All comics by Mocha_Monk

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by Mocha_Monk
1-18-04
Sucks that B couldn't be out and Chloe's leavin, next shot's for him. I mean, my heart goes out for the guy. . .
Fair enough, this is my last one and it should maybe be yours too
Bitch Please. If you're not down to party tonight, I'll go talk to that hot chick over there, i see something in her eyes.
I didn't see your eyes make it that far up her body.
I made it far enough to know she looks strangely familiar . . .
As fucked up as you are, it's probably that exgirlfriend that you and B are always talking about.

 

by Mocha_Monk
1-19-04
What's up sweetheart? You look like you could use a drink.
And it seems like you've had your fill. . .
Oh shit, Naomi? What are you doing here?
I figured the first time things went so well that I had to give it another go. Plus, I found a job.
Dear god, I must be hallucinating, you LIVE here?
You've got it Bucko, it's no dream, otherwise what I'm going to do wouldn't hurt.

 

by Mocha_Monk
1-19-04
And then came the rest of the night. . .

 

by Mocha_Monk
1-19-04
Mornin man, what's up?
Shit, what's up dude? What happened last night?
I dunno, I was talking to some chick and saw you with that Naomi chick. . . she left this morning. . .
Wait, what Naomi? oh shit.
What dude? Did you black out or something? Ha! I made a racial joke.
Unless you're still high I'm going to kick your ass. . .

 

by Mocha_Monk
1-21-04
So, how was a week of being friends with Nate? Your ass hurts, doesn't it?
Wow, those aren't funny when I'm involved. . .Actually I'm trying to figure out whether me maybe sleeping with Naomi was a hallucination, the number in my wallet says no.
Eh, what can I say man, things with women will never be simple.
This is true, speaking of which, you're taking this Chloe leaving thing well
Yeah, you know me, I don't really freak out. Plus, I've been drinking pretty steadily since I dropped her off at the airport.
Wow, I thought that booze smell was me. . .

 

by Mocha_Monk
1-21-04
So while some of you are supposed fans we hear shit from you. However, we do have one who probably deserves a merit badge for readership
She also deserves a merit badge for her milf status. I recall many a time in college when I pictured her naked.
This is true, and she's also way better than we are at motivating us to keep cranking out the new material and show off the funny
Actually, I'm picturing her naked right now. You, by the way, just said cranking.
You know, fuck it, I wanna do her too, and I think, my friend, that I have dibs
Fuck you man, I. . .wait. Didn't we say we were going to double up eventually? Happy Birthday Ami!

 

by Mocha_Monk
1-25-04
This is dumb, this is dumb, this is dumb. . . Oh hi, Naomi.
I found your number in my pants and I was calling to ask what hap. . . . yeah. . . ok. . . tommorow at noon, sure. Bye.
Methinks that this will not end well. . .

 

by Mocha_Monk
1-25-04
Yeah, hey, and I just wanna aplogize for. . . i mean, i was drunk and. . . I mean did we. . .?
Don't worry about it, yes you were, and no, you passed out when I got you home, though you kept muttering someting.
Yeah sorry. . . I do that. Any idea what it was?
Nope, and I don't think now's the time to go over it. I just wanted to make sure you weren't dead and let you know we didn't sleep together. Bye Mike.
Wait, I remember. . . You owe me 20 DOLLARS!

 

by Mocha_Monk
1-29-04
You ok man? You're looking a little haggard.
Yeah, I've been working extra hours at the magazine, and I've actually been working on the book. And I drink the occasional bottle of whiskey.
You need to mellow out man. I know the Chloe thing has fucked with you, but that doesn't mea-
Mean what? That I drive myself to drink and exhaustion so as not to think about it? I think it DOES mean that sir.
Wow. You need a supply of emergency weed.
Screw weed. I need emergency pussy.

 

by Mocha_Monk
1-31-04
Good news, man.
What's that?
I'm going back to school, got my acceptance today.
That's awesome, but what happened to getting a job?
Well it's like a job, and I can use my extra loan money to buy booze.
Academics and liquor, I love living in New Orleans.

