All comics by BlackAlice

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by BlackAlice
6-18-04
Team leader Dave
There's a new sandwich starting today called 'Eat me keep me'
'Eat me keep me'? You got to be joking right? Now what does that remind me of?
Don't laugh. wait until he leaves.
*sings* "SIT ON MY FACE AND TELL ME THAT YOU LOVE ME! SIT ON MY FACE AND TELL ME THAT YOU CARE!"

 

by BlackAlice
7-09-04
I would like to vote Alice out of the house for calling me fat.
I would like to vote Alice out of the house for making rude remarks about Natsy's weight.
I would like to vote myself out of the house for being mean to Nats but as I can't nominate myself I'll vote her out for being fat. It's a small house and we need the space.

 

by BlackAlice
7-09-04
Big Brother insists that you only nominate one house member.
Don't they normally get to make two nominations on the real big brother? I'd like to nominate Marcus and Omeds for being really boring nerds.
Big Brother needs to remove his head from his arse but I'll nominate Omeds.
Let me think.
That's the longest I've ever gone without talking. I'll vote Emily Jane Bronte's ghost out. She keeps reading poetry in a scary way when I'm trying to get to sleep.
I haven't had that much trouble sleeping since having Alice as a house mate. O' wait I'm stuck in a house with Alice.

 

by BlackAlice
7-09-04
I'll nominate Sarah because Alice fancies her and Sarah is a crap name.
I'm going to vote the ghost off because she can't roll dice having no physical pressence and she doesn't get computer games being very old.
For fuck's sake I thought my best friend was into abba but Penny is too much she has to go.
I should vote Alice out for calling natsy fat but where was natsy when Alice called me ugly? I'll vote um who will I vote for?
"Woo Woo I'm a ghost scary scary boo!"? and Alice calls herself a poet?

 

by BlackAlice
7-09-04
Who are you going to nominate Emily?
How bleak is death on reality TV How tedious this show My boredom maybe much reduced If Omeds is to go. How deep my grave How dark the night O' how it lingers so O' sorrowful eternal spite..
Alice would probably be more bearable if Katy wasn't around so I'll vote Katy out.
I'll vote Sarah out as she has to be one of the favourites to win.

 

by BlackAlice
8-07-04
after the public vote Sarah was evicted.
Who the fuck was Sarah anyway?
Don't ask me. I'm not even sure who you are?
You know the real big brother is over already.
you real big brother was a bunch of idiots in a house. This is a comic strip about a bunch of idiots in a house.
So?
So I have to fit in writing the damn thing with actually having a life.

 

by BlackAlice
8-07-04
but you don't have a life
and nor do you.
good point
Why do you do that?
It's all part of my big brother game plan.

 

by BlackAlice
12-31-04
Fuck big brother I win!
Does that make you Nadia?
What aren't you going to set me on fire or something?
Why bother?

 

by BlackAlice
12-31-04
What the fuck are you?
I'm an evil evil Llamma.
WORSHIP ME!
o' Hi Robert, what are you doing in my comic?
I couldn't find a picture of a toilet so this will have to do.
As god I am everywhere.
Everywhere? That would explain the smell.

 

by BlackAlice
12-31-04
so is new year's eve.
are you going to try and snog me at midnight?
yup.

 

by BlackAlice
12-31-04
This letter says we need to be funnier.
Whose it from?
You.
Damn those critics!
I've always wanted to be a bunny girl.
I don't know I think you had a point.
Ok is this funny enough?

 

by BlackAlice
12-31-04
Happy new year!
Happy new year!
Ok how do we make this funny?
I don't know?
Happy polecat day!
but that's not until the 28th of October.

 

by BlackAlice
12-31-04
A spacehopper, cool.
Marcus has been put in charge of comic quality control.
How is a spacehopper funny?!! how how?!?
calm down just put your head between your legs and breathe.
O great now I can smell my arse.
Would you rather smell mine.

 

by BlackAlice
12-31-04
I got another A in an inclass test today.
That's nice.
Bask in my A-ness!
Did I just say that?
Yup.

 

by BlackAlice
1-01-05
Ever had one of those days where nothing happens?
Yes but I wouldn't write a comic strip about it.

