All comics by cpausti

Profile

 

by cpausti
7-03-05
Hey Doc, my stool is stuck to my ass.
Later..
HAHAHA!
HAHAHA!

 

by cpausti
7-06-05
Okay Jesus, you'll be safe here.
Okay- wait a second.
What?
What are all those unclothed children doing working and sweating all over each other?!
Oh, this is Wal-Mart's head sweatshop.
Oh, phew, I thought some gay stuff was going down.

 

Today there was an optimists meeting at Red Lobster.
by cpausti, 7-08-05

 

by cpausti
7-14-05
Psst... Herald?
Yeah? Who are you?
It's me, BoBo the elephant.
You may be asking yourself, "what could the famous BoBo want with me?"
Actually, I was asking myself how the fuck an elephant could fit into a baby chicken costume.

 

by cpausti
7-14-05
So Maura, who is the guy in the cigarette costume you were talking to?
Oh, just my boyfriend, Mark.
So technically.... you're a butt-fucker?

 

by cpausti
7-14-05
OH MAN! OH MAN!
GO FOR IT! GO FOR IT!
WOAH! You were right! Full frontal deflowerings!

 

by cpausti
7-14-05
All done!
My yard is spotless, no leaves in sight! How should I pay you?
My company follows the code of Hammurabi. A blowjob for a blowjob.
Idiot.

 

by cpausti
7-19-05
So, one year older, eh?
Yep.
Do you feel older? Losing your sight? Going deaf?
Heh, no. Feel older? Not much more than I did yesterday.
I have, however, lost the ability to make funny comics on stripcreator.

 

by cpausti
7-20-05
Hey big boy! Let's hook up!!
I'm sorry, but, J.C. is my number one priority.
But... Johnny Carson died!

 

by cpausti
7-20-05

 

by cpausti
7-21-05

 

by cpausti
7-21-05
Sexagesima.
Oh crap, is that today?
Only two weeks, I haven't even decided what to give up for lent!
Perhaps sex with underage asians would be a good choice.

 

by cpausti
7-22-05
Hey baby!
Let's hit my place for some p in v... if you catch my drift.
No, but I do smell it.

 

by cpausti
7-23-05
Well howdy! Welcome to Wal-Mart. Need any help?
I'm looking for the wifebeaters.
They're in the Managers' Office.

 

by cpausti
7-26-05
Sorry God, looks like you need a new receiver.
Until then you're stuck on the Lifetime Network.

 

by cpausti
7-27-05
Hey, get out of here! You're melting all the snow!
The only way I can leave is if you smoke me! Yay!
My mom says cigarettes are bad.
Just pretend I'm a lollipop! YAY!!
I'll get the lube!!
YAwait.

 

by cpausti
7-27-05
Got it!
Look kid. When I said lollipop, I just meant that you should suck me.
Six years?!?

 

by cpausti
7-27-05
Oh well, hopefully there will be some prisoners who want to smoke me!
Hey there! Wanna bum a drag of this?
Nasty Nate! Get the lube!

 

by cpausti
8-03-05
Hooray! Disneyland AND California Adventure!
This should be ultimate fun!
I love seeing the entire Mexican-Californian population all shoved into a single square mile!

 

by cpausti
8-03-05
Hi.
Welcome to Quartzite!!
Uh.
Our Happy Meals are great!

 

by cpausti
8-03-05
Welcome to Blythe!
Okay well... see you on the way back!

 

by cpausti
8-03-05
Hmm. Clay Aiken is the new spokesperson for the GAP.
This must confirm their rumored, new, acronymic slogan...
Gay And Proud.

 

by cpausti
8-03-05
OH JESUS.
WHAT THE FUCK.
IT'S CALLED TOILET PAPER, NOT "WIPE YOUR BLOODY ASS AND LEAVE IT ON THE SIDE OF THE TOILET PAPER."

 

by cpausti
8-03-05
I hate golf.

 

by cpausti
8-03-05
GOD LOVES EVERYONE. UNLESS OF COURSE THEY'RE GAY. 103.2 FM
GOD IS LOVE, GOD IS NATURE, GOD IS EVERYBODY. EXCEPT THE JEWS. 103.2 FM
I NEED THE RATINGS TO PAY MY BILLS. 103.2 FM

 

by cpausti
8-06-05
Welcome to the Grand Californian! Your room is 4024. How many will be with you during your stay?
Four.
Awesome! But, don't let us catch you with any more than that!
Hah, you got it!
No, really. It'll be a 14,000 dollar fine. Plus tax. And if you don't tip the maids, they'll steal your curling iron.

