All comics by iconoclastic

Profile

 

by iconoclastic
4-13-13
You got 'er?
In the trunk.
Is she pubile?
You mean 'nubile'?
Does that mean a cunt of fucking age?
Close enough.

 

by iconoclastic
4-24-13
*pssst*
What?
New barber.

 

by iconoclastic
4-24-13
Hey New Bench, welcome to the park. If you've got any questions, I'd be happy to answer them.
I'm just happy to be out of the box. Maybe I'll have some... come to think of it... why do you smell like shit?
Are you serious???

 

by iconoclastic
4-24-13
Dad, tell me some more 'stripcreator' stories.
Just one, then it's off to work! Once I had the chance to be the first entry in a brand new CC.
What happened next?
I got beat out by "Billy the Bloody Butt Scab"!
Ain't that a motherfucker!!!
Yes sweetie, it was one (now listen closely) hell of a motherfucka' Change the e-r to an a. Now try to remember that!

 

by iconoclastic
4-24-13
I always say "motherfucker" because I'm white.
You don't need to tell me that! After all, you came out of my white dick!
YUCK!!!
What's so yucky?
The concept of coming out of your dick is as unpleasant as your dick tastes.
Awww sweetie pie... are you trying to turn me on?!

 

by iconoclastic
4-25-13
Daddy, why don't you tell me how sweet my little pussy is anymore?
It never was sweet. It's a foul. gaping, oversized, shaved-raw, bruised and battered, yanked and stretched, chewed and karate chopped, herpetoidal lizard cage.
That reminds me, my bearded lizard died last week. That's probably why my sweet little snatch is so icky right now.
I paid $89.00 for that motherfucker, and it died??? How?
He stuck his head out for a breath of fresh air, and I kegeled him to death.
Do me a favor and dig out as much of his body as you can. I'll try and get a refund.

 

by iconoclastic
4-25-13
Say "herpetoidally infected dead lizard morgue".
Herpetoidally infected dead lizard morgue.
Again.
Herpetoidally infected dead lizard morgue.
Now say "how'd the lizard die?"
Quick, *PAFOOOT... PAFOOOTY!* get your tongue up my ass, I'm about to cum really hard!!!

 

by iconoclastic
4-25-13
Be right back !
Good morning Donna, Chuck here. I'm runnin' a little late today. I've got diarrhea again.
Okay Chuck, they're waiting for you right now. I'll tell them you'll be late.
Hey everybody, Chuck's got diarrhea again! Can you believe it???
*Hee hee hee...spittle spray... ha ha ha... mucous fling... har har har... gob splatter... gafaw gafaw gafaw... goober sling nose drool.* That's the funniest shit yet today!

 

by iconoclastic
5-25-13
I didn't even know you worked here 'till orientation. Remember the shit we did when we were 5?
Yeah, but I didn't plan on ever talking about it again.
Draw motherfucker!!!
I can't draw with a coffee cup in my hand!
Too Late! You can't draw now! You're already dead! OMG! Look how fat your finger got!
Oops!

 

by iconoclastic
5-25-13
Not only has my finger got a lot fatter, but check out the nail.
Well, it's all dirty lookin'... like it's got a lotta'... I don't know... somethin' brown or, I don't know... under it.
Say it!!! You know what it is! Say it!!!
Shit? Is that shit under your nail?
Damn, your first day on the job and you're already buckin' for a promotion!

 

by iconoclastic
5-25-13
Talk about promotions... do they tend to promote here or is there more hiring from outside?
The big boss is anal as hell! Don't let shit accumulate!
You mean like... under your nails?
?
The shit under your nails. Is that what you're...
NO!!! I'm talkin' about on your desk dimwit!

 

by iconoclastic
5-25-13
What??? Are you sayin' you shit on your desk???
C'mon man! I'm talkin' about your paperwork!
Damn! For a minute there I thought we were 5 again. You're referring to my paperwork! Don't let my 'paperwork' accumulate on my desk, right?
Right.
Your toilet-paper work!

 

by iconoclastic
5-25-13
Why the frown?
:( What frown?
Oh! I thought I saw a frown.
:) No, everything's fine.
Well then... how about a blow-job?
Are you trying to take advantage of my low self-esteem?

 

by iconoclastic
5-25-13
No, but I was trying to take advantage of your mouth, which by virtue of being on the face of you (my girlfriend), is beholden to satisfy the wanton desires of my throbbing penis.
I'm sorry, I'm always trying to make it about me!!! Of course it's my job to suck your stinking rotten dick whenever you want! I momentarily forgot the duties of the lowly girlfriend.
Thanks, that feels really great!!! Keep it up! Have you noticed how well our relationship is doing right now? OOOh... Ahhh... Yesssss... Suck it 'till it squirts!!!
*suck suck suck* My mouth is getting kind of tired, so I'm going to stop for awhile.
Don't forget how small your tits are!
That's right, I forgot! *suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck*

 

by iconoclastic
5-27-13
Ready? If Mr. Kain turns out to be a martyr, he is not to get any virgins when he dies.
"... when he dies." Got it!
Just a couple of falafel flavored, ass gaped, aloof lady boy whores.
Okay, got it. Is that all?
No... with leathery skin all covered with falafel crumbs, and hookah burns on their pussy/dicks.
Ouch!