 

by Mocha_Monk
2-04-04
This school thing was an awesome idea, even if I'm just auditing the classes.
Yeah, I actually felt myself get an idea, that wasn't related to alcohol.
Yeah, I got that too, shit gives me wood. .
Oh, I thought it was seeing that chick you shot down again
I did what now
Now you know how i spend my life, boyo. . .

 

by Mocha_Monk
2-15-04
Jesus this is a long walk to class, how far away did we park?
Times like this, it's best to just be Meursault
I guess, I wasn't too crazy about that book.
This is why you have all these problems, if you'd read enough Existentialism by now you'd have that broad in bed.
I've read Fight Club, I know what's up. What broad?
The one you won't have a chance with unless you step up your game. Let's go punchy, it's time for mission briefing.

 

by Mocha_Monk
2-15-04
It's funny, I graduated with an english major, and this will be my first Lit theory class.
That's just cause you're old school, theory is the shit.
Old school huh? If you're such a forward thinker, what're we doing undergrad for?
Well, a few of my old credits didn't transfer, so I get to look hard in this class and have the TA in bed by Friday, tops.
Nailing the TA? Unless I'm wearing the spacesuit, you've been down that road.
Camus was right. . .this is fucking absurd

 

by Mocha_Monk
2-16-04
No fucking way, you're TAing here?
English 403: Advanced Lit Theory, you got it.
I can't believe this. . . so YOU are responsible for my future in the program?
Looks to be the case, Bucko. Don't worry you won't be treated unfairly.
Does that mean when we get to Feminist theory I won't have to endure antecdotes that paint me as inadequate?
Sorry, I can't make any promises about that. But by the looks of things, we're going to spend a whole lotta time there.

 

by Mocha_Monk
2-16-04
Wow, I can't believe Mikey's ex is the TA. Well, she likes me, maybe I'll put out a minimum of effort like last time we were in school together.
Hey!
Uhh, hi.
You, don't remember me do you?
I . . .I mean. No, I'm sorry. Where do I know you from?
Oh, I am SO fucking with his head.

 

by Mocha_Monk
3-04-04
Some of you have asked about the recent lack of comics from our end.
Mike can't get online, and if I did the comics myself, they'd look like this:
Convergence of the Twain
So anyway, I was thinking. . .
Huh? Oh, I'm sorry, were you talking to me? I had the headphones on so nobody would talk to me. Ever.
Yikes.
So to recap, there won't be comics for awhile, because Mike's internet is broken. And so am I.

 

by Mocha_Monk
3-04-04
So just when B announces my untimely demise, I return like the Phoenix from the ashes to do the damn thing.
Now you can expect more of your favorite this. . .
Convergence of the Twain
So if that bitch wants to recreate structuralism using Foucault's arguments, I'm going to have to pop her one in the mouth. . .
I said the same thing when Chloe tried to give me some shit about Sandman.
Ok, maybe not that dense, but you get the picture.
Enjoy the show, oh, and as a warning, I've stopped smoking. . . Good Day.

 

by Mocha_Monk
3-04-04
And then came class discussion. . .
So you mean to tell me that you think Nietzsche is in reality advocation the Ubermench as an ideal ethos?
Yes, I think his philosophy is comparable to a child fed up with bullies so he lashes out because he doesn't get his way?
Are you high? They paying you to spout nonsense now? What did you learn at Radcliffe?!?
Enough to know that your connection to the patriarchy means you're going to defend the philosophy of a fool at all costs!
I can't believe she thinks she's going to win this argument, there's no way in hell I'm backing down. . .
If he keeps this up for 10 more minutes of class I WILL break the glass on the small penis allusions. . .

 

by Mocha_Monk
3-04-04
After class. . .
Ok, so I admitted that I'm a jackass, help me out, where do I know you from?
We met at a party. You went from hitting on me, to pawing on me, to puking on my shirt.
Wow. I. . .look, I know it's no where near good enough, but I'm really sor-
Heh, calm down B, I'm screwing with you. You were a perfect gentleman, we talked about books, and then I went home.
Does that vein in your neck always throb like that?