 

by BlackAlice
1-01-05
Hi Alice.
Hi Mike, um you're a nice guy an' all but what this comic needs is funny and you're just not cutting it.
Are you fire-ing me?
No.
I'm fire-ing Marcus for not fire-ing you, as comedy quality control is his job.

 

by BlackAlice
1-01-05
I can't believe you fired me! I'm the funniest person here!
Only because I write you badly. Anyway as I've fired you what are you doing here?
I've decided to work for nothing.
And was I paying you before?
No.
Then get out!

 

by BlackAlice
1-01-05
Ok why should you, a frozen guy be my new side-kick?
Omeds auditions.
Ok so far the frozen guy who can't even talk is winning.
Hey!
Yup I'm astounded.
Ok little brother astound me.
I think you should put Marcus back in the comic.

 

by BlackAlice
1-01-05
Ok now being my side-kick isn't an easy job but I think you are up to it.
Let's face it if Marcus could do it how hard can it be?
O' sod it, I think I'm going to have to fire you too.

 

by BlackAlice
1-01-05
Thanks Miss you thawed me out.
Great now you can be my side-kick.
Some chance, I've got hours of tomb-raider 2 to catch up on
Tomb-raider 2? You were frozen a long time.

 

by BlackAlice
1-01-05
I'm here about the side-kick job.
Marcus I can tell it's you, you know.
O' how's that?
I'm the one who writes the comics remember. Besides it's not much of a disguise is it?
o go on then Marcus have your none paying job back
How about this one, would this have fooled you?
Well apart from the fact you'd be the only cop who would have to borrow my handcuffs in order to arrest anyone, but apart from that? No it wouldn't no.

 

by BlackAlice
5-07-05
Give me a moment whilst I think of something funny.
?
?
This just doesn't cut it anymore does it.

 

by BlackAlice
5-07-05
So you're not talking to me?
Dude we've never even met before.
How can you tell that? We're looking in opposite directions.
I would've remembered the annoying gay boy voice.
So you're not talking to me?

 

by BlackAlice
5-07-05
look at me when I'm abducting you
Ah now it all makes sense Marcus is an Alien.
Ok this joke is over already.

 

by BlackAlice
5-07-05
In the previous comic Marcus said what should've been spoken by the naration. Marcus what do you have to say for yourself?
Ribbit?
Have we done the angry witch joke because if not no-one is going to get that.
What angry witch joke?
So?
Ribbit.

 

by BlackAlice
5-07-05
Marcus has just turned into a frog.
Of course if a frenchman was turned into a prince they'd have to cut his head off.
This means his chances of being kissed should've sky rocketed.
I think it's safe to say his chances of being kissed are still a lot higher than they were before.
Sadly for Marcus I can't find any frogs on stripcreator and so he looks like this.
I think I'm a space hopper?

 

by BlackAlice
5-07-05
my these random layouts are boring and why do the characters never look at each other or chance or nothing?
Ok what do you do with a man in a mask and a dead guy?
The new adventures of the Lone Ranger
God damn Tonto I thought now that you are dead I could at last live up to my name but still you follow me.
You'd be nothing without me.

 

by BlackAlice
5-07-05
hmm?
ok we won't bore you with Marcus' thoughts.
all I can think about is that quiff
!?!
must win staring match
dolls

 

by BlackAlice
5-08-05
Why are people always staring at the back of my head?
Have you seen your face?
Good point.

 

by BlackAlice
5-08-05
You ate all the chocolate puddings!?!
Your breasts are very pert.
This island is too small there's no where to storm off too.
When are we going to have sex again?

 

by BlackAlice
5-08-05
fuck

 

by BlackAlice
5-08-05
*sigh*
What's wrong robot dude?
My arm has fallen off.
hmm try moving a little over there.
Well he had to be good at something.
Wow it came back.

 

by BlackAlice
5-08-05
!
I always enjoy a fine view
and you sure are a fine view.
You'd fuck anything.

 

by BlackAlice
5-08-05
How you doing?
Better than you.
How you doing?
I know I'm beautiful but control yourself!
How you doing?
*giggles like a girl*

 

by BlackAlice
5-08-05
My grandma has recently passed away.
That's sad.
I apreciate your attempts to cheer me up but I don't think it's going to work.
I'm not trying to cheer you up. I'm under contract to do this on a regular basis.
If I wanted to cheer you up I'd show you what I keep in my pants.