 

by iconoclastic
8-07-13
And what is it you'd like for Christmas young man?
pssst... pssst... pssst...
Come again???
pssst... pssst... pssst...
HO HO HO! The motherfucker wants to come again!!!

 

by iconoclastic
8-07-13
Try again? Okay now, tell me what you want.
pssst... pssst... pssst...
Say What???
pssst... pssst... pssst...
HO HO HO! The motherfucker wants to buttfuck Rudolf!!!

 

by iconoclastic
8-07-13
Kiss me ya' wench!
I'd rather not...
Perhaps you'd prefer option two, sucking all my semen!
The entire crew???
I was just tryin' to be proper with the wench... bitch!
Well, if that's what's proper, then bring 'em on!

 

by iconoclastic
8-19-13
What happened?
I have good news and I have bad news...
So what's the good news?
You're pregnant with quintuplets, and I'm the daddy! Furthermore,they're all mentslly retarded because I'm also their grandfather!
OMG! What's this all mean for me?
It means I'm above the law and your bitch ass is going to jail for having sex with your father you incestuous dirty fucking slut!

 

by iconoclastic
8-23-13
"O Whore, where art thou?" I'm lookin' for a woman with "True Grit"!
Over here in the bushes, but this here is "No Cunt For Old Men".
I've gotta' "Big Salamski", and you got that "Pudsucker Moxy"! If you won't give me no ass, then how 'bout some head?
I'm just pretendin' to be a picky whore. My life's a bitch. I'll make you "Cum Simple". How about a $10.00 handjob?
I ain't no "Ladykiller" but I am a "Serious Man", and I got two hands of my own, and your attitude sucks!
It is what it is, and today I just ain't into "Raising Aridboners".

 

SUCK IT!!!
by iconoclastic, 9-18-13

 

Fuck me in my ass!
by iconoclastic, 9-18-13

 

by iconoclastic
9-19-13
And your testimonial is...?
I was ass buggered by a gang of dirty winos for 5 hours They left me upside down in a shopping cart full of poop.
I was rescued by two Brazilian cops on vacation. You don't need to ask...
...their dicks were huge!!!

 

by iconoclastic
9-19-13
Long story short, they dressed up like Jim and Tammy Baker and weenie clubbed my mouth 700 times.
They must have been taking Peter North pills, because my head was completely covered in spooge. So I reached out to God and said...
..."God, could you let me open at least one eye so I can see what's going on?"

 

by iconoclastic
9-19-13
But God didn't let me open either eye. So...
Of course not! He wanted you to remain filled with excitement! He wanted your little yellow chubby to spew it's glorious vanilla extract...
...from Madagascar all over the...
Have we met before?

 

by iconoclastic
9-29-13
Welcome to the"WHO YOU ARE" seminar! I am your host trainer, and you may not leave until you have morphed.

 

by iconoclastic
10-03-13
Shhh... listen... did you hear that?
I think something is following us...

 

by iconoclastic
10-03-13
I'll leave my shirt and jacket on...
*bump...bump...bump...* Eeek!!! *...bump...bump...bump...* Eeek!!! Oooh aaah, oooh aaah, oooh aaah! Pop dat pimple!!!
...that way no one will see my tan lines.

 

by iconoclastic
10-08-13
Hey Peter!!! You know how they say "Old habits die hard?"
Yeh.
What about it?
Nothin'! I was thinkin' for a minute that it might be connected to me.

 

by iconoclastic
10-08-13
Okay, so close your eyes, count to three, open them and I will have changed into the role of 'victim'.
Okay, 1.....2.....3 and...
"Excuse me maam, but I've just been mugged and..."
Oh my God!!! I've never seen anything like this before in my life!
Are there any changes in the way you feel about me?
Why... yes... there are. I want to embrace you and make mad passionate love to you!

 

by iconoclastic
10-08-13
When you said you wanted to make "Mad passionate love" to me, were you (in effect), saying you wanted me to 'fuck your your brains out'?
Ummm, yeh I guess so. Why?
Just to clear things up, that's all. I mean, I was just wondering why you were trying to put my dick in your pussy, that's all.
Well, so you could "Fuck my brains out".
Right! Right. It just made sense to me that if I was going to "Fuck your brains out", then my dick would go in your head somewhere, that's all.
Oh... uh, well... right??? Even if I'm not sure exactly what that means.

 

by iconoclastic
10-08-13
I guess it means we've got to find some hole in your head that can accomodate my cock. So... maybe your ear?
My ear??? Ha ha ha ha ha! C'mon now, I don't think that would work out at all!!! You'll have to do better than that!
Okay... if you say so. How about your uhhh, your... your nose? No! Ha ha ha, that wouldn't work either. Ha ha ha! Ok, it's your turn.
Let's see, we've eliminated my ears and my nose, so what's left after that, I mean if anything is left at all! Ha ha ha! Hmmm...
It's okay... take all the time you need.
Ummm... *choke*.