 

by cpausti
8-06-05
Ah, Main Street.
Why is that huge mob about to maul you?
Uh..
HONEY IT'S THE DINOSAUR FROM DINOSAUR!
BITCH! BACK OFF, WE WERE HERE FIRST!
Darling, I think we'll pass on buying another picture. I don't feel like taking out another loan.

 

by cpausti
8-06-05
Beginning.
It's a Small World
After all!
Halfway.
Haha Asians singing...
Yeah.. heh... this song is a little...
OKAY, IF IT'S A SMALL WORLD WHY DOES THIS DAMN RIDE LAST FOR-FUCKING-EVER?!
This song is going to be stuck in my head for the next six months.

 

by cpausti
8-08-05
Well, there's no doubt about it now...the killer is executing people who have committed one of the "seven deadly sins."
Wow, I'm impressed...that's some surprisingly clever detective work for a total fucking shit-for-brains dickhead like you, fuckface.
Thanks. I guess there's nothing left to do now but -- hey, wait a minute! "Fuckface"?
Hmm...I wonder who the next "seven deadly sins" victim will be?
It'll be tough to tell who's next, he's got about 6 billion choices.

 

by cpausti
8-08-05
Hey!
Hey, brought the sandwiches!
Did you remember the hammer?
You know, forgiveness is harder than it sounds.

 

by cpausti
8-09-05
Remember that hilarious photo I edited of that whorish girl and the huge weiner?
Haha, yeah?
I had to search "huge dick" on Google for that one.
I once searched that same phrase!
Yeah?
All I got were portraits of your dad.

 

by cpausti
8-09-05
YAY!
What are you so excited about?
I just found out that the kind of sugar in chocolate milk isn't the kind that gives you cavities!
You're right!
But it is the kind that'll make you lazy and morbidly obese!

 

by cpausti
8-10-05
In America, vodka is considered a girly drink by most.
Unless you are Polish-American;
Then it is considered to be water.

 

He's dynomiiiite.
by cpausti, 8-15-05

 

What's all that cheering about?
Actually, it's just a bunch of Canadians asking about a prostitute.
by cpausti, 8-16-05

 

by cpausti
8-16-05
Hey you!
Uh, yeah?
You want a little puff o' this fag?!

 

by cpausti
8-16-05
Dude, I met Tom Cruise! I told him how you and I both admire his calm, open-minded way of life.
Uh..
Haha, I'm just fucking with you.
I threw my coffee at his face and pissed on Katie Holmes' shoes.

 

by cpausti
8-16-05
Hey dude! I met Molly Ringwald! I was so star-struck! I told her how much I love Sixteen Candles and she took a picture with me!
Get the fuck out of here.
No, I'm serious!
So am I.
Get the fuck away from me.

 

by cpausti
8-17-05
Say, Mr. Clown, want a popsicle?
Why sure!
What flavour would you like?
The flavour of your soul's impending doom.
Well lucky you, we got the economy size.

 

by cpausti
8-17-05
Oh man! Jeff died!
WHAT?! How?
I don't know, I just got the news! I dunno what I'm gonna do!
I know what I'M gonna do.
What?
Jeff's wife.

 

by cpausti
8-17-05
So, which lunch would you say most of your friends are in?
What does that matter?
Eh, nothing really. Just a survey.
Okay... I'd bet on 4th lunch.
3rd lunch it is.

 
by cpausti, 8-17-05

 
by cpausti, 8-21-05

 

by cpausti
8-21-05
I'm sorry! It just went like water down the toilet!
I swear! I have gambling problems!
Come back to me, honey!
I went out on a LIMB for that money, you piece of trash!

 

by cpausti
8-22-05
Some people say you learn something new everyday of school.
And I must agree with them.
Today, after waiting 30 minutes for my bus, I learned the definition of "record heat."

 

by cpausti
8-23-05
This year over 1000 freshmen came to our school.
Next time I see an "Open Enrollment" sign I'm shooting myself.

 

by cpausti
8-24-05
Today I started my quest to get a girlfriend.
I totally think my ideal babe is into me.
She actually responded this time.

 

by cpausti
8-25-05
Honey, I think those panties would look way better on the floor.
Oh baby!
Honey, meet The Floor.
Hi!

 

by cpausti
8-27-05
Woah! What happened to you?!?
GOOD THING I FOUND YOU! You left the gas running and the house exploded!
Are you kidding me?
Does it look like I'm fucking kidding you?

 

by cpausti
8-29-05
Ah crap! The bus broke down?!?!
Sorry son, looks like you're gonna have to walk.
NOOO! I hate walking to school!
Hey, at least it's in the morning, it's still cool outside.
Yes, it's oh so chilly outside this morning with a low of 95.

Showing page 3.

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