All comics by JoeBlough

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by JoeBlough
4-22-19
Places need to be secure....
"OUCH! That HURTS. I got bruises all over me. This is unbelievable! I pay your salary, you know?
Oh oh...
....so certain "business" can get done...
"Listen here, low-life, you'll do as I say & LIKE it or ELSE...you got it? Now take this & THAT...."
Geez, this is gettin' outta hand. Maybe I need to step in...
...even Massage Parlor business!
You alright in there, Bambi? I'm comin' in, OK?
NO, be patient! Gimme another 30 seconds and he'll cum. I promise!

 

by JoeBlough
4-22-19
I'm sorry Bambi, but I gotta let you go!
More complaints, huh Phreaky?
Yup! Your blow jobs are lethal. That big assed buck tooth is a ball bustin', BJ deal breaker!
But I can get it fixed! Hiromi told me about a surgeon who...
A month earlier......
So can you remove em' or not, Doc?
Sure, but do ALL you Vietnamese whores have razor blades built into your ass-holes & pussies?

 

by JoeBlough
4-23-19
At the home of "atomiclunch"...
Yo, d_bacon! To what do I owe THIS honor?
I see edoggydog has held yer nuts to the fire, eh?
Oh, don't be silly. He's only blowing smoke about my bad memory!
OK, but Rags & I thought you better know that he has gotten testy before.
Many Moons Ago......
Yeah, I DID forget to judge that CC! So what?
"You know who" has stuck a burning cross in our yard, hung a cow's tongue on our door and has hung effigies of us both, stuck full of needles, from our clothes line out back! THAT"S what!

 

by JoeBlough
4-23-19
Hi handsome! Come here often?
That depends.
On what? Either you do or you don't! So which is it?
Both!
BOTH? How's THAT work?
No. I DON'T come here often...but when I do come here, I often cum!

 

by JoeBlough
4-23-19
Yo Rags, it's been brought to my attention by many sources that you should tone down your bigotted comics against gays, blacks, women & religious groups!
You say somethin', d_bacon?
You heard me! People are tired of your same old negative output. You should be more uplifting...
...more inclusive, more accepting, more diverse, more loving of your fellow men and women! Prove yourself to be a bigger man. Give it a try, OK buddy?
Piss OFF, Porkus Maximus!

 

by JoeBlough
4-23-19
General Mills HQ...1979 (Plan A)
We HAVE TO pick a name & spokesperson for our new cereal TODAY!
We have both candidates out in the lounge waiting to be interviewed.
They're gonna pick ME you little Bee-ATCH!
No way, you're too gross so zip it, FLY!
...but the FLY got the call!
Oh thank you sir. By the way, what will you call it?
"Putrifying Maggot Cheerios", of course!

 

by JoeBlough
4-23-19
Beat it! This is MY forrest!
Eghad! I must make haste and hire a dragon slayer!
So how much to slay your run of the mill dragon?
For a plain old dragon I'll give ya my "senior" discount, Sire, of 100 Golden Geldars!
However...adjustments were called for!
Eghad! The king failed to tell me my foe twas "PUFF" the MAGIC dragon!
Ya gave that old bastard the "senior" discount, didn't ya, dummy?

 

by JoeBlough
4-24-19
...a John Wick instrument of death?
Must look harmless!

 

by JoeBlough
4-24-19
Rags or d_bacon home, Deb?
I don't believe this shit!
Rags? YOU and the PIG...get home NOW! You need to explain where this roach came from.
Yo, d_bacon...she found your stash & she sounds PISSED!

 

by JoeBlough
4-24-19
Why was we arrested?
Pipe down!
This doesn't make sense. We were just...
Tell it to the judge!
In the Judge's Chambers......
...and what "paraphernalia" evidence was there, if any?
A big ole "Roach-Clip"!, Judge!

 

by JoeBlough
4-25-19
Will the bus EVER get here?
Soon! Wanna sit on my lap while we wait?
Uh.......NO!
Quitter!