 

by iconoclastic
10-08-13
You know what? It seems like your trying to avoid giving me pleasure with your mouth, so let's just...
No! No! That's not true! I want to suck your dick. I really do!
Okay, but then you're probably gonna' want me to stop before I'm even finished, because you probably don't want me to cum in your mouth! So...
No! NO!! Not true! Please cum in my mouth! Please! I wouldn't have it any other way!
Well, you sound sincere, so I'm going to trust that you are! You are being sincere, right?

 

by iconoclastic
10-08-13
Okay, I've had enough of this! I've been tryin' to find your mouth for the last five fucking minutes. I'm turning on the night-light.
No, please give me one more chance! I'm right here in front of you!

 

by iconoclastic
10-08-13
Then you need to find my cock and start suckin' it, and I mean pronto!
Okay... *slurp slurp slurp* Is that good? *slurp slurp slurp* You like that? *slurp slurp slurp*

 

by iconoclastic
10-08-13
*click*
Okay, on with the light.
I swear to God! This isn't what it looks like!

 

DINNER TIME!!! Were having liver!
Oh God! That's the worst!
by iconoclastic, 10-13-13

 

by iconoclastic
10-13-13
I thought you liked it!
Don't you remember the last time we had it... my colon almost exploded?
Your colon?
No, you're right! It wasn't my colon!
It almost made my liver burst!

 

by iconoclastic
10-13-13
I remember how difficult it was finding a specialist to treat you! What was her name?
You mean the Peruvian liver nurse? I never knew her real name.
Sure you did! She lived with us for the 8 months it took you to get better.
I know, but I never learned her real name.
Me and dad just called her 'Whore'.

 

by iconoclastic
10-13-13
I'm a boulevard bull out lookin' for a midnight treat! Lo and behold I see six of 'em hangin' there, all nice and neat. What say you I suck 'em, and make my night complete?
They're teats, not treats! Though with milk they are replete. Offer the proper price, and you can suck 'em until your night's complete.
*suck... suck...* Oh mama, I've sucked many a fine teat, but with yours, no other udder could compete! Your sweet condensed milk is indeed a treat, and I will suck them long and hard...
...until the sugary flesh of your dangling meat treat teat is all mushy... like lard.
Oooeeee! It sets my teats a leaking when you talk to me hard, you good for nothing, sweet talking bovine, boulevard bard.

 

by iconoclastic
10-18-13
I feel like I'm in a dream.
Think about the stall behind you, and what kind of stuff happens there...
Dude! Did you just whisper something to me?
No, because that would be potentially unethical! Did you hear any of the words clearly?
No, not really!
Excellent!!! Suck my horse-cock in the stall... suck my horse-cock in the stall...

 

by iconoclastic
10-18-13
You look kind of young to be a dream therapist.
Why, thank you! Don't forget about the stall... and my horse-cock too... How old do you think I am?
I didn't mean to get us side-tracked.
C'mon! Take a guess! Suck my horse-cock right away... at least jack it off within a week... Here's my other side.
No realIy, I didn't...
C'mon! Don't be a party pooper! No one likes party poopers... no one likes party poopers...

 

by iconoclastic
10-18-13
Dude! You look like you could use a drink! Drink from my horse-cock... drink from my horse-cock... in the stall behind you... in the stall behind you...
Thanks, but I don't drink.
Oh, no problem! You can start today! Go into the stall and put you mouth by the glory hole...hurry, time's a wastin'!
I'm lucky you're here, because I'm starting to hear things again! I'm feeling a little woozy.
Uh oh! I'd better help you into the stall where I can treat you in private!

 

by iconoclastic
10-19-13
We are live from a plane crash in progress. There are large rents in the fusilage. Soon we will be sucked out. On the subject of 'sucking'...
I said "On the subject of 'sucking'...
I will sign off now, wishing not to interfere with my premature (but ever so much appreciated), arrival in heaven.

 

by iconoclastic
10-19-13
*The crew requests assistance with the unruly passenger blocking the isle.*
Coming!

 

May I rape you?
Yes you may.
by iconoclastic, 10-19-13

 

by iconoclastic
10-19-13
*This is your Captain speaking. Please try to keep your spirits up...
...as we make ...
...our final approach.

 

by iconoclastic
10-19-13
*This is your captain once again. Please to not give any thought to having shit in your pants...
...the process of dismemberment and far flung body parts in such a crash... pretty much precludes investigators...
...from assigning any particular poopy panties to any particular passenger's dismembered body part. Enjoy your flight.*

 

I have to bend over to get my doggie out of the sump pump. Would you mind poking one of your digits in my bottom so I don't fall in too?
by iconoclastic, 10-20-13

 

by iconoclastic
10-20-13
It's a mystery how come people like us Brits so much?
Well, for one thing, we tawk all high class, but we gotta' queen who's above us all.
So, we sound high class, but we're not, 'cus we gotta' queen?
No. We sound high class, but we're approachable, unlike the Queen. She stands alone, refusing to acquire the common British quality of endearment.
What's that? The way we wave?
No. Rotten teef!

Showing page 3.

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