 

by Mocha_Monk
3-05-04
Walking back from class.
Can you believe her nerve? I haven't been that angry since undergrad. I mean, my sentences didn't even make sense after awhile.
Dude, don't get me started. I got the "you were all over me when I was drunk" card played on me.
I guess this was a perfect day on all counts then, why did we come back to school again?
Because you like feeling smart and I needed something other than booze to get my mind off of Chloe.
Fair enough. At least now we have proof that if God does exist he likes watching us suffer.
Your ex grades your papers, mine is across an ocean, and God's a sadist. Who needs a drink?

 

by Mocha_Monk
3-14-04
It's official. I wanna fuck Julia Stiles.
Between O and Save the last Dance, I'm pretty sure she digs black dudes.
Thank God. Now to get passed her security and into her heart. . .
You meant her pants.
I meant both. They get off more when they love you.
I was expecting "Aren't they the same thing?" but that works too.

 

by Mocha_Monk
3-14-04
Amazing that you have her best interest in mind.
I'm just trying to make my work easier. . . it's Julia Stiles, I'm not lasting long
Wow, and that's a whole new level of self deprication. . .
What are you talking about? She's kinda skinny and I don't wanna hurt her.
You're a true gentleman, my friend.
I know. But I'm not holding the door, I don't work in front of a hotel.

 

by Mocha_Monk
3-14-04
Man, our first day of school sucked.
No kidding, I need something good to happen.
Hey guys, how was class?
It was fine, maybe next time you and your boyfriend can come.
I'm suprised you guys haven't tried for a marriage license yet. Ahhh, that feels better. . .

 

by Mocha_Monk
3-15-04
Dude, I met this cool waitress at lunch today and left her my number, this could be awesome.
Riiiiiight, back when I used to wait tables we loved that shit. Unless you left around a 20% tip there's no way she's calling here.
1 week later. . .
Holy shit, that waitress just called from the other week. . . I'm taking her out to a movie this weekend.
What the hell did you tip her?
15% gratuity with an extra 5% of pure unadulterated hardness.
Too many choices. . .must. . .make. . . dick. . . joke. . .

 

by Mocha_Monk
3-18-04
This shit calls for a celebration, let's go get slanted.
Sounds like a plan, but I'm broke
No worries, I think Owens is having a party at his crib
Awesome, that way it's free and there are no repercussions for our actions. His high ground is nil.
Exactly, to the drunk mobile!
Holy obvious foreshadowing, Beerman!

 

by Mocha_Monk
3-18-04
Nice party Owens. Good call on the Jack and Coke.
Thanks man, ummm. . . what's that in your hand? Is that a pill?
It's nothing to worry about.
Dude, I don't know if you should take. . .

 

by Mocha_Monk
3-18-04
Hey man, what's going on?
I'm just about to use your computer, I think my ex may be online.
Are we going home already?
I have a bad feeling about all this. . .and my hands hurt.

 

by Mocha_Monk
3-18-04
Dude, how the fuck did we get home?
I'll explain that if you can tell me why my knuckles hurt
mmmmm. . . Blackout, don't think i'm so comfortable with this.
you're not? I was most likely arbitor of some type of justice
Do we call chris to find out?
You can if you want. . . i figure if we did what we normally do, the past will find us

 

by Mocha_Monk
3-18-04
What's up baby?
Hey, Great party huh?
Fuck the party I'm trying to find out where you and me are goin' later.
What do you mean?
I'm like a bottle of 12 year old scotch. Brown, smooth, and with a kick. You know you need a taste.
Did you just say that? OWENS!!!!!!!!!

 

by Mocha_Monk
3-18-04
Continuing the flashback. . .
Hey man, you feeling alright? You've been hitting the tequila pretty hard.
Just shut up and get me some fucking pen and paper.
Things not go so well with the talking?
Huh? Oh, yeah, apparently she's still talking to her first love or some shit. Want to do a shot?
You might want to lay off the booze a bit.
Fuck writing, I need something to hit. Oh, look, someone left a brick wall sitting here.