 

by JoeBlough
4-25-19
I've gotta get that dog to stop pooping on the fairways!
Don't lie to ME! From now on it's the kennel for YOU!
But it wasn't ME!
I just love your shit but next time I'm turnin' you in!
Crap! Another "Old Yeller" worshipper!

 

by JoeBlough
4-25-19
Bad news Ma'am! The test showed that your hubby's heart exploded!
Impossible! He NEVER, EVER got excited!
It says right here, it exploded during a simple stress test!
Bull! Somethin' fishy is going on! I'm gonna investigate!
And her investigation found THIS......
So the test is 20 minutes on a treadmill? But it's so warm in here.
Don't worry. You'll be in your undies. In fact, I'll slip into my bikini top & yoga pants so I can do my 20 minute work-out with you!

 

by JoeBlough
4-25-19
I am TOO a for real pirate!
Not wearin' a friggin' sport jacket, ye aren't?
I'm just radically "HIP"!
Hey Swede, toss this faggot overboard!
So...did he die well, Mr. Swede?
Aye Skipper! But it took a while. He had to update his facebook page & add three selfies!

 

by JoeBlough
4-25-19
We sure are gettin' crowded down here!
Darn tootin' & I know why!
So what's the draw, Big Guy?
PORN! People LOVE their porn!
I've made men & women to enjoy each other's company in many ways. I think I'll call it "LOVE"! Sound good?
It'll be OK at the start, but once they get the hang of it, then call it "PORN"!

 

by JoeBlough
4-26-19
We'll start with "word association", Mr. ragu4u!
Yeah! Ya caught me with my Shrink! So what?
Ignore THEM! Pay attention to ME! What is the first word you think of when I say "disappeared"?
Uh......"Roadhouse"?
This is worse than I thought! Nurse, bring in a straight jacket!
C'mon d_bacon, fire up the "Blues-Mobile" and step on it!

 

by JoeBlough
4-26-19
Is this the sleaziest room you could find?
Hey quit yer bitchin! It's the best I could find on short notice.
It couldn't be helped. That Shrink was about to bag me & tag me!
What the hell did you do anyway?
All I did was associate the word "disappeared" to another word.
Please tell me you didn't say "Roadhouse"!

 

by JoeBlough
4-26-19
So, I see the Dynamic Uno, is hold up in a cheap motel!
Yup! That's cuz Rags was evoking the secret password of that vanished diety "brycekain"!
So? Who cares?
To even mention that "R" word in passing is enough to have one institutionalized.
The "R" word? You mean "Roadhouse"? *oops*
Yo, Gabriel, go grab Jesus' travel cape! The one with the long sleeves that tie in the back!

 

by JoeBlough
4-26-19
What is that smell?
Excuse me, but why do you smell of poo?
I'm a close "friend" of Richard Gere!
Nuff said!
Thought so!

 

by JoeBlough
4-26-19
Who is it?
It's Lucy selling my Girl Scout cookies!
Forget it! I still have the box I bought from you last year!
But last year my mom, Phreaky, didn't come with me in her bikini!
Well in THAT case.....HEY?! Where is...?
April Fool you stupid doofus! "Do-si-dos", right?

 

by JoeBlough
4-26-19
Are you REALLY Thor, the God of Thunder?
I AM the God of Thunder....
...but I am NOT Thor!
But then...
I'm a bit stiff....but definitely NOT Thor.

 

by JoeBlough
4-26-19
Yo Rags! It looks like J.B. is going for "page domination"!
You must admit he has a fertile mind!
Does he now? Just cause a toilet gets filled with shit, it doesn't make it fertile!
Sometimes, d_bacon, I could just beat y....
Hold that thought! I must drop off a few more ideas into our crapper!
And you people wonder why I'm unstable!

 

by JoeBlough
4-26-19
I just don't get how you survive on only a liquid diet!
What? I eat meat! Just think of all the ships I've wrecked.
Ships are made of wood yet all you ever go on about is yummy, yummy semen!
Seamen...NOT Semen!
Will you stop with the gay-speak, double talk?
I love swallowing SEAMEN! How does THAT make me gay? Wait ...er...uh...

