Besides half of what?
You don't actually want a bubble gun do you?
No.

 

by BlackAlice
4-30-04
No there's no punchline, I just really want to know.
Before
After

 

by BlackAlice
4-30-04
Penny, age 18, obsession: ABBA
Different location, different time zone and if possible different planet or else this happens.
Katy, age 16, obsession: DOLLS!

 

by BlackAlice
4-30-04
Why is Barbie called Barbie?
Why?
Because she is so hot!
Why is Arnold Schwarzenegger called Barbie?
Um?
He isn't but it's funny.

 

by BlackAlice
5-14-04
Omeds is the one who isn't me.
Have you noticed that most comic strips fail to be funny?
Dont you just meen that you'r comic strips fail two bee funny?
Annoying isn't he?
Well your existence hardly helps.
So you admin it!?
He doesn't actually talk like that but he does type like it.
Your death on the other hand I find hilarious.
That's nuthin. Yestorday I dud a 50mil walk cow that hurd!

 

by BlackAlice
5-14-04
Letss use satelite tecnology to pinpint the igxact position of this fire witch is me.
Or I could stick a Scottish wild cat down my knickers that would be fun too.
It wood take aboat 4 days to walk to Scottland from hear.
If he doesn't shut up soon, I'll have to set myself on fire.
That's alouding a few hours for sleeep.

 

by BlackAlice
5-14-04
Yes you all wanted me back so here I am!
No one wanted you back Marcus. I just missed the nail joke.
Do I have to?
Yes.
You're such a bitch.
Good to have you back Marcus.

 

by BlackAlice
5-15-04
I'm going to a fancy dress party, in drag.
Let's quickly remind ourselves of what Marcus really looks like.
It'll all end in tears.

 

by BlackAlice
5-28-04
Is that you under that beard omeds?
Yes I've come to get my own back for that whole setting me on fire thing.
I shouldn't laugh but hahahahahahaha

 

by BlackAlice
5-28-04
?!!?
You suck at evil laughter.
COMERCIAL BREAK
Dolls are great BUY THEM! No wait don't buy them. I want them. Unless you are buying them for me that would be nice :)
BY ME DOLLS!

 

by BlackAlice
5-28-04
ZAP
izzy wizzy lets get bizzy!
You turned me into a glove puppet?
KAPPOW
Well this sucks!
abracadabra
ALAKAZAM
I like Marcus better than you so I actually think that's an improvement.
Most of the things you like can't be spoken of before 9pm.

 

by BlackAlice
5-28-04
Have we met, only you look familiar?
I don't think so? Wait I'm still a stick man!
ZAP
There that's better.
What Omeds types: p4rrohibituive respondsibitlity shipsgehape gfyrocomspas cowcificaytion...
This letter says the strip is almost over. Quick do something funny!
Ok I'm going to type some long words.

 

by BlackAlice
5-28-04
Comics are easy: Take a gay actor who can't help staring at girls' tits. Add a 16yr old girl obsessed with dolls,
Where's my motivation for this piece?
dolls
an ugly blonde techno nerd who can't type, an incompetent geek who is always banging nails into his head,
I bet I can bore you before you bore me.
Ok let me on that computer and I'll show you something very dull that I keep in my fun folder.
a random asian child just to freak people out and a bitchy Witch who is rapidly running out of friends and there you go; humour is born. Add backgrounds to make it pretty or not.
Boo!
You did that joke already. Be funnier or you're fired!

 

by BlackAlice
5-28-04
How can you say Penny is ugly?
Well it's easier than saying omeds is a moron
um thanks I think
In real life she was further away.
However it's only easier because "omeds is a moron" is 4 words whilst "Penny is ugly" is 3.
Yes I am standing right here!

 

by BlackAlice
5-28-04
You met me once in real life and now I'm in most of your comics.
Yes congratulations you are the new Marcus.
Well in that case I have just one thing to say:
I have action poses and you don't!
Excuse me whilst I find a giant pencil with an eraser on it.

