All comics by lara7

Profile

 

by lara7
9-08-02
Luckily, a solution was at hand:
Good news! I enrolled you in private school! They don't care how old you are.
Private school? Won't it be a bunch of snobs?
No no, this is a secular private school. It won't be snob, it'll be kids of liberals.
What's a liberal?
Uh...we'll talk about that when you're older.
I hate politics.

 

by lara7
9-08-02
lara7's school years were somewhat problematic:
You are younger than the rest of us. We shall taunt you.
That's not really fair. I mean, we're all kids here.
But we will get breasts and boyfriends before you. Ha!
oh yeah?
I sense a flash-forward literary device will be employed.
That's pretty big talk for a sixth grader.

 

by lara7
9-08-02
lara7 quickly developed an interest in older men:
I'm only 16, but I'm smarter and better read than most of your fellow college students.
Damn! She's right!
So, you wanna make out?
I could go to jail for this!
Okay.

 

by lara7
9-08-02
College brought its share of heartache:
lara7, we've been going out for 2 years now. I will now give you this diamond ring that belonged to my mother.
Oh wow! I'm engaged!
Whoa, sister! Just because I told you I want to be with you and gave you a ring, doesn't mean I'm ready to think about MARRIAGE!
Then If this isn't a proposal, what is it?
A way of keeping you humble?

 

by lara7
9-08-02
A dead end retail job after college led to the only possible alternative:
I scheduled you to close on Thanksgiving, Xmas, and New Years Eve. Is that okay?
Ah, the old 'Management through rhetorical questions' routine.
Graduate School.
I think I'd like to be a librarian, professor.
Here, have a scholarship.
Wow! This is so cool.
Enjoy it. It's probably the last real money you'll ever see in this career.

 

by lara7
9-08-02
1992- Grad School was where I met the first two great loves in my life: Mark;
Hi. I'm a musician with an art degree.
Ooh, are you the trouble I've been looking for?
..and the Internet.
So I get a BITNET acct because I'm a grad student? That's cool, I guess.
You will be my slave.
As Mark lived 800 miles away, this proved to be fortitous.
Better dash off this email before the computer lab closes...
You are wasting my vast computing resources with this romance nonsense. You should be reading alt.ketchup instead.

 

by lara7
9-08-02
We were, in our way, part of the brave new world transformed by the Internet:
So you have a boyfriend you met online? Isn't that kinda weird?
I didn't MEET him online. I just keep in touch with him that way.
And thankfully, a solution was at hand:
I'm graduating and have no job in my field lined up.
We could move to San Francisco together.
I've never been to San Francisco, but okay.
Hey, it's gotta beat Louisiana and Virginia. And think of the money we'll save on plane fares and phone calls!

 

by lara7
9-08-02
The SF years were marked by extreme wonder at living in such a vibrantly artistic place.
3 bands we like are playing tonight. Which one should we see?
Which one has the cheapest cover charge?
And also, extreme poverty.
How's the job search going?
Not good. Apparently there's a glut of librarians in this area, being that there are two library schools here.
But we had each other. For now.
Ever think what your life would have been like if we hadn't moved out here together?
Oh, only every other day or so.

 

by lara7
9-08-02
After about 3 years, we broke up. On (mostly) good terms.
Now that we've divided up the CDs, ready to tackle the LPs?
Hmm. For two poor people, we sure did manage to acquire a bunch of communal possessions.
I finally got a full time job, working for a start up dot.com:
So you want me to surf the net all day and index web sites?
Yes. Including pornography. You don't have a problem with that, do you?
It was, despite the low pay, the best job ever:
I now know everything there is to know about robot fetishes, Kibo, and the "Ate my Balls" meme.
Yeah, but wait till you've been here a month!

 

by lara7
9-08-02
Around this time, I began trading emails with a friend of a friend I'd met once when he'd visited SF:
Wow, he's fun to write to. I seem to remember he was cute...
He came to visit after we'd been writing many months:
You have a impressive record collection. I can't believe you also own a copy of "Space Jazz"!
Oh god, another musician. What am I doing?
and then went back to Ohio:
What's that famous quote about history and being doomed to repeat it?
kinda ironic, don't you think?

