All comics by lukket

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by lukket
9-07-03
Can I buy you a drink, babe?
Yeah. I'd like a "Now go bother someone else you old fart"
May I take your order?
I'd like that drink with Sloe Gin, Vodka, Southern Comfort, Galliano, and Orange Juice
But officer, I didn't rape her. She asked for a Long Slow Comfortable Screw Against the Wall
Uh okay. How do you spell consensual?

 

by lukket
9-08-03
I know the rules my fine friend. Just deliver that damn punchline!
Ha! What are you going to do to me if I don't?!
I really enjoyed our date.
Yeah. I never knew bullfighting could be so exciting.
It was just creepy to see the bull win.
Yeah. It seemed very lifelike. My stomach hurt from laughing when the toreador yelled "What's going on. Why am I here. Help. A Bull!"

 

by lukket
9-14-03
"In the evening"
"She's so fine"
"Hey Joe", "I will" "Discipline" "You"
"Are you experienced?"
"I am a wicked child"
"That's the way"
"Yes I am" "Little Miss lover"

 

by lukket
9-21-03
And then he said "There's a man in my soup!"
Aw man. You're superfly. They should print your jokes in the Fly Paper.
How's the job at Microsoft?
It's cool, and I hear that they haven't fired anyone in my department since 1995.
Anyone here asking for horse?
Dammit. I was asking for whores.

 

by lukket
9-21-03
I just got the job at the oceanarium!
Cool. You get to be very close to humans, right?
Yeah. They're going to ride on my back and play with me in the water.
Nice, and then you eat them, right?
Dolphins don't eat people.
Wicked. You just kill them and let them be?

 

by lukket
9-21-03
You don't get the point. Dolphins don't hate people.
I don't understand that. You really should.
Why?
"Flipper" was the work of humans.
How is human flesh?
It tastes like chicken, but that's ok.

 

by lukket
9-21-03
I just killed a man today.
Cool. Shouldn't you be on the run?
Naw. They think someone else did it.
Heh. Who is that poor sucker?
You.
I'll go get my fake moustache.

 

by lukket
9-26-03
what appears to be the problem officer?
you were doing 90mph in a 40 zone, I'm gonna need to take your name sir.
my name? Why, I'm Saint Nicholas don't you know? good-old Chris Cringle? Santa_Claus?
very amusing sir, if you'd like to just get into the back of the car, we can sort this out down at the station.
Listen, what is the real problem officer?
You never answered my letters, and I never got that fire engine for christmas.

 

by lukket
9-29-03
Wiener in a bun? That's 2 dollars sir.
Hey, That's cheap!
We have an asian prostitute, you'll find her very cute.
I have been long gone on the road, and have a hefty load. What are the charges for a suck of my beloved cock?
Wiener in a bun? That's 2 dollars sir.
Hey, That's cheap!

 

by lukket
9-29-03
What can I get you?
Hi Red! What are you doing here, I thought it was Jes_Lawson's fastfood chain!?
Yeah it is, but there are 52 restaurants worldwide. He can't be everywhere.
Is that menu some sort of a sick joke? There isn't a single thing without absinth.
It was like that when I got here. But you could always try the cheeseburger. It has less absinth in it.
Naw, I have to split before those wikings start singing.

 

by lukket
9-29-03
On a day like all the rest, Dubya was a bit depressed, when he noticed this looking in the mirror lit by Venus:
I've been converted to penis!
You look quite stuffed. Are you alright?
Yeah, I just ate Dick Cheney
And what happened then?
Then you became the President, sir!

 

by lukket
9-30-03
Otto!
Yes? You called Mr. President.
Are you aware that your name is the same when you say it backwards.
I didn't realize that. How does it sound when you say it backwards, then?
Otto!
Yes? You called Mr. President.