 

by BlackAlice
5-28-04
of course in real life Edward isn't quite so decomposed, not quite.
So you said I remind you of an old friend is that friend Marcus?
No.
Here's who you remind me of.
Edward.
Hi sorry I'm late I had to walk miles to get here, so shall we talk about computers? I know it'll all go over Alice's head but that's ok I've been boring her for as long as either of us can remember.

 

by BlackAlice
5-29-04
Steve a bloke I know from work is first into the house. Next is my computer game mad friend Mike how will he cope without his P.C.? Sorry I mean P.C.s he has 4. He also GMs a lot of RPGs
Hi welcome to bread holding I mean the big brother house, I think we're the first here. Right let's find the lager.
So steve have you ever played D&D?
Then is Marcus, you all know Marcus he's the definition of geek. Then Matthew the gay bad actor.
Isn't it great to be picked for the house?
By our best friend yeah that's really an honour. *looks at you funny*
Then omeds an internet friend and total nerd and to wrap up the boys Joel the goth.
So what did you do in a past life to have the punishment of knowing Alice in this one?
one life is more than enough.

 

by BlackAlice
5-29-04
Natsy the internet owl obsessive with 11 toes. Katy my beautiful doll mad girlfriend.
It made me look like a freak.
Why did you get your 11th toe removed? That's silly!
Penny Katy's abba mad sister. Emily Jane Bronte's ghost
I'm stuck in this dumb house.
Someone give Kate Bush a slap.
Sarah a girl I've barely said 10 words to. And Alice aka me.
Hi.
Hi.

 

by BlackAlice
5-29-04
So do you really think Penny is ugly?
No I think you're really ugly.
That is so cool!
Nice arse.
That Steve is such a cutie. Shame he's straight.

 

by BlackAlice
5-29-04
I would like to nominate my sister Katy for being a complete retard.
I will nominate Steve because he is too normal!
I will nominate Emily Jane Bronte's ghost because I can see right through her.
I would like to nominate Marcus for being a boring little shit.
I shall nominate Steve because he's not my sort of person.
I'm going to nominate Katy because I don't think she likes me.

 

by BlackAlice
5-29-04
I'm going to nominate Alice for being a bitch.
Omeds or Joel? Joel or Omeds? Fuck it I'd rather punch Joel, I'll nominate omeds as I don't want to be stuck in a house with him for weeks on end.
I will vote for Omeds as he's seems so dull.
I shall nominate Omeds because I owe him one for that MSN conversation I had to endure with him, Alice and Penny all talking rubbish at me.
So Steve is the first to be voted out of the big brother house. A nice guy but just too normal to fit in with this lot.
It's too early to stab Alice in the back so I'll nominate Steve as he looks like a moron.
I shall nominate Steve because he is the least likely to play D&D.

 

by BlackAlice
5-30-04
So who do you think is uglier Joel or Omeds?
You do realise Omeds is your best chance for a shag?
I like you, you make me feel better about myself.
Yeah I get that a lot.
Any particular reason for you being in a spacesuit?
Well you beat me to the only school girl uniform.

 

by BlackAlice
5-30-04
So who do you think will win?
Well I don't know but if it plays to form; ME.
Why do I get left talking to the ghost?
Why do I get left talking to the goth?
YAY I don't have to talk to anybody. dolls dolls dolls.

 

by BlackAlice
5-30-04
Lo beautiful
Is that funny?
No
Well this is a comic be funny!
Isn't that usually my line?
That's not funny either try harder.

 

by BlackAlice
5-30-04
You're trying enough for the both of us.
Ok you can stop being funny now.
Well hello.
I'm married.
The best ones always are but in your case I was suprised.
You've known Alice too long haven't you?

 

by BlackAlice
5-30-04
I just perform the lines I'm given.
Yeah badly.
Those guys wear too much black.
Yep.
There's no such thing.

 

by BlackAlice
6-18-04
I think I'm turning into a geek.
Why do you say that?
Well today during my lunch break at work I had a calculator on me and I was trying to find a word that used all the available numbers and I eventually came up with 45177345 which reads as SHELLISH
but then I decided I wanted to know the square root of SHELLISH but the calculator had no square root button so I spent half an hour working out that the square root of SHELLISH is 6721.4095
Nah that doesn't make you a geek. A geek would of worked it out in less time than that.

Showing page 3.

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