 

by lara7
9-08-02
We started dating. I went to visit him a few times:
So how do you like Ohio?
It's not as bad as I'd pictured. But is it usually this cold in April?
I started applying for library jobs out there, just for fun.
You'd consider moving there? Why not make him move here?
Well, the fact that I'm making poverty level wages and sharing a 1 BR apt. with my ex-boyfriend has a little to do with it....
To my shock, I got a job offer, and so history repeated itself again:
Okay, everythings packed but the bedroom. Ready for our cross-county drive?
You bet! Especially since I'm not the one who has to uproot MY life for the sake of this relationship.

 

by lara7
9-08-02
Someone else will have to explain the next part:
lara7 lived in Ohio for the next 4.5 years.
3 of them were spent with the man she now calls "her least-favorite ex-boyfriend"
She thought about depicting scenes from that time, but ultimately decided it was too painful.
And depressing.
You could say it ended badly.
You could say that. If you were given to severe understatement.

 

by lara7
9-08-02
In the year 2000, I severed all ties with the Least Favorite Ex-Boxfriend. I also turned 30.
It's like the beginning of the rest of my life. Well, it's got to get better, since it can't get much worse.
The fact that you're talking to a squirrel makes me think you need to get out more.
I started working on an ambitious, if not slightly oddball, art project:
I'll cover the car in 5 1/4" diskettes and call it "Disk Drive".
You aren't getting laid much, are you?
Owning an artcar changed my life, though not always for the better:
I don't care what they think, -I- like it.
Maybe you should get out of Ohio.

 

by lara7
9-08-02
I started job hunting in early September. Of 2001.
hmmm..maybe this is a bad time to think about moving/uprooting.
On the contrary. Life is short, take action now while you can.
I got offered a job in the Seattle area. I'd never even visited there when I decided to take the job.
For the first time in my life, I've moved somewhere without there being a guy in the equation.
Congradulations. What do you want, a medal?
That was in February 2002.
It's kinda rainy here, but I guess it's okay.
Yeah, You'll like summer much better. All four weeks of it.

 

by lara7
9-08-02
But true to the cyclical nature of things, I met someone in May:
Wow, you have an artcar, too! and you collect LPs!
I'm also 18 years older than you. Not that I'm complaining, mind you.
He's older than me, and he lives 3 hours away.
Are you telling me there's no one single and your own age anywhere in Seattle?
Yeah, and he's probably hiding in his apartment playing with his action figures and "Magic, the Gathering" decks.
I know it won't work out, but the romantic optimist says give it a try.
I know you've dated older men before, but this is pretty crazy.
I know. It's not even like you're rich, or I'm an ex-model with huge boobs.

 

by lara7
9-08-02
So what does the future hold?
Well, let's see. I'm rapidly on my way to becoming an old maid.
I'm a librarian and I live alone except for two cats.
Oh come on, it's not that bad. Hell, look at some of the people you know who are less witty and cute than you are, and they managed to find spouses.
That depresses me even more.
It's okay, I'm resigned to the idea that I'll probably die alone.
You can't end this series on such a depressing note. ObiJo will never allow it!
Well, there is one other logical outcome of this cartoon:
Let's get married!

 

by lara7
9-16-02
At sub_m7's party:
I spent tons on airfare, but it's gonna be worth it!
I know! I can't wait to get my naked pictures..in person!
Where is she? I proposed to her once, you know.
She? Uh, I think you misread the invitation...
No! Don't leave! We'll have fun!
I thought it was lara_7 who was throwing this party. Feh!

 

by lara7
10-05-02
Darling, I have some bad news. The cancer came back and has spread. I have to get a masectomy.
Oh my God! But you'll be okay after that, right?
Most likely. But I'll have to get used to be lopsided. You'll still love me if I have only one breast, won't you?
Of course! Hey wait a minute--
You won't be needing your old bras anymore! Can I have them for my dress-up games?