 

by lukket
10-01-03
I'm elected President? Hey, cool.
Still no news on the hostage situation in the Whitehouse
Hey! What's up?
A madman has taken control over the white house. He says something about "the bodily fluids being corrupted by the absense of Absinth". He's hacked up the Bush twins too.
It sounds like Jes_Lawson. I understand it all better now. I must go in and do meet my destiny.
You'll fit right into his hallucinations.

 

by lukket
10-01-03
Hey. Did you know what. This strip is the first lukket has been able to do in his beloved Safari!
Nooo. Safari is not a Microsoft product. Why does he do stuff like that!?
Well. He uses a Mac. Safari is one of the fastest browsers for Mac, you know.
Nooo. He's not using a Microsoft Operating system. What on earth is he thinking!?
Maybe he's thinking: "I don't want no BSOD"?
Don't say that. I would be insane if it wasn't for that soothing blue color and the cryptic error messages.

 

by lukket
10-01-03
Blue's just shouted "Come get me", While Brunette's in the shower...
Um. I wasn't talking to you.
So you were only rehearsing before the act?
Well... I...
We are going to have sex, right?
Eh. No. Gotta get up early to get to work. You better go home now.
Do you think I'm stupid? Tomorrow is saturday! But alright, I'm leaving, asshat!

 

by lukket
10-01-03
What's up with you?
I just wish human communication was a bit more honest.
Then it would all be so easy:
You know what. I like you.
You do? That's great.
Will you be my girl-friend?
Yes. Of course!

 

by lukket
10-01-03
You really think it would be bliss if human communication was more honest? Let me tell you my version.
OK. Go on.
You would get hurt, my friend:
You know what. I like you.
I like you too.
Will you be my girl-friend?
I would date you, but it will never get any further than that. I'd want someone else.

 

by lukket
10-01-03
I'm sorry to tell you. But honesty in human communication would make it even worse.
So she just turned you down:
I like your looks and your ways. If you'd rather have someone else, I'll change to comply with your wishes.
That won't help you. I'm not even letting you go there.
I beg for some comforting words.
Yeah. But how can I honestly say that there are other fish in the sea?

 

by lukket
10-01-03
So you see. Honesty in human communication won't help you.
So I have to avoid the truth??
Yep. So you probably shouldn't tell Blonde about your date with Brunette.
Um. How on earth did you know about that?
You didn't wonder where she went for comfort after you let her go last night?
So ... hey! You're not a gay anymore!?

 

by lukket
10-01-03
I'm not gay anymore.
What convinced you? Sex with Brunette?
Um no. It was the idea of having sex with a man that disgusted me.
But you knew all along that gays usually do that kind of things?
Yeah. But I hoped it came with jumping out of the closet.
That reminds of the time you wound your clock back to get more time for your Physics report.

 

by lukket
10-01-03
But I don't understand. Shouldn't you be all excited over that mail from Blonde. She wants you.
Yeah. I guess so. But I think she has given up on me.
Let me guess. You wish you had the courage to tell her that you love her madly, and that you want her badly too?
You're getting close.
You want ME to tell her that. Could it be more pathetic?
I also sent her flowers anonymously.

 

by lukket
10-01-03
Meanwhile:
How can I get revenge on Blue?
Someone sent me flowers today. But there wasn't a card with it. Any ideas?
I think it's b... Red. He's not a gay anymore, you know.
He's not gay anymore?
And he fancies you. Just so you know. But I guess you're only thinking about Blue now.
Forget Blue. He's a wimp!

 

by lukket
10-01-03
Okay. I'll call blonde and tell her that you love her.
You're a true friend.
Just don't call me an attention whore again.
OK. I promise.
I'll IM you later.
Yeah. Or write it in your blog. Sorry. That was pure reflex.

 

by lukket
10-01-03
Red has promised Blue to call Blonde and tell her about Blue's love for her.
Hello Blonde. I just called about the flowers you got.
That was just so thoughtful of you to give me flowers after my disappointment with Blue!
That was what I was going to talk you ab...
He's such a wimp. I'm surprised he hasn't talked you into calling me.
Well... as a matter of fact, I ...
Why don't you just come over. I've got a bottle of champagne on ice.

