All comics by FactoryRejects

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by FactoryRejects
8-01-09
Terry, this is the third time that you neglected to complete the assignment. Report to detention instead of recess today.
Man, things would be so much better if we were in charge!
...what does "neglected" mean anyway?

 

by FactoryRejects
8-03-09
I don't think goth girls actually hang out in graveyards.
At least not this one.
YOU ARE MALFUNCTIONING

 

by FactoryRejects
8-04-09
Where do babies come from?
I wish I knew.
I'd have the place eradicated immediately.

 

by FactoryRejects
8-04-09
PLAY FREEBIRD
You got it!
You're under arrest.
CHEESE IT
You're under arrest too, asshole.

 

by FactoryRejects
8-06-09
So you just let me know if you want to hang out again. We could maybe catch a game. Seriously, let's hang out. Let me know.
You have my number, right? I've got yours. Anytime's good for me. Whenever you're not busy. Couple'a brews with our names on 'em, right? Ha ha ha... let me know.
You know, Bryan...
I seem to recall us having a talk about this before.

 

by FactoryRejects
8-06-09
This is great.
I have failed the world.
I have failed the world, and this is great.
This calls for regrettable sex.

 

by FactoryRejects
8-06-09
So I says to him, I says: "Chrichton? Damn near killed him!"
Hah hah hah hoo.. oh my.
Well he certainly is dead.
Want to play Wii?
Boy howdy, do I.

 

by FactoryRejects
8-06-09
My name is Phillip Crasp; my essay is on "War."
I think the History Channel still makes money off of it.

 

by FactoryRejects
8-07-09
I got the mad head nods that'll make you break yo neck
I will not, however, be held liable to any injuries you sustain to your person

 

by FactoryRejects
8-07-09
Wait here, Slayne. I'll see if I can't find a pilot willing to get us off this rock.
I can give you 700 jokuts. Bu-
I don't even know what the fuck a "jokut" is.
And if you think you're sneaking that Slayne Turven asshole on my ship, you're dead wrong.

 

by FactoryRejects
8-07-09
This does not look anything like Forestia 6. We've been had, Slayne.
I think if I hook the microchip in your Transitions lenses up to my Zune I could create enough Higgs bosons to flag down a ship.
There, that should work.
Sir, someone is trying to Zune us wma files.
Destroy them immediately.

 

by FactoryRejects
8-08-09
I've been viciously raped.
I'd advise against this. The comics here are 74% rape jokes. It's obvious pandering.
All right, fine, christ
I have arthritis.
That's terrible

 

by FactoryRejects
8-08-09
Tony, what did I tell you? I don't want to see you wearing that damn union jack. You're not British.
Now go home and change into that Mexican flag vest I like.
........................
.....sí, señor.

 

by FactoryRejects
8-08-09
There, that should keep the people out.
....Wait a minute...
wuunnh-wuunnh-waaahhhh
I'm outside!!!
Seriously. If you do this one more time, I'm leaving. I'll have you know I used to work for Beetle Bailey.
Well in that case you can leave right now.

 

by FactoryRejects
8-11-09
My toilet is leaking.
Huh.
You're supposed to be leaking into the toilet, not vice versa.
Yeah, well, I thi-
Clean up in here.

 

by FactoryRejects
8-11-09
How about a new energy drink? We could say it's organic, and triple the price.
Let's produce another movie that poorly spoofs recent popular movies.
You are a genius.
I am a genius.

 

by FactoryRejects
8-11-09
11000101101010011010
Hahahahaha
00011111011010....010101
Ahaaahahahaha
10010111010000100002
This is an outrage

 

by FactoryRejects
8-12-09
You could've prevented this.
Instead, you just let awful things happen to me, as per usual.
You're the one who made a virus that caused everyone's GPS to constantly say "Turn Left Here".
Yes but

 

by FactoryRejects
8-13-09
If you suffer from Endocrine Dysplasia Disorder, (or EDD), Goxenel will give you your life back.
Goxenel may cause certain side effects.
We'd appreciate your help in figuring out what they are.

