All comics by Namgubed

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by Namgubed
4-25-02
Here I am!
Oh, you said "war"? Heck, then I'm outta here! Gotta get my fix.

 

by Namgubed
4-25-02

 

by Namgubed
4-29-02
We are the world ... ♫
We are the children ... ♫
We are the children ... ♫
♫ We are the ones who'll make a brighter day, ♫
♫ So let's start givin'! ♫

 

by Namgubed
4-30-02
We are the world ... ♫
Oh, shut up.

 

by Namgubed
5-03-02
Less filling!
Tastes great!
Aaargh!
Aaaiieee!
*belch* Less filling!
*smak* Tastes great!

 

by Namgubed
5-03-02
BILL CLINTON IS THE GREATEST PRESIDENT THAT EVER LIVED!!!
But look at all his scandals, his impeachment, all the military secrets sold to the Chinese ... How can you honestly say that Bill Clinton was the greatest President that ever lived?
TOBOR JUST CORNHOLED HIM TO DEATH!
Well, it's about time!

 

by Namgubed
5-08-02
_____________WANTED_____________ For Felony Child Molesation. Suspects go by the names of "Ronnie" and "Reggie" $10,000 Reward Each, Dead or Alive, Preferably Dead.
Hey there, little boy!
Do you want some candy?
There they are, Officer Krupke!
You sickos is gonna be put away fer a looong time!

 

by Namgubed
5-08-02
_____________WANTED_____________ For Parole Violation and Failing to Comply with Convicted Sex Offender Data Requirements. $1,000 Reward for Information Leading to their Arrest.
Hey there, little boy!
We'll give you some candy if you can direct us to the nearest University!
Really? Gee whiz!
Sir, y'all is parked next to this here fire hydrant ...

 

by Namgubed
5-08-02
_____________WANTED_____________ Altar Boys for the New Parish at Our Lady of the White Swallow. Applicants to be Interviewed by Father Ronald and Father Reginald.
NEXT!!

 

by Namgubed
5-28-02
I've come for your panties, Mary.
I'm about to be sucked from a horribly drawn exploding airplane, and all you want are my panties?
Yes. I will accept your panties in lieu of your life.
Sounds like a deal to me. Hold on, let me just take them off...*WHOOSH* AYIEEEE!
I might have guessed you were a real blonde. Didn't your mom ever tell you the adhesive side goes DOWN?
Well, so much for my hot wax appointment.

 

by Namgubed
5-31-02
Hey, C.
Oh, hey Gia.
Something is different about you.
I ditched the cowboy garb.
Meanwhile ...
Yo, Jake! Look at these great duds I found in the dumpst-- DAMMIT!!!
SHIT!!!

 

by Namgubed
6-04-02
That's a really ... interesting ... makeover you got there, Milkman Dan.
Well, you may be relieved to know that not all of your missing kittens are dead, Karen.
Wh - what do you mean?
I still use some of them to test my new line of cosmetics!
I hate you, Milkman Dan!
Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.

 

by Namgubed
6-05-02
Ah, the year's first snowfall. All those beautiful snowflakes, gently floating to the ground, covering all the land in one huge, fluffy layer...
Reminds me how your puppy must have felt when I buried him alive.
I hate you, Milkman Dan!

 

by Namgubed
6-05-02
As I woke up in the morning twilight, I couldn't help but look at her, resting silently next to me ...
Her form so full of beauty ... peace ...
... embalming fluid ...

 

by Namgubed
6-05-02
Karen, I've decided to give you a new kitten for the one I ran over with my truck last week.
That's nice, Milkman Dan.
Might take a while, though.
Why's that?
I expect it'll be next fall before the ones I planted in your garden yield any fruit.
I hate you, Milkman Dan.

 

by Namgubed
6-06-02
Hey, Karen, what do you get when you cross a kitten with a set of Craftsman power tools?
I probably don't want to know.
Then you probably want to stay away from your treehouse.
I hate you, Milkman Dan!

 

by Namgubed
6-13-02
That's right, as the executor of Fuck's will, I'm here to identify the body.
Well, he's right here in drawer 69.
Name: ______Fuck________ Age: ____Old As Fuck_____ Cause of Death: All Fucked Up
* squeeeeak * [DRAWER OPENING SOUND]
Yep, that is one stone dead fuck.
OK, we've beaten that one into the ground.

 

by Namgubed
6-17-02
Let me get this straight ... I grow up to be the Antichrist, try to take over the world, only to have my hopes dashed by Jesus' return, and then we both get thrown into the lake of fire.
That just about sums it up, Damien.
I fucking hate you!!
That's my boy!

 

by Namgubed
6-19-02
Well, I see my time on this earth is almost up, but I'm afraid I will never have shared a truly intimate communion with someone special ...
Of course, Bongo, I understand.
Sure enough ...
So ... how much for the both of us?