 

by lukket
10-02-03
Sorry, but lukket couldn't make it, so I'll host the Photoshop awards ceremony. Spankling. Good entry.
Thanks. Did I win?
No. wirthling. You almost won.
That sucks!
I honestly don't know why lukket made this as a strip. The winner is not in forumusers.
I lost to Chi_the_Cynic?

 

by lukket
10-05-03
So I understand that you have come to me to seek knowledge of the utmost importance to you career?
Yes, master.
What wisdom have you come to seek. What knowledge do you expect to gain, my young apprentice?
I just figured that Ackbar would have some good ideas on how to avoid traps.
Ackbar!? You be cursed you little rodent. I am Cthulhu! Your entire family will be forever cursed!
Rats.

 

by lukket
10-07-03
Repeat after me "This is my broomstick. There are many like it but this one is mine."
This is my broomstick. There are many like it but this one is mine.
"My broomstick is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life."
My broomstick is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life.
Hi Mike, long time no see. Cool to be in the armed forces?
I don't know. The air force isn't quite what I imagined.

 

by lukket
10-07-03
Hey! You're my mentor? That's a nice surprise. I'm a great fan of your stories.
I don't do them. Retard does.
So you can't teach me how to do it?
No. But I can tell you anything you want to know about embroidery.
So can you tell me a good story, Sir Godfred?
Well Sire. Once upon a time there was a cross stitch...

 

by lukket
10-09-03
Hey, wanna hear a joke I heard?
Alright
Why did the dwarf cross the road?
Hmmn...
Speak up!?
He met my niece!

 

by lukket
10-12-03
"Therefore I conclude that the federal government may use the California recall election to draw away attention from the Iraq war." Ok. I'll better save it now.
Hey. What happened!? The lights went out, and the phone started ringing??? Hello?
Hello, I'm Al. Are you tired of sick and tired of high interest loans?...
Why do you call me? I'm on the do-not-call list. You have no right to call me!
How could I know that?! I can't even see my PC in this goddamn darkness!!

 

by lukket
11-06-03
What you lie?
Um. I want chicken porn ... sorry ... corn soup and after that, I want suck... sorry sticky rice and stir fried beef with spinach, and Hanoi beer all over you... sorry on the side.
Fie dolla!
Um. Yeah.
Is there problem?
You just remind me of someone. Forget it.

 

by lukket
12-27-03
2003, December 31st
Diabetics has be become a problem in both the richest and poorest countries due to malnutrition
There is nothing but trouble with those religious sects!
If you're overweight, chances of dying from diabetics are high.
Oh my. I'd better stop eating that much. Nice. There's my New Year's resolution!
2004, January 1st
Häagen-Dasz just announced a new ice cream flavour today...
Damn you, Häagen-Dasz!

 

by lukket
12-29-03
2004 approaching, sir!
Good, corporal. Keep in your sights. We don't want to lose it.
OH... MY... GOD!!!
What is it, corporal?? What do you see!!
I think 2004 just came!
This will be hard to explain to the rest of our men...

 

by lukket
12-30-03
Our new year's resolution is ...
to only participate in meaningful comics
5.. 4.. 3... 2... 1! Happy new year!
Right on!
Sucky sucky .. fie dolla?
Sis!!

 

by lukket
12-30-03
2004 approaching, sir!
Good, corporal. Keep it in your sights. We don't want to lose it.
OH... MY... GOD!!!
What is it, corporal?? What do you see!!
I just saw a large hanging chad
What did you expect? It's an election year!

 

by lukket
12-30-03
lukket approaches dcomposed
Hmpf! Fine then. I won't speak to you again.
Ha! That'll teach him!

 

by lukket
1-01-04
How can you fail to seduce him with a sheep?
Mr. President, the sheep betrayed us by stating the truth!
The what??
Nevermind. I'll think of something...
How can I know you haven't been sent out by the US government?
Do you want to meet the world's greatest asshole or not?