 

by FactoryRejects
8-15-09
Glad to see you could all make it. After tonight's raid, the House of Hikurri the Gray will surely crumble.

 

by FactoryRejects
8-15-09
regarding the previous ninja comic
I did not mistake
your browser does not display japanese
ohio wasabi
I'm sorry?

 

by FactoryRejects
8-18-09
So that's it, then? You'll just shoot him? Excellent.
On sight.
Nilnar Reeder-
Forget it, Nilnar. I've already hired someone more qualified.
.......who's more qualified than me?!
I didn't get his name, come to think of it. But he did have a gun.

 

by FactoryRejects
8-18-09
So we'll be needing the quarterly reports as soon as you can get them to us. Some of the guys in logistics are saying things along the lines of "we won't have enough time to meet quota".
When did you hear this?
Susan told me. You know, the new blonde working in HR. I sent her to the logistics breakroom as a plant. I wanted to get a feel for what those noodleheads down there are actually up to.
Christ, Mick...
Christ what?! Excuse me for being concerned about this company. Excuse me for expecting effort instead of excuses from idiots with hangovers.

 

by FactoryRejects
8-18-09
Why don't you ever let me past this point?
Boss' orders, kiddo.
The big guy has a plan, and it's his will that we don't get to see every part of it.
♫♫ when you're lost out there and you're all alone; the light is waiting, to carry you hoooome... everywhere you look ♫♫
I think... this is the one with the Beach Boys.

 

by FactoryRejects
8-19-09
Well if you could get that HDTV on the wall before my boyfriend gets here that would be great. Thanks for being such a friend! Okay, I gotta go get ready.
I wonder what she'd do if she found out that I 'm gay...
...and that I just really enjoy doing chores

 

by FactoryRejects
8-22-09
So is this where I get to learn the secrets of the universe?
It certainly is.
What's that thing?
It's a learning device.
Ohhh. That's why you're pointing it at my head, right?

 

by FactoryRejects
8-27-09
You're under arrest for drugs.
But I'm not-
Don't try to bullshit me, buddy. I know what this background means.

 

by FactoryRejects
8-27-09
Lemme tell ya in my day we knew the country stood for somethin what it meant to be 'merican
Next thing I knew it was all vietnam and gay parades

 

by FactoryRejects
9-01-09
Hmmm...
You're right.
Sir?
He's really bad at this.
Yes, sir.

 

by FactoryRejects
9-01-09
I had heard about a DVD player recall; a DVD player which I knew a friend of mine owned. I called to warn him.
Hey, that DVD player can apparently explode.
I will continue to use it anyway.
Why didn't he take me seriously? Doesn't he understand that I'm concerned for his safety? .....What a fucking asshole.
The casual dismissal made me so angry, I set his house on fire.
I WARNED YOU YOU'D BURN, YOU BASTARD

 

by FactoryRejects
9-03-09
Lord, how can I be a better Christian?
Just trust in the holy word, and give yourself fully unto-
Don't you tell me to hold on. I pay for half of that bluetooth, kiddo.
Yes and I pay for the other half and I am A GROWN MAN and I really wish-
Lord?
-A GROWN MAN

 

by FactoryRejects
9-04-09
I am advanced high-definition graphical gaming enjoyment incarnate.
Behold.
FFFFFWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
BREAST BOUNCE
Breast bounce.

 

by FactoryRejects
9-06-09
So the whole story is pretty much there
--kept backing up anyway, until I heard a crunch. I got out of your car to see what it was.
I swear I don't intend for these things to happen
Apparently I had backed up into your pool. Before I could do anything else the side collapsed and that's how your basement flooded.
..........
To make it up to you I printed this on the LSD paper I mentioned in the second paragraph.

 

by FactoryRejects
9-09-09
September 9, 2009
The movie doesn't start until 10. ...Wanna do it in the car?

 

by FactoryRejects
9-10-09
I'm on a spaceship.
Huh?
Sorry... I've just never been on a spaceship before.
Oh. Right. Yeah, the Temp Agency got some new contracts. Anyway if you need to use the can there's a laser over there that burns all the waste out of you.
Wow.