 

by lara7
10-25-02
Oh, thank goodness they let me see you! In a moment, I have to be interrogated, so it's good we have this time together.
Mr. Snugglybear? Please, answer me! Jeez, talking to you is like trying to buy purple paint from Aunt Minnie!
Wait..no pulse...entrance wound...Mr. Snugglybear!!! NOOOO!!
MOH!

 

by lara7
11-08-02
About time you got home! Hurry up and change into your costume for the party!
Okay, sorry. Give me 15 minutes and I'll be ready
So what do you think of my costume?
Uh...who the hell are you supposed to be?
Kaufman. And I've got 25 Halloween puns memorized.
I have no idea what a "kaufman" is, but I'm already scared.

 

by lara7
11-19-02
Graduation Day...
Congrats, Yablonski! You've won THE SWEETEST THING we bestow to graduates: Magna Cum Laude!
Big deal! Yablonski's feeling GUN CRAZY! Give me my weapons- Now!
Wish things were so simple, Yablonski. School rules state that THE GRADUATE must pass background checks before receiving weapons.
Grr! You're making me want to SCREAM!
Geez, most folks who like guns that much join the postal service rather than the police squad.
Duh, JACKASS. Thought you knew that was my prior career. Why do you think police work was my second choice?

 

by lara7
11-28-02
Hello, Colin, you old whorefucker.
Martin! How nice to see you've finally discovered soap.
So how's your girlfriend doing? What -was- her name..oh yes, Lisa, the love of my life, rings a bell.
Oh Martin, that was years ago. Can't you move on?
Well, considering you two persist in fucking on my porch, I'd say not.
You know, she always said you were the judgmental type.

 

by lara7
12-21-02
Mix cream cheese, sugar and cinnamon until thoroughly blended. Add milk, eggs and vanilla.
Combine bread cubes and let stand for 15 minutes. Pour into greased casserole dish.
Bread pudding? I love that stuff!
Nae, laddie, ye dinnae want Jael's scran. It's fookin' shite, it is.
Later....
Thank you for the dessert, but I must say I'm displeased to discover that you greased the casserole dish with the oil from your unwashed hair.
But....I'm being treated for obsessive compulsive disorder. This is the only way I can keep from washing my hands 30 times an hour.

 

by lara7
12-31-02
Every time you go away
you take a piece of me with you
Every time you go away you take... uh oh.

 

by lara7
1-04-03
I'm sorry, but the aging boomer market can no longer relate to your "fuckin bich of a hoar" dialogue.
Wat do you meen asain girl? I'm...ARGH!
Really, it's for your own good. You'll see.
So, we'll try a more retro, Victorian approach.
Pray, allow me to feast my eyes with the touch and perusal, feast my lips with kisses of the highest relish!

 

by lara7
1-12-03
Professor, I'm having trouble remembering what some of these abbreviations on my transcript mean.
Well, it has been over 10 years since you got your BA. What courses are you referring to?
"Elem Germ", "Sem Rom Med Ren Civ" and "Mus & Musm Metds"
Ah. Those are Elementary German, Seminar in Roman, Medieval and Renaissance Civilization, and Museology and Museum Methods.
Okay, fine. Now, explain this one: "Anal. Chem."?
Raar.

 

by lara7
1-16-03
Yaar! I'm the Emo Pirate!
Okay, but what do you -do-?
Yaar! I...I don't know, actually.
If you want to stick around here, ya gotta have a gimmick or a catchphrase.
YAAR! EMO PIRATE WILL CONSOLE YOU!!

 

by lara7
1-16-03
So I says, "Well, them guitar-oriented, midtempo rock-based sounds aren't gonna generate emotional punk vocals by themselves!"
I'm going to cry now.

 

by lara7
1-17-03
and yuo dotn stopp/sure shot/go uot to teh parrking lot
yuo git in yuor car and driv reely far/And yuo driv al nite and yuo see a lite
and it cums rite down and land's on the gruond/and out cums the man from mars
and yuo try to run but hes got a gun/and he shoots yuo ded/ and he eets yur head
and than ur ine the man from Mars/yuo go out at nite eating car's
and yuo dotn stopp/Rappture/Be puor!