 

by Mocha_Monk
3-22-04
Shit here comes Owens, looks like we didn't even have to call.
Any chance he's coming to tell us that the hot girls we were with are worried about us and want to give us their phone number?
Fifty bucks. Each. That's what you owe me. Mikey, you started demonstrating on my Elektra statue what you wanted to do to some chick, and she threw it. Shattered!
And B, the only reason you didn't punch holes in my walls, is because you picked the BRICK ones, you ass
Sounds good, can I take my debt out of the tab we started when you listened through my bathroom wall while I was losing my virginity?
I can't believe I just got lectured by the kid who spent weeks showing his ass to everyone he knew. Son of a bitch.

 

by Mocha_Monk
3-22-04
Owens is kind of right, we got out of hand, but that's not the root issue.
What do you mean?
Well, you hit on that girl, and gave your number to the waitress, out of a desperate attempt to not be single around Naomi.
Well, so? You got violent because you still can't get over Chloe and understand that girl in class gives you shit because she likes you.
Fucking bastard, I hate when he's right. . .
Who the hell does he think he is. . .

 

by Mocha_Monk
3-22-04
So.
Yeah.
Wanna get a beer?
Sure, let's roll.

 

by Mocha_Monk
3-24-04
You can't see it, but at the bottom of our screen we have the option to edit and delete comics.
We didn't know about it until our boy Randall told us we had to log out. He's over at nsusaint. [gratuitious plug]
We just want you to know that this won't change anything. As far as I'm concerned, editing is selling out, and I'm too indie to do that.
Yeah, we'll continue to make typographical and grammatical errors, like the half asses we are. From here on out though, it's on purpose.
We're smart, I swear, but between the multiple typos and the fact it took us at least a month to figure out how to make the edit function work, you gotta question things.
To quote a bad football movie, we're the dumbest smart kids you know.

 

by Mocha_Monk
4-07-04
What've you been doing all day in your room, man?
I've had a surge of creativity and been drawing my own comic, you should ride it out and get back on the music.
I'm already ahead of you, this summer is about composition and getting pussy.
Shit, I don't think publishing gets you laid.
Well there are hot con girls, you just gotta be willing to fuck psychopaths.
Well, aside from turning gay, that's our only option, isn't it?

 

by Mocha_Monk
4-07-04
Did you know bungee jumping is a rite of manhood?
It's all about proving the dick with you.
No, seriously, this indiginous tribe built this stick tower, and to prove your status as an adult male, you tie a rope to your feet and jump.
Not my style, but I guess better than lopping off one's foreskin.
Imagine what goes through a pubescent male's head up on that tower.
Probably, "why can't I be a part of the 'fuck beautiful women' testing tribe?

 

by Mocha_Monk
4-26-04
I can't believe I just answered 300 questions, I was at 2 this morning.
What are you babbling about?
This OK cupid site. I keep answering questions and it matches my personality with chicks. See, I'm 83 percent compatible with this hot chick from chicago
You're shitting me. All this time you've spend on the computer is an online dating service?
I didn't plan on it, i started just fucking around and ended up trying to answer them all. This shit is addictive.
Gotta get em all huh? Jesus, this site is like Pokemon with boobs.

 

by Mocha_Monk
4-26-04
Mike was right, this site is pretty addictive.
Heh, Naomi has a profile on here. Wonder if Mike knows abou. . .holy shit.
98% matched? I hope Mike doesn't find out about this. You. . .you're standing right behind me, aren't you?

 

by Mocha_Monk
5-16-04
So that site matched you up with my exgirlfriend?
Uh. . .yeah, it kind of looks that way.
Interesting. You gonna ask her out? Show her a good time, and then get in her panties maybe?
No.
Cool. So, my boy's got this bachelor party thing coming up, clear up next weekend.
Heh, would I have still been invited if I'd said yes?

 

by Mocha_Monk
5-16-04
So who do we know that's taking the big dive?
Old friend of mine, Chad. You met him that one time, but you were all drunk.
I'm sure we'll be saying the same thing a month from now when you tell me about Chad, "who I met at the bachelor party". Who's the chick?
What chick? You mean the stripper?
No, dumbass, who's he marrying?
Shit if I know. Maybe I should invite Nate, he'd care who the stripper was. . .nah, last time I went to ask him something he had that male assramming video on.