 

by FactoryRejects
9-15-09
I'm proud to say that the moment has finally arrived, sir.
Thanks to your funding our mutual goal has been achieved.
We've cloned L. Ron Hubbard's mind into a chicken's body.
Many Cherpans and Bilbils would tell the tale of Ron Saddle, the Earth-man who destroyed Montesk and saved countless moon-worlds and world-moons from his wrath

 

by FactoryRejects
9-16-09
Some of you may be wondering, "Do aliens have souls?" Well, the answer is sh*cough* *cough*. There you have it.
Any questions...
...will be answered with threats of damnation.

 

by FactoryRejects
9-23-09
There's only one thing to do in this situation.
You're gonna have to go out there alone amongst all those zombies.
Look I know I dropped it but it's your brother's PSP so you have to go out and find it.

 

by FactoryRejects
9-24-09
Ladies and gentlemen, tonight we have a real treat. An actual alien from planet Nibiru!
I'm not from Nibiru.
I'm sorry?
I'm not from Nibiru. I'm from Scranton.
Oh, I see. Well, where are you from originally?
Detroit.

 

by FactoryRejects
9-30-09
So I finish up my speech and get back to my hotel room and bang the hooker my aide had waiting for me... and when I turn on the lights I see she's Chinese.
Oh no.
I yelled at her to get the hell out, and you know what she says to me?
What?
I don't know, I don't understand Chinese.

 

by FactoryRejects
10-04-09
You never listen to what I have to say, and you're always bossing me around, and you just don't respect me and I just... I just...
...I love you sir
ANDOR! Where is that life-size cardboard standee of myself? It's landed a role as a ghost in a Ted Danson movie.

 

by FactoryRejects
10-05-09
All right, young man. Which of these is your doing?
..............
Well?
...The one on the left.

 

by FactoryRejects
10-06-09
I've had enough of these flies; I've set up soapy vinegar to ensnare them with its acidic bubbles.
That's like setting up a chainsaw and hoping your worst enemy falls on it.
I've also set up a tiny chainsaw

 

by FactoryRejects
10-06-09
So I says to him, I says she ain't that old, lotsa single broads have kids these days
And why should I give a shit if her daughter hates my guts
AUSE NOW...APPLAUSE NOW...APPLA
Her grandkids friggin' love me

 

by FactoryRejects
10-11-09
The first thing you'll see is us. We are a subliminal training program to help you be creative. When you see foreign children on a screen, you immediately want to change the image.
Just like your TV at home! Go on, try it out!
Ah. I see you've changed the background. Very good. It would have been better to get rid of both asian girls. Remember that for next time. Now try a joke.
I think I like multiplication more than division
Hey man I just walked in on your little sister math-debating
It's that easy!

 

by FactoryRejects
10-16-09
Good news, young man! This bench comes with a priest.
Oh, lord.
Oh, Lord indeed! ...Do you have any sins to confess?
Nothing worth bringing up.
Well then... If you don't mind, I'm going to continue as if you beat your wife. I need practice dealing with that one.

 

by FactoryRejects
10-22-09
I'm in the mood for some excellent StripCreator humor.
CLICK CLICK
...Christ, when is this asshole going to update? It's been a fucking week!
What a shiftless prick.
Stop reading your own comics.

 

by FactoryRejects
10-24-09
*per serving
Caramel Rice Snacks. 60 calories*, 0g trans fat, 0g cholesterol.
...I think that means it's okay to eat the whole bag in one sitting.
In my country we cannot afford bags

 

by FactoryRejects
10-24-09
I wish I had a magnificent mane of hair like that singing guy on the christian channel.
...Why not wish you could sing like him? At least that's a talent.
When you've got hair like that, you don't need talent.
♫♫ My Loooord ♫♫
He's right.

 

by FactoryRejects
10-25-09
I'm not sure it was a great idea to get baked and go to the Creation Museum.
Pfft, why?
Everyone here seems pretty uptight. It's all just too much.
I'm starting to feel like one of these displays is going to come alive and take my goddamn head off.

Showing page 4.

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