 

by JoeBlough
4-27-19
Manuel Franco of Wisc. wins 768 mil.....
You won that Powerball thing, right?
Yeah...so?
So can ya spare a buck? I'm starvin' and I'm outta Spam.
Since the minute I won everybody is asking me for money, money & more MONEY!
C'mon boy, it's only a buck!
NO WAY! That's what they ALL say! I thought you'd know better, dad!

 

by JoeBlough
4-27-19
You again? What NOW?
Sire, I seek the hand of your daughter in holy matrimony...again!
It's not her HAND you're after, I'm sure, but OK!
Thank you Sire. We'll marry forthwith and consumate tonight!
But the very next morning....
Sire, there was a slight problem. I need to see the Royal Smithy!
If you think I'm going to allow him to break the seal on the "Holy Chastity Belt of Antioch" you better think again, Sir Horndog!

 

by JoeBlough
4-28-19
"...best doggone dog in the west!"
Damn that atomiclunch! He's got "Old Yeller" being exhumed by a Massey Ferguson tiller!
"...best doggone dog in the west!"
Ya know there is a special place in hell for...HUH?
Yeller...is that YOU?
Here come the freakin' waterworks!

 

by JoeBlough
4-28-19
Wow, Pops! Look at all the anti-semetic violence down there!
Sometimes I wonder if maybe my chosen people shoulda been Lithuanian or even Sicilian! What say you?
So Jesus Pondered that choice...
Me? I'm Emiljia from Vilnius, Lithuania!
Me! My name is Sophia from Palermo, Sicily!
I'm thinkin' Sicily!
THAT'S my boy!

 

by JoeBlough
4-28-19
Take me to your leader, Earthling!
Oh wow! An actual alien. Of course!
I will know if you try to trick me. I can sense superior intellect, power and authority!
Not to worry. D.C. here we come!
But when he arrived in D.C.
So, you must be the friggin' illegal alien, eh?
This must be a joke! You've already been labotomized!

 

by JoeBlough
4-28-19
In the Sheik's Palace......
I cannot tolerate a gay son. It is forbidden!
But father, nobody will ever find out.
They will when your fudge packing friend decides that your booty isn't the cutie it used to be!
You're probably right, father. I'll get the "Head" Executioner to "handle" it!
What? Beheading was too cruel? You'd rather I'd burned you at the stake?
Everyone prefers a hot "steak" to a cold "chop", bozo.

 

by JoeBlough
4-28-19
He thought they said...
I didn't expect to get sent to Africa!
They said we were going to trace back to our beginnings!
Yeah...but I thought they meant back to...
To what?
..."Piece Corps"
To the Drive-In Movie & the backseat of my old man's 57 Chevy when he popped my mom's cherry!
I hope you haven't unpacked!

 

by JoeBlough
4-29-19
Oh no! Kevin Costner is considering a sequel.
You mean to that "Robin Hood" flop he made?
Who dared to call Maid Marianne a "floppy maid"?
Damn, the old guy is deaf, too!

 

by JoeBlough
4-29-19
Don't forget, we got cheerleading practice later!
How could I forget? You're arms are so strong!
So then you don't mind ME being the "Lifter" on the squad?
No way! You got some great hands!
OK, but do me a favor! Wear some panties this time, will ya, Pete!
So, the old dick & balls were a surprise, were they?

 

by JoeBlough
4-30-19
Let me get this straight. Your father is "THE" father?
Yup, me & my daddy are real...uh..."close", ya know?
I'm going to have to get the sheriff involved! This is criminal!
He already knows! He's my husband.
Then you should get some quick justice!
I don't think so, cuz MY daddy is HIS daddy too.

 

by JoeBlough
4-30-19
Hey Rags, it's 11am! You & Deb up yet? Are ya OK in there?
*whispering*
Do you think he heard us?
So what if he did? That little virgin is "Kama Sutra" clueless!
We're fine. Our "prayer time" just went a bit long, d_bacon.
Prayers, my butt! I know "knockin' boots" when I hear em'!

 

by JoeBlough
5-01-19
Is today YOU or ME?
You! Definetly YOU!
Damn!
I know the feeling! Try taking your time!
The Choirboy had good advice.....
Sorry I'm late, Brother McFeely!
Forget it! The damned Viagra wore off.