 

by Mocha_Monk
5-23-04
So I thought you stopped going to bachelor parties after that time we watched "Very Bad Things"?
I thought I was, but jaeger isn't coke, and I can't resist strippers. I'm all about some ass jigglage.
And the best part is, you don't even know the chick's name, hell she could be your sister and you wouldn't know.
Nope, just some chick he met in med school, apparently hot but I wouldn't know.
So are you going to make the joke about playing doctor or am I?
It goes unsaid my man, it goes unsaid.

 

by Mocha_Monk
8-10-04
What is this shit? I come home, turn on the TV and there's porn. Yours?
Not me man, was it gay porn? Nate was there earlier.
Nope. It WAS called "Ass Worship 3", but there were chicks.
Shit, guilty as charged it's mine. You Like?
Well, I won't lie and say it wasn't erection worthy. . .but I'd enjoy it a bit more with some plot.
Seriously. Does even your dick have to be an English Major?

 

by Mocha_Monk
8-10-04
Dear God. . . . I think i just blew my ass off.
What the hell are you talking about? And, what's that smell?
I was a little backed up, so I took this stuff called "Fleet". It all culminated in a brown Niagra Falls.
Fuck. I want you to never have this conversation with me again. Ever.
What, not a fan of scat humor? It's better than SCANT humor.
I can't believe we've sunk this low. What a shitty joke.

 

by Mocha_Monk
8-16-04
I think I'm done detoxing, but I still have a headache. What the hell did we do last night?
I don't quite remember, but i still taste bourbon, and I have a terrible premonition that I'm expecting a phone call.
Last I remembered we were walking?
Walking to a Bachelor party?
Oh God. That's why I taste Jaeger.
This has bad news written all over it.

 

by Mocha_Monk
8-16-04
Our heroes did arrive, but it was not what they expected. . .
I see mixed company. Something tells me this is not a bachelor party.
Yeah yeah, but there's a keg, there's a chance it's not a total loss.
Then shall we proceed as planned?
Drunk and disorderly, I'm on it.
And so began the adventure. . .
I'll race you to the bottom of that Jack bottle over there.
Not if I get there firs-Jesus Christ it's Kelly.

 

by Mocha_Monk
8-16-04
Is that THE Kelly? Ms. You're cooler without your friends?
Yep
The one who broke your heart and told you she thought she might be gay?
Yep.
This definitely calls for a shot.
Yep.

 

by Mocha_Monk
8-17-04
And with the booze came beligerance
You know what, fuck her, I got the remedy for this problem. . .
Where are you going?? .dude. . . no. .
You got a cute face for a dumpy chick. Come here. I want to show you something.
WHAT! Fuck you!
What? I'll still fuck you. You look like you need it!

 

by Mocha_Monk
8-17-04
And while chaos reigned. . .
Now go home and tell your friends. Sweet T just whooped yo' monkey ass in some NFL 2k5!
Dude, you reek.
More significant events unfolded in the background.
Oh God B, is that you? What are you doing here?
Cursing fate and getting drunk, what brings you to this little shindig of horrors?
It's my party. . .Chad's my fiance'.
So I didn't drive you to the women after all? Lucky for Chad. I'm going to go vomit now, nice seeing you.

 

by Mocha_Monk
9-02-04
So I was talking to Randall. Seems he's got some women problems out there in Vegas. What's out there is either married or crazy.
And what's wrong with that? If the boy is in a drought, you can't really even turn crazy away.
Oh, so you'd take the crazy?
I've done it before and I'll do it again, tell him to ship that shit here FedEx.
That's quite a distance, I'm not sure it'll keep.
At this point, it's just gotta be warm and wet. He can put it in one of those Dominos bags if he wants.

 

by Mocha_Monk
10-21-04
Where you been man?
Been drinkin, debating having a glass of the scotch.
There's nothing wrong with a nice glass of scotch.
I think you're right, that's a compelling argument.
I agreed. That's not an argument, that's facilitation.
And I certainly thank you, now where's my damn glass.

Showing page 3.

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