 

by lara7
1-17-03
You're asking me on a date? Wait a minute- how old are you?
I'm 27, so I'm 5 years younger than you. Is that a problem?
No, that's fine. One more question- you don't live with your parents, do you?
Oh, God, no!!
whew
I live with my two children.

 

by lara7
1-18-03
Sorry I couldn't keep our date. My babysitter backed out, so I had to stay home.
That's okay. Too bad you had to stay home on a Friday night, though.
It wasn't all bad. The next morning, I woke up to find two beautiful underage blonde girls in my bed.
You WHAT?! Oh, you mean your daughters.
Hee hee. Got ya!
Great. I'm either dating a smart ass practical joker, or Woody Allen.

 

by lara7
1-21-03
Posted 9-17-02:
I'm taking a hiatus from the internet. I need a complete break. You shall not see ObiJo on stripcreator for 6 months or so.
Hey, do what ya gotta do. Bye!
posted 12-18-02
Hey, I posted this to my Live Journal and no one responded. What city do you guys think I should I move to? Guys?
Wait, aren't you the dude that made grand pronouncements about getting offline but keeps logging on every week? What gives?
Sometime in 2003:
I don't understand why lara7 is making such a mean-spirited comic about me.
Maybe she only misses those of us who say we're leaving and are gone long enough to actually be absent.

 

by lara7
1-21-03
One morning at the crack of dawn:
Wake up, daddy! I'm jumping on lara's side of the bed! Whee!!
later...
Uh-oh, she's noticing our sleeping arrangements. Do you think she's freaked out about me sleeping over?
Well, she's only 7. Let me talk to her.
even later...
Daddy, you should get bunk beds like me and sissy have. Then you'd have more room when your friend stays over!
heh, false alarm.

 

by lara7
1-26-03
Doctor, the prescription you gave me is having some unpleasant side effects. For one, my anus is bleeding.
That's odd. I've never had that complaint about that drug before. Are you taking it with alcohol?
Well, of course. That's the only way I'm able to relax enough to insert a suppository.
Ah.
You have no idea what "oral contraceptive" even means, do you?

 

by lara7
2-03-03
Lady J? Is that you?
Why, it's Lara7! What have you been up to in the last few decades?
Oh, the usual- got married, bought a house, made 4 more art cars. How about you?
Well, my husband's comic shop did really well. I was able to afford my lifelong dream of getting 200 zero-gauge body piercings.
But that must have been years ago, right? You don't still have them, I hope?
I sure do! If not for this cane, my nipples would be dragging the ground.

 

by lara7
2-07-03
I don't think we have a future together. I don't think we should date anymore.
Oh. Damn, I'll really miss you. And the great sex we had. I guess this is goodbye, then.
No no, I still wanna watch movies and hang out with you. And sleep over once or twice a week, if you'd be okay with that.
I'm confused- how would that be any different from what we were doing while we were dating?
Hmm. Good point. I guess the main difference is now I don't have to get you a gift for Valentine's Day.
As Marge Simpson would say, "Rrrrnnnhhh!"

 

by lara7
2-10-03
I'm worried that I'm drinking too much. I'm thinking of going to an AA meeting.
What makes you think you have a problem?
Well, besides the DWI, there's the constant blackouts, and then yesterday, I hit rock bottom.
What happened?
I was drunk at the mall and I bought the Justin Timberlake box set.
I'll call the Betty Ford Clinic.

 

by lara7
2-16-03
..So somewhere after the 10th dose, I realized that all we need to take out Saddam is a stapler, some Uranium-235, a bungee cord, and apple butter.
Okay, aside from the fact that you're having a conversation with a dinosaur in a top hat, you don't see the problem with your logic?
No, man, it's a perfect plan: he's dead, none of the Iraqi people are hurt, and then they can get the food and medicine they need.
Think about it, man; why isn't this going to work?
Oh. crap. The staplers in the Middle East are metric.
Bingo.

 

by lara7
2-19-03
I wish I had a guy who would love me unconditionally.
The Genie of the Forest grants your wish!
Really? Oh, thank you!
No problem. {snicker}
I totally deserved it when you kicked me for chewing the toes from your shoes. I love you. Here's a mouse I caught for you.
Dammit.