 

by Namgubed
6-27-02
Did get our cat to stop drinking from the toilet yet?
Honey, I've tried every method I could think of -
Like what?
Leaving the lid closed, moth balls, blue stuff, not flushing ... None of it worked! But all that effort has taught me one valuable lesson.
And what might that be?
Man, this cat really likes corn.

 

by Namgubed
6-27-02
Hey, Padre, I saw the funniest thing last night on TV Land. Were you watching My Three Sons?
PLEASE DON'T TELL ON ME!!!

 

by Namgubed
6-27-02
Just answer me this:
If I'm not a puppet ...
Then what's the hand of Frank Oz doing up my ass?

 

by Namgubed
6-27-02
Begone, thou unclean spirits of abominable perversion! Begone, I say!!
It's not working. You better call in the young priest.
You know, the one with the nice ass.

 

by Namgubed
6-27-02
"'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe,"
"All mimsy were the borogoves, and the mome raths -" uh -
Why, hello there, little lady.

 

by Namgubed
6-27-02
Hi! I'm Billy Keane, the ever-so-popular "Family Circus" character!
You're not Billy Keane ...
Unless you're ZEST Billy Keane!

 

by Namgubed
6-27-02
♫ ... Then one foggy Christmas Eve, ♫
♫ Santa came to say ... ♫
Like Demosthenes!

 

by Namgubed
6-27-02
My parents *whimper* ignore me, and my brother tore the head off my Cinderella Barbie... *sob* Nobody understands; nobody cares!
You know, as soon as you reach legal age, I'd like to violate every orifice in your body.
I love you, Milkman Dan!
I know, Karen. I know.

 

by Namgubed
6-27-02
Karen, do you ever wonder where kittens go when they die?
Let's dig up that little grave in your back yard and see if it's still there.
KER-TRANS-FORM!!
Dear lord, it's the K-XMM1 model DeathBot 780!
*WHIRR*... *CLICK!* TARGET ACQUIRED ...

 

by Namgubed
7-02-02
We join our Hell Discovery crew as they observe a disembodied newbie soul gain access to the InfernalNet.
Welcome to AOHell! You've got mail! Pardon my grammar!
Oh boy, I've only just logged on, and already someone likes me!
Viewer discretion advised ...
¶h33r |V|y 1337 5|◄i110rz, n00b!!!1!!
AAAH! I AM DIEEING!!
Due to technical difficulties, you have been watching The Real World and not Hell Discovery. We apologize for any confusion this may have caused.
| 0\/\/n0rzz j00!!1!
* whimper *

 

by Namgubed
7-03-02
Urologist ...
Can you make it ... larger?
Nurse!!! Bring the K-Y!
Gynecologist ...
Dr. Rosenbaum, at your cervix!
D-oh!
Proctologist ...
Good lord! There's a dozen long-stemmed roses up your ass!
Read the card! Read the card!

 

by Namgubed
7-03-02
That was by far Tom Hanks' best movie, ever!

 

by Namgubed
7-08-02
Christmas Eve, 1864:
GAAH!! Who are you?
General Lee, I am the ghost of John Brown, whose body lies a-moulderin' in the grave! You will be visited by three ghosts ...
I am the ghost of Christmas past ... LONG past.
I am the ghost of Christmas present ...
What about the ghost of Christmas fu-- ahhh, CRAP!
That's GENERAL Ghost of Christmas Future to you, Sparky!

 

by Namgubed
7-10-02
*KNOCK*KNOCK*
Who's there?
Jurassic.
Jurassic who?
Jurassic, twisted puppy, eatin' that lawyer off the can!
*SLAM!*
Get bent!
Hey, don't shoot the messenger!

 

by Namgubed
7-11-02
Welcome to my costume party! I'm dressed as Connie Chung. What are your characters?
Godzilla!
Maximillian the Robot!
Mad Scientist!
Louis XVI !

 

by Namgubed
7-14-02
One day at the ranch...
So I says, "Well, them rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves!"
True .... True.
Uh-oh -- don't look behind you.
What?
Ahhhh fuck. This dude is SO psychotic when he's pissed.
WAAZZZAAAAAAAP !!!

 

by Namgubed
7-19-02
_____________WANTED_____________ For Parole Violation and Failing to Comply with Convicted Sex Offender Data Requirements. $1,000 Reward for Information Leading to their Arrest.
Hey there, little boy!
We'll give you some candy if you can direct us to the nearest theological seminary!
Really? Gee whiz!
Sir, y'all is parked next to this here fire hydrant ...

 

by Namgubed
7-22-02
Supplemental log, stardate 2214.78: There appears to be no animal life present on the planet Arborea 9, despite discoveries of signs of intelligence.
The psychic fern spots its unsuspecting prey ...
I have sent Ensign Expendible to gather tricorder readings on the regional fauna.
Captain Kirk! Help! It's got - AAAAIIEEE!!!!
Another day, another red shirt ...
*CHOMP* *SLURP* *MUNCH* ... *BURP*

 

by Namgubed
7-23-02
Meanwhile, off the coast of the geothermally heated, glass-domed resort town of Thule ...
Looks like you're in over your head in gambling debts, and in dire need of assistance!
*glug* Help!
You, sir, could be the first to try my latest invention, the Prosthetic Gills (patent pending), absolutely free! To activate this fine product, simply jam tabs A and B into the sides of your neck ...
*glorp* OK ...
"... and for only an additional $29.95, I can include a can of shark repellant to prevent the resultant blood loss from starting a feeding frenzy!"
*whew* I can breathe underwater! This is great!
Too bad the repellant's out of stock, eh?