 

by lukket
1-01-04
Where are we going?
We're going to the land of goatse.cx ...
cx is an actual country???
It's the Christmas Islands, if you need to know.
I don't know, but I begin to think Santa to be a very dirty old man
The habit with having children on his lap or going through the chimney to put candy into their stockings didn't give him away earlier on???

 

by lukket
1-01-04
But, wait a minute. Is it Santa Claus on goatse.cx then???
No. It's much worse.
How can it be much worse???
You'll see. We're approacing rapidly. I'll have to put a cloak over your head!
What can be much worse than Santa Claus opening up his ...
Quiet you! Don't you think it's bad enough that some people may actually have visited the page after seeing the address in this cartoon!

 

by lukket
1-01-04
So... you will be leading me to the mysterious goatse.cx man?
Sure, Spankling. I have called his orifice and arranged a meeting.
You surely mean his office!?
Why would I call his office?? Are you mad?
But how would they know that he expects us??
It's not a problem. We'll take the back entrance...

 

by lukket
1-01-04
Are we there yet?
You are standing in his office now. I'll leave and let you two talk. I guess you have a lot to talk about!
You!!? Are you the goatse.cx man??
I can prove it. Look. It's painful, but look what I have done to get your attention. Will you vote for me now!?
No... but....
Oh my! That's even better!

 

by lukket
1-01-04
Be there in a minute!
Death doesn't wait!
Death!? I'll teach you about Death!?
Oh. Well, I guess I've got the wrong address.
Who was it honey?
I don't know, but I really need some Prilosec now!

 

by lukket
1-01-04
She probably still wants me, but Blue is in love with her, and he's my best friend. I must tell her!
Oh, hi Blonde.
Hi Red. Just come in. I'm getting dressed, so please take a seat while you wait.
...

 

by lukket
1-01-04
OK. I must focus on the task at hand.
Can you help me a sec?
What's the problem?
I need you to help me with the zipper in my bra so I can change to that black lacey one there...
You don't have to change your clothes for my sake... you're beautiful the way you are
Aw. But you may still unzip my bra.

 

by lukket
1-01-04
I'll unzip your bra, and then I'll have a seat in the living-room.
Why don't you just sit on my bed. Then you can help me finding the right clothes.
I guess I can tell her that Blue loves her when she's dressed...
Now, please unzip my bra!
OK. *ziiiip*. Hey! What happened to the power!?
Maybe the grid is down again...

 

by lukket
1-01-04
Here I am in Blonde's bedroom. It's dark and her bra is off. I don't think it's the right time to tell about what Blue feels for her...
I'll get us some matches and a candle
Umph!
Sorry. Didn't mean to topple you over
OK. But then let go of me so I can come off the bed again.
Sorry, I'm just not sure that I'll let you go

 

by lukket
1-01-04
Eh... you feel really nice, but ...
*uh-oh*
Hey... that sounded like an icq message!?
That was just me saying uh-oh.
OK then... but you see... I ...
*ta-da-da*

 

by lukket
1-01-04
Hey! That wasn't you. That's Eudora's new mail sound!
Can't you forget about the internet and focus on me!?
Can't you see? If that's Eudora's new mail sound the power IS on.
I don't have my bra on!
I believe you turned off the lights just to take advantage of me!
You don't think that sounds incredibly stupid?

 

by lukket
1-01-04
I really like you. But not in that way!
Um... I'll get on my bra again
I'm sorry. But it's been a messed up time for me too
But what about the flowers that you sent? Didn't they mean anything? *click*
I didn't send those flowers.
Why do I feel a sudden urge to press ctrl-z?

 

by lukket
1-01-04
But why did you come here today if it was not to date me?
I had a message from Blue. He wants you to know that he loves you.
He sent me the flowers?
Yeah.
You better go now. I have to think.
That's about ti.... sorry... see you

Showing page 3.

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