 

by lara7
3-04-03
Having mastered the art of retribution in the Academy, Yablonski conceives the most fiendish punishment possible...
..he will filch Jael's 10-year diary from her bedside table, read it to all the boys she had crushes on in Junior high, and then have her executed via firing squad by those same men.
The victim's family offers zero resistance to the death sentence. Well, almost zero resistance:
Needs more sodomy.

 

by lara7
4-09-03
Dr. Kaufman, I'm worried about my peanut allergy.
I'm sorry, Butch, but I'm not a medical doctor. I have a PhD in Information Technology.
I'm sorry, I just assumed..
When you assume, you make and ASS out of U and ME.
And apparently, when you eat a legume, you make a LEG out of U and ME...

 

by lara7
9-16-03
Captain Monosyllabic! What happened?
{SULK}
The arresting officer says you're a...
CREEP!
Of all of your FRIENDS, who would have tipped the cops?
YOU.

 

by lara7
10-08-03
Undress, you dog, or I will slice your neck like thread!
Oh God! He wants to plunder my uncharted territories!
Put the jacket and pants by your feet and slowly back away. Oh, I'll take those red underwear, too.
I'll cooperate, just don't kill me! ...Wait..you just want my clothes?
Yeah, I got a date, and my jacket and doorag are on my other ship.
On second thought, maybe bodily plunder is less humiliating than being mugged by a guy wearing my boxers on his head.

 

by lara7
2-24-04
SUBJECT: KEN COUGHMAN WOLD YOU LIK MOR AND BETER PUSSIE?
well, hmm. Snuggles here is pretty great, but lets see what this "Henrietta Cinderblock" person is offering me..
NATURLE MALE ENHAGEMENT! INKREAS YER ENDROWNMENT AND HAVE HER BEG FOR MORE!
That doesn't make a lot of sense, but if it's on the internet, it must be true.
Later, at the shore:
Look for the last time, "Endrownment" isn't even a word, and it won't make your penis bigger if you sink that cat.

 

by lara7
4-24-04
I'm so lonely since Gary left me. It's been 8 months since I've even kissed a guy.
You should come with me to the science fiction convention. There's like 20 guys for every girl there.
Really?
Yeah, I've never met a woman who couldn't get laid at a con. Even my mom hooked up last year.
Wait, isn't your mom Janet Reno?
Exactly.

 

by lara7
4-24-04
At the science fiction convention, our heroine attempts to meet eligible men:
Hi, this is my first con.
yay! Fresh meat!
I hope she likes older guys.
Should I point to my hat and make the "horny" joke?
I knew I should have picked a costume that showed my face!
I'm glad I picked a costume that hides my face!

 

by lara7
4-24-04
Our Heroine finds it's hard to meet normal guys at a SF con:
...And did you notice that in the second series of Sailor Moon, they totally changed the mission of the Sailor Scouts to...
I'm sorry, I've never heard of Sailor Moon.
You haven't? Then why are you dressed like that?
Because it's my school uniform and I didn't have time to change before I got here.
Oh. Well, that's okay, we can make out anyway.
....

 

by lara7
4-24-04
After fruitless hours of trying to find an appealing guy:
I'm glad I caught up with you. I think I'm going home. I don't belong here.
You sure? I know some of the guys here are nerds, but if you look around, you might find someone you like.
Yes, I'm sure.
Okay, see you later...I'm off to the SCA witch-burning demonstration!
Thank God that's over!
Hey everybody! It's the perfect co-star for my next film! Get her!

 

by lara7
4-24-04
Our Heroine is abducted for nefarious purposes:
Roll camera and ACTION!
Where am I ? What the...?
SQUISH! SLORP!
What are you doing? ....Stop! .....Help! ...... MMMM.....
Next morning...
Call me later?

 

by lara7
7-14-04
I would argue that the future of our country hangs in the balance because the future of marriage hangs in the balance. Isn't that the ultimate homeland security, standing up and defending marriage?
Senator Santorum, I don't understand your analogy.
If this doesn't pass, the terrorists will fly planes into your marriage!!

Showing page 3.

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