 

by JoeBlough
5-01-19
What's wrong, Yeller? You look sad!
Oh, it's nothin' except...
Except what, buddy?
It's that dog-gone ball you bought me. It creeps me out.
Bad news? What kinda bad news?
Just shut up and get in the Gremlin.

 

by JoeBlough
5-01-19
When can I go back home to my daddy, ragu4u?
You know not till November, so quit askin'!
November? But that's FOREVER!
It could be worse!
Worse how?
ragu4u could keep on sending $$ to extend your stay!

 

by JoeBlough
5-01-19
At home with Rags & Deb....
Is the Gremlin all packed?
Yes Deb. I just gotta gas it up.
She'll be so surprised to see us, I'll bet!
I just hope we don't have the same experience as last time.
8 Months earlier.....
Sorry but the visit for you and your wife has been cancelled.
Not "Solitary" AGAIN?

 

by JoeBlough
5-02-19
Great Caesar's ghost!
What?
It IS "Casual Day", right?
Oooh, thanks for reminding me!
Hope he doesn't wear that transparent thong again!

 

by JoeBlough
5-02-19
You STILL aren't done? You a cripple are somethin'?
You're mean!
You ain't SEEN mean, little missy! Pick up the pace or you'll be sorry!
*Wicked old witch!*
I heard THAT!
What the f...?

 

by JoeBlough
5-03-19
Shall we do it in HERE?
Right there on that table?
Oh yeah, baby! Hop up there; ankles in the air!
OK...if you're sure nobody find out.
But, alas, nothing stays a secret!
*sniff, sniff* Pete & Maura gotta knock this shit off!

 

by JoeBlough
5-03-19
My hands are up, so don't you shoot, Honky!
Shoot? That idea never even crossed my...
Bull-shit, ya Cracker Mutha F...!
...mind!
On second thought...

 

by JoeBlough
5-03-19
Looking for Maid Marianne, Robin?
Yeah...you seen her, holy man?
Me? Of course not. Why would I know wh...?
Because you're constantly bangin' her! That's why!
Robin, I can't believe you think I'd do any...
Save yer breath. They don't call you Friar "Fuck" for nothing!

 

by JoeBlough
5-03-19
At Lon Cheney Jr.'s Grave......
Peter who, died?
Mayhew! You know, "Chewy"?
Oh...HIM!
Friggin' poser!

 

by JoeBlough
5-04-19
Is it IN yet?
Yes Sire. Your solid gold toilet is fully installed & completely functional!
Excellent! I feel a million dollar crap coming on!
I'll leave you to it then, Sire!
...but moments later....
Where did my gold toilet go, Princess Maura?
I had em' move it to MY room, where the REAL shit goes down!

 

by JoeBlough
5-04-19
AKA...The Dung Beetle Brothers!
I see Maura has been here, Bro!
I'll bet it's her DNA alright!
Ya may as well book er', Davey-O!
Gotcha! Hands behind yer back lady. But first, give up the thong for testing!
Damn, busted by those 3 little "shit-heads"!

 

by JoeBlough
5-04-19
I wonder? I almost got hit last time.
Ha! A piece o cake!
Then suddenly....
*THUD* "What was THAT?"
Karma, young Grasshopper. KARMA!

 

by JoeBlough
5-05-19
Did your horse win the Derby, Rags?
I didn't watch it!
Why?
My pick, "Country House", was going off at 65 to 1 odds so I decided not to waste my $100 on a wager.
Bwa...bwaha, bwahahahahaha..
Why? What happened?

 

by JoeBlough
5-05-19
It sure is nice & peaceful out here in the fresh air!
"sniff, sniff*
*sniff* Damn that Maura!

 

by JoeBlough
5-05-19
...gets hired in Chicago.
"Cleanup Man"! Ya'll bout done in there?
C'mon! How long does it take to drop off them stinkin' Obamas at the pool, anyhow?
Oh shit!
Not as long as it'll take YOU to find a new job, Billy Bob!

Showing page 4.

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