 

by Namgubed
7-25-02
Golly gee, Mr. Peabody, where are we going today?
For a change of pace, Sherman, I'm going to set my Wabac Machine to the year 2072!
Gosh! Are we gonna see flying cars and space colonies?
Only time will tell! ... uh, that was a joke. Anyway, here we go!
*** BZAPPT!! ***
... Shit.

 

by Namgubed
7-30-02
Sorry I'm late for my physical.
Quite alright ... now let's check those vitals ... Looks normal. OK, now drop your pants ...
*sigh* all right, what now?
Turn you head and cough, man!
Meanwhile, back at the ranch ...
So I says, "Well, them rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons all by themselves!"
Dude, give it a rest already.

 

by Namgubed
8-06-02
KP - K7 ... Check!
Well, make your move!
Fine ... B x KP!
Celestial Battle Chess ROCKS, Jesus!
AAAAIIIEEEE!! I AM DIEING!!
ROOAAR !!

 

by Namgubed
8-07-02
Marlboro
SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Cigarette Smoke Contains Carbon Monixide, and May Lead to Spontaneous Graviton Generation.
Ha Ha! *HACK* *WHEEZE*
Virginia Slims
SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking Causes Lung Cancer, and a Rise in New York City Whore Prices, Which Are Directly Linked to the Tobacco Tax.
You come long way for ten dollah, baby!
Camel
SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking Causes Emphysema, and Cigarette Ad Campaigns Aimed at Children May Lead to This Drawing of Joe Camel by a Four-Year-Old.
Hey, kids! Smoking is neat-o!

 

by Namgubed
8-08-02
Care for some tea, Mary?
Why, thank you, Bert!
** DANCE TAPPITY DANCE SHUFFLE **
YOU AND YOUR GODDAMNED PENGUINS!!

 

by Namgubed
8-09-02
WARNING: OBJECTS IN MIRROR ARE CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR
Uh-oh, he's catching up to me!
Man, that white elephant must be right behind me!
WARNING: OBJECTS IN MIRROR ARE CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR

 

by Namgubed
8-09-02
How do you like my new 70's retro gold medallion?
Ooh, nice! Is that Aquarius, or Capricorn ... ?
Nope. Zephyrus.
ZEPHYRUS??
YOU AND YOUR WIND GOD PENDANTS!

 

by Namgubed
8-09-02
Meet me out in the field at 8:00 tonight!
OK!
8:00 PM
There's something special I want to show you ...
Same here, my sweet Baboo!
... but we have to wait for the Great Pumpkin to ...
YOU AND YOUR GODDAMNED PUMPKINS!

 

by Namgubed
8-13-02
Sounds great! Just what did these orgies entail?
Ooh, plenty of wine, fried stegosaur's tripe in mammoth's dripping, dancing girls, peeled grapes, stuffed pterodactyl ...
Dude! Let's party like it's 1999!
Bring on the dancing girls! I'll break out my fiddle!
* DANCE TAPPITY DANCE SHUFFLE *
♫ If you're blue and you don't know where to go to ... ♫
♫ why don't you go where fashion fits? Puttin' on the ritz! ♫

 

by Namgubed
8-14-02
... and why do you think you have this fear of electronic machines?
I dunno ... it just weirds me out seein' 'em move around by some unseen power.
And yet the human body's energy source is self-contained, and its movements are directed by electrical impulses. Now go see the nurse for your prescription.
Gee, I never thought of it from that perspective. Thanks, Doc, that really helps.
Awaiting prescription orders ...
More shock therapy!

 

by Namgubed
8-14-02
... so where do you believe these pains and revulsion towards breastfeeding originate?
Well, I was molested by my uncle Mortimer as a child ...
That may be the source of your problem. You must forgive your uncle Mortimer and yes, yourself. Only then can you reach closure. Now go see the nurse for your prescription.
You know, I never really have forgiven him or myself for what happened. Thanks, Doc!
Awaiting prescription orders ...
More shock therapy! And don't forget the nipple clamps!

 

by Namgubed
8-14-02
... so why do you think your encounters with the opposite sex trigger these flashes of incontinence?
I think it goes back to when my Aunt Matilda baby-sat me. Her food gave me constipation, and then she went overboard with suppositories.
You must disassociate your Aunt Matilda with womankind in general, and a diet higher in fiber content couldn't hurt, either. Now go see the nurse for your prescription.
Thanks, Doc! Gosh, I feel better already.
Awaiting prescription orders ...
More shock therapy administered by Nurse Tobor!

Showing page 3.

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