 

by BlackAlice
5-16-05
Ding Dong! Richard and Elenor (who looks like a boy) turn up.
I don't know where this baby came from.
Richard I've told you where babies come from.
Ding Dong! Nick turns up.
Hi guys!
Are you sure Marcus?
How come a few people actually turn up for your party but no-one ever comes to mine?
Well I'm deeply unpopular but at least I'm not also a bitch.

 

by BlackAlice
8-14-05
I've completed my degree.
Great!
I guess you'll be wearing a silly hat soon.

 

by BlackAlice
8-14-05
Here's a conversation I witnessed.
I want that!
Mum can I have that?
STOP ASKING FOR THINGS! FOR GOD'S SAKE YOU'RE 3 YRS OLD!
Here's what should have happened next.

 

by BlackAlice
8-14-05
Misti and Alice
Hail to the watchtowers of east spirits of air hear us!
Hail to the watchtowers of the south spirits of fire hear us!
Matt B and Nathan
Hail to the watchtowers of the west spirits of air um I mean water hear us!
oo hello spirits of the earth.
This comic is finished now.
Yeah go read something else!

 

by BlackAlice
11-04-05
Hang on a second whilst I choose you a suitable body for the comic.
Ok.
She's 16 not 6! "And how old are you Alice?"
No that's not right either.
No it isn't. I might wear this much make-up but I'm certainly not fat and I'm taller.
Outside Ashleigh's house.
This one is the best I can find.
*sigh*

 

by BlackAlice
11-04-05
This is sucky I can't hug you because my hands are stuck behind my back.
Sorry I've lost the key for the handcuffs.
Besides you're in Scotland and I'm in England.

 

by BlackAlice
11-04-05
I think you're made for Alice.
Why do you say that?
Because you are so like her, standing there without any action poses.
o' how amusing
OUCH!
Yes I guess I am like her.

 

by BlackAlice
11-04-05
hello
hi
She's pretty. Feel like cutting myself.
She looks like one of my most prettyful dolls.
but not when they're both very shy.
I miss my Alice and hate my mother.
Must think of evil plans to get Chaz to like me. Hmm maybe I should send him bits of broken doll through the post?

 

by BlackAlice
11-04-05
Hi I'd like a strawberry milkshake and a large fries please.
Hello?
0_o
Thankyou and come again.

 

by BlackAlice
11-04-05
Hello?
Hello?
Cheese burger and coke please.
I aint serving you if I can't see you. I've had trouble with disembodied voices before.
Are you sure they weren't just other children?
That's what they all say.

 

by BlackAlice
11-05-05
Now how am I going to get you into this box?
Try it sucker.
Santa checks his list twice and still a supposedly good child wants a man eating plant.
And I drew the short straw and have to put you in the box.
Is a pity you're not Santa that guy could feed me for a week.

 

by BlackAlice
11-05-05
O' just what I've always wanted a man eating plant.
You know the drill start cutting people up or I'll eat you.
When is this going to start being funny?
And I don't mean in a good way. In case that's what your dirty mind was thinking.
Alice works out a way to make things mildly amusing and I do mean mildly hey stop laughing.
Do you like my axe-muderer outfit?
I'd like it more if you killed somebody and fed me already.

 

by BlackAlice
11-05-05
Ok you're not funny, I'm going to have to ask you to leave the comic.
Fine fuck you then. The pay sucks anyway.
Can you give me a push?

 

by BlackAlice
11-05-05
I'm trying to make more comics but I can't think of anything funny.
That's never stopped you before.
I'll make the bitchy remarks thankyou and you can do what I actually pay you for.
*sighs* Ok fine. Ow!
That's why it's funny.
Wait a second you don't pay me!

 

by BlackAlice
11-05-05
I don't like this orange T-shirt and blue shorts I'm wearing they look like Bart Simpson hand-me-downs.
If this was real life I'd tell you to take them off
but as it is we're stuck like this.
What I'd give for smaller ears.

Showing page 4.

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